Other Trump Related Children's Toys Just In Time For Christmas!

Perhaps by now you've seen something called Trumpy Bear.

It is, believe it or not, a Trump themed stuffed toy bear...you know, for the kids.

Not all parents love their children, after all.

But Trumpy Bear is not the only Trump related child's toy.

There's Baby Trump, which shits all over the floor. Repeatedly. And then blames somebody else. That's all it does. But, in the interest of accuracy, isn't that enough?

Then there's a scale model of Trump Tower, complete with scab Polish laborers, Mob concrete, lots of cheap, gold colored crap, and more fire code violations than you can count. Bankrupt casino sold separately.

Don't forget Lil Trump. Despite being life size, with almost realistic paste on hair, tiny little hands, and a shiny red tie you could trip over, this doll is a moral and ethical pygmy. Couple that with a complete lack of empathy and you have just the thing for the lil sociopath in your life.

For the child with a hint of larceny, there's the easy bake Trump Tax Return. Talk about cooking the books! Help your child learn numbers, while he also learns how to cheat the government. Fun for the whole family.

And what Christmas would be complete without TalkingTrumpy? Just pull the cord and he starts to lie. About anything. About everything. And he never, ever, stops...

Yet Another Fable, Part 1

And so the Master Negotiator, the winner, the sporter of superior genes, the self-proclaimed multi-billionaire, found himself in a pickle.

After so many bankruptcies--none of which were his fault, of course--no major American bank would loan him a penny!

Now, you might think that a truly master negotiator would be able to work something out with Chase, or B of A, or Wells Fargo, or Citi, or somebody...

But the banks had all been burned by one or more of his bankruptcies, and so they told the Master Negotiator, the winner, the self-proclaimed multi-billionaire, "NO!"

Of course, he could've used some of his own multi-billions, couldn't he?

Hmmmm? Couldn't he? Does Warren Buffet have to borrow money? Does Bill Gates?

But the first rule of grifters everywhere is "never use your own money". (That is, if you have any money of your own.)

And so the Master Negotiator turned elsewhere...

Lo and behold, some nice Russian "businessmen" (hahaha) had some money, lots of money, and they were more than happy to help the Master Negotiator out!

Naturally, there were "terms" attached to these loans. When you borrow money there are always terms. And, depending on the lender, the larger the amount borrowed, the more onerous the terms may be.

But the Master Negotiator had never had to suffer the consequences of any of his many failures, and so, why not take the Russians' money?

Why not indeed?