A Cold Day In Hell

It should by now be obvious to anyone who follows these things that only very, very rich people can afford to own sports teams.

It should be equally obvious to anyone who has followed the story of the Phoenix Coyotes that their latest prospective owner is not very, very rich. And it's that extra "very" that makes all the difference in the world.

Even with a guarantee of $15 million per year from the City of Glendale for "managing" Jobing.com arena, and a year's time to get his investors lined up, Mr. Greg Jamison couldn't get the necessary jack together to satisfy the NHL and become the latest in a long line of folks who thought they could do something despite all the available evidence to the contrary.

My late father-in-law used to say that "if you take a laborer, and beat all the sense out of him, then you have a truck driver." I mention this only because Mr. Jerry Moyes, owner of Swift Trucking, lost by his own estimation $200 million trying to keep the Coyotes afloat. Of course, he had a lot more dough than Jamison (but not nearly so good a deal with Glendale, by the way. Curious that.) But the old saying "throwing good money after bad" applies even to the extremely wealthy.

So, for the time being at least, there's still a hockey team in Glendale, Arizona--many miles away from the majority of its fan base in the East Valley, owned by the league, drawing half filled arenas most nights--that sensible people won't even consider investing in unless the good citizens of Glendale agree to subsidize them.

Glendale got into this pickle thanks to the visionary Mayor, Elaine Scruggs. She is gone now, of course. And, naturally, on her way out the door, crawling from the wreckage as it were, she voiced her disapproval of the city's deal with the Coyotes. Once again, I am reminded of Eisenhower warning about the dangers of the Military Industrial Complex after standing by for 8 years while the Military Industrial Complex took root. But better late than never, I guess.

Anybody know a sucker who's also a billionaire?

What Was That About Worshipping False Idols?

There it was, on the front page of the sports section of The Arizona Republic. An urgent plea for a statue of Jerry Colangelo to grace downtown Phoenix. Oh, they love them some JC at the Republic! And to be fair, compared to the other owner's of professional sports franchises that our sad metropolis has been burdened with, Colangelo would probably be the pick of the litter. But what a feeble litter!

Let's see, first you've got the Bidwill's, pere et fils, who spent years defying the NFL's concerted efforts to raise up the historically bad franchises by any means possible. Parity is the expressed goal of everything the league does. And still the Cardinals always stayed at or near the bottom. That kind of commitment to mediocrity was rewarded by a shiny new tax payer funded stadium, by the way. The new stadium increased the value of the Bidwill's family business to close to a billion dollars. This same stadium will cost well over a billion dollars of public money by the time all the bonds are paid off. But never mind that. We love our football too much to care about such things. Besides, the Cards are semi-respectable these days.

Then there's that trucking magnate who pissed away 2-300 million bucks on the Coyotes. I've never been quite sure how to pronounce his name. Is it "Moyz" or "Moyess"? I suppose "numbnuts" will do in a pinch. Of course, he had the help of the Mayor and City Council of Glendale--except when he really needed it. The Coyotes are now owned by the NHL--and heavily subsidized by the tax payers of  Glendale. Services will be cut, residents will suffer, hell, the city might even go bankrupt, but you'll never take our hockey team! Never, never, never!

After nearly 40 years and no NBA championships, Colangelo himself was forced out of the Suns by Robert Sarver, he of the court-side seats, big foam finger, and crappy personnel decisions. Some people buy sports franchises thinking they are the next Mark Cuban or George Steinbrenner. Most of these people are dead wrong. Robert Sarver meet Daniel Snyder.

That brings us to the Diamondbacks, Colangelo's other noteworthy accomplishment. Yes, they did win the World Series 11 years ago. Yes, JC deserves some of the credit for it. However, he ran the team so deeply into debt with a string of big deferred money contracts (Bernard Gilkey? Really?) that it's taken them the better part of a decade to get their heads above water again. At some point, the partners who had real money invested in the team grew tired of seeing their shares diluted and showed JC to the door. Since he never had much of his own money invested, it wasn't that hard to remove him.

But then Jerry Colangelo has always been very good at spending other people's money. This has worked out very well for Jerry Colangelo, but not always so well for the people whose money he used.

So, in keeping with his modus operandi, I propose that any statue of Colangelo be paid for with borrowed money...that will never be paid back.

Steve Ellman, Entrepreneur

The following is taken directly from Steve Ellman's website:

"Steven Ellman has been Chairman and CEO of The Ellman Companies since the company's formation in 1972. The group today consists of more than 88 privately held companies.

Ellman has been designated by the Phoenix Business Journal as the number one commercial real estate developer in Phoenix four times since 1998.

Ellman's flagship Westgate City Center...is a super-regional mixed-use urban development...

Upon completion, Westgate will include up to 8 million square feet of retail, restaurants, entertainment, office, residential and five hotels...and is expected to attract 26 million annual visitors..."

This only confirms my long held belief that you can write anything you want, no matter how unlikely, and someone somewhere will treat it as the Gospel and base their entire future around it.

In this case, the someone is the mayor of Glendale, Elaine Scruggs and her cohorts on the Glendale City Council. They made the choice
more than a decade ago to get in bed with Ellman and Westgate. At that time he was also part owner of the Coyotes, who were looking to move out of downtown Phoenix. And in the fever dreams of the Big Time that kept Scruggs awake nights it all seemed so easy: the Cardinals' Stadium surrounded by the promised Bidwill commercial development, the (Jobing.com) Arena for the Coyotes, and Westgate too!! "Take that Phoenix! Take that Scottsdale!! We'll show them! Someday it'll be Governor Scruggs or even Senator Scruggs!"

Unfortunately, as the song says "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Even "Big" plans. Turns out the Bidwill's couldn't develop a cold in a snowstorm, the Coyotes cost Ellman's one time partner Jerry Moyes (the one with the money) more than $300 million before he finally cried "uncle!", and now, as the cherry on top, Westgate is in foreclosure.

That's right, the cornerstone project of the Ellman companies, the crown jewel, the real estate engine behind all of Elaine Scruggs' plans and promises to the citizens of Glendale for the past decade, is being taken over by the banks. And the tax payers of Glendale have to hope that some white knight rides into town to save it--and them. Just like in the fairy tales...

I'm not sure what to make of Steve Ellman, Entrepreneur. The Latin phrase Caveat Emptor immediately come to mind. Also PT Barnum's
words of wisdom about suckers and the frequency of their births. Then again maybe Steverino has just had a run of bad luck...

However I am sure about one thing: there ought to be a law that makes it a crime for snake oil salesmen to take advantage of simpletons.