Fire

Arizona has been in a drought for more than a decade. There is also a plague of bark beetles attacking whatever living trees they can find.

This leads to a lot of very dry wood.

Because both the state and the Feds can't seem to agree on (or pay for) the requisite forest clearing there's lots and lots of undergrowth to help stoke any fire that happens to start for whatever reason.

And because in Arizona we don't want no dang gubmint meddling in our lives, we allow people to build houses or park their trailers right in the middle of a tinderbox.

Inevitably someone throws a cigarette out of a car, or fails to put out a campfire, or maybe it's simply just a lightning strike. An "Act of God", the insurance companies call it.

It starts as just a spark.

Then the winds shift and lots of brave men die.

And The Arizona Republic gets to take a shot at finally winning a Pulitzer for reporting by running the same tragic stories over and over for weeks. I guess that's what they think "in depth" means.

Arizona's Governor, Jan "Chuck, Tell Me What To Do" Brewer, has asked the hated Feds for aid to help the victims of the fires. Arizona is already a net taker state, so what's a little more? I mean, come on, we're all in this together. Right?

Mrs. Brewer belongs to the Republican Party. You know, the party that demonizes unions just like the ones that fire fighters, policemen, and teachers belong to. Her party also loves to cut taxes and the necessary programs that taxes are used for. If there's a way to underfund something, by God we'll find it!

Welcome to Arizona. We may not want to pay to make your dangerous job a little easier or safer.

But we'll sure throw you a grand funeral.

Stand Your Ground, or: Getting Away With Murder

It goes without saying that the Zimmerman verdict is shocking.

But not particularly surprising.

The Florida law seems to be designed to protect the shooter.

And so, with no eye witnesses, and the other person involved dead, (and more importantly a black male), Georgie gets to walk away clean.

However, I have a feeling that the rest of his life (after the triumphant appearances on Fox News, of course), will be bitter.

And possibly brief...

Extra Credit: As an intellectual exercise, run through the possible legal scenarios if Zimmerman were a 30ish black man and Trayvon a white teenager.

"Never Give A Sucker An Even Break...

...Never smarten up a chump."

These very wise words were attributed to the great WC Fields, and through the years they have come in handy in many situations.

Today they are especially applicable to the entertaining saga of the Phoenix Coyotes vs the City of Glendale.

Apparently, there is still enough money floating around Glendale that the city can guarantee the hockey team millions each year.

Hooray, I say. Hooray! Besides, it's only money.

One of the ways the City of Glendale is exploring to cover up the growing gap in its finances that was caused almost entirely by the grand sports' schemes of the former Mayor Elaine Scruggs and her team of enabling halfwits--sorry, her friends on the city council is what I meant to say--is to sell some government buildings and then lease them back.

You might think this is a very stupid idea. But that just shows how little you understand about how government in Arizona works.

You might also think that, in regards to the city's involvement with the Coyotes, they should walk away from a bad deal, and not throw good money after bad. Oh, silly you!

Finally, you might wonder how a business that only guarantees an event on 11% of the available nights in a given year could be so important to the success of anything.

Asking questions like these just shows that you are simply not qualified to represent the good folks of Glendale, Arizona.

You see, out here in the untamed West, we believe that a city should be judged by its professional sports teams, and not, say,  by the quality of its schools, or public services, or arts, or the way it takes care of the least of its citizens, or even whether it actually owns its own Townhall.

No, the best way to measure cities is by how much money they can piss away on a mediocre hockey team before they've had enough.

And obviously, Glendale hasn't reached that breaking point yet...

The decision to throw even more money at the Coyotes was met with applause by the many fans who attended the city council vote. These happy hockey lovers then got in their cars and drove back to Mesa, or Gilbert, or Tempe, or Chandler, or Scottsdale, or Phoenix. Somewhere--anywhere--far, far away from the smoldering wreckage that is Glendale.

WC Fields was a very talented man. But I'm sure he never thought of himself as a visionary political theorist.

Everything is All Better Now, or: The South Has Risen

Thank God for the Supreme Court! Without them, and their omniscient wisdom, we'd all still think that racism was a problem here in the good old U S of A.

But no, it's most definitely not. We're past that. We're better than that. That was, after all, a long time ago. Now we're a post racial society.

Chief Justice John Roberts knows this. Just like he knew Citizens United was the right call. He's a very smart man.

Those of us who aren't as smart might think that the factors that made the Voting Rights Act necessary in the first place are still present and active in a large part of the United States.

We might think that the laws enacted by far wiser and better men than those who struck them down are still needed.

We might consider it a classic case of circular reasoning to say that the laws that made some progress possible are no longer needed because they made some progress possible. A simple person might argue that there would have been no progress at all without the laws and that to weaken them will unchain powerful, regressive forces.

For proof we would simply offer the fact that the election of President Obama unleashed a torrent of race based hatred. Hatred that is stoked on a daily basis by Rush Limbaugh and the Fox News creeps.

And that the day--the same day--the decision to strike down part of the law was announced--Texas moved ahead with a restrictive voter ID law that would not have been possible were the law intact.

But that's why we're not on the Supreme Court. We simply don't recognize all of the progress we've made.

We do not live in the same world as John Roberts.

PS If I woke up tomorrow to find Roberts, Scalia, Thomas and Alito hanging from a tree with carrion birds pecking at their livers I would not shed a single tear. Except, perhaps, for the poor birds, which might die from ingesting something so vile.

"As American As Cherry Pie"

Old Rap Brown was right about that, at least...

Violence is as American as cherry pie.

So, it's only natural that we loves us our guns.

Don't you be touchin' our guns!

Maybe it's just that human beings have a strong blood lust.

Not all, of course.

But enough.

And it seems like many have landed here, in the land o' the free...

We Yankee Doodle Dandies have a lot of blood on our hands: Native American, African, Mexican, Phillipine. Each others.

To be fair, it takes a certain amount of violence to build an Empire.

And that kind of behavior gets ingrained in a culture. It also attracts a certain kind of people. Just ask Wayne "A Gun Is A Tool, And So Am I" LaPierre.

So, of course the older brother shoots the younger sister. And the teenager shoots his best friend. And, my personal favorite, the 4 year old shoots his Dad.

Bang Bang--you're dead!

They're just kids after all. They don't understand the consequences of their actions. And they've grown up in a Shoot 'em up society.

Forget that "In God We Trust" nonsense. "I Didn't Know It Was Loaded" should be our national motto.
  
Anton Chekhov's famous maxim about writing is this: "If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be there."

We Americans, being uncomfortable with metaphors in general, and those coined by foreigners in particular, have taken Chekhov literally:  If there's a gun on the table, someone is going to get shot. Accidentally, of course.

And also, of course, there's nothing we can do about it...

Trent Franks, Defender of the Unborn

Is anyone surprised that Trent Franks said something stupid again? Didn't think so.

Take a good close look at Franks, yet another of Arizona's illustrious Congressmen.

Would you say he's one or two chromosomes shy of completeness? Yep.

Franks keeps getting re-elected for one reason and one reason only: his district includes all of the dried up douche bags, male and female, in Sun City.

These are people who haven't been fertile since the Truman administration. Yet they get all worked up over "the rights of the unborn".

The operative theory goes something like this: Fetuses have rights, old people have rights, everybody else who isn't rich and white can suck it.

And Trent Franks, who isn't as dumb as he looks (it's close though), knows how to pander to their fears with the usual litany of right wing paranoia: immigration, the black man in "our" White House, etc.

Normally, these are the "get the government off our backs!" crowd.  Why won't they just leave us alone!

Except when it comes to a woman's right to control her own reproductive system. Then the government should jump in with both jackbooted feet and punish the bitches!

These folks rely on government assistance of all kinds--but they hate the Federal government with a passion.

Oh, those meddlesome Feds, with their hot lunch programs, and Head Start, and public education, and welfare, and regulations, and taxes! Oh, don't get them started on taxes...

Get rid of all that stuff. It's socialism!

But keep your goddamn hands off our Social Security and our Medicare and our Medicaid!

It's cognitive dissonance like this that keeps the Trent Franks of the world in office.

LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL ARIZONA UNIT

Rick Renzi, former US Congressman from Arizona's "whatever" district, (my benighted home state has been gerrymandered almost beyond recognition and certainly well beyond any form of common sense, so it's really hard to keep track of which district is which. For instance, Renzi's district included parts of northern Arizona and stretched down to the Straits of Magellan as well), has been found guilty by a federal jury on 17 out of 32 counts, including racketeering, conspiracy and extortion. The Triple Crown of political corruption, as it were.

Seems like he used his elected position to force certain land swaps that generated money so that one of the participants could pay back Renzi a very large sum. Which is, after all, why we have a Congress in the first place.

Naturally Renzi, who is apparently one of those "law and order" Republicans who don't believe that the "law" part of that formulation should apply to them personally, will appeal. To quote one of his defense team, "We are pleased that the jury acquitted Mr. Renzi on 15 counts. We are disappointed by every guilty verdict. We will continue to fight these charges..."

Well, at least as long as the money holds out...

Renzi's new defense should include the time tested "what's the use of having a place at the table if you can't enjoy the buffet?"

He might also want to simply throw himself on the mercy of the court. See, Renzi has 12 children.

That's right, 12. As in a dozen.

So the brother needs every single buck he can get his hands on. Legally or illegally.

Based on the number of little Renzi's running around, his team might also want to explore an insanity defense.