We Don't Need The Republican Party Anymore, Do We?

No.

We don't. 

There are enough moderate Democrats who do a really good impression of the now extinct moderate Republicans.

Honestly, when was the last time a Republican did anything to benefit the majority of Americans? 40 years ago? 50? 

Sure, they can wave the Bible around and wrap themselves in the flag...but actually govern? Not so much.

No. They are a fringe party now. Out in the weeds, with nothing to offer except racism, sexism, xenophobia, dead end thinking, and, of course, tax cuts for the rich.

They've spent the last 5 years cheerleading for a traitor. A traitor who is also a crook and a creep and an idiot.

A traitor whose army of zombies stormed the Capitol with blood in their eyes and murderous intent. 

A murderous intent that was aimed at a few Republicans as well as all Democrats.

And they have the nerve to claim it never happened, at least not like that. Those cretins waving Confederate flags, attacking cops, and smearing shit all over the place were "peaceful visitors" "patriots concerned for 'their' country."

Uh huh.

I mean, who are you going to believe? The Republicans or your lying eyes? 

So what happened to the Party of Law and Order? 

Washed away in a flood of Q-Anon nonsense, Russian disinformation, Libertarian twaddle, racist dog whistles, and corporate cash.

Now and forever, G.O.P. stands for Goons On Parade.

They deserve nothing but contempt.

Religion Is Where The Money Is

How can you make a lot of money?

This is an important question, because as we all know, being poor is the worst crime you can commit in America.

So pay attention, ok?

You could invent something wonderful. You could fill a tangible need, either real or imagined. You could produce something indispensable. 

Of course, all of these require inventing or building or supplying something real. 

And there is always the chance that no one will want what you're selling. For every John D. Rockefeller, Bill Gates, or Jeff Bezos, there are millions of unknown failures, with garages or warehouses full of things that nobody wants.

Religion, on the other hand, doesn't require that you produce anything real.

No expensive inventory. No years of R&D. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

Just that most ephemeral of things, "FAITH".

And from some people's simple faith, you can acquire private jets, mansions, improbable haircuts, enormous bank accounts--all sorts of real things. Maybe even a pool boy to boff the wife while you watch. 

Did I mention that you can do all of this tax free?

And even though you're not supposed to mix your religion with politics, well, that's never stopped anyone from doing it. Ya know?

Of course, there is the danger that you will get soooo big that people will begin to notice your, uh, let's call them moral failings, because sins is such a weighted word. Either, of course, can be forgiven--if the money is right.

For instance, no entity on earth has a better real estate portfolio than the Catholic Church. And let's not forget the art collection and all of that gold, too. $$$$$$$$. But after 1700 years of relative impunity for its "idiosyncrasies", the one true church has come under close scrutiny for too many of its shepherds molesting their flocks. And hush money payments and legal fees do take a toll on the bottom line.

But setting that aside, there's still a lot of money to be made. Big money! Big money! Big money!

All it takes is a vague knowledge of The Bible, making sure to skip over the more problematic parts. You know, the parts where old Jesus asks you to help the poor and the lame and treat great wealth as morally suspect. I mean, where's the fun in that? Jesus had never seen a Gulfstream jet, after all. One look and he would have changed his mind about wealth.

So, put that "socialist" stuff aside, embrace a muscular, Capitalist Christ, and start gathering your own flock.

Because, as we all know, there's a sucker born every minute. And apparently a lot of them will give their last dollar to anyone with a slick spiel about salvation.

Trigger Happy, or: Just How Many "Bad Apples" Are We Willing To Tolerate?

Ho hum. Another person of color killed by the police.

Could be a man on the streets. Could be a woman in her bedroom. Could be a child in his yard.

And, after all the usual excuses are made for the police, we hear the refrain of "a few bad apples." 

"A few bad apples." Over and over again. And yet, we never seem to throw those few bad apples away, which is what any competent grocer would do.

And what about the other apples? The ones we assume are "good".

Shouldn't they be offended by the presence of the bad ones?

They should. But it seems they rarely are. The "brotherhood of the thin blue line" and all that bullshit.

If you continually look the other way as the bad apples engage in whatever mayhem they please, up to and including murder, and then make excuses for their behavior, how "good" are you really?

Perhaps we should make every cop take a lengthy psychological evaluation to see if maybe, just maybe, they're racists with a strong tendency for violence. And summarily dismiss those who are.

But the police unions would never allow that, would they?

So here we are. 

The people we pay to "protect and serve" all of us are apparently so terrified of some of us that they automatically reach for their guns under almost any circumstances.

Imagine what a person of color feels every time they see a policeman. Imagine living your entire life with that kind of feeling.

It's really very simple: If you give a "little" man (or woman) a badge and a gun, all of a sudden he's a "big" man (or woman). 

And you better listen to him (or her), you better obey him (or her)...or he (or she) may kill you.

Of course, if you're black or brown, even if you listen, even if you obey, they still might kill you...because somehow, in their mind, you're a threat.

I'm Beginning To Doubt The Value Of An Ivy League Education

Herein follows an incomplete list of Ivy League graduates that have recently served, or are currently serving, in our government:

(Some went to Harvard, some to Yale, a few to Princeton, and several went to two of the three.)

Ted Cruz, asshole Senator from Texas.

Tom Cotton, asshole Senator from Arkansas.

Ben Sasse, asshole Senator from Nebraska. 

Ron DeSantis, criminal Governor of Florida.

Mike Pompeo, Wilbur Ross, Elaine Chao, Steve Mnuchin, proud members of the "former guy's" Cabinet. All corrupt in different ways. (Der Trumpo himself went to grad school at Penn's Wharton School, where he was described by one of his professors as "the dumbest goddamn student I ever had.")

Samuel Alito, Clarence Thomas, Neil Gorsuch, and Brett Kavanaugh, justices of the Supreme Court, and blights on the very idea of the Law.

Of course we must not ever forget Simple W, (George W. Bush) and the Dark Lord (Dick Cheney), those draft dodging war mongers who gave us the multi-trillion dollar sinkhole that is Iraq.

And, just for nostalgia's sake, J. Fife Symington, former Governor of Arizona, whom, when caught in some legal trouble, defended himself by saying, essentially, "they should have known I was lying."

I suppose it's really very simple:

If you went into the Ivy League as a complete asshole, chances are you will come out as a complete asshole, too.

Even the best schools can't fix that.

Signor Baseball's 2021 AL Preview

Since my favorite NBA team has decided to find as many new ways to blow a lead as is humanly possible, which means all of the games we record get deleted from the DVR without being viewed (we are not masochists, after all), I find myself with plenty of free time to analyze the American League.

East: the Yankees are loaded offensively. But they've been loaded offensively for years and have nothing much to show for it. And, if the recent past is any indication, when they need another arm, they invariably go out and get...another bat. However, they are, on paper at least, still the class of the East. And if they can get something approaching consistent pitching they might just run away with the division. Tampa will be right there if they don't, and are a good bet for a Wild Card.  Even without two top starters, Morton and Snell, the Rays are a solid team with a history of beating seemingly superior Yankee teams. Toronto also has a strong everyday lineup, but their pitching is a little too shaky. And, because of the CoVid pandemic, they're stuck playing "home" games down in Florida until at least early in May--and probably longer, what with mutations and many Americans dimwitted hesitancy to get vaccinated or wear masks. That dislocation has to be weird for everyone involved. Boston has Alex Cora back as manager and, as a result, will probably lead the league in sign stealing. The Red Sox pitching is also weak (a theme is emerging) and they just don't have the offense they once had. (They should have tried harder to keep Mookie Betts). And down the road in Baltimore, it will be a loooong season yet again. Repeat after me: great town, great fans, great ball park, bad Orioles. It feels like they are in the tenth year of a 3 year rebuild. People usually get fired for that sort of thing. And so it goes...

Central: should be a three team race for first. Minnesota, Chicago and Cleveland all have things to recommend them. And all have things that make you go hmmm. The White Sox have strengthened their rotation and have a couple of interesting young bats. And, of course, manager Tony La Russa, who actually invented baseball. Just ask him. The Twins are the defending division champions, which ought to count for something. However, their starting pitching looks like a collection of number 3 starters, discarded by other teams. That may be enough to win the Central, though. And in Cleveland, city of lights, city of mystery, the Indians lost their best everyday player and wish they had a collection of number 3 starters to plug in after Shane Bieber. Still, since neither Chicago or Minnesota is that good, the Indians have a shot. Which is more than can be said for Kansas City and Detroit. It wasn't that long ago that the Royals won a couple of pennants and a World Series. But it probably feels like centuries to their fans. If they can get anywhere near to 75 wins it will be surprising. Same goes for the Tigers. Apparently they have lots of young arms just waiting for a chance. Good luck with that. By the time they're ready, if they're ever ready, Miguel Cabrera will be in the Hall of Fame. 

West: miserable cheaters though they may be, the Astros are still the best team in this division. (see "Life Isn't Fair" part one trillion). And while they have lost a few key pieces along the way, they're just better than the A's and Angels. So, Houston in first, Los Angeles and Oakland battling it out for second and a possible Wild Card. It would be nice to see Mike Trout, Ohtani, and Pujols in the playoffs together just once. But I suspect that the Angels' pitching will have to really step up to get them there. Oakland lost some key players. This seems to happen nearly every year, usually for monetary reason. And yet the A's has been weaving serviceable tapestries out of scraps of burlap for years, so if L.A. doesn't get enough pitching, Oakland will slide past them into second. Maybe someday they'll get a new stadium, too. In Seattle, the Mariners have a very young, unproven team. This does not bode well for their season. Some of the youngsters will pan out, some will not. Such is life. And in Texas, the Rangers are officially in tear-it-down mode. Maybe by the time they're finally competitive again, Texas will have gotten rid of their 2 ridiculous Senators. Maybe not.

Signor Baseball's 2021 NL Preview

Normally, I'd base this year's previews at least in part on last year's performance.

But last year was so weird, so very, very weird, that it shouldn't be used for that purpose. 

So, blindly, stumblingly, (which may not even be a word), we venture forth into the 2021 National League season without too many clues.

In that way, it will be much like the last 4 years of cocksure Trumpian incompetence.

Except 500,000 people won't die if I don't get it right.

East: it sure looks like the Braves are the class of this division again. Atlanta's pitching isn't quite as strong as the Mets and possibly the Nationals, but it isn't far off, either. And their everyday lineup, with Acuna, Ozuna, Freeman and Swanson, is much better than either. So...everybody else is playing for second--barring injuries. The Mets still have those stud starters and adding Francisco Lindor will upgrade the offense, but probably not enough to catch up with Atlanta. Philadelphia, Washington and Miami are in the same boat. Fairly solid teams that have at least one glaring hole. This is maybe the most competitive division in the NL, so, if the Braves falter, any of the other clubs could move ahead of them. Second place should have a good shot at a Wild Card slot.

Central: the one certainty in this division is that the Pirates will finish last. For a few years they were very competitive, but that window has slammed shut. Sad for the Pittsburgh faithful, but life isn't fair. As far as the other 4 teams go, St. Louis looks the strongest, but not that much stronger than Milwaukee. Both teams have question marks. Milwaukee still has a lights out bullpen, but needs a big comeback from Yelich, who was not himself in the CoVid season. In the City of the Big Shoulders, the Cubs have a bunch of front line players looking at free agency after this year. It may be the last dance for Chicago's core. And, perhaps, another 108 year World Series drought. As always seems to happen, it will come down to pitching. Here again, there isn't much to separate these teams. The Brewers have that strong bull pen and weak starters, the Cubs lost their ace, and St. Louis's top pitchers have a few miles on them. So, your guess is as good as mine. Finally, Cincinnati is just not as good as the other three. Their offense consists of Joey Votto and 7 guys you've never heard of and their best starter is injured--but they're still better than Pittsburgh. So they've got that going for them. Maybe a Wild Card slot for the runner up. Maybe not.

West: the Dodgers remain the team to beat, but the Padres are closing fast. Los Angeles will defend its World Series' crown with extremely strong pitching and a bunch of proven bats. What more do you need? Luck. San Diego has thrown a lot of money around, and their everyday line-up is about as solid as L.A.'s. Machado and Tatis will put up big numbers, but their starting pitching isn't nearly as good, so...The Giants just don't have the talent to keep pace. But on the bright side, San Francisco is a great city to hang out in and a lot of big contracts come off the books next off season, so hope springs eternal. Arizona has a little more talent, but they need a huge comeback year from Madison Bumgarner to truly compete and that doesn't seem likely at this point. And Colorado traded their best all around player for a pocketful of dreams. The Rockies look like a good solid last place team. That legal weed will really come in handy for their fans. Indeed, for all the fans of the also rans in this division. It does ease the pain. Dodgers first, but not in a runaway this time. Padres second and a Wild Card berth. Everybody else is playing for the 3-5 slots.

Dear MAGAts,

Apparently, there is a lot of hesitation in TrumpLand about getting the CoVid vaccines.

This is understandable. 

The vaccines are obviously a Deep State plot, funded by George Soros, Bill Gates, Cardi B, and Borat. 

Forget for a moment that Der Trump and Lady Be Best have already gotten vaccinated.

It's a Democrat trick and you are wise to reject it.

I'm urging all of you MAGAts to "just say NO!"

Of course, a lot of you will get sick. A not insignificant percentage of those will get very sick. I'm talking weeks in ICU sick. I'm talking heart, lung, kidney, and liver damage sick.

And some of you will die.

But FreeDumb is worth any price, right?

So, please, you go ahead and Do You.

Show us libtards what "real" Americans are made of.

And leave all the available vaccines for the "reality based" community. 

That'll show us.