Shocked, Shocked! (Redux)

For the last week or so we've been inundated with various pundits announcing that they are shocked--shocked! to discover that Pizza Man Herman Cain's 9-9-9 plan would in fact lower taxes on millionaires while raising taxes on the middle and lower classes. Really? They're surprised by this? Really?

Lest we forget, Cain is a Republican. He is also a millionaire. As are Willard Mitt "Do As I Say And Not As I Do" Romney and Rick "Try To Forget All Of The Crazy Things I Say And Gaze Instead At My Beautiful Head Of Hair" Perry. So is Sarah "Material Girl" Palin, who isn't running because she feels that she can best serve the America people by collecting enormous speaking fees from starstruck saps.

Michelle "Yes, I Am This Stupid" Bachmann? Millionaire. Ron "FEMA Is A Bad Idea" Paul? Millionaire. Newt "Lover Boy" Gingrich? Millionaire. Even Rick "For The Love Of God Please Don't Google Santorum" Santorum is a millionaire.

So of course they want to lower taxes on millionaires. They're all millionaires. "Duh!", as the kids say.

I mean really, what would be the point of being President if you couldn't feather your own nest? Leave austerity to the little people. It suits them.

Republicans never govern very well, their "hearts" aren't really in it. Besides, since their cornerstone belief is that "government is the problem" you can't expect them to do a good job for the rest of us. It goes against their very nature.

But give them credit for one thing: they sure know how to look out for their own kind.

Another Day, Another Ridiculous Statement From A Republican Presidential Contender

And you thought Herman "9-9-9 Shall Be The Number Of The Beast" Cain was only stupid about economics?

Au contraire, mon frere!

Today we learned that, according to Hermie Pepperoni, "Jesus was killed by a liberal court." I will now pause for a moment to fix myself a strong drink while you digest that...

Ahhh, that's better! Now where were we? Oh yes...

Come on Herm, we all know that the Jews killed Jesus. By God, that's been the basis of Christian theology (and much of Western civilization) for nearly 2000 years. Ask any good, anti-Semitic Catholic.

I know that it's hard to believe that the Romans would allow anyone anywhere to interfere with their administration of justice. I mean, really, is that anyway to run an Empire? Still, it is a long way from Rome to Galilee and who knows, maybe things got a little bit lax in the farthest provinces.

But "killed by a liberal court"?

No Herm, we can blame those dirty meddling liberals for many things: the 40 hour week, paid vacations, child labor laws, the G.I. Bill, student loans, Medicare, Social Security, various clean air and water acts, workplace safety laws, civil rights, voting rights, and much, much more. But not for whacking the Son of God. Sorry. But no.

See, it is possible, in this age of multi-tasking, to be stupidly ignorant about several things at once. Just ask Herman Cain, pride of Tea Party Republicans everywhere.