So Dick Cheney, former President pro tem of these here United States stopped by to give those wily rascals who make up the Republican part of our esteemed House of Representatives some pointers on war, Iraq, terrorism, ISIS/ISIL, and what the hell, life itself.
Naturally, these true blue patriots listened raptly, with dewy eyes and hearts all aflutter, seated at the feet of the Master, because they are, after all, nothing if not loyal boot licks.
Always on the look out for a friendly audience, Cheney, who is kept alive and amongst us by the wonders of modern medicine, offered up his "expert" advice.
Sorry...but I can't go on. We've stepped over the line from tragedy to farce one too many times.
Dick Cheney is a war criminal. He is forever stained with the blood of Americans and Iraqis. He is mendacious to his rotten core and, at this point anyone who believes a word he says is an imbecile. He should be locked in a dark, damp cell somewhere, muttering and snarling to himself, and writing his "expert" advice on the walls with his own feces.
And when the batteries in his artificial heart start to fail, three simple words:
Do Not Resuscitate.
Showing posts with label the Dark Lord Cheney. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the Dark Lord Cheney. Show all posts
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Please, Just Go Away
Dick Cheney, aka The Dark Lord, and his daughter, Liz, who isn't a lesbian, and, truth be told, not much of a sister either, but who was a laughable failure as a senatorial candidate, have spoken out, for the umpteenth time, about what they perceive to be the abject failure of President Obama's foreign policy.
By failure they mean ol Barack hasn't gotten us into any wars. Indeed, he's gotten us out of the Cheney-Bush wars, and not gotten us into wars with Iran or Syria. And for an old chickenhawk like Dick Cheney, that's a sign of weakness.
It's strange, you know, a guy who got so many deferments, the infamous "other priorities", to avoid service in Vietnam, being such a cheerleader for war. But then, most of those neo-cons are like that, aren't they? Where's dear old Freud when we really need him?
Dear Dick (and Liz), it's time to face the facts. No one who matters cares what you think. About anything. God knows you had your chances. With numbnuts in the White House you and your buddies got to run the country for a few years. And you were wrong about everything*. You fucked it up completely. So, shut the fuck up, OK? Take the big Halliburton payout, load up the old Holland and Holland, and go shoot something. Or someone. But please, just go away.
*wrong about everything is a registered trademark of the Cheney family.
By failure they mean ol Barack hasn't gotten us into any wars. Indeed, he's gotten us out of the Cheney-Bush wars, and not gotten us into wars with Iran or Syria. And for an old chickenhawk like Dick Cheney, that's a sign of weakness.
It's strange, you know, a guy who got so many deferments, the infamous "other priorities", to avoid service in Vietnam, being such a cheerleader for war. But then, most of those neo-cons are like that, aren't they? Where's dear old Freud when we really need him?
Dear Dick (and Liz), it's time to face the facts. No one who matters cares what you think. About anything. God knows you had your chances. With numbnuts in the White House you and your buddies got to run the country for a few years. And you were wrong about everything*. You fucked it up completely. So, shut the fuck up, OK? Take the big Halliburton payout, load up the old Holland and Holland, and go shoot something. Or someone. But please, just go away.
*wrong about everything is a registered trademark of the Cheney family.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
All Apologies
Here's a thought for the Dark Lord Cheney and his daughter Liz, who is a particularly nasty piece of work in her own right:
President Obama doesn't have to apologize to anyone for anything until lil' Dick Cheney apologizes for the following: all of the lies about WMD's and yellow cake uranium that led to the bait and switch war with Iraq; the billions of dollars that Halliburton subsequently made in Iraq; the secret energy policy meetings with his oil company buddies; the secret, unrecorded testimony to the 9-11 commission where he sat Simple W. on his lap just like a ventriloquist's dummy; the instituting of torture as official policy; being a chicken hawk despite the five draft deferments he got during the Vietnam War; about a million dead Iraqis; and well, anything else he ever did as a member of the US government. Oh, and for generally being just a no good lying sack of shit.
That ought to keep the old prick busy until the mechanical heart finally gives out.
President Obama doesn't have to apologize to anyone for anything until lil' Dick Cheney apologizes for the following: all of the lies about WMD's and yellow cake uranium that led to the bait and switch war with Iraq; the billions of dollars that Halliburton subsequently made in Iraq; the secret energy policy meetings with his oil company buddies; the secret, unrecorded testimony to the 9-11 commission where he sat Simple W. on his lap just like a ventriloquist's dummy; the instituting of torture as official policy; being a chicken hawk despite the five draft deferments he got during the Vietnam War; about a million dead Iraqis; and well, anything else he ever did as a member of the US government. Oh, and for generally being just a no good lying sack of shit.
That ought to keep the old prick busy until the mechanical heart finally gives out.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Cheney v. McCain
So in this "book" that the Dark Lord Cheney "wrote" he apparently takes some potshots at John McCain, R-Hensley & Co.
This is reminiscent of nothing so much as two old, neutered, toothless tomcats yowling away on a ramshackle fence somewhere.
Except that the Maverick has decided to take the highroad and not yowl back.
He is a statesman, after all. Also, the last time he dared to mess with the Bush-Cheney-Rove lie machine, circa 2000 in the South Carolina primary, he got chewed up pretty badly.
And there are two things every old, neutered, toothless tomcat knows: where they stand in the pecking order and not to make the same mistake twice.
Meow.
This is reminiscent of nothing so much as two old, neutered, toothless tomcats yowling away on a ramshackle fence somewhere.
Except that the Maverick has decided to take the highroad and not yowl back.
He is a statesman, after all. Also, the last time he dared to mess with the Bush-Cheney-Rove lie machine, circa 2000 in the South Carolina primary, he got chewed up pretty badly.
And there are two things every old, neutered, toothless tomcat knows: where they stand in the pecking order and not to make the same mistake twice.
Meow.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Tales From The Dark Lord
Dick Cheney, who is, despite all of our prayers, still alive, has written a book!
The Dark Lord Cheney, whose soul, if he ever had one, was, I'm sure, a small and shriveled thing, must keep whatever little conscience he has left in an undisclosed location. How else could he possibly presume to write a book? What was it the man said? "Have you no shame, sir?"
I'm afraid that for the next few days at least little Dick will be unavoidable. His hand picked interviewers will ask fawning questions while he sneers that still boyish sneer of his.
I will not read his book. You will not read his book.
I'm reminded of something Mary McCarthy once said about Lillian Hellman: "Every word she writes is a lie, including 'and' and 'the'."
That pretty much sums up my feelings about Dick Cheney's literary efforts.
The Dark Lord Cheney, whose soul, if he ever had one, was, I'm sure, a small and shriveled thing, must keep whatever little conscience he has left in an undisclosed location. How else could he possibly presume to write a book? What was it the man said? "Have you no shame, sir?"
I'm afraid that for the next few days at least little Dick will be unavoidable. His hand picked interviewers will ask fawning questions while he sneers that still boyish sneer of his.
I will not read his book. You will not read his book.
I'm reminded of something Mary McCarthy once said about Lillian Hellman: "Every word she writes is a lie, including 'and' and 'the'."
That pretty much sums up my feelings about Dick Cheney's literary efforts.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Terrifying
As we approach the tenth anniversary of September 11th, the avoidable tragedy that will be forever known, like Pearl Harbor, by its date, we find ourselves in an increasingly terrifying world.
Even though Bin Laden is finally dead--and killed not by order of that smirking, flight suit wearing, dry drunk, AWOL prone National Guardsman, Simple W, or his puppet master, the gun safety poster boy, multi student deferment wielding, Dark Lord Cheney, but instead by Barack Obama, our Kenyan Socialist semi-Democrat President--the world just gets scarier and scarier.
It turns out the enemy, to paraphrase Pogo, is "us".
"We" get fooled over and over by the same divide and conquer tactics that Nixon proudly called his Southern Strategy. Emphasize fear more than anything else. Play the whites off against the blacks. As an added twist play both off against the browns.
"We" accept stupid, simplistic explanations from bought and paid for corporate mouthpieces masquerading as statesmen or "mavericks".
"We" forget the lessons and struggles of the past at the drop of a hat. As a nation we have ADHD. We believe in a fictional history, fairy tales about a nation that never existed. And whoever tells them the best, Ronald Reagan being the prime example of this, gets our vote.
"We" make millionaires out of Murdoch, Limbaugh, Beck, O'Reilly and all of the other purveyors of hate, fear and divisiveness.
"We" don't want to pay taxes--but we still want services. But just for "us" and not for "them". Because "they" don't deserve them and "we" do.
"We" want to blame someone else. Usually the wrong someone else.
This nation will never fall to a foreign enemy. But the enemies within? I'm not so sure.
Even though Bin Laden is finally dead--and killed not by order of that smirking, flight suit wearing, dry drunk, AWOL prone National Guardsman, Simple W, or his puppet master, the gun safety poster boy, multi student deferment wielding, Dark Lord Cheney, but instead by Barack Obama, our Kenyan Socialist semi-Democrat President--the world just gets scarier and scarier.
It turns out the enemy, to paraphrase Pogo, is "us".
"We" get fooled over and over by the same divide and conquer tactics that Nixon proudly called his Southern Strategy. Emphasize fear more than anything else. Play the whites off against the blacks. As an added twist play both off against the browns.
"We" accept stupid, simplistic explanations from bought and paid for corporate mouthpieces masquerading as statesmen or "mavericks".
"We" forget the lessons and struggles of the past at the drop of a hat. As a nation we have ADHD. We believe in a fictional history, fairy tales about a nation that never existed. And whoever tells them the best, Ronald Reagan being the prime example of this, gets our vote.
"We" make millionaires out of Murdoch, Limbaugh, Beck, O'Reilly and all of the other purveyors of hate, fear and divisiveness.
"We" don't want to pay taxes--but we still want services. But just for "us" and not for "them". Because "they" don't deserve them and "we" do.
"We" want to blame someone else. Usually the wrong someone else.
This nation will never fall to a foreign enemy. But the enemies within? I'm not so sure.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Worst Case Scenario
My boy and I went to see the angry monkey movie today and naturally that got me to thinking about our Republican cousins and the 2012 election.
To begin with, we should never underestimate the ability of the American people to do the wrong thing. Exhibit #1: the 2004 Presidential election. I'm sure that some of you believe, as I do, that the 2004 vote in Ohio was rigged. But the point is that the election shouldn't have been close enough for "electronic funny business" in one Midwestern state to have made any difference. After 4 years of Simple W--the Appointee in Chief--and the Dark Lord Cheney, including their Keystone Kops act on September 11th, the resulting bait and switch war in Iraq and, to top it off, replacing a large surplus with a huge deficit, how could more than 60 million people still vote for the Republican ticket? Are they that stupid? Sadly, the answer is "yes".
So let's say up is really down and black is really white and in 2012 the good citizens of the USA elect some lunatic Republican to the highest office in the land. (Next to Grover Norquist's, that is. Oh, that's right, he's never been elected to anything. He's a lobbyist. Strange, isn't it?)
And let's throw in the Senate for good measure. So that means the White House, both houses of Congress, and perhaps most importantly, the Supreme Court, would all be in Republican hands.
Doesn't really matter which Republican either. Sure Bachmann (or Palin or Cain or Perry) might be the craziest of the lot, but when you get right down to it, is there really that much difference between any of them and Romney (or Pawlenty, or Gingrich or, hell, any angry monkey)?
Can you imagine a country run by these people with absolutely no checks and balances?
And you think you're fucked now?! Baby, you don't know what fucked is...
To begin with, we should never underestimate the ability of the American people to do the wrong thing. Exhibit #1: the 2004 Presidential election. I'm sure that some of you believe, as I do, that the 2004 vote in Ohio was rigged. But the point is that the election shouldn't have been close enough for "electronic funny business" in one Midwestern state to have made any difference. After 4 years of Simple W--the Appointee in Chief--and the Dark Lord Cheney, including their Keystone Kops act on September 11th, the resulting bait and switch war in Iraq and, to top it off, replacing a large surplus with a huge deficit, how could more than 60 million people still vote for the Republican ticket? Are they that stupid? Sadly, the answer is "yes".
So let's say up is really down and black is really white and in 2012 the good citizens of the USA elect some lunatic Republican to the highest office in the land. (Next to Grover Norquist's, that is. Oh, that's right, he's never been elected to anything. He's a lobbyist. Strange, isn't it?)
And let's throw in the Senate for good measure. So that means the White House, both houses of Congress, and perhaps most importantly, the Supreme Court, would all be in Republican hands.
Doesn't really matter which Republican either. Sure Bachmann (or Palin or Cain or Perry) might be the craziest of the lot, but when you get right down to it, is there really that much difference between any of them and Romney (or Pawlenty, or Gingrich or, hell, any angry monkey)?
Can you imagine a country run by these people with absolutely no checks and balances?
And you think you're fucked now?! Baby, you don't know what fucked is...
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Democracy In Action, or: Andrew Kowalczyk is an Idiot
For those of you wondering, "who the hell is Andrew Kowalczyk?", he is the author of one of the stupidest letters to the editor I've ever read. And considering that most of the letters to the editor that I read are from The Arizona Republic, that's really quite an achievement. Tip o' the hat to you, Andy!
Why is Andrew Kowalczyk an idiot? Let me count the ways...To quote from young Andrew's scribblings, "While adults were away in 2009 and 2010, the Democrats in Congress and President Obama decided to have a wild toga party for all their friends and cronies." This is so absurdly wrong that I'm not really sure where to begin. But I'll try. For starters, what "adults" could Andy possibly be referring to? The Republican Party? Really?
What happened in 2008-2009 is that the bill came do for eight years of The Dark Lord Cheney and Simple W's malfeasance. They squandered the Clinton surplus, they cut taxes on the wealthiest whenever they could, they let oil companies set energy policy, they attempted (but failed) to privatize Social Security, they started two unfunded wars, they crippled the regulatory oversight of Wall Street, they used the Constitution like toilet paper, and on and on. Oh, and let's not forget that 9/11 happened on their watch, too. Oops. So those can't be the "adults" Special K is talking about. Only an idiot would believe that the financial crisis, to pick just one Republican catastrophe, was Obama's doing.
Andy K. continues, "They went wild on the Internet, ordering all sorts of stuff that they've been dreaming of for years and years. They used America's credit card." This is the K meister trying to be clever. You know, like Glen Beck or Rush Limbaugh? Of course it is unsubstantiated by the facts--unless you use Fox News as your source for "facts". "All sorts of stuff"? I guess he means healthcare reform. For some reason, "Obamacare" really pisses a lot of idiots off. I'm not sure why. I guess they like being at the mercy of insurance companies, or they've bought all of the Right's tired old lies about the "evils" of socialized medicine, or they plan on never getting sick or getting old. Or maybe it's just because they're idiots.
More Kowalczyk wisdom: "It's now 2011, and the Democrats are saying that America has to pay for their wild binge and they want a bigger allowance." The "wild binge" he is referring to was the money spent preventing the world's economy from melting down. Incidentally, this "binge" began on W's watch. By the way, here's a fact for Andy to chew on, if he can stop frothing at the mouth long enough to chew on anything: The national debt increased more under both Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush than it has under Obama. The national debt also includes several trillion dollars that we owe ourselves. Kowalczyk's "bigger allowance" means the debt ceiling. The debt ceiling is an artificial construct that many economists consider ridiculous. However, up until now, it has always been automatically raised, regardless of who the president was. Apparently Andy would rather see the US default on its obligations than give Obama what every other President has gotten. That'll show 'em! Take that world economy!
Now we come to the heart of little Andy Kowalczyk's ravings: "Republicans are not going to raise their allowance and are simply asking for the Dems to send back some of the stuff so we might have a chance to pay for the stuff we can't send back." Since Andy doesn't specify what "stuff" we should send back, I will. Let's send back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans. Let's send back all of our outsourced manufacturing jobs. Those are the two root causes of most of our debt to China. Let's send back the bill for the Iraq War. It's over a trillion dollars and rising. Let's send back Federal subsidies for oil companies. Let's send back all of the corporate tax loopholes. While we're at it, let's raise the wage cap on Social Security and stop once and for all this nonsense about privatization. Now honestly, do any of those "send backs" sound like Republican ideas?
No. Republican "ideas" include cutting taxes for billionaires and corporations while gutting the safety net for the rest of us; doing away with the Departments of Education and Energy, Head Start, the EPA, the FCC, the FDA, the SEC, Medicare, Planned Parenthood, and any other agency, governmental or otherwise, that might stand in the way of their plans for turning the USA into a Christian Corporate Fascist state. Amen.
I decided to add Democracy In Action to the title of this post because Andrew Kowalczyk's vote counts the same as mine or yours. Even though he's demonstrably an idiot.
Of course, we're all born ignorant of certain things. But some of us choose to remain ignorant. Many of those who choose to remain ignorant end up in Arizona. In fact they make up a majority of the state's voters. The current state that Arizona, and indeed the nation, finds itself in is a direct result of the rise of Idiot Power. And The Arizona Republic is their paper of record.
Why is Andrew Kowalczyk an idiot? Let me count the ways...To quote from young Andrew's scribblings, "While adults were away in 2009 and 2010, the Democrats in Congress and President Obama decided to have a wild toga party for all their friends and cronies." This is so absurdly wrong that I'm not really sure where to begin. But I'll try. For starters, what "adults" could Andy possibly be referring to? The Republican Party? Really?
What happened in 2008-2009 is that the bill came do for eight years of The Dark Lord Cheney and Simple W's malfeasance. They squandered the Clinton surplus, they cut taxes on the wealthiest whenever they could, they let oil companies set energy policy, they attempted (but failed) to privatize Social Security, they started two unfunded wars, they crippled the regulatory oversight of Wall Street, they used the Constitution like toilet paper, and on and on. Oh, and let's not forget that 9/11 happened on their watch, too. Oops. So those can't be the "adults" Special K is talking about. Only an idiot would believe that the financial crisis, to pick just one Republican catastrophe, was Obama's doing.
Andy K. continues, "They went wild on the Internet, ordering all sorts of stuff that they've been dreaming of for years and years. They used America's credit card." This is the K meister trying to be clever. You know, like Glen Beck or Rush Limbaugh? Of course it is unsubstantiated by the facts--unless you use Fox News as your source for "facts". "All sorts of stuff"? I guess he means healthcare reform. For some reason, "Obamacare" really pisses a lot of idiots off. I'm not sure why. I guess they like being at the mercy of insurance companies, or they've bought all of the Right's tired old lies about the "evils" of socialized medicine, or they plan on never getting sick or getting old. Or maybe it's just because they're idiots.
More Kowalczyk wisdom: "It's now 2011, and the Democrats are saying that America has to pay for their wild binge and they want a bigger allowance." The "wild binge" he is referring to was the money spent preventing the world's economy from melting down. Incidentally, this "binge" began on W's watch. By the way, here's a fact for Andy to chew on, if he can stop frothing at the mouth long enough to chew on anything: The national debt increased more under both Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush than it has under Obama. The national debt also includes several trillion dollars that we owe ourselves. Kowalczyk's "bigger allowance" means the debt ceiling. The debt ceiling is an artificial construct that many economists consider ridiculous. However, up until now, it has always been automatically raised, regardless of who the president was. Apparently Andy would rather see the US default on its obligations than give Obama what every other President has gotten. That'll show 'em! Take that world economy!
Now we come to the heart of little Andy Kowalczyk's ravings: "Republicans are not going to raise their allowance and are simply asking for the Dems to send back some of the stuff so we might have a chance to pay for the stuff we can't send back." Since Andy doesn't specify what "stuff" we should send back, I will. Let's send back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans. Let's send back all of our outsourced manufacturing jobs. Those are the two root causes of most of our debt to China. Let's send back the bill for the Iraq War. It's over a trillion dollars and rising. Let's send back Federal subsidies for oil companies. Let's send back all of the corporate tax loopholes. While we're at it, let's raise the wage cap on Social Security and stop once and for all this nonsense about privatization. Now honestly, do any of those "send backs" sound like Republican ideas?
No. Republican "ideas" include cutting taxes for billionaires and corporations while gutting the safety net for the rest of us; doing away with the Departments of Education and Energy, Head Start, the EPA, the FCC, the FDA, the SEC, Medicare, Planned Parenthood, and any other agency, governmental or otherwise, that might stand in the way of their plans for turning the USA into a Christian Corporate Fascist state. Amen.
I decided to add Democracy In Action to the title of this post because Andrew Kowalczyk's vote counts the same as mine or yours. Even though he's demonstrably an idiot.
Of course, we're all born ignorant of certain things. But some of us choose to remain ignorant. Many of those who choose to remain ignorant end up in Arizona. In fact they make up a majority of the state's voters. The current state that Arizona, and indeed the nation, finds itself in is a direct result of the rise of Idiot Power. And The Arizona Republic is their paper of record.
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