Priorities

You might think that if you lived somewhere where the mill or factory had closed, your first priority would be some sort of retraining program so you could find a new job, perhaps in a newer technology that isn't going to disappear next week, or next year.

Wrong. Your first priority is to make sure that no woman can have an abortion.

You might think that if you had no healthcare, your first priority would be to support any plan that made healthcare more available and more affordable, so you wouldn't put off treatment until it was too late, or go bankrupt over hospital bills.

Wrong again. Your first priority is to make sure that no one from Latin America makes it into the United States--with or without papers.

And you might think that maybe, just maybe, we have way too many guns in the hands of unstable people, and keeping everyone, stable or not, away from military style firearms and unlimited ammo is a sane idea.

Silly you. How can you be so wrong?!

Finally,  you might think that if you lived anywhere affected by climate change, which in essence means if you live anywhere on earth, your first priority would be to insist on any and all efforts to save our sorry asses from the worst effects.

Also wrong. Your first priority is to support any and all Israeli efforts to punish the Palestinians and make the Middle East even more unstable. Because Jesus is coming back for the End Times and the Rapture, and who really cares about the environment? Greta Thunberg? That LOSER? Fuck her! We're going to party with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost!

Norway

Norway is a Scandinavian country in Northern Europe. It's just chock full of white--very white--people. Translucent, almost.

When Hitler got all hot and bothered for the Aryan race, it was blue-eyed, blonde Scandinavians he was thinking of. The Ur white.

Oh, I'm sure there are a handful of non-white folks there, too. The Norwegians, unlike Donald J. Trump and his brain dead supporters, are tolerant people. But the only reason Trump, the racist piece of shit currently residing in the White House, likes Norway is because of the large majority of white people there.

I doubt very much that Il Trumpo could find Norway on a map. In fact, I'd bet money that he couldn't. But he does know about all those white people.

And he really likes white people. He wants them, and only them, to move here.

Non white people, not so much...

I suppose we could blame his racist piece of shit father for this, but that's a cheap cop out. Donald J. Trump is 70 years old. He should know the difference between right and wrong by now, whatever Dear Old Dad taught him.

Oh, one more thing. Why on earth would anyone from Norway, by all accounts a civilized society, with healthcare and education for all, and no Second Amendment rights' addicts waving their great big guns in everyone's face, want to emigrate to the good ol' USA? Visit? Sure. See a few shows, do a little shopping, maybe take the kids to Disneyland and the Grand Canyon. And then get out of this "armed madhouse", before someone shoots them. Live here? Not if they're sane.

I don't know what kind of hut you live in. Maybe, in the words of our Orange Turd, it's a "shithole."
Not enough gold leaf for his taste, probably...But America is made up of all colors, all religions, all languages, all cultures, all economic classes. If we ever lose that, we lose what makes us "exceptional."

Better to lose Trump, and all his enablers, as soon as possible.

Q & A With The President Elect

What are you going to do about immigration?

Build a wall.

How are you going to pay for it?

Make Mexico.

How?

Make America Great Again.

What about all the undocumented workers?

Round 'em up and ship 'em back.

How?

Make America Great Again.

What about taxes?

Cut them.

How does that lower the deficit?

Make America Great Again.

What about wage stagnation and income inequality?

Make America Great Again.

What about the Middle East?

Destroy ISIS.

How?

Secret plan.

Oh?

Make America Great Again.

What about the infrastructure?

Rebuild it. We're a third world country now. Sad.

How are you going to pay for it?

Make America Great Again.

What about China?

Get tough with them.

How?

Make America Great Again.

What about Russia?

Putin is my kind of guy. Strong. Not weak. Strong.

What if he invades the Ukraine and the Baltic countries?

Make America Great Again.

The Jobs President

Let's say Der Trump makes good on his campaign promise to deport millions of "illegal aliens" immediately.

Who is going to do all the things they do for us?

Those angry Rust Belt folks?

Uh huh. Sure they are. For minimum wage--or less?

Pick fruit and vegetables and clean house and bus tables and do all sorts of hard manual labor?

I'd like to see a bunch of paunchy, pasty, Midwesterners picking lettuce, or digging ditches, or pruning trees, or...

In fact, it would make a great reality TV show.

No benefits. No healthcare. No leverage through a union.

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Just doing their part to Make America Great Again!

Oh, and by the way, that Carrier deal that Der Trump is so proud of is essentially a bribe with tax payer money. Gee, what a great negotiator he is!

Straight From The Horse's Ass

Things we know about Donald J. Trump, either because he or one of his mouthpieces told us:

He is the healthiest person ever to run for the Presidency. Forget the puffy face and the rolls of fat. Forget the orange complexion and the "hair". Forget the ill fitting, overly large suits and the body mass index reminiscent of the Pillsbury Doughboy. Forget the fondness for fast food. Donald J. Trump is the healthiest person ever to run for the Presidency and he has a note from his gastroenterologist to prove it. Why does someone that healthy need a gastroenterologist? Fuck you.

Let's take it one step further. Donald J. Trump is the healthiest human being ever. Jack LaLanne was a pussy compared to The Donald. Tri athletes are limp wristed wankers compared to Donald J. Trump. He will outlive us all. That old joke about cockroaches and Keith Richards being the only things to survive a nuclear holocaust? Well, add Donald J. Trump to that distinguished list. In fact, put him at the top of it! (If you want to add a joke here about a Trump presidency probably causing the nuclear holocaust, feel free.)

He has a great brain. This hasn't been confirmed by any outside source. And it certainly hasn't been confirmed by any of his actions or statements. So I guess we'll just have to take his word for it. But hey, this is America and we don't really trust bright people anyway, so...Donald J. Trump has a great brain. In fact, it is a yooge, great brain. The best.

Donald J. Trump is very classy.  Look at the gilded gold chairs he sits in when he deigns to talk to the masses! What says class more than gilded gold chairs? Nothing, you classless bastards. It's wasted on you.

He will build a yooge, great, wonderful wall along our southern border to keep the rampaging bands of Mexicans out of our once great but now sad country. He will make the raping, drug dealing Mexicans pay for it! If they refuse to pay, then Donald J. Trump as Commander in Chief of our armed forces will force them to pay. Same thing with those scofflaw NATO countries that aren't pulling their weight. And Japan, too! Donald J. Trump has asked the highly intelligent question "why can't we use our nuclear weapons?" As President, unlike that weakling Obama or Crooked Hillary, Donald J. Trump will answer that question with a resounding "BOOM!"

Donald J. Trump will make America Great Again. Now, don't get carried away--we won't all have gilded gold chairs. Donald J. Trump had to work very hard with his yooge great brain to get those chairs.

First he had to inherit millions of dollars from his racist father. Then he had to consort with his racist father's Mafia buddies to do some of those "deals" of which he is so proud. Then he had to bring in non-union Polish immigrant construction workers to build his fabulous tower. Then he had to go bankrupt a few times to keep his hard earned money out of the hands of those greedy subcontractors who obviously did substandard work on the wonderful, classy, yooge Donald J. Trump projects that they-and they alone--fucked up. None of this was Donald J. Trump's fault. Then he had to buddy up with some Russian, uh, businessmen. You know, the ones with maybe a few prison tattoos. Then he had to outsource his classy clothing line to China because, well, it's a hell of a lot cheaper and that means more money for Donald J. Trump. He did all of this. What did you do? Well, whatever it was, it pales in comparison.

How will that kind of behavior make America Great Again? Don't get bogged down in the details. Donald J. Trump will make America Great Again simply by being Donald J. Trump.

Say Anything

You gotta hand it to Das Trumpo.

He can really read a room.

He looks out at his typical crowd of sad, broken, delusional, angry, mouth breathers.

These are trusting people who have voted for Republicans for years and never gotten a goddamn thing from the Party of Lincoln--except lies regarding how the black and brown people are stealing from them. Oh, and the occasional war to thin out the herd. All the while, the rich get richer...

And Trump tells them what they want to hear.

How it's not their fault! How they're going to be winners! The biggest, yoogest winners ever! He's gonna build them a wall! He's gonna round up those murdering, raping Mexicans! And then things will be all right again! The good jobs will come back! They'll have all the money! They'll be in charge!

ISIS? He knows how to deal with them! Climate change? All a liberal plot! China? Make a better deal! Abortion? Punish the women! No! Punish the doctors! No! Punish somebody! Yay!

Like any carny barker worth his salt, Trump knows that all you really have to say is,

"Step right up! Everybody's a winner!"

Make Up Your Own Punchline

So Ted "I'm As American As Anyone Born In Canada" Cruz is doing an armed minstrel show with one of those crackers from Duck "Sweet Jesus What A Bunch Of Worthless Fucks We Are" Dynasty...

And the one asshole turns to the other asshole and says:

Scared Stupid

It must be really hard to be a Republican these days.

You have to be scared all of the time.

Scared of black people!

Scared of brown people!

Scared of gay people!

Scared of women's reproductive systems!

Scared that the Army is going to attack Texas!

Scared that the terrorists are just outside the door, waiting to cut off your head!

Scared that our Muslim Kenyan Socialist President, who, by the way, won two national elections against the best your party could offer--and rather easily at that--is coming for your sacred guns!

And now, to top it off, you have to be scared of Syrian orphans!

Wow, all of that fear must be exhausting.

Republican Debate Recap

To be honest with you--and hey, why not?--I didn't watch any of it.

Nope. Couldn't do it.

Life is way too short to waste even a moment of it on that kind of nonsense.

But from what I've heard and read from the various post mortems, Jeb! is dead and Rubio is rising!

To which I respond, who gives a shit?

They are, essentially, the same guy, with the same lame "ideas". The only difference is, one of them can take a punch and the other can't. Neither will be President.

No, the most important thing that came out of this particular debate is that the moderators apparently asked "unfair" questions!!!!

All the esteemed candidates whined about it, so it must be true.

Even Reince Priebus said so, and if you can't trust a guy with a name from a Pixar movie, who can you trust?

How rude of those CNBC bastards! Don't they know that these are essentially infomercials for a product?

And infomercials never delve too deeply.

It is enough that they say they will build a border wall and get Mexico to pay for it, deport 11 million people, replace Obamacare with something better, make the tax system fair for all, reduce the size of the government, save Social Security and Medicare, restore order to the Middle East by starting another war, make Putin respect, nay fear, the United States, put a chicken or two in every pot and an assault rifle in every closet, create jobs, keep the darkies in line, and return us to the Utopia America that was stolen by the evil socialist liberals, all this while cutting taxes for the wealthy.

Only a miserable cur would dare to ask "how will you do these things?"

That sort of "gotcha" question is simply not fair. Where are their manners? For one thing, it is the height of elitism to confront a fool with his foolishness. For another, it interrupts the flow of the pointless soundbites.

Besides, we all know that reality has a noted liberal bias. So away with it.

No, arrogant East Coast media smarty pants, you'll just have to trust the candidates.

And have a little faith that they do indeed have wonderful, in some cases even yoooge and sparkly, solutions to all of our problems!

After all, why would they lie to us?

Remember When...

Remember when the Mexicans shipped all of those American manufacturing jobs to Asia?

And the poor billionaires who owned the companies were powerless against them?

Wasn't that something?

And remember, well before that, when those wily Mexicans sneaked up here, uninvited, and stole all those high paying fruit and vegetable picking, and lawn mowing jobs from good, honest Americans? Right under the noses of the farmers and growers who tried to stop them--but just couldn't?

Remember when the gays started their all out attack on the Middle Class back in the 80's?

Busting unions and driving down wages?

And that legendary conservative icon, Saint Ronald Reagan, attempted to prevent it, but was undermined by Hollywood and the Mainstream Media?

Remember when all those raging socialist bankers helped minority homeowners crash the entire world's economy?

Goddam Marxists!

Remember when the godless liberals started forcing women to have abortions? At gunpoint?

Grabbing them off the streets, and shoving them into the bloody hands of those butchers at Planned Parenthood?

Remember when the Clintons let the Iraqi's crash those planes into the World Trade Center?

If only George W. Bush and Dick Cheney had been in charge!

And finally, remember way back, centuries ago in fact, when all those "illegal immigrants" from Africa stormed our shores, and the good Christian people of the South took them in and gave them housing and jobs?

Boy, they never had it so good! And look at the way they thank us! Ingrates.
 
It's hard to keep track of all that stuff.

Thank God Fox News keeps me informed.

Other Donald Trump Pledges

By now you've probably heard that Donald J. Trump, alleged billionaire, multiple bankruptee, failed casino owner, angry white male, and still leading the Republican Presidential Nominee goat fuck, has pledged his fealty to whoever or whatever ultimately comes out ahead in the goat fucking.

Real team player, that Don.

But what you don't know about are some of the other pledges Trump has made:

Use only Mob approved concrete on his Keep The Mexicans Out Wall.

Get to the bottom of what the hell is going on with his "hair".

Create a low paying job for every non-union Polish temporary visa construction worker he can find.

Continue to spout ridiculous, inaccurate things about immigrants, minorities, women, President Obama, and random strangers--just because he can.

If elected, will restore America's pride and position in the world by showing all those other sad, little, unimportant countries that even with a rich, ego maniacal, blowhard, idiot in charge, we're still better than them.

Ditch wife number 3 if she starts to wrinkle or sag anywhere.

Be yooge, wonderful, super, and the best 24-7 365!

Deport his barber.

A Modest Proposal

It cannot be repeated often enough:

Crazy people don't know they're crazy.

They're sure that everything they do and everything they believe is true and perfectly acceptable. In fact, it's the norm.

You really can't blame them for this.

They're crazy, after all.

It's up to some sane "voice of authority" to point out their madness.

Of course, if the only "voice of authority" they listen to agrees with them...

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Modern Republican Party!

And their enablers at Fox News.

So of course the president is an anti-American Kenyan socialist who hates white people! Women aren't smart enough to control their own bodies! Allowing gays to marry will make you gay, too! Or at the very least undermine your marriage! Poor people deserve their poverty! Money is speech and corporations are people! It's the Mexicans' fault! It's the unions' fault! It's the teachers' fault! Lower taxes on the rich help everyone! A livable minimum wage will destroy our economy! Police are always right to shoot black people!

I could go on, but...well...at this point, that would be crazy.

And, since there "ain't no cure for crazy", here's what we should do:

Take one of our more disposable states. Kansas for instance. Centrally located. Has had a crazy ass governor and legislature for years. Nothing worthwhile or irreplaceable in the entire state. So we put a big fence around it. Trump can build it, using Mob concrete, and all the non-union labor he can find. And then we put him and all the crazies in there. Let 'em roam free. Huckabee, Coulter, Hannity, Palin, Carson, Limbaugh, Gohmert, King, Walker, Drudge, Santorum, Cheney, Jindal, all of 'em. The Bush family can either join them--or move to Saudi Arabia.

I'm sure some of you are thinking, "gee Mr. Franklin, that's a bit extreme, isn't it?"

I prefer to call it "tough love".

And I think you'll agree, it's the only sane choice.

Lots of fresh air, corn based diet, all interior surfaces painted a soothing green, crafts.

No guns though.

Sane people are nothing if not compassionate.

Oh, and no healthcare, either. It's a privilege, not a right, and sorry, but they haven't earned it.

Worst. Speaker. Ever.

This post started out to be Worst. Super Bowl. Ever.

But I got sidetracked. And, besides, the Super Bowl just boiled down to the simple fact that God must not like Peyton Manning.

After all, I heard several Seahawks thanking the big man upstairs for their victory. If they're correct, that means ipso facto, that God doesn't like Peyton Manning.

Or maybe the Almighty is just sick to death of that Papa John's guy. I know I am. And don't get me started on that horse's ass John Elway...

Anyway, "ultimate" games come and go, and after you've swept up all the corn chip detritus, mopped away the spilt beer, and settled up with your bookie, life goes on.

Which brings us to John Boehner. The Worst Speaker Ever.

In the coming years, entire libraries will be written about the inadequacies of our little orange friend.

And all those words will boil down to one thing:

Boehner is a sad, weak, little man. He can't control his party. He is afraid to offend the lobbyists that keep him in office. He is afraid to offend the Tea Party. He is afraid to offend Rush Limbaugh. He is afraid to do anything. The only legislation he can get passed through the House is the monthly repeal Obamacare measure. And we saw how that worked out for him.

So there will be no immigration reform, no re-build our infrastructure jobs' bill, no nothing. Naturally, all of this isn't his fault. No. It is President Obama's fault.

According to Johnny Boy, the President can't be trusted to enforce our laws. So why even try to come up with any new ones? And that's that.

Tonight, instead of doing anything positive for the country, weepy John Boehner sits somewhere with his bourbon, and his bronzer, and his big, flaccid gavel, and whines about that man in the White House.

Democracy In The 21st Century

We've got a lot of nerve, trying to export "democracy" abroad when we no longer practice it at home.

"Chutzpah", I think our Jewish friends would call it.

For instance, in the US Senate, a simple majority is no longer considered a majority. No, now you need a "super" majority. Why? Just because the Republicans want it that way...or else they'll filibuster everything. Why? Because they still can. (We can thank, dear, trusting, simple minded Harry Reid for that one.)

OK,  what about gun control? Having approximately 90% of the populace supporting some kind of new regulations should be enough, right? Au contraire, mon frere! The NRA doesn't want any changes and what the NRA wants the NRA gets. Wayne "A Gun Is A Tool And So Am I" LaPierre and his bags full of cash make sure of that.

Depending on how the questions are phrased, the majority of the American people also support abortion rights, gay marriage, green energy, sensible immigration reform, high speed rail, rebuilding the infrastructure, higher taxes for the rich, closing corporate tax loopholes, health care reform, cutting the defense budget, and a long list of other "progressive" actions.

So what's the problem? Guess.

That we are still arguing, and, as a result, stalemated over these issues is indicative of one thing:

Money trumps democracy almost every time. And the Supreme Court's decision in the Citizens United case has only made the situation exponentially worse.

Forget all that one man one vote, land of the free, "We the People" nonsense.

Money trumps democracy almost every time.

That is the one thing we really should teach the kids in school. That and Mandarin.

Jan Brewer Accidentally Tells The Truth

The New York Times, which should still be washing the blood off its hands for the part it played in ginning up the war with Iraq, recently wasted a page of its Sunday magazine with a Q&A with Jan "Chuck, Tell Me What To Do" Brewer, figurehead governor of Arizona.

The desiccated hag, who is the head cheerleader for the private prison industry (because Chuck told her what to do), wandered off from her handlers long enough to answer a few questions. Her answers were about what you'd expect from a pea brain, reactionary, political hack.

In short, and I'm paraphrasing, "guns good--more guns better", "Joe Arpaio good--Mexicans bad",  "Obama petty with thin skin--me nice white lady" and so on, and so forth.

But in the midst of her predictable, semi-literate drivel she was quoted as saying the following:

"These madmen are going to find some way, somehow to create whatever it is they want to create."

Now, of course, like any good whack-job Republican, she was giving the party's rote answer about the futility of regulating guns.

But it seems to me she has come up with the perfect campaign slogan for Romney-Ryan, indeed for every Republican candidate everywhere.

If you love insane, then you should worship Arizona

Everytime I think a state like South Carolina takes the lead for craziest state in the U.S., another state like Texas steps up when its governor suggests secession. Just about the time I think it can't get any crazier than that, North Carolina and Viginia enter the mix by advocating for their own currency. Seriously. WTF? I think we've reached the absolute apogee of craziness, right? Nope.

You see, I haven't yet mentioned my own state, Arizona, The Copper State, a perennial contender for either stupidest or craziest state in the nation. Do you need laws to make guns OK on college campuses for students? In Arizona, no problem. How about after the Tucson massacre we decide we need to name an official state gun? You got it, we're there. Should we make it legal to carry (and even encourage) people to carry guns not only in the Capitol building, but in the Legislature itself? Believe it or not, my state senator, the insane libertarian Ron Gould thinks this is a good idea. Birther bills? They haven't yet been enacted, but they will be if our legislature, led by the immortal, touched-by-God (at least the Mormon God) Russell Pearce has his way. Anti-constitutional bills to give Arizona the right to change U.S. immigration laws? At least our reps voted down a few of them, although the worst is still on the books until the time that some sane judge rules that the bill is unconstitutional.

Now that I've mentioned the name "Russell Pearce" and the word "sane" in the last two sentences, it's time to note that Russell may actually be the sanest among his siblings. His brother, Lester Pearce, is actually a sitting JUDGE here. I kid you not. So let's see just how sane Brother Lester really is.

"I wrote a bill when I was in the legislature to give [the Gadsden Purchase] back to Mexico, because we had people in Tucson who were socialists." Mexico didn't want them, he says. "The divisions are going to become greater and greater ... It's not between the haves and the have-nots. It's between the haves and the entitled. Have you ever seen an interview with Obama's aunt? She says, 'they owe me.'"

OK, that's a start. How about this?

The one bright spot is Arizona's permissive concealed-weapon law, he explains. When the U.N. troops arrive, "they're going to have trouble."

Just so you'll know, L. Pearce, crazier brother of Russell also believes that the 19th Amendment, giving women the right to vote, violates "states rights."

The lunatics are coming out all over the country. I contend that Arizona has once again taken the lead.