Unbelievable

When you look at the "people" that the Arizona Republican Party has nominated for office in 2022, any rational person would say "Gee, these folks should lose by a landslide."

We're not talking the kind of localized goons like Gosar, Schwiekert, Lesko and Biggs, either. There are House districts in my poor, benighted state, that consistently send this kind of, uh, "person" to Congress. 

Doesn't matter how awful they are, their brain dead constituencies "think" (and, of course, I use that word very loosely) that they are doing a bang up job "owning the Libs" and protecting us all from the brown people and, naturally, "socialism." The fact that they have never achieved anything positive for the state doesn't enter the conversation. They have that "R" next to their names, and by God that's enough for all of those schmucks that consistently return them to office.

No, we're talking about state wide offices. Governor, Senator, AG, and Secretary of State.

We're talking Lake, Masters, Hamadeh, and Finchem.

We're talking a former Fox News talking head without a shred of humanity or dignity, but with the requisite extra dose of hypocrisy. She knows absolutely nothing about governing, and is more than willing to share her ignorance. And all the soft filters in the world can't conceal her utter emptiness.

We're talking Peter Thiel's lapdog. A "libertarian" asshole, who doesn't have a clue about how anything works, but is certain he can "fix" it, and who thinks he's found a state with just enough stupid people to get elected.*

We're talking another "law and order" dipshit who is loudly on the 'it's George Soros who's behind it all" bandwagon. Here's a quote from the law and order boy: "the corrupt media, deep state, the establishment, and even the COURTS worked to rob President Trump and the American people in November 2020." Oh yeah, in addition to the Soros bullshit, he's also dabbled in more overt antisemitism. Which makes him an almost prefect Republican, I guess.

We're talking someone who's gone beyond "all hat, no cattle" to "all hat, no brain". He wandered the fringes of the Jan 6th insurrectionist treason, too timid to take part, but wanting to be there--just in case things worked out for the traitors. He's proudly an Oath Keeper--you know, the clowns that wanted to hang John McCain. And, naturally, an anti-vaxxer. Quite the resume.

They've all begged for the Orange Pig God's approval.  They've all lied about the 2020 election to curry the Orange Oinker's favor. They've all proudly sported "Trump endorsed" on their signs.

Again, and it can't be said often enough: If, at this point, you continue to support Donald J. Trump in any way, then you're a TRAITOR, too.

And this also applies to you if you vote for people who happily grovel before Trump.

*(to be fair, this applies to all Republican candidates)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where Do They Find These "People"?

As I survey the Republican candidates for office in Arizona, I have just one question:

Where do they find these people?

I've never seen such a collection of...God knows what.

It's like if you combined a carnival freak show, with a mental hospital, with a Nazi rally, with the Island of Doctor Moreau.

It's not enough to be just an inveterate liar any more. 

This was, after all, the basis of the Republican Party for many, many, years.

But today you've got to add in fascism, racism, homophobia, misogyny, and good old fashioned treason, to be taken seriously.

And most importantly, you have to crawl on your hands and knees and beg a Traitor-Sexual Predator-Con Man-Pathological Liar-Tax Cheat-Crook-Multiple Bankrupt-Adulterer-Fraud for his approval.

Yeah, without Donald Trump's blessing a Republican candidate doesn't have a chance in Arizona.

So take what little self respect you have left, put it somewhere, and start groveling before a traitor.

That's what Kari "I'm Completely Unqualified To Hold Any Elected Office" Lake, Blake "I'm Peter Thiel's Lapdog" Masters and Mark "I Will Lie About Anything" Finchem did.

Not an ounce of dignity or humanity in any of them. All of them Stop the Steal true believers.

Again I ask, where do they find these "people"?

If any of these assholes gets elected, this state will go backward even faster than it already is.

Which would make all the MAGAts happy. 

Next stop 1850!

Kari Lake Needs Help!

I don't know Kari Lake.

I don't think I know anyone who knows Kari Lake.

Blessedly, we don't travel in the same social circles.

But if anyone reading this knows her, or knows someone who knows her, I'm begging you to organize an intervention.

She needs help. Poor little thing thinks that being a news reader--not even a real journalist, just a news reader--on a Fox propaganda station, in a minor media market, somehow qualifies her to be Governor of Arizona.

Of course, this is not unusual in Arizona Republicans. Our current Governor's sole qualification for office was being an ice cream salesman, after all. So, as they say, the bar is set very, very, low.

I'm not questioning Kari's Republican bona fides, either. She's got them down pat. The groveling and genuflecting to Trump, the haranguing about THE WALL, the fear mongering about hordes of immigrants, the lying about President Biden, the questioning of the legitimacy of the 2020 election. All of the standard Republican reactionary bullshit rolls off her lips so easily. It's really something to behold.

No, what causes me to ask for an intervention for dear Kari is that she promised recently, if elected, to hang a painting of Der Trump, dressed up as some sort of Revolutionary War soldier, in the Governor's office.

And that is a bridge too far. Cadet Bone Spurs as a soldier?! Puhleeeze.

(I suppose, somewhere in the deep dark depths of the internet, you could find a portrait of Hitler as a rabbi...you see what I'm getting at here?)

Anyway, if you truly care about Kari Lake's mental health, such as it is, get her some help, and quickly.

See, Arizona being what it is, if the Republicans can suppress enough Democratic votes, a former Fox News' reader with limited intellect, spewing venomous nonsense, might just be our next governor. 

(By the way, none of the other Republicans running for Governor are appreciably better. Maybe a little less strident, a little more polished--but they are all still pushing the same sad bullshit.)

Looks Like Blake Masters And Jim Lamon Are Traitors, Too

The calculus on this isn't too complicated.

Both of them have their heads so far up Trumpie's ass that they can count the polyps.

That makes them traitors.

This isn't complicated.

You support a traitor, you're a traitor, too.

No ifs, ands, or buts. 

If that weren't bad enough, and for the Republican Party it obviously isn't, their policies make them demi-fascist assholes. 

And yet one of these two might be the Arizona Republican Party's candidate for the United States Senate.

Whichever gets the nod, they will no doubt get 100% of the ass hat clown vote, and, if our Republican controlled legislature continues fucking with our right to vote, that may be a majority.

Welcome To West Mississippi

People think Arizona is a western state.

And geographically it is.

But in its soul, Arizona is in the deep, deep South.

Whatever small spots of hipness, coolness, or progressiveness it may contain are constantly buried under an avalanche of Trumpist MAGA cunts.

It is essentially West Mississippi, and we kid ourselves to believe otherwise.

The Legislature is controlled by brain dead troglodytes, who do everything they can to kill public education for all by pumping millions of dollars into charter schools for the few. Their phony 2020 election "audit" and subsequent deluge of legislation designed to keep anyone but their festering base from voting should tell you everything you need to know about how they feel about democracy. As far as social issues, well, might as well put sheets on them and light a cross on fire.

The Governor, Mr. Cup or Waffle Cone?, is a corporate whore, in bed with ALEC and whatever right wing billionaires willing to contribute to his campaigns. (He thinks he can run for President someday.  And given the current degenerate state of the Republican Party, he probably can.)

The main newspaper in the main city exists primarily to sell advertising, first, last, and always. Whenever their in-house "liberals" (and in any truly progressive state they would be considered "moderates") write anything remotely critical of the state's power structure, the resultant angry letters to the editor serve to highlight the low IQ's of the general populace.

The state has been in a drought for more than a decade, but that hasn't stopped countless new exurban subdivisions from being built, all with promises of 100 years of water. Because, you know, "free enterprise" always trumps common sense.

For years the state's mantra has been "we don't want to be another California!" No danger of that--except for the traffic. After all, California has countless world class Colleges and Universities. And major industries, including aerospace, defense, Silicon Valley, agriculture, shipping, entertainment--rather than relying on back office call centers, service industry jobs, and cheap houses, built further and further from the city core.

Another California? No, we're giving Mississippi, Alabama, and all the rest of good 'ol Dixie a run for their money!

 

 

Arizonan Of The Year

And here I thought Texas's Louie Gohmert was hands down the biggest ass hat, ignorant, peckerwood, dipshit, ever elected anywhere.

Au contraire.

As reported in the Phoenix New Times, Arizona Republican State House Rep. David Stringer was recently captured on audio calling non-native English speaking students a “burden,” saying black people “don’t blend in” and lamenting a supposed “white flight” in more diverse areas of the country.

After a lecture (!?!) at Arizona State University, Stringer told a student that “diversity in our country is relatively new." When challenged on this by the student, who mentioned the Italians and Irish,  Stringer replied “They were all European...So after their second or third generation, everybody looks the same. Everybody talks the same. That’s not the case with African-Americans and other racial groups because they don’t melt in. They don’t blend in. They always look different.”

When asked whether that should matter, Stringer hemmed and hawed, saying “maybe it doesn’t” but that “it seems to matter to a lot of people.”

Uh huh. It matters to a lot of bigoted, ass hat, peckerwood, dipshits.

You know, like David Stringer and the people who support him.

Your move, Gohmert. Your title is being challenged. Time to step up the stupid.

One Thing You Can't Hide Is When You're Crippled Inside

Look, I've never cared for John McCain.

I grew tired of the "I was a P.O.W." card very early on in the game.

More importantly, most of his positions are directly opposite of everything I believe.

First as a Congressman and then as a Senator he has done next to nothing for the people of Arizona. You can look it up.

He would have been a bad President. Not as bad as W.  And no one will ever be as bad as that lump of orange fecal matter currently occupying the White House. But still, just the idea of Sarah Palin being a heartbeat away, as they say, should have given anyone with a functioning brain nightmares.

Now, it looks like the "Maverick" is on his way out. Like the song says, "everything dies and that's a fact". When he does, he will be given full military honors, which he certainly deserves. He does not deserve to be mocked by that festering gang of morally crippled, ethical pygmies that takes its marching orders from Donald J. Trump.

And there is a pretty good chance that whatever replaces him will be worse. This is Arizona we're talking about, after all.

However, one thing is beyond dispute. John McCain has never been a traitor.

Donald J. Trump, and anyone associated with the criminal enterprise that he calls his administration, can't honestly say that.

1% Maverick 99% Bullshit

When it comes right down to it, Senator John McCain knows which side his bread is buttered on.

Mrs. McCain is very wealthy. Mrs. McCain and the McCain family will benefit greatly from the disastrous Republican tax plan.

So, OF COURSE the distinguished gentleman from Arizona is going to vote for that abomination that has absolutely nothing to do with "helping" the middle class.

Listen carefully. The tax cuts will benefit the very rich. That is what they are designed to do. They will damage the Affordable Care Act, they will drain money from Medicare and Medicaid, they will hurt the vast majority of Americans, and they will continue weakening the social safety net, something that gives all good Republicans a nice warm feeling in their shriveled private parts.

In addition, the loss of revenue, and increased deficits will immediately lead to loud cries about "doing something about Social Security". And by "something", the good folks of the GOP mean destroying it.

Of course, none of this means anything to Senator John McCain. He got to play the hero last summer with his thumbs down vote on the last assault on the ACA. People who didn't know better applauded McCain as if he'd done something truly noble. He didn't do it because he gives a rat's ass about saving health care for poor and working class people. He did it because he doesn't like Donald Trump.

But this is different. Even though passing this massive giveaway to the richest Americans may help Trump politically in the short run, that's small potatoes compared to the windfall the McCain family will receive.

Again, and it cannot be repeated often enough, Senator John McCain has never done a goddamn thing for the people of Arizona. The main achievement of his long political career has been the care and feeding of the Legend of John "The Maverick" McCain. That's it. That's all.

Oh, one other salient point about "the Maverick": He's been on the government tit his entire life.

What Has Senator John McCain Ever Done For The State Of Arizona?

(nothing)

(nada. zip. zilch.)

So, of course, he will be re-elected.

That's the way we roll out here...

A Letter From A Sad Little Man

So Sheriff Joe Arpaio sends me a letter.

Now, if we're lucky, very soon, due to his own unique approach to law enforcement, Sheriff Joe Arpaio may be enjoying the inside of one of his jails.

But, until then, by God, he's going to fund raise for the next election.

And to fund raise, you've got to scare the more simple minded among us.

Scare them with talk of scary enemies!

According to Joe's letter, his enemies (and of course to his way of thinking the enemies of all) are legion:

Ultra liberals, celebrity lefties like Al Sharpton, George Lopez and Linda Ronstadt (!), law enforcement bashing demagogues, criminal illegal immigrants, and first and foremost, President Obama.

(No word yet on what Sheriff Joe's crack investigators have found out about Obama's birth certificate...stay tuned...these things take time...)

Yes, Joe tells us that "President Obama truly wants these illegal aliens loose in our communities--even hoping to grant them amnesty--so they can become hardened Democrat voters who will rubber-stamp his radical left wing agenda."

But thanks to the support of "patriots like you", Sheriff Joe is fighting the good fight.

And blah blah blah...

So keep sending Joe money, ok? He's the only thing keeping "them" from you!

This scam has worked for many years. America's toughest sheriff keeps getting re-elected by a large monolithic, block of frightened, stupid, old white folks. I'm talking to you, Sun City.

Who knows, he may win this time, too.

However, he may spend at least part of his next term in jail--not that that would deter his many followers.

Every Boy Needs A Mentor

Lil Dougie Ducey needed a mentor.

Sure, he'd made some money selling overpriced ice cream confections.

But he had so much more to offer the public!

He desperately wanted to be heard!

He desperately wanted to be a part of the solution!

He desperately wanted to be Governor of the benighted state of Arizona!

But how?

Fortunately, there were two kind older gentlemen, Dave and Chuckie Koch, who were looking for someone just like Dougie!

He was their kind of guy. Earnest, eager to learn, and not too bright. Let's call it malleable.

So they gave him guidance.

And millions and millions of untraceable dollars.

And lo and behold, Doug "Cup Or Wafflecone?" Ducey became the Governor of Arizona!

Pigs Fly

We've all witnessed this at some time in our lives.

Guy is in a bar, or at work, or some family thing.

Guy is being a boorish, loud, ass-clown.

Just when you think he can't get any worse...he gets worse.

Saying and doing stupid, repulsive, outlandish stuff.

Crazy stuff.

Then...he goes just a little too far...

It gets real quiet. And suddenly, the ass-clown realizes, if only briefly, what he's doing.

And he stops. He may even reverse his course, at least momentarily. Might even apologize. But I wouldn't hold my breath.

Now, he's still an ass-clown at heart. And he always will be.

But, just for an instant, he did or said the right thing.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Arizona State Legislature and their abrupt change of course regarding KidsCare.

Wonder of wonders, they did the right thing!!!!!

And all it took was the loud disgust of, well, practically everyone else in the state.

Not to worry though. They will soon be back to their usual business of fucking over students, the poor, and minorities.

Because while pigs may sometimes fly, they're still pigs.

Same Old Same Old

So the goodly, God fearing Republicans who control the Arizona legislature have labored mightily on the state's budget, and decided the best course of action is to, big surprise here, fuck over the weakest amongst us.

There will be no help from the great state of Arziona for poor, sick children. Just not economically feasible--even though the Feds pay for it. It sends the wrong message. It's a matter of principle, dammit!

Really, the decision wasn't that hard...

See, kids can't vote, after all. And poor people don't contribute to political campaigns. And poor kids...well, you can see where this is going.

So...it was a no brainer.

(Fill in your own joke here about Arizona Republicans and "no brains")

Now, if you ask these goodly, God fearing people, they would happily, and no doubt loudly, proclaim their Christian beliefs.

Which should make you want to VOMIT.

Anyway, don't expect our esteemed governor, Doug "Cup or Wafflecone" Ducey, who is to all appearances a wholly owned subsidiary of the Koch Brothers, to do anything about this.

Because if there's one thing Doug Ducey knows, it's which side his white bread is buttered on.

The State Where I Live...

Thinks it would be a good idea to mine uranium close to the Grand Canyon.

Also thinks it would be a good idea to build condos by the Canyon, because natural wonders are assets and all assets need to be monetized, don't ya know?

Cuts taxes and hopes for the best.

Had its last state wide election decided almost entirely by Dark Money. Lots and lots of it for such a minor state. So dark corporate money decided who would be on the commission that regulates corporations. Beautiful!

Won't do anything to stop the flow of Dark Money. Because, you know, money is speech and speech is protected by the Constitution! Plus, everybody likes money! The more the merrier.

Cuts taxes and hopes for the best.

Vilifies the weakest among us. And yet couldn't function from day to day without them.

Attracts the kind of employers who pay subsistence wages with no benefits.

Cuts taxes and hopes for the best.

Elected an ice cream salesman to be governor (with the help of lots of Dark Money, of course!) Because, you know, free enterprise/run government like a business!

Screws the public schools on a daily basis, year in and year out.  And then blames the teachers for the problem.

Cuts taxes and hopes for the best.

Had to be sued to force the state to adequately fund the public schools.

Is currently exploring ways to steal from itself to pay this debt to the public schools. Rather, of course, than simply raising taxes.

Because, well, you know...

Cuts taxes and hopes for the best!

The Poor Can Never Be Made To Suffer Enough (part 785)

So out here Arizona way, the esteemed Republican members of our Legendary Legislature, including towering statesmen like David Gowan, John Kavanagh, Steve Montenegro, and J.D. Mesnard, have decided to allow those poor suffering bastards known collectively as "the poor" to borrow money at up to 200% interest.

Why? Well, to help them, of course!

No word yet on whether Governor Cup or Waffle Cone will sign or veto this aid to Loan Sharks charitable act.

Gee, I wonder which way he's leaning...

You know, if you really want to "help" the poor you could do any number of things:

Raise the minimum wage, fully fund public education, support labor unions, do away with that "right to work" crap, restore all the cuts to AHCCCS, start prosecuting employers who exploit immigrant labor, quit giving tax cuts to the rich while cutting services to the people who need them most...you know, stuff like that.

Things that might actually help the poor.

But I guess it's just easier to fuck them over when they're desperate for cash, right?

Right!

I mean, that's the Christian thing to do, right?

Right!

If Anybody Knows Inept, It's Senator John McCain

This guy, the guy who's calling John Kerry "the most inept Secretary of State in my lifetime", is the same guy who wanted Sarah Palin to be a heartbeat away from the Presidency of the United States of America.

The same guy whose response to any turmoil in the world is "bomb 'em! Send in the troops! I said bomb 'em, dammit!"

The same guy who has never done anything for the state of Arizona in all his many years in the Congress.

Yeah, that guy.

So, hey, fuck John McCain, R-Halfcocked,  and fuck anybody who takes his senile prattle and sword rattling seriously.

Come on, enough is enough.

Regarding The Continuing Support For Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Look at it this way: I'm sure that in Berlin in the Spring of 1945, April say, you could find some folks who thought the boss was doing a good job, and that things were going to turn around any day now...

After all, this is Arizona. There are plenty of people still proudly sporting Bush-Cheney, McCain-Palin, and Romney-Ryan bumperstickers.

Common sense and reason don't really enter into it much.

Trying Hard To Be The Worst State In The Union

It's an uphill battle.

Mississippi, Alabama and the Carolinas all have a big head start.

Texas and Oklahoma work 24/7 to be truly awful.

Kansas has made a huge leap into the abyss just recently.

Florida is, well, Florida.

But by God, under the direction of Governor Doug "Cup or Waffle Cone" Ducey, and the billionaires who bought him his office, and with the unwavering support of quite possibly the pound for pound stupidest legislature in these United States, Arizona is closing fast!

Don't misunderestimate us!

We have both a massive inferiority complex and a desperate need to be first in something.

We won't guarantee that you have minimal healthcare, or a good education, or a reliable safety net should hard times come--but we will never let anyone infringe on your right to be a gun lovin' asshole.

This is our chance.

This is our time.

Arizona: the "If You're Poor Just Do Us A Favor And Die" State!

Today's Chuckle

The other day, one of the buddies of Governor Doug "Cup or Waffle Cone" Ducey was quoted as saying that Arizona needed to get rid of Common Core and instead institute "Arizona" standards for education.

What makes this so funny is that Arizona has no education standards. We've proved this for many years now. Many of our elected officials are proud of this fact. Indeed, they run on a promise of maintaining it. And since they continue to be elected and re-elected, the typical Arizona voter must agree with them.

We also have no standards for political candidates. We prove this on a daily, if not hourly, basis, too.

Obviously, these two missing standards go hand in hand.

You Know Austerity Doesn't Work, Don't You?

You've got to give it up to Arizona Governor Doug "Cup Or Waffle Cone?" Ducey and all of his ideologue Republican buddies in the free range madhouse we call the Arizona State Legislature. They have a plan and they won't let reality get in their way while they implement it.

No, because, like crazy people everywhere, they have their own reality, and by God, they aren't going to let facts mess with it.

It's like trickle down economics: 30 plus years of trying it, and what do we know? It doesn't work. It has never worked. It will never work. But let's keep doing it, OK?*

And so the state of Arizona is now officially embarking on an austerity program.

Because, uh, I don't know...stupid?

Naturally, this austerity program applies mostly to poor people, sick people, and students. Fuck 'em. Bring back the poorhouse, I say! Just make sure Charter schools and For Profit Prisons are funded. That's what makes a state "great" after all.

The fact that austerity doesn't work has been proved, and recently, too, in Greece and Ireland and several other European countries.

If that's too removed from "The Best Country There Ever Was Or Ever Could Be" (after all, what do foreigners know about anything?) then we need only look at Wisconsin and Kansas, where Genius Brownback and Genius Walker have tried it, to predictably disastrous results.

And do you know why that is?

It's really very simple.

AUSTERITY DOESN'T WORK.

But by all means, proceed Governor...

*To be fair, if you want to make rich people richer, poor people poorer, gut the middle class, destroy unions, outsource every possible job, then trickle down works like a charm!