Monday, June 25, 2012

SCOTUS, Arizona, and the Looney Right

SCOTUS ruled on Arizona's immigration bill, SB 1070, today, saying that three of the four sections under consideration were unconstitutional. They upheld the worst section of the bill, Section 2(b) which is commonly referred to as the "papers, please" section, although they held that this could be revisited. Naturally, the reaction on the right ranges from disbelief to delusion. Jan Brewer claims it as a great victory, while the biggest idiot in the state (and that is saying something, trust me) Sheriff Joe Arpaio (Bigot-Maricopa County) used the decision and Fox News to cry about how he is being persecuted by the Obama administration. I don't live in Maricopa County anymore (bad as my life is, at least that's one thing I can be grateful for as long as Sheriff Looneytunes is in office), but I feel bad for my liberal friends there. They not only have to deal with the biggest bunch of incompetent dunderhead legislators ever assembled (see any Republican in the Arizona Legislature) including Ben Quayle, Jan Brewer, Ken Bennett, Jon Kyl, John McCain, David Schweikart, Trent Franks, and the list goes on and on, but they also have to live with their county being a national laughing-stock due to the senile antics of Sheriff Joe. I sincerely hope that someday the fools who keep re-electing this moron will face up to what the county has become -- and by extension, the state. By the way, considering that I live in Kingman, possibly the most racist city in the state, it is really saying something to say that I feel sorry for the folks in Maricopa County.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Burn After Reading


Strategy for all 2012 Republican candidates.


Congratulations on choosing the only party that truly loves America!

Since you have made the commitment to help save our beloved country from that arrogant Kenyan socialist, Barack Hussein Obama, you are entitled to know the innermost secrets and, more importantly, the proven election winning tactics of the GOP:

It's really very simple:

LIE all you want. FOX News will cover for you. Whatever outrageous nonsense you can come up with is fine with us. Tip: the crazier the better. Stuff that is so obviously wrong that a sane person wouldn't even consider saying it is incredibly effective with the typical American voter. It may sound counter productive--but trust us, it works!

An important reminder: when you're caught in a lie--do not apologize. Apologies are a sign of weakness. No, the trick is to just lie some more! Give our friends at FOX and our Lord and Master Rush Limbaugh a little time to defend you and miracles can happen!! Our plan to destroy the (socialist) public education system has paid off big time! People really are that stupid! So have some fun with it...

Even with such an effective propaganda machine there are a few things we never admit: Teddy Roosevelt was a Trust Buster not a Corporate Enabler. Prescott Bush did business with the Nazis. He also tried to start a coup d'etat against FDR. Without unions there would be no Middle Class. Richard Nixon started the EPA. Both Nixon and Ronald Reagan were party to treasonous acts that helped them get elected. Reagan raised taxes many times. Iran-Contra was an impeachable offense. Al Gore won the popular vote in 2000. George W. Bush was appointed President by the Supreme Court. Bush was in charge of national security on September 11th, 2001. Iraq had no WMDs and absolutely nothing to do with 9-11. Cutting taxes on millionaires and billionaires has never created jobs. Unregulated financial institutions and laissez faire economics led to the crashes of both 1929 and 2008. The individual mandate was a Republican idea.

If any of these are ever mentioned, immediately change the subject! Then attack the questioner's patriotism.

Remember, we are the Party of Lincoln! And of the "Southern Strategy". Crazy, isn't it? But when you can reconcile those two facts you are truly a Republican.

That's it. That's all you need to know!

Good luck and God Bless Amercia!


Thursday, June 14, 2012

Sheldon Adelson--A Primer

I can think of three good reasons why Sheldon Adelson has spent tens of millions of dollars supporting Republican presidential candidates.

Reason number 1: Mr. Adelson owns casinos in Las Vegas and Macau. The latter is much more profitable than the former and is under Federal investigation for a variety of alleged offenses, including bribery.  A Republican president would never allow a business owned by such a wealthy backer to be charged with anything--even if it is located in Communist China. So it is in Sheldon Adelson's best interest to defeat President Obama any way possible. Otherwise, he might end up in jail.

OK. That's reason number 1.

Reason  number 2 is that Sheldon Adelson is one of those Jewish Americans who puts the interests of Israel, real or imagined, ahead of the interests of the United States. I often wonder why the folks who love Israel that much don't just move to Israel. I'm sure they'd be happy to have you and your money, Shelly. In any case, since Obama has had the temerity to suggest that Palestinians are human beings and are entitled to some rights, and a state of their own, he is persona non grata with people who think like Adelson.

OK. That's reason number 2.

Reason number 3 is that Sheldon Adelson is just another billionaire asshole who doesn't want to pay taxes.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Last Night I Had This Crazy Dream...

Willard Mitt Romney was elected president and to celebrate the Koch brothers threw a big party for all of their friends. Justices Scalia,Thomas, Kennedy, Alito and Roberts were there. And Grover Norquist, Rush Limbaugh, Roger Ailes, Paul Ryan, Allen West, Donald Trump, Sarah Palin and all the rest of the goon squad. Oh, it was grand!

They laughed and laughed about what saps the American people were. Such sheep, so easily led, with no historical perspective and prone to believing whoever shouted the loudest and the longest, true or not.

The party got wilder and wilder as they took turns screaming out the next steps in their plan:

"Privatize Social Security!" "Vouchers for Medicare!" "Do away with the EPA!" "Criminalize abortion!" "Do away with Public Education!" "Drill Baby Drill", "Privatize! Privatize! Privatize!"

They were having such a fantastic time they didn't notice the fire that started when Limbaugh and Chris Christie, wrestling over the last shrimp, knocked a sterno can over.

The fire sprinkler system had been made in China (cheaper steel) and assembled by non union labor (cheaper labor).

Because of government cut-backs (necessary austerity measures) the understaffed city safety inspector's office had been too busy to inspect it properly.

And even if it had worked, the antiquated water main (circa 1900) was leaky (infrastructure repairs aren't as important as cutting taxes) and couldn't carry the necessary pressure.

The Fire Department, which was suffering from its own cutbacks and from constantly being demonized as "union thugs", arrived too late.

So they all burned to death.

Oh, it was grand!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Voter Fraud

It has become Republican gospel that we are suffering from rampant voter fraud.

According to the GOP this fraud is always perpetrated by Democrats.

They can produce no proof that this has happened. But by God they know in their hearts that it must be true. So as always, the facts be damned!

And the best way to stop this heinous assault on our cherished Republic is to disenfranchise anyone they can.

Old people, young people, minorities--you are all under suspicion. You cannot be trusted and the country would be better off if you weren't allowed to vote. So practically every Republican controlled legislature in the country has set about to ensure that you can't.

Funny, the only rampant "voter fraud" that I've ever seen has been Republicans getting elected by claiming to support working people, and then crawling cozily into the first corporate pocket they see.

Republicans "Support working people"? Now that's fraud.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Somewhere On The Road To Serfdom

The good people of Wisconsin have decided that they would rather be serfs, ruled by a weaselly, beady-eyed, bought and paid for Corporate Whore like Scott Walker and his blood sucking minions...

Good for them!

I say let's run those "union thugs" out of town!
To Hell with the minimum wage and benefits!
To Hell with the 40 hour week!
To Hell with pensions!
Bring back child labor!

To Hell with Healthcare!
To Hell with Public Education!
To Hell with clean air and water!
To Hell with the safety net!
Privatize Everything!

To Hell with progress!
The Enlightenment was a tragic mistake!
Keep women in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant!
Taxes are Socialism!
Freedom Isn't Free!

All Hail The Corporation!

Monday, June 4, 2012

What's in A Name?

Last week, they unveiled portraits of George W. Bush and his fawning wife, what's-her-name, at the White House. Simple W. cracked a few jokes, smirked his frat boy smirk, and it was just like old times...

Brought back a lot of memories: Florida 2000, fat Jeb, the Supreme Court shitting all over the Constitution, 9-11, turning a surplus into a deficit, Iraq, Osama Bin Laden alive and kicking, tax cuts for the richest, W. looking like a chimp in a flight suit, "mission accomplished", Katrina, rendition, Rummy, Condi, Wall Street's meltdown, Halliburton, Blackwater, the Dark Lord Cheney's fetching sneer--ah Jesus, the list is endless...

Which reminds me, Bush's nickname for Karl Rove is "turd blossom".

Rove is also widely known as "Bush's brain".

Ergo, George W. Bush has shit for brains.