The Real Problem

The real problem isn't that we have semi-human scum like Lauren "Handjob" Boebert, Marjorie Taylor "Calling Me Trailor Park Is An Insult To Trailor Parks" Greene, Andy "I Haven't Been Indicted Yet" Biggs, David "My Own Family Hates Me" Schweikert, Paul "What's Shakin?" Gosar, Jim "Let's Wrestle" Jordan, Matt "Venmo" Gaetz, James "There Is No Nickname You Can Give Me That Captures How Truly Loathsome I Am" Comer, Mike "It's In The Bible" Johnson, Virginia "Hateful Old Thing" Fox, John "Cornpone" Kennedy, Rand "In Putin's Pocket" Paul, Marco "Tiny Man Tinier Brain" Rubio, Rick "Medicare Fraud Hall Of Fame" Scott, and all the rest of those Republican assholes in Congress.

This is a big country, after all, and there are plenty of meretricious grifters. In fact, you might even say that meretricious grifting is one of our founding principles.

No, the problem is that there are millions of people willing to vote, over and over and over again, for these clowns.

After they have proven, time after time, that they have no interest at all in governing. They just want to perform.

Put on a little show for the cameras. Put on a little show for Traitor Don. Put on a little show for Putin and the Big Money Boys.

Maybe get some airtime on Fox "News". Or NewsMax, or OAN, or any of those other channels that only certifiable idiots watch.

But they are so fucking bad at it! I mean small town community theater BAD.

Every time they're certain that they have a gotcha question, an "ah hah!" moment, or a witness that will reveal everything...it inevitably blows up in their faces.

Every. Single. Time.

At this point, only a moron would fall for their schtick.

That's the real problem.

TOO MANY MORONS.

And apparently there's not a goddamned thing we can do about it, except cross our fingers and hope that the next CoVid surge thins out the herd a little.

No, not a little. 

A Lot.

Random Thoughts On A Lovely Autumn Day

Why does Tucker Carlson always look constipated? Hasn't he heard about laxatives? Or is just that he's so constantly, totally, full of shit that nothing will help?

Republicans don't want to do away with racism. They want to do away with teaching about racism. And that will make it all better.

It's a shame that Don the Builder couldn't get any infrastructure bills passed in 4 very long years. Imagine all of the Mob concrete and Polish scab laborers he could've used. #SAD.

A note to all of the anti-masker/anti-vaxxers who like to confront people: sooner or later you're going to pick on the wrong person and you're going to get seriously hurt or maybe even killed. Hopefully someone will be on hand to film it.

In a just world, the next Republican to quote Martin Luther King Jr. would burst into flames.

Is it really such a tragedy that the vast majority of people now dying from CoVid are Red State Loons? Is it?

What kind of people keep re-electing Paul Gosar? What has he ever done for his district? What legislation has he proposed to help Arizona, let alone the country? He's an idiot, a racist, a liar, and, most importantly, a traitor. I can only assume that his supporters have all of those characteristics as well.

Why some professional athletes, who have without a doubt been injected with all sorts of goodies by team doctors, for pain, for healing, for performance, should now balk at a simple poke in the arm to keep them and those around them safe from a deadly disease, is one of the great mysteries of the modern world.

There is no cure for stupid. And when you mix it with ego, it can be deadly.

Uh....Thanks?

It should be obvious by now to everyone, including his immediate family, that Louie Gohmert is a moron.

Everything he says, everything he does, confirms this. I can only imagine what kind of shit hole, to use the Flaming Orange Anuses' preferred term, he represents. 

What kind of "people", and I use that word in its broadest sense, keep sending this "person", and again I use that word in its broadest sense, to Congress?

As David Susskind used to say, "the mind boggles".

However, as unbelievable as it may seem, Louie now has competition--stiff competition--for the title of Worst Congress person.

My own sad state has thrown up some hardy challengers. Andy Biggs, Paul Gosar, David Schweikart, and Debbie Lesko are all in the running. 

Biggs and Gosar probably couldn't spell sedition without help, and yet they both committed it. 

Schweikart's own family campaigned against him. Must make Thanksgiving fun.

And Lesko is just another female, empty pant suit, Republican. The lights aren't on, and, yep, no one is home.

Hell of a team the GOP has assembled in Arizona. Individually they are #Sad. But as a group they are stunning. Is this a great country, or what?

We sentient Arizonans would be overcome with shame at the prospect of someone from our state toppling Louie from his perch atop the garbage heap that is the Republican House caucus...if it weren't for two late entries:

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert!

Two Q-anon embracing, Trump loving, pistol packing Mamas who never met a ridiculous idea they didn't heartily embrace. In a well ordered society they would both be disarmed and placed in padded rooms somewhere quiet. In the good ol USA they are both armed, and, at least for the time being, in Congress.

I would say that they're brain dead, but you have to have had a functioning brain at some point to be declared brain dead, so...

Still, we must enjoy our victories, however small they might be. 

Therefore, on behalf of the Arizonans who still have a sense of shame, I say to Lauren and Marjorie,

Uh....thanks?

A Traitor Until The Bitter End

You would think that a man who has declared bankruptcy so many times would know when to cut and run.

But no.

Apparently Donald J. Trump is going to ride the crazy train to the very end of the line.

I guess Il Trumpo still thinks that he's immune to the laws of this land.

And why not? He's gotten away with all sorts of illegal crap his entire worthless life. In fact, his business career has been based on illegal crap. Mob concrete, scab labor, stiffing his sub contractors, suing people who can't afford lawyers--there are many arrows in the Trump quiver. 

And he's always gotten away with it.

Why should treason and sedition be any different?

He expects to bluff and threaten his way out of every situation.

So why should encouraging a mob of his delusional halfwits to storm the Capitol be any different?

But it is. Oh yes, it is. You can fuck with a lot of stuff. But not that. And all of his little Republican helpers, Biggs, Gosar, Greene, Guiliani, Boebert, McCarthy and the rest should be updating their resumes. Maybe Russian Television is hiring.

Of course, his army of imbeciles will always stay with him. Like any cult, once you've drunk too much of the Kool-aid the only way out may be death. And that is a problem that we will have to deal with in the coming years. But for the majority of sentient Americans, he's finally crossed the line.

When even a piece of opportunistic garbage like Moscow Mitch McConnell turns against you, you've gone too far.

There will be trials, there will be asset seizures, there will be prison sentences. Best to fuel up the private jet and punch the coordinates for Moscow or Riyadh into the navigation system.

Anyone with the last name of "Trump" might consider an alias. This applies to "Kushner" as well.

(The most amusing aspect of this whole tragedy is that Ivanka, aka Princess Sparkle Pony, thinks she has a future in politics. Maybe she can be the head snitch in whatever prison she ends up in.)

Personally, I would dispense with jail time for her daddy and just put him up against a wall somewhere. Blindfold optional.

But then I'm old school when it comes to treason.

The Best News I've Had All Year!

Sometimes, in the deep gloom of winter, as we huddle around the fire and pray for the return of the light, a miracle happens...

Today I learned that faded action film "star" Steven "Yes, This Is Really The Way I Run" Seagal has announced that he might, might, consider throwing his hat--and possibly his hair with it--into the ring for the governorship of Arizona!

Seagal, no dummy he, has been palling around with Sheriff Joe Arpaio--a.k.a. America's Toughest Sheriff--a man whose performance in office has cost the taxpayers of Maricopa County tens of millions of dollars in wrongful death and wrongful arrest suits. He has observed the ongoing wonder that is Governor Jan "Chuck, Tell Me What To Do" Brewer. He has read the profound statements issued by Tea Party darlings Trent Franks, David Schweikert and Paul Gosar. And he has realized that there are no qualifications to hold public office in Arizona.

So why not him? And, since Hollywood can be so cruel to the rapidly aging especially when they are untalented, why not now?

This is exactly what I've been waiting for.

You see, Arizona has been stuck at 47 or 48 in the rankings of horrible states for way too long. God knows we aren't going to go up to number 1 ever or even break into the top 25.

You wanna know why? Way too many Midwesterners move here. And they don't care about the arts or education or good jobs or healthcare or mass transit or the environment. No, they just want a little sun before they die. And low taxes. And to get away from "them", of course. The dreaded  "other".

So they come here, live off their Social Security, relying on Medicare to keep them alive a little longer, all the time whining about the "damn Federal gubmint", while stuffing themselves with Mexican food as they complain about Mexicans. Ironic, ain't it?

Anyway, while we can't ever hope of getting better, there is a real possibility that we can get worse. Much worse. And Governor Steven Seagal--with the help of our inestimable Klown Kollege legislature--is just the man to do it.

Mississippi and Alabama and South Carolina better watch out. 'Cause we're coming for them!

Out with the old, in with the new!

It's been a very frustrating year, that's for sure.

The good? Barack Obama was re-elected, thus sparing us four years of the robotic, elitist Mitt Romney. Now all Obama has to do is develop a spine -- which is by no means certain.

I got to see Bruce again. That alone makes it a better year than most. Thanks to my friend Nancy for the ticket and to all my friends at Greasy Lake with whom I saw the show.

Trent Franks is no longer my congressman. I now have Paul Gosar to represent me. This is not necessarily a major improvement, but almost anyone is better than Trent. (I except Allen West, Michele Bachmann, Steve King, Louis Gohmert, Virginia Fox and a few other crazies from this, but not many. These guys would all be worse than Trent). In the same vein, Jon Kyl is no longer my senator, but Jeff Flake is replacing him and I'm not at all sure that's an improvement.

Now for the bad. One thing stands out this year and it was unfortunately brought home again just a couple of weeks ago -- our nationwide obsession with guns. When the framers wrote the Constitution 225 years ago, I don't think they could have imagined such atrocities as Aurora and Sandy Hook. I have trouble imagining them and I've lived through them. The rest of the world sees this obsession and thinks we have positively lost our collective minds. I agree with them. There is no easier problem for us to fix, yet no less likely problem for us to fix. Mitch McConnell and Grover Norquist will celebrate tax hikes together before the NRA and the other 2nd Amendment nuts will give an inch toward even such common sense steps such as automatic registration, limited capacity on magazines, etc. It really leaves me with very little hope.

With that in mind, here's a song I found going through my head today. It seems fairly apropos, so I hope you all enjoy it.

Happy New Year to all. It really can't be any worse than last year -- can it?

Today's Chuckle

John McCain, R-Bitter Old Man, has announced plans for a "think tank" bearing his name at Arizona State University. I will now pause briefly for laughter....

"Think tank"? To quote Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." 

"I think I want to be a Senator" and "I think I want to be President" don't really qualify. Nor does "Hey, I was a P.O.W.! You people owe me!"

Every time McCain runs for re-election I send a letter to the editor of The Arizona Republic asking them to publish a list of his accomplishments. Because Arizona is such a transient state, it would be helpful for all of our newcomers to see in black and white just what "The Maverick" has done for the state. Never once have they replied to my request. Could it be because there's nothing to list?

In the article announcing his "think tank", McCain makes the following declaration, apparently referring to the difficulties of being in the Senate with those wicked Democrats: "I'm surrounded by such incompetency that it's very dispiriting sometimes."

Hey John, you want "dispiriting" try living in a state that's represented by you, Kyl, Flake, Franks, Quayle, Schweikert and Gosar. That's dispiriting.

And Senator, if you want to see real "incompetency" take a good long look in the mirror.