Saturday, November 26, 2016

Meet Trump's Cabinet

Chief of Staff: Steve "Even Sewer Scum Thinks I'm Awful" Bannon.

Secretary of State: Sarah "I can see Russia from my house" Palin. Of course, that's only if Putin is too busy to do the job.

Attorney General: Jeff "If'n You Want To Start A Race War, I'm Yer Peckerwood" Sessions. I guess we're not going to "throw her in jail" now, are we? There's still a very long enemies list to get through.

National Security Advisor: General Michael "Kill Anyone Who Doesn't Love Jesus" Flynn.

Secretary of Defense: John "Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Iran" McCain. I know they've had their differences, but surely they can agree on nuking some folks, can't they? The Chickenhawk and the Professional POW. Sounds like a great buddy movie.

Department of Homeland Security: Milwaukee County Sheriff David "Constitution? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Constitution" Clarke. See, he's black so that means they're not racists, right? Yes, he is black, but the old, ugly phrase "house ni**er" comes to mind.

Secretary of the Interior: Is James Watt dead? If so, then whomever the Koch brothers want will do. We've got a lot of federal lands to despoil. Those National Parks aren't going to privatize themselves!

Secretaries of Education, Energy, Housing and Urban Development, Health and Human Services: you're kidding, right?

And of course, since Trump will need all the help he can get, there will have to be some new positions:

Minister of Misinformation: Roger Ailes.

Minister of Culture: Ted Nugent.

Minister of Bile: Rudy "Frothing at the Mouth" Guiliani. Naturally, he has to be cleared for rabies first.

Minister of Truly Bad Ideas:  John "Anyone Who Listens To Me Is A Fool" Bolton. Regime change? In Iran?  Beautiful. It's good to see Bolton hasn't lost a step.

Minister(s) of Internal Compliance: All those armed Trump supporters can take turns keeping the rest of us, the majority by the way, in line.

Gonna be a fun 4 years.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Poor Little Mike Pence

So this homophobic, theocratic, bigot goes to a Broadway show and gets booed...

Never been prouder to be a theatre lover in my life.

Fuck Mike Pence.

The theatre is a place of inclusion. Not exclusion. Always has been. Always will be.

Except for complete assholes. No room for them. Maybe try NASCAR next time...

Fuck Mike Pence.

And fuck his new boss, too.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Coup d'Etat

If, in some unnamed foreign country, they had an election wherein the secret police meddled in favor of one side, and another country meddled in favor of one side, and local legislatures passed laws that favored one side, and the voting machines could be hacked and left no paper trail, favoring, you guessed it, one side, you might call it a coup d'etat...

Here, in the best country there ever was or will be, the shining light, the last best hope of mankind, we just call it a Presidential election.

Nothing to see here...move along.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Thank God! Big Mouth White Male Bigots And Bullies Finally Have A Voice Again!

It was rough there for awhile.

They had to tamp down their natural tendencies and try to at least pretend to treat other people with dignity and courtesy. And maybe even a little respect...

But fuck that PC bullshit!

They're back, baby!

And all you faggot cucks will have to deal with it!

This is America, you pussies!

Their boy is in the White House now!

And all you libtards who tried to ruin this country by treating "those" people as equals better watch out!

Break out the Confederate flags, the cheap beer, and the hillbilly heroin! Crank up the meth labs! Iron up the best sheets, Ma! We going' to the "nauguration!"


Saturday, November 12, 2016

Least Surprising Headline Of The Century

There it is, in USA Today's issue of November 11th, 2016:

"Rise in racist acts follows election"

Gosh, I wonder why?

If I were black or brown or any other off-white shade, or LGBTQ, or a member of a non Christian religion, I think I would be exercising my Constitutional rights and buying every gun I could afford. And plenty of ammo, too. It may not have occurred to people on the right, but that "Second Amendment remedies" gate swings both ways.

In case you forgot, November 11th is Veteran's Day. Looks like all those men and women of different colors and religions fought and died so that some racist scum assholes could celebrate Der Trump's "victory" by bullying and intimidating people of different colors and religions.

Proud to be an American?

No, not these days.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

The Real Confederacy Of Dunces

Ya gotta love those "low information" voters.

I knew there were many millions of idiots in this great country of ours. Look at 2004, for instance.

Obviously, I underestimated.

The phrase "cut off your nose to spite your face" comes to mind.

I guarantee you that the vast majority of those angry white Trumpistas rely on the Federal government for many things.

And should the markets crash, as they very well might, they will need the government even more.

And they have elected a Congress with a majority that believes that government shouldn't do very much for people. The bare minimum in fact.

And a President who doesn't know anything about governing. And has no interest in learning. An egotistical, know nothing with the impulse control of a spoiled child, the ethics of a sewer rat, and the moral compass of syphilitic libertine.

Oh, and by the way, he's a stooge for Putin.

It's true. Sometimes you really have to hit rock bottom.

And we have.

So now we have to rely on a handful of "moderate" Republicans to put their country before their party. And what are the odds of that?

Forget the better angels of our nature. It's every man for himself, and the Devil take the hindmost.

Buckle your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy, long, dark, ride.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Election Day Advice


Miracles do happen!

The Cubs win a World Series!

And election day is finally here!

If you're voting for Hillary Clinton, I hope you have a pleasant, uneventful day. No long lines at the polling places. No armed fuckhead Trump supporters to hassle you as you cast your vote.

And if you're voting for Trump, just stay home. At this point, it is literally the most patriotic thing you could do.

But, if you insist on voting, please ask yourself one question: do you know any really intelligent people who are voting for Trump?

Me neither.

Friday, November 4, 2016

Hillary Clinton Will Win Easily...Unless

Here's the deal:

Republicans have elevated stealing elections to an art form.

They gerrymander every conceivable district to either dilute or concentrate Democratic voters.

The result is that more people vote for Democrats and yet more Republicans are elected. This gerrymandering may not matter as much in the vote for President, but it sure helps keep the Congress full of mouth breathing simpletons.

And it means Republicans control many state legislatures, where...

They remove people, usually Democratic voters, from the voting rolls, at whim.

They stop early voting and curtail the voter registration period.

They under staff polling places in minority areas.

They send armed white thugs to "enforce the sanctity of the vote."

Also, in addition to their Russian hacker buddies, the GOP apparently has a whole cadre of Trump lovin' FBI agents doing every thing they can to tilt the election towards their boy.

Last, but not least, there are all those paperless voting machines that can be hacked and that leave no paper trail. Ask John Kerry about Ohio in 2004.

Republicans love democracy...but only on their terms.