Monday, June 27, 2016

Ten Other Names For The Brexit

Pasty Tea Bags Shoot Themselves In The Foot!

We Did What?

God Save The Pound!

Europe Controlled By Germany? What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Are We Having A Laugh?

Well, Bugger Me Senseless!

It's 1816 Again!

The Limeys Didn't Really Think This Thing Through, Did They?

Blimey! What A Cockup!

There Will Always Be An England...Maybe.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

What A Sad Country This Is

Every day, in America, people are shot and killed. Every single day.

Sometimes in large numbers.

Men, women, black, white, brown, young and old, straight and gay.

Children, for Christ's sake.

All human beings.

Some of these shootings are "accidental". Whatever that means.

I mean, somebody bought the gun. Was that the "accident"?

Of course, we will never get rid of all guns. Because, uh, Jesus? And that part of the Second Amendment that people like to quote. Not the entire Amendment, not the "well regulated" part.

But what about assault rifles?

No hunter needs what is essentially a military weapon. And no sane person needs one for self-defense.

But apparently some of us still believe that they do.

America is perhaps most exceptional in the weirdness, some might call it madness, of our people.

Therefore, I suppose it should come as no surprise that a lunatic is running for President and no one bats an eye. In fact, his supporters--a proven majority of his party--revel in his lunacy. And rabid gun lovin' is a large part of their lunacy.

I'm constantly reminded that the solutions to some of our problems are really very simple.

And yet we do nothing.

That's what is really sad.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Ship of Fools, or: What Republicans Believe

A lot of rubbish about rugged individualism and self-made men.

And how much the Founding Fathers loved them some Jesus.

And how slavery wasn't really so bad.

And how the poor deserve their poverty.

And how government isn't the solution, government is the problem.

And how war is better than diplomacy.

And how bible stories are always superior to science.

And how the Bible supersedes the Constitution--except when it doesn't. Like that "thou shall not kill" nonsense.

And how the Second Amendment is the only one that matters.
Of course, the truth is somewhat different.

Here's the deal: America, the bestest country there ever was or ever could be, was built with stolen land and slave labor.

The fight to give labor a decent wage and safe conditions was the greatest achievement of the Progressive era. It created the American Middle Class--the true engine of capitalism, the envy of the world--which the Republican Party has spent the last 35 years destroying, brick by brick.

Because, you know, unions!

Racism, despite what a majority of the Supreme Court seemed to believe, still exists, as is evident every time a cop guns down an unarmed person of color. Or some asshole waves a Confederate flag.

And competent government is the only thing protecting most of us from the death dealing beneficence of unfettered free market capitalism.

Facts are heartless things...they don't care whether you believe in them or not. They continue to exist, whatever.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Foreigners' Travel Advisory

So, you're thinking of traveling to the United States!

We welcome you with open arms!

This is the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave!

Enjoy our purple mountains majesty. Enjoy our fruited plains.

Enjoy our triple cheeseburgers. Enjoy our Kardashians.

But please respect our culture.

And always remember, our right to indiscriminate slaughter is one of our most sacred rights.

Make that our most right.

Guns everywhere and guns for everyone!

So, wherever you go in our exceptional land, whether school, mall, nightclub, or even house of worship, there's a good possibility that some moody loner-religious nut-psycho-aggrieved patriot may shoot you.

And there's nothing we care to do about it. So don't even ask.

It's just the way we are...

Welcome to the USA! Enjoy your stay!

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

The Flim Flam Men

"The Republican platform and policies are so obviously correct and right for America that they can only win elections by cheating and/or lying."

Huh? What? Those things shouldn't be in the same sentence, should they?

Well, logically they shouldn't...But as a practical matter they have to be.

There can be no other explanation for what we observe every day, all around us.

As soon as the Republicans gain control of a state's legislature, they immediately start trying to suppress as many voters who lean towards the Democrats as possible.

Whether by gerrymandering, complicating the registration process, shortening the voting period, or simply by not having enough polling stations in minority districts, they do everything they can to insure that Democrats will have a hard time voting.

And if a few of their own constituents also suffer, well, all the better for their cover story.

The Republican Party is afraid of open, fair elections.

The Republican Party fears that it cannot win an open, fair election.

Therefore, they will lie and cheat and steal to win.

And since they have no interest in governing, it really doesn't matter if their candidates are incompetent fools.

All that matters is winning.

Friday, June 3, 2016

The Art Of The Scam

From P.T. Barnum, to H.L. Mencken's "booboisie", right up to Nixon's "silent majority" the one consistent thing about our great nation is that there really is a sucker born every minute.

And so, Trump.

And his, uh, "University".

Since, in America, money is the only true measure of all men, then naturally there are a lot of people looking to get rich quickly and by whatever means necessary.

Enter Trump and his spiel:

Listen to ME! Follow MY advice! I am THE ONE!

Of course, advice like MINE doesn't come cheap. So, do whatever you have to do to afford the bounty of MY wisdom.

If that means charging up $40-50,000 in credit card debt, well, that's a small price to pay to be like ME!

Do you want to be a loser? No, of course not. You want to be a winner like ME!

Follow ME and prosper!

Somewhere, P.T. Barnum is laughing.

Now, if El Trumpo were honest, hahahaha, he would tell them the true secret to his "fantastic" wealth:

First, inherit 200 million bucks from your dad. This is the key!

Then, also inherit his business contacts, his Mob contacts, and his political contacts.

And remember--if things get rough, you can always go bankrupt and leave somebody else holding the bag!

If you can just follow these simple rules, then you too can be a success like Donald Trump!