A Handy Field Guide To The Various Kinds Of Trump Voters

First you've got the Angry White males in general. They're mad about most everything and they think Trump will restore the Greatness of America that they believe has been lost. They don't like political correctness, they don't like "uppity" minorities or women, they don't like immigrants, they don't like gays, they desperately want to go back to a mythical past where the "other" understood its subordinate place in the grand scheme of things. (This category includes the docile females that cower before their angry male masters.)

You've got the aggrieved working class whites, who have suffered and who do need help, but who somehow missed the part of the Trump economic plan where you outsource work to China and bring in Polish scabs to save a buck. But he's not a woman and he's white, so they're all in. These are people who already are benefiting from government programs or will need to very soon, but still have a deep hatred for Big Government because it only helps "the other".

There's the "he's going to cut our taxes" crowd. That's the only thing that matters to them. Ever. I call it the "I've got mine-fuck you!" crowd. (Many of these people are Libertarians. I would point out that no advanced civilization has ever been based on libertarian principles. Ever. I would also point out that their patron saint Ayn Rand was a mediocre novelist and a dime store philosopher. But, yeah, she probably would have cut their taxes, so it's all good.)

Oh, and let's not forget the Christian hypocrites. Here you've got a thrice married sexual predator, with a condescending, indeed mocking, attitude toward women and minorities. He has refused to pay people who did work for him and his companies have gone bankrupt multiple times, cheating hundreds if not thousands, of small, family run businesses in the process. But, Donald J. Trump will let you keep as many guns as you want (just like Jesus would) and, well, he's white and not a woman, so praise the Lord!

Then you've got the Alt-Right white supremacists. Cuz he's gonna deal with the dark skin people, wherever they're from. Even, maybe especially, native born American citizens. The 13th, 14th, and 15th Amendments were a mistake, y'all.

Throw in a tiny handful of Latinos and blacks who obviously aren't getting enough oxygen to their brains.

And finally, you've got the sort of people who just like to watch stuff burn. And what bigger fire could you have than a Donald J. Trump presidency?

Baby, it's a Big Tent!

The Little Voice Inside Donald Trump's Head

I do not want this job.

It's a hard and thankless job. And I do not do hard and thankless.

I do not want this job.

You have to know stuff to do this job well. A lot of stuff. And I do not have the time or the inclination or the capacity to learn a lot of stuff. I'm a very busy man, after all.

God, I do not want this job! 

Can't these idiots see that?

Isn't it painfully obvious?

What the fuck do I have to do?

Piss on the flag?

I've tried everything else I can think of.  Insulted and alienated everyone I possibly can.

Told so many lies, that even I can't keep track of them.

And still these ignorant bastards roar their support. Fuck.

Honestly, how incredibly stupid are these people?

Low information isn't the half of it. Brain dead is more like it.

How 'bout I molest a Cub Scout? With a copy of the Constitution. Beneath a picture of Jesus. While Pat Boone sings the Star Spangled Banner.

Would that do it?

Sweet Mother of Christ,

I. Do. Not. Want. This. Job.

Worst Job In The World

Kellyanne Conway has to try and "manage" an egomaniacal, sociopathic, misogynistic, scatter brained, bigot who thinks he's always the smartest guy in the room.

No one can do that. 

To top it off, he is sure to blame everyone around him for his failings.

He will lash out, because nothing is ever his fault.

So it's her job to make the biggest asshole in the room seem like a normal, wise, thoughtful, "Presidential" man.

Tough gig.

On the other hand, she asked for it. Lying is a major part of the job description.

Now, why any self-respecting woman would work for Trump, unless she absolutely had to, is a question for another day.

PS If Kellyanne is smart, she'll ask to be paid in cash, daily.

The Scum Also Rises

The Trump campaign, if you can call a smoldering pile of horse shit a campaign, has now done what once was thought nearly impossible:

Take a good look at--and this hasn't happened since John Connally joined the Nixon White House-- rats swimming towards a sinking ship.

Breitbart refugee Steve Bannon and Roger Ailes? That's the best Il Trumpo could do?

Poor thing. I guess Scott Baio and Gary Busey were busy.

But what about Sarah Palin? Surely she could use the paycheck? Of course, Trump is famous for not paying people who have worked for him, so...

He surrounds himself with the scum of the earth and voters are supposed to trust his judgment?

My God, after all this time, this cretin still has people believing his every word!

Brace yourself. The next few weeks will be indescribably grotesque, as Der Trump, realizing that he will lose and lose big, goes into "no lie too awful" mode. Not for the faint of heart.