And you thought Herman "9-9-9 Shall Be The Number Of The Beast" Cain was only stupid about economics?
Au contraire, mon frere!
Today we learned that, according to Hermie Pepperoni, "Jesus was killed by a liberal court." I will now pause for a moment to fix myself a strong drink while you digest that...
Ahhh, that's better! Now where were we? Oh yes...
Come on Herm, we all know that the Jews killed Jesus. By God, that's been the basis of Christian theology (and much of Western civilization) for nearly 2000 years. Ask any good, anti-Semitic Catholic.
I know that it's hard to believe that the Romans would allow anyone anywhere to interfere with their administration of justice. I mean, really, is that anyway to run an Empire? Still, it is a long way from Rome to Galilee and who knows, maybe things got a little bit lax in the farthest provinces.
But "killed by a liberal court"?
No Herm, we can blame those dirty meddling liberals for many things: the 40 hour week, paid vacations, child labor laws, the G.I. Bill, student loans, Medicare, Social Security, various clean air and water acts, workplace safety laws, civil rights, voting rights, and much, much more. But not for whacking the Son of God. Sorry. But no.
See, it is possible, in this age of multi-tasking, to be stupidly ignorant about several things at once. Just ask Herman Cain, pride of Tea Party Republicans everywhere.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Worthless
The other day, The Arizona Republic endorsed Wes Gullett over Greg Stanton for Mayor of Phoenix. This did not come as a surprise. The Republic has a long and distinguished history of supporting the worst possible candidate. One fondly recalls Little Ben Quayle and Jan Brewer and Trent Franks and Rick Renzi and--well, the list is long and life is short. Suffice it to say Wes Gullett fits right in.
Gullett has been a GOP hack off and on for many years now. At one time or another both John "Maverick" McCain and J. Fife "They Should Have Known I was Lying On My Financial Statements" Symington have signed his paychecks. Quite a resume, huh? But mostly he's been a lobbyist.
A lobbyist is someone who scuttles around the the darker corners of our statehouses carrying large sacks of money. They ply politicians with lunches, or tickets to ball games, or just plain cash. Like the vast majority of the Wall Street Gang, most of them do nothing to make things better for the rest of us. They certainly do not have our best interests in mind. That isn't the point. Influence and power are the points. Lobbyists buy influence and power, which I might add in Arizona are surprisingly cheap, and the public good be damned. They are, in essence, purveyors of anti-democracy.
To repeat, Wes Gullett is a lobbyist.
The Republic called Gullett "right for these times." If I thought anybody down there had a sense of humor, I'd say they were being sarcastic. Alas. They think he'll be more likely to rein in the unionized city worker's benefits than Stanton. If you really believe that the benefit package of city workers is the most pressing issue facing the city then you are just as stupid as the Republic's editorial board, and you probably should vote for Gullett.
The paper also supports Gullett's goal of "leveraging city investments" (I think this means trying to privatize whatever he can get his clammy little hands on) and "getting government out of the way" of business. Sigh. Maybe someday the desert hillbillies will wake up and realize that electing people to govern you that don't believe in government is just plain dumb. Maybe not.
To repeat once again, Wes Gullett is a lobbyist. As such he has spent most of his professional life acting on the belief that government's only true purpose is to enrich his friends.
**In the interest of full disclosure, I once sat next to Greg Stanton at a banquet of some sort. To be honest I can't remember a single interesting thing he said. At the time I wasn't overly impressed. However, compared to Wes Gullett, Greg Stanton is a combination of Franklin Roosevelt, Thomas Jefferson and Mark Twain.
Gullett has been a GOP hack off and on for many years now. At one time or another both John "Maverick" McCain and J. Fife "They Should Have Known I was Lying On My Financial Statements" Symington have signed his paychecks. Quite a resume, huh? But mostly he's been a lobbyist.
A lobbyist is someone who scuttles around the the darker corners of our statehouses carrying large sacks of money. They ply politicians with lunches, or tickets to ball games, or just plain cash. Like the vast majority of the Wall Street Gang, most of them do nothing to make things better for the rest of us. They certainly do not have our best interests in mind. That isn't the point. Influence and power are the points. Lobbyists buy influence and power, which I might add in Arizona are surprisingly cheap, and the public good be damned. They are, in essence, purveyors of anti-democracy.
To repeat, Wes Gullett is a lobbyist.
The Republic called Gullett "right for these times." If I thought anybody down there had a sense of humor, I'd say they were being sarcastic. Alas. They think he'll be more likely to rein in the unionized city worker's benefits than Stanton. If you really believe that the benefit package of city workers is the most pressing issue facing the city then you are just as stupid as the Republic's editorial board, and you probably should vote for Gullett.
The paper also supports Gullett's goal of "leveraging city investments" (I think this means trying to privatize whatever he can get his clammy little hands on) and "getting government out of the way" of business. Sigh. Maybe someday the desert hillbillies will wake up and realize that electing people to govern you that don't believe in government is just plain dumb. Maybe not.
To repeat once again, Wes Gullett is a lobbyist. As such he has spent most of his professional life acting on the belief that government's only true purpose is to enrich his friends.
**In the interest of full disclosure, I once sat next to Greg Stanton at a banquet of some sort. To be honest I can't remember a single interesting thing he said. At the time I wasn't overly impressed. However, compared to Wes Gullett, Greg Stanton is a combination of Franklin Roosevelt, Thomas Jefferson and Mark Twain.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Hallelujah!
Many years from now, your grandchildren will ask you "where were you when you heard that Glendale had been awarded the 2015 Super Bowl?"
Personally, I began weeping with joy when Mrs. Franklin told me the news. It's taken me many hours and some pretty powerful medication to compose myself enough to write these words. When I saw the front page of the paper with Young Michael Bidwill and "Governor" Jan Brewer beaming with joy at the wonderful news I almost relapsed.
Sure it's more than 3 years away. Sure the only new jobs it will create are temporary and low paying. Sure the local municipalities will get stuck with paying overtime for police protection. Sure the huge numbers being floated around for the game's alleged economic impact are totally unsubstantiated. Sure, most of the money will ultimately end up wherever the hotel, rental car, and restaurant chains are headquartered. (Hint: it's not Arizona.)
That's not the point.
WE GOT THE SUPER BOWL!!! Take that, Tampa Bay!!!
And when I say we, I don't mean "we" as in you and me. That "we" gets next to nothing. The chances of one of "us" even getting tickets for the game are minuscule. No, I mean the greater "we". The "we" that defines itself by the success or failure of its sports teams. The "we" that is always willing to give billions of dollars of taxpayer money to wealthy team owners so that they can become even wealthier. The "we" that glorifies men who play kids' games while vilifying teachers. That "we". "They" are ecstatic right now.
2015. Maybe some of you are worried about whether or not you'll still have a job by then. What if you get sick and don't have any insurance? Will you lose your house or be able to feed your kids? That just shows how selfish you people are. Listen, your problems don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy mixed up world. No, what matters is that Young Michael Bidwill and "Governor" Jan Brewer have something to crow about.
Personally, I began weeping with joy when Mrs. Franklin told me the news. It's taken me many hours and some pretty powerful medication to compose myself enough to write these words. When I saw the front page of the paper with Young Michael Bidwill and "Governor" Jan Brewer beaming with joy at the wonderful news I almost relapsed.
Sure it's more than 3 years away. Sure the only new jobs it will create are temporary and low paying. Sure the local municipalities will get stuck with paying overtime for police protection. Sure the huge numbers being floated around for the game's alleged economic impact are totally unsubstantiated. Sure, most of the money will ultimately end up wherever the hotel, rental car, and restaurant chains are headquartered. (Hint: it's not Arizona.)
That's not the point.
WE GOT THE SUPER BOWL!!! Take that, Tampa Bay!!!
And when I say we, I don't mean "we" as in you and me. That "we" gets next to nothing. The chances of one of "us" even getting tickets for the game are minuscule. No, I mean the greater "we". The "we" that defines itself by the success or failure of its sports teams. The "we" that is always willing to give billions of dollars of taxpayer money to wealthy team owners so that they can become even wealthier. The "we" that glorifies men who play kids' games while vilifying teachers. That "we". "They" are ecstatic right now.
2015. Maybe some of you are worried about whether or not you'll still have a job by then. What if you get sick and don't have any insurance? Will you lose your house or be able to feed your kids? That just shows how selfish you people are. Listen, your problems don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy mixed up world. No, what matters is that Young Michael Bidwill and "Governor" Jan Brewer have something to crow about.
Monday, October 10, 2011
The Last Refuge
"Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel." (Samuel Johnson)
It's time to update Dr. Johnson's famous observation. By necessity we must now add religion to the equation--at least on the Republican Tea Party side of the ledger.
It's simply just not enough anymore to hide behind phony, flag waving patriotism. These days you also have to shove Mr. Jesus in everyone's face to prove your bona fides.
So one of Rick Perry's Crazy Legion of Jesus minister buddies called Mormonism a "cult"? Hey, take a good close look at your Merriam Webster's--by definition, every last Christian sect is a cult.
Perry had to apologize of course--wouldn't want to run off any potential Mormon voters.
(For this he apologizes? But not for executing a possibly innocent man? Strange times we live in.)
Why any Mormon would vote for Perry when they still have one of their own tribe, the Human Weather Vane, Willard Mitt Romney, to vote for, is beyond me...
It's a long way to 2012 and we can expect a lot more of this "My love for our Lord and Savior is greater than my esteemed opponents' love for our Lord and Savior" nonsense between now and the Republican convention.
Of course, it's completely beside the point. The Founding Fathers didn't spend much time worrying about that sort of mumbo jumbo; nor did Lincoln, or either of the Roosevelt's. They were busy with weightier matters and just didn't have the time or inclination to dabble in fairy tales.
But the old My God is Bigger Than Your God is endlessly entertaining, and these days that's much more important than ideas or governing.
It's time to update Dr. Johnson's famous observation. By necessity we must now add religion to the equation--at least on the Republican Tea Party side of the ledger.
It's simply just not enough anymore to hide behind phony, flag waving patriotism. These days you also have to shove Mr. Jesus in everyone's face to prove your bona fides.
So one of Rick Perry's Crazy Legion of Jesus minister buddies called Mormonism a "cult"? Hey, take a good close look at your Merriam Webster's--by definition, every last Christian sect is a cult.
Perry had to apologize of course--wouldn't want to run off any potential Mormon voters.
(For this he apologizes? But not for executing a possibly innocent man? Strange times we live in.)
Why any Mormon would vote for Perry when they still have one of their own tribe, the Human Weather Vane, Willard Mitt Romney, to vote for, is beyond me...
It's a long way to 2012 and we can expect a lot more of this "My love for our Lord and Savior is greater than my esteemed opponents' love for our Lord and Savior" nonsense between now and the Republican convention.
Of course, it's completely beside the point. The Founding Fathers didn't spend much time worrying about that sort of mumbo jumbo; nor did Lincoln, or either of the Roosevelt's. They were busy with weightier matters and just didn't have the time or inclination to dabble in fairy tales.
But the old My God is Bigger Than Your God is endlessly entertaining, and these days that's much more important than ideas or governing.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Today's Chuckle
Jan Brewer, who is still masquerading as Governor of Arizona, even though the truth is that she is a wholly owned subsidiary of Chuck Coughlin and the For Profit Prison gangs--oops sorry, Corporations--that pay him, had this to say about endorsing a 2012 Republican presidential contender: "I'm going to wait until (the December 1st, Arizonan Republican Party/CNN debate) and see what comes out of there and then make the very best decision that I can make."
So there it is. Still time to make a bid for the "governor's" endorsement. Please, small denomination, non-sequential, unmarked bills only. Thank you!
PS Based on her previous decisions, that bit about the "very best decision that I can make" is priceless.
So there it is. Still time to make a bid for the "governor's" endorsement. Please, small denomination, non-sequential, unmarked bills only. Thank you!
PS Based on her previous decisions, that bit about the "very best decision that I can make" is priceless.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
All Apologies
Here's a thought for the Dark Lord Cheney and his daughter Liz, who is a particularly nasty piece of work in her own right:
President Obama doesn't have to apologize to anyone for anything until lil' Dick Cheney apologizes for the following: all of the lies about WMD's and yellow cake uranium that led to the bait and switch war with Iraq; the billions of dollars that Halliburton subsequently made in Iraq; the secret energy policy meetings with his oil company buddies; the secret, unrecorded testimony to the 9-11 commission where he sat Simple W. on his lap just like a ventriloquist's dummy; the instituting of torture as official policy; being a chicken hawk despite the five draft deferments he got during the Vietnam War; about a million dead Iraqis; and well, anything else he ever did as a member of the US government. Oh, and for generally being just a no good lying sack of shit.
That ought to keep the old prick busy until the mechanical heart finally gives out.
President Obama doesn't have to apologize to anyone for anything until lil' Dick Cheney apologizes for the following: all of the lies about WMD's and yellow cake uranium that led to the bait and switch war with Iraq; the billions of dollars that Halliburton subsequently made in Iraq; the secret energy policy meetings with his oil company buddies; the secret, unrecorded testimony to the 9-11 commission where he sat Simple W. on his lap just like a ventriloquist's dummy; the instituting of torture as official policy; being a chicken hawk despite the five draft deferments he got during the Vietnam War; about a million dead Iraqis; and well, anything else he ever did as a member of the US government. Oh, and for generally being just a no good lying sack of shit.
That ought to keep the old prick busy until the mechanical heart finally gives out.
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