Sorry, But That's Against My Religion

Let's put aside for a second that SB 1062, the "religious freedom" amendment just passed by the Republican controlled Arizona State legislature is almost certainly unconstitutional. (Sadly, you always have to say "almost" with the current makeup of the US Supreme Court.)

And that it codifies the idea that Christians are nothing but bigoted, racist, homophobic cranks, incapable of any kind of empathy for their fellow human beings, so insecure in their religion that they feel threatened by everything that doesn't exactly mirror their own beliefs.

And that we must now rely on a Republican hack, Governor Jan "Chuck, Tell Me What To Do" Brewer to veto it.

Instead, let's look at it from a practical standpoint:

When all the bigoted, racist, homophobic, real "Christians" in North America retire they'll want a nice, warm place to go.

A place where they'll be able to express their true feelings.

A place where they'll be safe from any prolonged contact with "The Other."

All the esteemed Republican members of the Arizona State legislature are trying to do is guarantee that Arizona is that place.

Cynics might call it their economic growth plan.

Their only economic growth plan.

The Only Punchline You'll Ever Need

Many years ago, when the world was young, the Mission Man and I were in an improv comedy troupe. It was fun for awhile. People laughed and laughed. We had hopes of it flourishing. And probably dreams of fortune and fame, too...

Then one night, in Chandler as I recall, it was so not fun that we never did it again. Ever.

Anyway, the point is, as Edmund Kean remarked on his deathbed, "dying is easy--comedy is hard."

This is as true today as it was then. Perhaps even more so.

But, if you have a surefire punchline, it gets easier.

So, as a public service, I give you the only punchline you'll ever need:

"So then I shot him."

Works with every set up:

Guy was texting in a movie theatre--

Guy looked threatening--

Guy knocked on my door late one night--

Guy cut me off in traffic--

Guy was talking too loud--

Guy hopped my fence--

Guy was running away from me--

Guy was sure the gun was empty--

And even though we live in a "post racial" society, there's always the old reliable, Guy was black--

Feel free to substitute "girl" or "child" for "guy" as the situation warrants.

Oh, Okay Then

So let me see if I've got this straight:

The GOP doesn't like a certain law. Remember now, they are the "law and order" party. And this happens to be a law passed by both houses of Congress, signed by the President, and upheld by the Supreme Court.

Hell, we even had a national election that was in large part a referendum on this law.

But forget about all that. Because if the "law and order" party doesn't like a law, I mean really doesn't like a law, they are willing to shut down the government to show their displeasure.

Gosh, if only there were a way, in a representative democracy, to change laws...(Maybe even make them better? What a radical idea! Too bad those Founding Father guys weren't smart enough to put something like that in the Constitution.)

Of course, that would involve governing and compromise, and we all know how the GOP feels about government. To a true blue Tea Party Republican compromise means "give me everything I want--or else."

So, there really is no option other than having what amounts to an infantile temper tantrum.

I guess this is just another example of that famous American exceptionalism.

The Gun-damentalists

In the beginning was the Gun. 

And they saw that it was good.

They tell me that the Chinese invented gunpowder. But the stupid bastards only used it for fireworks!

Now, I like fireworks as much as the next guy. Hell, everybody likes fireworks--they're fun!

But not nearly as much fun as shooting someone.

And that just proves the superiority of the European mind. 'Cause once they got gunpowder from the Chinese, fireworks were the last thing on their minds.

No, the goal was to kill stuff. Primarily other Europeans. At least at first.

But then quickly followed by Africans, and Indians--both feather and dot, and Arabs, and Persians, and Polynesians, and Aborigines, and Asians, including a few Chinese. Ironic, ain't it?

That's what we call progress: Getting more efficient at killing each other.

Sometimes this leads to a little thing called genocide, but hey, like the man said "stuff happens."

Now here in the good ole U.S. of A, we got us some folks who believe that the Constitution consists entirely of the Second Amendment. And not even all of the Second Amendment. No, just the part that says, "the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed." The part that comes before that, the part that says "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State" might as well have never been written.

Because "well regulated" obviously means laws, and laws about guns are anti-American. Also, in this context, "militia" means what today we call the National Guard.

Fortunately, Wayne "A Gun Is A Tool, And So Am I" LaPierre and the NRA are here to defend our right "to bear arms."

So it doesn't matter how many schools, or shopping malls, or movie theatres get shot up. Doesn't matter what a bullet fired from 30 shot clip in a high velocity rifle does to a 6 year old's body. Or anybody's body. Doesn't matter if the majority of the American people have had enough of the slaughter.

'Cause Wayne and his gun manufacturing buddies have bought off enough Congressmen to stop all this gun control nonsense.

What about the "will of the people"?  Don't be naive.

No, Goddammit, we don't want no gubmint regulatin' us.  We will regulate ourselves, thank you very much! And if we want our own assault rifles and unlimited ammunition, then Goddammit we will have them!

And if you're worried about your safety, then Goddammit, buy your own assault rifle!

Amen.

Bang Bang!! Bang Bang!!

I know it's pointless to talk about gun control in Arizona, but well, much of life is ultimately pointless, and so, why not?

I've spent the past few weeks wondering how severely my personal freedom would be harmed by keeping all guns out of the hands of the mentally unstable, and 30 shot clips out of the hands of everyone. And despite the usual dire warnings from the NRA and their bought and paid for minions (political and media) about the threat to my Constitutional rights, I just don't feel too threatened by the prospect. But then, I've read all of the Second Amendment and not just the part that seemingly supports unlimited access to everything the gun manufacturers can conjure, including "cop killer" bullets, rifles that are capable of shooting an airliner out of the sky, and anything else that goes bang bang.

For the record, the Second Amendment to the Constitution reads in full "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." "Well regulated"? Another word for regulation is "law." Laws are usually enacted and enforced by governments. Therefore, "well regulated" certainly seems to imply some sort of government control. So, even the 'let's go back to the original intent strict constructionists' amongst you must admit that 'gun control' is as much a part of the Constitution as 'the right to bear arms.' To further reinforce this notion, Section 8 of Article 1 of the Constitution explains how the Congress can call forth this Militia after first organizing, arming, and disciplining them. And reserves for the states the appointment of officers and the authority of training this Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress. (By the way, every Supreme Court decision regarding the Second Amendment since United States v. Miller-1939, has upheld the government's right to control certain kinds of weapons. And that includes the current Scalia/Thomas court.)

Now I realize this is the Wild West and we only have to obey those laws and/or parts of the Constitution that we agree with. Because Russell Pearce, that noted Constitutional authority, and Grand Imperial Wizard of Mesa, says so. Can I get a rousing "Amen!" from the hillbilly chorus? You bet I can.

However it should be pointed out that, since popular culture plays such a big part in many people's understanding of American history, in the Wild West that Hollywood taught us to love, the first thing the new sheriff did (after the old sheriff had been gunned down by some citizen enjoying his Second Amendment rights) was to confiscate all the guns of anyone wishing to enjoy whatever civilized delights the town offered. Remember? Leave your guns with the sheriff while you're boozing or whoring or whatever, and then you can pick them up on your way out of town. In other words, the Wild West stopped at the city limits. Out on the open range you can do what you want, but civilization, by definition, must enforce certain rules. I think that's still a reasonable request.