Foreigners' Travel Advisory

So, you're thinking of traveling to the United States!

We welcome you with open arms!

This is the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave!

Enjoy our purple mountains majesty. Enjoy our fruited plains.

Enjoy our triple cheeseburgers. Enjoy our Kardashians.

But please respect our culture.

And always remember, our right to indiscriminate slaughter is one of our most sacred rights.

Make that our most right.

Guns everywhere and guns for everyone!

So, wherever you go in our exceptional land, whether school, mall, nightclub, or even house of worship, there's a good possibility that some moody loner-religious nut-psycho-aggrieved patriot may shoot you.

And there's nothing we care to do about it. So don't even ask.

It's just the way we are...

Welcome to the USA! Enjoy your stay!

Where Am I?

This will happen to all of you sooner or later. Mrs. Franklin and I have reached a point in our lives where the idea of travel is much more appealing than the reality of traveling. We make plans and reservations and get our tickets well in advance. And then as the day of departure approaches, we begin to dread the whole thing. We hate packing, we hate getting up early to go to the airport, we hate going to the airport, we hate the airport, we hate all of the other people at the airport, we hate the plane, we hate the flight attendants, we hate the little bag of peanuts and the little cup of cola. We hate getting from the airport to the hotel and we hate the hotel. And don't even start with me about jet lag and being in a different time zone.

But what can you do? Nobody anywhere is giving out refunds for anything. And "Uh, we changed our minds" just doesn't cut it. So here we are in New York City for a few days with a full itinerary of museums and theatre and walking around, mouths agape. I'll try to find something interesting to report about.

Actually, that shouldn't be too difficult.