A Really Successful Liar...

...sticks with the lie.

That's it? It sounds too simple.

Oh, but it's harder than it sounds. Most people will fold under pressure--especially when they're caught in a lie.

But your really successful liar doesn't fold. If anything, he or she doubles down.

Look at an expert: Kim Philby, one of the Cambridge spies. Fucker was suspected years before he was caught. But he didn't fold. In fact, he was so indignant and adamant about his innocence that the Brits figured he must be telling the truth. As a result, he got to keep on lying for a long time.

So Donald J. Trump, nee Drumpf, he of the short fingers and vulgarity, persists with lie after lie after lie...

He's gotten away with fabrications and falsehoods for so long. Maybe he believes them. Maybe he doesn't. At this point that doesn't really matter. 

It doesn't matter too his true believers, either...which is sort of the point.

No, to be a really successful liar, all that matters is that you stick with the lie come hell or high water.

He Promises!

If I've correctly decoded the latest campaign memos from Trump Inc, Donald J "promises" that he won't be an asshole--if he's elected.

He will, instead, be Presidential.

As if by magic.

The trouble is, quite simply, that Donald J. Trump has been an asshole his entire life. You can look it up.

And a leopard don't change his spots.

I've been in plays where actors "promised" that they would know their lines by opening night. So there was nothing to worry about.

Oh sure, rehearsals would be a disaster, and all the other actors would be thrown in the process, but come the opening, everything will be great!

Every single time, the director replaced the actor well before opening night.

Because you should never believe an asshole when he says he will change.

Never.

The Incredibly Fragile Ego Of Donald J. Trump

I guess we should blame his parents.

Here's what appears to be a grown man. All dressed up in a very expensive suit (that almost fits him).

But he's still really just a child.

A spoiled, angry, egomaniacal child.

He's always the "smartest" "best"  "yoogest" "a winner".

These are the ravings of a spoiled brat.

Trying desperately to get Mater and Pater's attention. Dying for it.

"Look at me! Look at me! Pay attention to me! Please?!"

And if he's challenged on anything, anything, he balls up his tiny fists and throws a tantrum.

He wants to hit whatever annoys him.

Like an angry baby.

It's pathetic.

But what is even more pathetic is that The Big Baby has attracted millions of followers.

Delusional imbeciles who would have as the leader of the most powerful nation on earth a spoiled angry brat with his tiny fingers on the nuclear button.

Huh?

There it was, screaming at me from the Huffington Post:

"GOP's Soul At Stake"

And beneath the headline were pictures of Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, and Marco Rubio.

I almost dropped my cocktail shaker.

Someone still believes that the party of Dick Cheney and W, the party of Karl Rove and Frank Luntz, the party of Sarah Palin and Ted Nugent, the party of Rick Perry and Carly Fiorina, the party of Gohmert and Trent Franks and Steve King...yes indeed, the party of Cruz, Trump and Rubio has a soul?!

The party of the Southern Strategy,  the party of "government is the problem", the party of "you lie", the party of Iran-Contra, the party of voter suppression, the party that gave us the Iraq War, the party of "fetuses are people", "money is speech", and "corporations are human", that party has a soul?

My God, what a shriveled, worthless, ugly thing it must be!

Why Anyone Cares About Iowa Is Beyond Me

Regarding where America is headed, I'm sure there must be less representative states than Iowa...

I just can't think of any at the moment--certainly none that have so much importance placed on their Presidential caucuses/primaries.

And yet, entire political careers have been and will be wrecked* because of a poor showing with the mostly white, mostly rural, mostly Christian, mostly conservative voters of this mostly inconsequential state.

I know we are essentially creatures of habit...but come on!

The Latino vote won't mean anything in Iowa. The black vote won't mean anything in Iowa. The youth vote won't mean anything in Iowa. The gay vote won't mean anything in Iowa.

And the women vote won't mean much.

Other than that, Iowa is completely representative of the American populace in 2016.

Uh huh.

*For the sake of this argument the fact that most of those wrecked careers deserved to be wrecked should be set aside.

Locking Up The Imbecile Vote

It might seem like a small, insignificant part of the overall demographic, but in today's Republican party, the imbecile vote is neither small nor insignificant.

And with Sarah Palin's endorsement, Donald "Yooge Wallet" Trump, has leapfrogged the field and nailed down this vital segment of the Republican electorate.

Palin--Grizzly Mother, Publicity Whore, Moron-in-Chief--controls the imbecile vote like Capone controlled Chicago.

Her every undecipherable, delusional, manic word-salad is like manna from heaven to her followers.

She speaks, and they melt.

You betcha!

And now, her patented brand of True Blue Shoot From The Hip Whites Only Fact Free Tea Party Patriotism is at the service of Donald "Really, I Have No Shame" Trump!

Talk about your Dream Team!

Stand back in wonder, ye lesser men.

Oh, and you too, Carly.

Ben Carson Isn't Really That Wonderful A Surgeon, Either

OK, so we all understand now that he doesn't have a clue about foreign policy, or evolution, or American history, or the Constitution, or all sorts of stuff that you might want your elected officials to know.

But at least he was a highly skilled and successful surgeon...right?

Well...

Of the 5 times he separated conjoined twins, out of the 10 individuals involved, five died and two ended up institutionalized with serious neurological damage.

I don't know about you, but I don't think I'd go to a surgeon with that kind of record.

Still, he got a book deal and a lot of money and a Presidential campaign out of it, so it's all good.

Grifter On Grifter Violence

So Donald Trump, who is a world class grifter, has turned on Dr. Ben Carson, who is strictly a minor league grifter.

Naturally, Dr. Ben, who is no stranger to violence-heh, heh, heh--struck back.

It's like a carny fight, something you'd see on a seedy midway, late at night, after one too many huffs of spray paint, with a Colt 45 chaser.

The Donald is quick to hit people with his great big, yooge in fact, wallet, whereas Dr. Ben uses his Bible and the word of God--as interpreted by Dr. Ben, of course.

And these two freaks are the leaders of your Republican Primary Dance Party circa 2015!

Beautiful.

They Told Us You Were The Smart One

That's right, Jeb.

Or should I say Jeb! ?

All this time, all these years, we've heard W may be an idiot--but he's our idiot, dammit--and anyway, his lil bro Jebster is the smart one.

Just wait until Jeb runs! Then you'll see!

The heavens will part...the birds will sing...and all will be right with the world...

So hey, Jebbie is running...and it turns out he's just as smart as his brother! And not an ounce smarter.

Gee, do you think it's genetic?

I mean, does that sort of thing run in families?

Jebra has already been rolled, repeatedly by the Trumpster.

In fact, he seems scared of Donald J.

He's defended his idiot brother's foreign policy, uh, accomplishments, against all available evidence.

And as to his own accomplishments as Governor of Florida, you all, on closer inspection they aren't exactly stellar. Just more of the same steal from the poor to help the rich Republican crap that we've come to know and love.

The Smart One! is currently polling behind El Trumpo The Magnificent and a brain surgeon who is in all other aspects a fool. And just slightly ahead of a failed businesswoman who was paid a small fortune by her former employers to go far, far away.

Now, to be fair, Jebber Jabber did manage to help steal the 2000 election for W...and that ought to count for something...

Clown Time Is Never Over

Time flies, and before you know it, registered Republicans across this great land of ours will have to make the difficult decision of choosing which disastrous current or former governor to anoint as their party's presidential candidate.

Of course, they could pick from the covey of past and present truly awful U.S. senators running for the job.

Then there's always the business woman who almost ruined a major American corporation.

Or the noted surgeon who has the political intelligence of a salamander.

What about the bigoted blowhard billionaire, who makes the noted surgeon look like Thomas Jefferson?

So little time and so many buffoons to choose from!

Send In The Clown

Donald J. Trump for President!

Our prayers have been answered.

That's the beauty of this world: Comedy is everywhere...

I mean, here's a wealthy, loose cannon, seemingly suffering from Tourette's Syndrome, shooting off his mouth without any inner censor. He's pure Id, unrestrained by logic, common sense, common decency, or any kind of political knowledge.

All he knows is he's rich, he's entitled, he's aggrieved, and he has a big, big mouth. A perfect storm of stupid.

The Republican presidential primaries and debates are destined to become unhinged, anarchic, performance art! More than usual, that is.

If this were happening to any other political party, I might have some sympathy.

But, well...the Republicans deserve Donald J. Trump.

The head clown is here, let the circus begin!

Speaking of clowns, naturally Bill-o The Clown O'Reilly likes Trump because loud mouthed white boors need each other to survive. It's a symbiotic relationship.

Finally, Karl Rove says Trump is a "complete idiot". And if anyone knows about complete idiots it would be 'ol Turdblossom, aka Bush's Brain.