It is an amazing thing to reach the age of 70 without ever making a mistake.
All those bankruptcies? Other guys' fault.
The various marriages? Bitches be crazy.
Mob ties? Russian ties? Russian Mob ties? Other dubious foreign loans? Money laundering on an epic scale? Hey, that's just business, and no one is better at business than Donald J. Trump.
The most incompetent Presidency in modern times? Don't blame DonDon. It's just the wicked "fake news" media spreading lies to undermine a great man. The truth is that everything is great!
Subvert the Constitution? Hire completely unqualified people for highly sensitive positions? Fire the man investigating you? Hey, if the President does it, it's not illegal. Nixon said that, and by golly that's good enough for Donald J. Trump. He is the President, after all.
To have lived all those years without ever having to be responsible for your actions must be wonderful.
Now, of course, somebody always has to pay for jaw dropping incompetence, sleaziness, crookedness, and outright thievery.
But it ain't Donald J. Trump!
Showing posts with label mafia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mafia. Show all posts
Friday, May 12, 2017
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Business Is Business
Cuba? Hey, great if we can work it out! Plenty of beachfront and cheap labor!
Russia? Sure. They may be Red but their money is green! Besides, that Putin is mas macho!
With the Mob? You bet. Gotta keep up family traditions!
The important thing is to get paid, yo!
Dip into my own charity? Well, it is my charity! Got my name all over it! And a buck's a buck!
Why outsource to China? Cuz they'll work for less. A lot less. And that means more for me!
Import Polish construction workers? Hell yes! They're non-union, after all. And that means more for me!
It's nothing personal...
It's just business.
Russia? Sure. They may be Red but their money is green! Besides, that Putin is mas macho!
With the Mob? You bet. Gotta keep up family traditions!
The important thing is to get paid, yo!
Dip into my own charity? Well, it is my charity! Got my name all over it! And a buck's a buck!
Why outsource to China? Cuz they'll work for less. A lot less. And that means more for me!
Import Polish construction workers? Hell yes! They're non-union, after all. And that means more for me!
It's nothing personal...
It's just business.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Straight From The Horse's Ass
Things we know about Donald J. Trump, either because he or one of his mouthpieces told us:
He is the healthiest person ever to run for the Presidency. Forget the puffy face and the rolls of fat. Forget the orange complexion and the "hair". Forget the ill fitting, overly large suits and the body mass index reminiscent of the Pillsbury Doughboy. Forget the fondness for fast food. Donald J. Trump is the healthiest person ever to run for the Presidency and he has a note from his gastroenterologist to prove it. Why does someone that healthy need a gastroenterologist? Fuck you.
Let's take it one step further. Donald J. Trump is the healthiest human being ever. Jack LaLanne was a pussy compared to The Donald. Tri athletes are limp wristed wankers compared to Donald J. Trump. He will outlive us all. That old joke about cockroaches and Keith Richards being the only things to survive a nuclear holocaust? Well, add Donald J. Trump to that distinguished list. In fact, put him at the top of it! (If you want to add a joke here about a Trump presidency probably causing the nuclear holocaust, feel free.)
He has a great brain. This hasn't been confirmed by any outside source. And it certainly hasn't been confirmed by any of his actions or statements. So I guess we'll just have to take his word for it. But hey, this is America and we don't really trust bright people anyway, so...Donald J. Trump has a great brain. In fact, it is a yooge, great brain. The best.
Donald J. Trump is very classy. Look at the gilded gold chairs he sits in when he deigns to talk to the masses! What says class more than gilded gold chairs? Nothing, you classless bastards. It's wasted on you.
He will build a yooge, great, wonderful wall along our southern border to keep the rampaging bands of Mexicans out of our once great but now sad country. He will make the raping, drug dealing Mexicans pay for it! If they refuse to pay, then Donald J. Trump as Commander in Chief of our armed forces will force them to pay. Same thing with those scofflaw NATO countries that aren't pulling their weight. And Japan, too! Donald J. Trump has asked the highly intelligent question "why can't we use our nuclear weapons?" As President, unlike that weakling Obama or Crooked Hillary, Donald J. Trump will answer that question with a resounding "BOOM!"
Donald J. Trump will make America Great Again. Now, don't get carried away--we won't all have gilded gold chairs. Donald J. Trump had to work very hard with his yooge great brain to get those chairs.
First he had to inherit millions of dollars from his racist father. Then he had to consort with his racist father's Mafia buddies to do some of those "deals" of which he is so proud. Then he had to bring in non-union Polish immigrant construction workers to build his fabulous tower. Then he had to go bankrupt a few times to keep his hard earned money out of the hands of those greedy subcontractors who obviously did substandard work on the wonderful, classy, yooge Donald J. Trump projects that they-and they alone--fucked up. None of this was Donald J. Trump's fault. Then he had to buddy up with some Russian, uh, businessmen. You know, the ones with maybe a few prison tattoos. Then he had to outsource his classy clothing line to China because, well, it's a hell of a lot cheaper and that means more money for Donald J. Trump. He did all of this. What did you do? Well, whatever it was, it pales in comparison.
How will that kind of behavior make America Great Again? Don't get bogged down in the details. Donald J. Trump will make America Great Again simply by being Donald J. Trump.
He is the healthiest person ever to run for the Presidency. Forget the puffy face and the rolls of fat. Forget the orange complexion and the "hair". Forget the ill fitting, overly large suits and the body mass index reminiscent of the Pillsbury Doughboy. Forget the fondness for fast food. Donald J. Trump is the healthiest person ever to run for the Presidency and he has a note from his gastroenterologist to prove it. Why does someone that healthy need a gastroenterologist? Fuck you.
Let's take it one step further. Donald J. Trump is the healthiest human being ever. Jack LaLanne was a pussy compared to The Donald. Tri athletes are limp wristed wankers compared to Donald J. Trump. He will outlive us all. That old joke about cockroaches and Keith Richards being the only things to survive a nuclear holocaust? Well, add Donald J. Trump to that distinguished list. In fact, put him at the top of it! (If you want to add a joke here about a Trump presidency probably causing the nuclear holocaust, feel free.)
He has a great brain. This hasn't been confirmed by any outside source. And it certainly hasn't been confirmed by any of his actions or statements. So I guess we'll just have to take his word for it. But hey, this is America and we don't really trust bright people anyway, so...Donald J. Trump has a great brain. In fact, it is a yooge, great brain. The best.
Donald J. Trump is very classy. Look at the gilded gold chairs he sits in when he deigns to talk to the masses! What says class more than gilded gold chairs? Nothing, you classless bastards. It's wasted on you.
He will build a yooge, great, wonderful wall along our southern border to keep the rampaging bands of Mexicans out of our once great but now sad country. He will make the raping, drug dealing Mexicans pay for it! If they refuse to pay, then Donald J. Trump as Commander in Chief of our armed forces will force them to pay. Same thing with those scofflaw NATO countries that aren't pulling their weight. And Japan, too! Donald J. Trump has asked the highly intelligent question "why can't we use our nuclear weapons?" As President, unlike that weakling Obama or Crooked Hillary, Donald J. Trump will answer that question with a resounding "BOOM!"
Donald J. Trump will make America Great Again. Now, don't get carried away--we won't all have gilded gold chairs. Donald J. Trump had to work very hard with his yooge great brain to get those chairs.
First he had to inherit millions of dollars from his racist father. Then he had to consort with his racist father's Mafia buddies to do some of those "deals" of which he is so proud. Then he had to bring in non-union Polish immigrant construction workers to build his fabulous tower. Then he had to go bankrupt a few times to keep his hard earned money out of the hands of those greedy subcontractors who obviously did substandard work on the wonderful, classy, yooge Donald J. Trump projects that they-and they alone--fucked up. None of this was Donald J. Trump's fault. Then he had to buddy up with some Russian, uh, businessmen. You know, the ones with maybe a few prison tattoos. Then he had to outsource his classy clothing line to China because, well, it's a hell of a lot cheaper and that means more money for Donald J. Trump. He did all of this. What did you do? Well, whatever it was, it pales in comparison.
How will that kind of behavior make America Great Again? Don't get bogged down in the details. Donald J. Trump will make America Great Again simply by being Donald J. Trump.
Friday, June 3, 2016
The Art Of The Scam
From P.T. Barnum, to H.L. Mencken's "booboisie", right up to Nixon's "silent majority" the one consistent thing about our great nation is that there really is a sucker born every minute.
And so, Trump.
And his, uh, "University".
Since, in America, money is the only true measure of all men, then naturally there are a lot of people looking to get rich quickly and by whatever means necessary.
Enter Trump and his spiel:
Listen to ME! Follow MY advice! I am THE ONE!
Of course, advice like MINE doesn't come cheap. So, do whatever you have to do to afford the bounty of MY wisdom.
If that means charging up $40-50,000 in credit card debt, well, that's a small price to pay to be like ME!
Do you want to be a loser? No, of course not. You want to be a winner like ME!
Follow ME and prosper!
Somewhere, P.T. Barnum is laughing.
Now, if El Trumpo were honest, hahahaha, he would tell them the true secret to his "fantastic" wealth:
First, inherit 200 million bucks from your dad. This is the key!
Then, also inherit his business contacts, his Mob contacts, and his political contacts.
And remember--if things get rough, you can always go bankrupt and leave somebody else holding the bag!
If you can just follow these simple rules, then you too can be a success like Donald Trump!
And so, Trump.
And his, uh, "University".
Since, in America, money is the only true measure of all men, then naturally there are a lot of people looking to get rich quickly and by whatever means necessary.
Enter Trump and his spiel:
Listen to ME! Follow MY advice! I am THE ONE!
Of course, advice like MINE doesn't come cheap. So, do whatever you have to do to afford the bounty of MY wisdom.
If that means charging up $40-50,000 in credit card debt, well, that's a small price to pay to be like ME!
Do you want to be a loser? No, of course not. You want to be a winner like ME!
Follow ME and prosper!
Somewhere, P.T. Barnum is laughing.
Now, if El Trumpo were honest, hahahaha, he would tell them the true secret to his "fantastic" wealth:
First, inherit 200 million bucks from your dad. This is the key!
Then, also inherit his business contacts, his Mob contacts, and his political contacts.
And remember--if things get rough, you can always go bankrupt and leave somebody else holding the bag!
If you can just follow these simple rules, then you too can be a success like Donald Trump!
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Other Donald Trump Pledges
By now you've probably heard that Donald J. Trump, alleged billionaire, multiple bankruptee, failed casino owner, angry white male, and still leading the Republican Presidential Nominee goat fuck, has pledged his fealty to whoever or whatever ultimately comes out ahead in the goat fucking.
Real team player, that Don.
But what you don't know about are some of the other pledges Trump has made:
Use only Mob approved concrete on his Keep The Mexicans Out Wall.
Get to the bottom of what the hell is going on with his "hair".
Create a low paying job for every non-union Polish temporary visa construction worker he can find.
Continue to spout ridiculous, inaccurate things about immigrants, minorities, women, President Obama, and random strangers--just because he can.
If elected, will restore America's pride and position in the world by showing all those other sad, little, unimportant countries that even with a rich, ego maniacal, blowhard, idiot in charge, we're still better than them.
Ditch wife number 3 if she starts to wrinkle or sag anywhere.
Be yooge, wonderful, super, and the best 24-7 365!
Deport his barber.
Real team player, that Don.
But what you don't know about are some of the other pledges Trump has made:
Use only Mob approved concrete on his Keep The Mexicans Out Wall.
Get to the bottom of what the hell is going on with his "hair".
Create a low paying job for every non-union Polish temporary visa construction worker he can find.
Continue to spout ridiculous, inaccurate things about immigrants, minorities, women, President Obama, and random strangers--just because he can.
If elected, will restore America's pride and position in the world by showing all those other sad, little, unimportant countries that even with a rich, ego maniacal, blowhard, idiot in charge, we're still better than them.
Ditch wife number 3 if she starts to wrinkle or sag anywhere.
Be yooge, wonderful, super, and the best 24-7 365!
Deport his barber.
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