American Capitalism Explained

Capital will always search out the cheapest labor. That labor may be in the next state over, or in an entirely different country. Healthy competition makes us stronger. Therefore, a mandated minimum wage should be eliminated.

Making laborers compete to see just how little pay they are willing to work for keeps businesses lean and competitive.

Mandatory minimum wages make workers soft. As does government subsidized universal health care and a sufficiently large safety net. Soft, coddled workers are a drag on our free market.

Businesses must be allowed to exploit workers. Workers, after all, are a disposable commodity.

Therefore, because of this "disposability", shareholders are much more important than workers.

Everything must be done to maximize shareholder value.

Businesses must be allowed to pollute the air and water. Any kind of regulation is just a step toward socialism. This includes safety regulations.

Ridiculously large bonuses for management are essential to keep "good" people.

Remember, corporations are people, too.

If you fail--that's your problem. If a bank fails--that's your problem, too.

So banks must be saved at all costs.

While you, after all, are disposable.

Keep 'Em Poor And Stupid... And Desperate

That my friends, is the entire economic policy of your Republican Party.

A) Let's do away with the minimum wage.

B) Let's get rid of OSHA, the EPA, the FDA, and all those pesky regulations.

C) Let's shred the safety net.

D) Let's destroy the unions.

E) Let's gut public education.

F) Let's privatize Social Security.

G) All of the above.

We need lots of uneducated, desperate people, willing to work for anything, and in any conditions.

That's what our bosses want, and that's what we're going to give them!

Oh, and God Bless America!

Point Of Pride

Fanfare please!

In case you missed it, Arizona leads the nation in cuts to education!!!

Was there ever any doubt?

Since almost everyone agrees that education is the key to our future, this might seem like really bad news.

And it would be, if we cared about the future...

But that's not how we roll in the Grand Canyon State!

To Hell with the future, we want to live in an imaginary, libertarian past.

So sure, it would be nice for Arizona to be first in funding for education, but let's face it, that's never, ever going to happen.

However, there is a silver lining:

Being the worst guarantees a surplus of stupid people, which is good news for all of the minimum wage paying employers.

And, in addition to being stupid, many of them will also be angry, and those two qualities combined guarantees a strong Republican Tea Party base for a long, long time.

So it's a win win for Arizona!