Is This Really A Good Idea?

Since we are being relentlessly urged by about a billion ads every day to BET ON SPORTS-it's fun-it's easy-everyone is doing it--perhaps we should take a deep breath and ask ourselves,

"Is this really a good idea?"

Because, and let's be brutally honest here, many (if not most) Americans are mathematically illiterate.

If you don't believe me, watch someone try to make change without an electronic aid of some kind. It's very entertaining. 

Things like probability theory, vigorish, odds formats, etc. are way beyond most people.

But even more important, in the long run, the house always ends up winning. That's why casinos have huge chandeliers, and dancing waters, free drinks, and Britney Spears appearing nightly in the Main Room. And you don't.

Regarding a casino's relationship with its customers, I'm reminded of a line from a W.C. Fields' movie. During a card game Fields is asked "Is this a game of chance?" He responds, "Not the way I play it, no." 

(By the way, it takes a real fucking idiot to bankrupt a casino. They are designed to make money, after all. Guess who bankrupted a couple of casinos? Yeah. Lil Donnie Trump. Probably too busy laundering some Russian's money to pay attention.)

Of course, now you don't even have to leave the comfort of your home to lose.  Forget the free drinks and dancing waters. Forget Britney Spears. Just pick up your cell phone and start placing bets!

You may win once. You may even win twice. But eventually you will lose. And lose. And lose again.*

I think they better add a couple of phone lines at Gamblers Anonymous.

To continually encourage people to get mixed up in this borders on madness.

And to use wealthy celebrities, who can afford to lose large sums, to encourage we commoners to get mixed up in this borders on the criminal.

But, what the hell? It's a free country and like they say, "a fool and his money will soon be parted". 

Even while seated in his Lazy Boy, with an energy drink in one hand, and a bowl of chips nearby.

*Sure, there are "professional" gamblers. They make a living at it. They study everything, every angle. It's their job, after all. But they lose, too, sometimes. And there are just a few of them in a nation of nearly 400 million people. You like those odds?

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

In a land chock full of people who glory in their Christianity and profess their love of Jesus and all he stood for--many while using use him and the Bible like a cudgel against the rest of us--isn't it curious that any attempt to help the poor and sick is immediately shouted down as SOCIALISM?

Paid family leave? SOCIALISM!

Universal health care? SOCIALISM!

Hot lunch programs? SOCIALISM!

Day care? SOCIALISM!

After school programs? SOCIALISM!

Free Community College? SOCIALISM!

Student debt relief? SOCIALISM!

Progressive taxation? SOCIALISM! 

Living Wage? SOCIALISM!

So, it seems that the reason we can't have nice things is that a large number of us have a fundamental belief that the poor can never be made to suffer enough.

I'm not sure which book of the Bible that's in, but it must be somewhere. Right?

More importantly, it is the chief operating principle of one of our two main political parties.

Random Thoughts On A Lovely Autumn Day

Why does Tucker Carlson always look constipated? Hasn't he heard about laxatives? Or is just that he's so constantly, totally, full of shit that nothing will help?

Republicans don't want to do away with racism. They want to do away with teaching about racism. And that will make it all better.

It's a shame that Don the Builder couldn't get any infrastructure bills passed in 4 very long years. Imagine all of the Mob concrete and Polish scab laborers he could've used. #SAD.

A note to all of the anti-masker/anti-vaxxers who like to confront people: sooner or later you're going to pick on the wrong person and you're going to get seriously hurt or maybe even killed. Hopefully someone will be on hand to film it.

In a just world, the next Republican to quote Martin Luther King Jr. would burst into flames.

Is it really such a tragedy that the vast majority of people now dying from CoVid are Red State Loons? Is it?

What kind of people keep re-electing Paul Gosar? What has he ever done for his district? What legislation has he proposed to help Arizona, let alone the country? He's an idiot, a racist, a liar, and, most importantly, a traitor. I can only assume that his supporters have all of those characteristics as well.

Why some professional athletes, who have without a doubt been injected with all sorts of goodies by team doctors, for pain, for healing, for performance, should now balk at a simple poke in the arm to keep them and those around them safe from a deadly disease, is one of the great mysteries of the modern world.

There is no cure for stupid. And when you mix it with ego, it can be deadly.

WTF?!

The other day there were a number of, oh, let's call them QAnon fuckheads, waiting in Dealey Plaza, Dallas for JFK, Jr. to show up.

That's right. That Dealey Plaza.

That's right. That JFK Jr.

And after that apparently un-dead Kennedy made his miraculous appearance, then he and Traitor Trump would ride together in glory and reclaim the White House from the baby blood drinking usurper Biden.

You really can't make this shit up. It's so far past satire and parody that it cannot be classified as anything but stark, raving, frothing at the mouth, madness.

SPOILER ALERT: Guess what? Junior didn't show--being dead dead dead and all.

But, not to worry QAnon faithful!  You probably just got the date wrong. Calendars are such tricky things! And numbers can be so confusing! Keep the faith!

After the "rising from the dead" or "faked his death" bit, I'm not really sure what the next craziest aspect of this whole scenario is. But somewhere high on the list is the idea that JFK Jr. would have anything at all to do with Donald J. Trump.

I am really sure that the most frightening aspect is that a not insubstantial number of retards* actually believe this shit.

*(Yeah, I know, we're not supposed to say "retards" anymore. But, let's be honest, sometimes it's the only word that works.)

My White Replacement Theory

Here is a partial list of some "whites" that should be "replaced" ASAP.

Donald Trump

Donald Trump's 3 oldest children and their spouses

Rupert Murdoch

Tucker Carlson

Sean Hannity

Laura Ingraham

Mark Levin

Every Republican Senator and Congressperson (I realize that a couple of these are people of color--but being in the Republican Party means they have willingly forfeited any claims they might have to being black or brown and are no doubt considered honorary whites by their fellow Republicans, so...)

Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema

Everybody who whines about Critical Race Theory without any understanding of what it is

Every hillbilly with a soft spot for the Stars and Bars

Every gun nut

Every Libertarian billionaire

Every anti-vaxxer

Every televangelist

All of these people could be very easily replaced by either a wad of dryer lint or a medium size pile of horse shit.

No one who matters would miss them and the country would immediately be so much better off.

"The Nearest Run Thing You Ever Saw In Your LIfe"

The title of this post is a quote from the Duke of Wellington about the Battle of Waterloo.

I take it to mean that, if one or two minor things had or hadn't happened, Napoleon would have won.

And the history of Europe would have been very different.

The margin for error was just that thin. 

The more we learn about the January 6th insurrection, the more clearly we see that it was also a "nearest run thing."

You might think that a lifetime of bankruptcies, business failures, divorces, and indictments would have taught Donald J. Trump how to accept defeat. 

Au contraire. 

The King of the MAGAts had a plan to overturn the election. A 6 point plan, put together by the kind of lawyers that attach themselves to people like Donald J. Trump, i.e. the sleaziest kind.

And, if one or two things had gone his way...

Our democracy is just that fragile. 

The Founders anticipated many things.  They did not anticipate something like Donald J. Trump, with a hand picked Supreme Court, and a political party so afraid of him that it would be willing to trash the Constitution just to keep him happy.

By the way, Mike Pence really deserves no credit for ultimately not going along with the plan. He searched and searched and searched for a way to do what his Master wanted.

Finally, apparently after consulting with another half-wit Hoosier former Veep, he did the right thing, the only thing he legally could do.

(And, naturally, was then threatened with death by Traitor Don's traitorous followers.)

When the fate of your democracy rests on the Constitutional wisdom of Dan Quayle, you have truly dodged a bullet.

So The Ivermectin Didn't Work, Huh?

Hmmm. Who could have imagined that a veterinary treatment for de-worming horses wouldn't work for an airborne corona virus in people? Strange that.

You're still sick, and getting sicker. What to do, what to do?

Do not go to the hospital! They're kinda crowded right now, anyway. Remember, you don't trust doctors and their so-called "science". And their fancy vaccines.

So what if they've proved effective for literally hundreds of millions of people. You're a free citizen. Not a sheep. You will not be forced into any Deep State/Bill Gates/George Soros vaccine genocide!

(Forget for a second that the entire Trump family has been vaccinated. And so has everyone at Fox News. And probably every Republican member of Congress, too.)

You've done a lot of "research" on the Internet and you're pretty sure you know more about this than any "expert". Your body. Your choice.

If the horse paste didn't work there must be another way...

Do not despair. Do not worry. There are a multitude of other "cures" that the Deep State doesn't want you to know about:

Prayer. Pray really hard and really long and, if Jesus truly loves you, He and His Dad will probably save you. And if They don't, well, that just shows you're not worthy.

There are hundreds, if not thousands, of other veterinary ointments, serums, drugs, etc. Make what remains of your life one probably not too long experiment. (I was going to say "science" experiment, but that might frighten the target audience.)

(By the way, has it occurred to these people that veterinarians are doctors, too? They went to a form of Med school. They use the science they learned there every fucking day. On animals.)

The old Roman method of dealing with unfortunate events. Draw a nice, warm bath. Sit in it comfortably while with a straight razor you open the veins in both wrists. I'm told this really doesn't hurt much. "Turn off your mind, relax, and float down stream. It is not dying..." Well, actually it is dying. But at least you'll no longer have to suffer in this socialist hellhole. Am I right?!

For those without a bathtub, a plastic bag over the head, tightly taped around the neck, is not nearly as elegant as the Roman method, nor as painless, but ultimately just as effective.

Finally, don't forget about Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson. You probably have a bunch of different calibers to choose from. Buy American! Go out with a bang! Own the Libs!

The Grift Goes On

Just as there are people still waiting to be Raptured.

Just as there were, for many years, Japanese soldiers hiding in the jungles of the South Pacific, convinced that WWII was still a "thang", indeed a "winnable thang", long after the A bombs had closed that book.

Just as there are no doubt countless steamer trunks, full of Confederate War bonds tucked away in double wide trailers all across the South, hoping for...well, you know.

So there are apparently millions of people willing to send money to Donald J. Trump for his next "campaign" or "audit" or "whatever".

Other than the "whatever" part, none of this money will be spent on what they think.  

No, Donald J. Trump will spend that money on debt service, on lawyers, on trying to maintain what remains of his lifestyle.

On propping up the crumbling facade of "whatever" remains of Trump World.

The campaign will never happen. The audits are a lunatic's fantasy. Hopefully, "whatever" is left of the Trump family in 2024 will be doing laps around the yard of a maximum security prison somewhere hot.

It is not really that surprising that the chuckle headed MAGAts still, against all reason and all reality, continue to send whatever money they can scrape together to Trump.

They believe in him. Just like many of them believe in the pompadoured flim-flam men that sell them   Jesus. 

And so, money they can't afford to part with is bundled off for yet another Salvation raffle ticket. Collect the whole set. All the while they sit and wait while their Shepherd expands his media empire, buys the latest Gulfstream, and chuckles all the way to the bank.

I wonder what will happen when the Men O' God figure out that Trump's grift is cutting into their grift?

Hell to pay, I'd say.

The "Dumbest Person On Capitol Hill"

Madison Cawthorn was recently called the "dumbest person on Capitol Hill."

My first thought on hearing this was, "What? Did Louie Gohmert die?"

This is simply not fair. Sure, Madison Cawthorn is a fucking idiot. No arguments there.

But Louie Gohmert, who as far as I can tell is still alive, is in the Hall of Fame of Dumb. Cawthorn is a mere rookie compared to Louie.

He will need many years of stupidity to get anywhere near Louie's level.

I don't doubt that he will try, but there are no guarantees.

Besides, before he gets close to Gohmert's, uh, achievements, he needs to get past all of the other pretenders to the Great One's throne.

I'm looking at you Mo Brooks, Lauren Boebert, Virginia Foxx, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz. 

(If this were a tag team affair, the last two would be a lock.)

And, try as we might, we can't forget Arizona's duo of stupid, Paul Gosar and Andy Biggs.

Let's not overlook the Senatorial competition, either. 

Ron Johnson, Rand Paul, Rick Scott, Marco Rubio, Chuck Grassley, all deserve consideration. There are countless others, too. All vying for the title.

And remember, while there can only be one "dumbest person on Capitol Hill", it's an honor just to be nominated.

Curiously, they all have that "R" next to their names. You know, "R" for Russia. Probably just a coincidence.

No Madison. You're an imbecile. No one is denying that. But you've got a long, long way to go to reach Gohmert level dumb.

An Incomplete List Of American Disgraces

(A complete list would take up way too much space...)

Homeless people. We are the richest country on the face of the earth.

Hungry people. We are the richest country on the face of the earth. And the fattest, too. But somehow we still have people going hungry, and children whose one good meal a day is provided by their school, which, of course, conservatives want to take away.

Mentally ill people set loose on the streets. Thanks again, Saint Reagan.

People with no health insurance. Because, you know, national health care is SOCIALISM!

People who refuse to be vaccinated. Because, you know, FreeDumb.

Substandard schools for poorer people. Sweet demi-palaces for richer people. There is a public elementary school that I drive by that has recently built a multi-purpose structure that would not be out of place at Lincoln Center, in New York City. Meanwhile, there are schools nearby with not enough books, not enough  paper, not enough pencils. Computers? Hahaha. And don't get me started on charter schools and the voucher system.

Bullet proof backpacks for school kids. Because some people think that their right to bear arms is more important than anyone else's right to live.

Lugnutz who wander around with their AR-15's. They think they look tough, but what they really look like is scared little boys playing army.

Idiots who can say, with a straight face, that slavery "wasn't so bad".

Idiots who oppose teaching that slavery was indeed that bad. Bad in such a profound and disturbing way that it should shame every decent white person in America, and cause them to dedicate themselves to finally fix its lasting ills.

Fox News. Goebbels would be so proud.

The Republican Party in toto. I mean, Jesus, just look at them.

Signor Baseball's "What The Hell Is Going On Here?" MLB Update

There are always surprises in sports. Players get hurt, or under perform. Sometimes players you've never heard of have superior seasons.

Sometimes entire teams have superior seasons. 

And sometimes entire teams slump.

Because of the length of the season, in Major League baseball things tend to even out. Call it reversion to the mean.

But not always...

The biggest surprises so far in the 2021 season are as follows:

The San Francisco Giants. I don't know where they found these guys. Frankly I've never heard of most of them. But, so far, they've been able to stay ahead of Dodger and Padre teams that are much better--on paper at least. Looking at the records of the other NL teams, I'd say that even if they fade some in the home stretch they'll make the playoffs.

Atlanta Braves are below .500 and unless the Mets crash and burn, won't make the playoffs. Philadelphia has a better chance at catching New York.

The Arizona Diamondbacks are just awful. I didn't expect them to be a contender, but I also didn't expect them to be a complete embarrassment. The big surprise here is that their manager still has his job.

Milwaukee figured to be in the race in the Central, but not this far ahead. There is still time for St. Louis to close the gap, but they'll have to play much better than they have while the Brewers fall apart. Chances are that won't happen. Cincinnati being in contention as I write this is also a surprise. 

Over in the AL, the Yankees have been very good and very bad, sometimes in the same inning. Their bullpen is totally unreliable and their hitters have shown a tendency to all go cold at the same time. Also, their starters have been banged up all year. They will struggle to make up enough ground to get a Wild Card. However, if they do, and their starters stay healthy, they can make some noise in the post season because they have a lot of talent--even though much of it has been dormant so far.

The Red Sox have been consistent all year and barring the unforeseen, will win the East. If they should falter, Tampa is right behind them. Either way they make the playoffs. And, a few years from now, we may find out that they've been stealing signs again...

Chicago running away with the Central is also surprising. They, on paper once again, don't look that much better than Cleveland or Minnesota. But apparently they are. Somehow, this late in his career, Lance Lynn has turned into Tom Seaver. Odd that.

And out West, the Astros remain the best team, but Shohei Ohtani is the best show in baseball. A once in a hundred years talent. Babe Ruth reincarnated. But you'll have to enjoy him during the regular season, because the Angels aren't close to being a playoff team. Oakland and, surprisingly Seattle, are in striking distance. But Wild Card slots are the best either of them should hope for. Houston is just too good.

Still, there are a lot of games to play. Somebody gets hurt, somebody gets hot...and things can change just like that.

 

Ashli Babbitt Got Exactly What She Deserved

Does that seem harsh to you?

Really? 

Because based on all the available evidence she was asking for it.

If someone broke into my house with a crazed look on their face, chanting some insane bullshit, waiving their traitor's flag, and threatening mayhem and murder, I would not hesitate to neutralize them as quickly as possible with whatever means seemed appropriate.

And if they were accompanied by a gang of similarly incensed, delusional, knuckle dragging lunatics, the appropriate means would be swift and deadly.

No ifs, ands, or buts.

No time to try to figure out who's a murderous crazy and who just thinks "gee, this will be fun!"

The next time a gang of MAGAts, riled up by their Flabby Orange Couch Potato Traitor in Chief, tries to storm anything, the appropriate police response can be described in three words:

Shoot To Kill. 

Oh sure, warn them first.

Then Shoot To Kill.

Play time is over.

Apocalypse When?

Every once in awhile some D-list religious leader will announce the "End of the World".

On such a date, at such a time, blah, blah, blah. 

And their flock sells everything, drinks all the Koolaid they can get their hands on, and waits...

And waits...

Like they say, "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me countless times, well, I have a big, big, problem."

Now, sometimes the shepherd and the flock end up killing themselves.

The more callous amongst us might call this a win-win.

But usually the shepherd mumbles something about miscalculating and, uh, he'll get back to you.

And the flock will be ready, willing and able to follow him again--just as soon as he figures out where and when.

It is with this sort of thinking in mind that we turn our attention to the belief of some people that Donald of Orange, everybody's favorite criminal Traitor, will somehow be "restored" to the Presidency in August.

Huh?

That this is a complete impossibility doesn't matter. Like any other cult, the MAGAts will believe what they believe irrespective of facts.

Their Leader, who at this point is well past Empty on the functioning brain gauge, has spoken and there is literally nothing they can do--nothing anyone can do--but play along. And keep those donations coming, of course. After all, Freedumb isn't Free!

I mean, the My Pillow Guy says it's definitely going to happen, and if you can't trust a "reformed" crack addict who now peddles crappy pillows to simpletons, who can you trust?

So, put away your so-called "facts". They have no place in TrumpWorld. 

On the plus side, when this does not happen--because it cannot happen--perhaps some of the MAGAts will do the "right thing" and leave this veil of tears forever.

Fingers crossed.

What Happens To A Useful Idiot Who Becomes A Useless Idiot?

Having served his Master's purpose, not wisely or particularly well--but wholeheartedly--Donald J. Trump finds, much to his surprise that his Master no longer has any use for him.

Oops.

This must be causing some concern in whatever parts of Traitor Don's brain that are still semi-functional.

All that treason for naught. #SAD.

Sure, he will sooner or later be confronted with a bevy of New York state charges. And there's a pretty good chance that he will face a few Federal charges as well.

Sure, he will probably lose everything.

Sure, his beloved (well at least one of them is beloved) older children may all go to prison, too.

But he's spent his entire adult life bullshitting in court, drawing out law suits, dissembling, lying, bribing, blackmailing, and threatening people.

And somewhere in that low wattage brain of his, he's no doubt convinced himself that he will skate once more. Because he always has before.

The thing is, though, that his Master doesn't care about any of that.

No, his Master plays a brutally straight forward game of Realpolitik. Not a lot of grey areas. Not a lot of nuance.

The question is, will his Master be content to bury him under an avalanche of the Kompromat that they've been collecting for many years?

Of course, it could be something more dramatic. More final. More in keeping with his Master's M.O.

So, my advice to Donald J. Trump is "Don't drink the tea."

Or do. No one really gives a fuck anymore.

What Fresh Hell Is This?

A sometime contributor to The Arizona Republic, Jon Gabriel, who publishes something called Ricochet, which from all appearances is just chock full of Conservative/Libertarian nonsense, recently wrote an opinion piece for the paper stating that he thinks Kamala Harris isn't cut out to be Vice President. With that sentiment in mind, perhaps we should recall some of her predecessors:

Richard Nixon was Eisenhower's veep. Enough said.

Spiro Agnew was Nixon's veep. And, quelle surprise, a convicted crook. Birds of a feather, I guess. 

 

Gerald Ford replaced Agnew and all he did was pardon Mr. I Am Not A Crook for his various crimes.

 

George H.W. Bush was neck deep in Iran-Contra while the Great Communicator and Mommy consulted their astrologist. 

 

Dan Quayle was out spelled by a child. 

 

Dick "The Dark Lord" Cheney gleefully led George "Simple W." Bush deeper into the Middle East abyss that we still haven't emerged from.

 

And Mike Pence was last seen cuddling up to the man whose followers desperately wanted to hang him not so long ago. Grovel much?

 

Quite a list, huh? All they have in common was their white maleness, their sterling Conservative Credentials, and that "R" beside their names. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Not cut out for? Don't make me laugh.

 

In Too Deep

There's an old saying attributed to Will Rogers, "if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging."

Apparently, the Republican Party never learned that lesson.

They continue to spread Trumpie the Clown's Big Lie.

They refuse to sanction an investigation into the insurrection on January 6th.

They encourage fake election "audits" in various states.

They keep lying....about everything.

These are all losing gambits.

And yet, they persist.

Why?

Because, like criminals everywhere, at some point they find themselves in too deep to stop.

For many years, the Goons on Parade party has been run like The Mob, complete with an omerta.

They've taken huge, yoog, amounts of money from various sources--including the Russian government. And people don't give you that much money and expect nothing in return, now do they?

They've undermined our alliances with our allies and encouraged our enemies.

Practically every Republican in Congress has been tainted. 

Practically every Republican in Congress is complicit.

Their crimes are so many, and so antithetical to American Democracy, that were they all exposed, the Republican Party would quite simply cease to exist.

There is no turning back from this sort of, oh, let's call it TREASON.

So, best to keep digging. Keep shoveling as much shit as they can, to try and confuse the issues. Keep bleating about "unity" and "bi-partisanship", words that to a Republican mean "keep doing what we say and no one gets hurt."

We Don't Need The Republican Party Anymore, Do We?

No.

We don't. 

There are enough moderate Democrats who do a really good impression of the now extinct moderate Republicans.

Honestly, when was the last time a Republican did anything to benefit the majority of Americans? 40 years ago? 50? 

Sure, they can wave the Bible around and wrap themselves in the flag...but actually govern? Not so much.

No. They are a fringe party now. Out in the weeds, with nothing to offer except racism, sexism, xenophobia, dead end thinking, and, of course, tax cuts for the rich.

They've spent the last 5 years cheerleading for a traitor. A traitor who is also a crook and a creep and an idiot.

A traitor whose army of zombies stormed the Capitol with blood in their eyes and murderous intent. 

A murderous intent that was aimed at a few Republicans as well as all Democrats.

And they have the nerve to claim it never happened, at least not like that. Those cretins waving Confederate flags, attacking cops, and smearing shit all over the place were "peaceful visitors" "patriots concerned for 'their' country."

Uh huh.

I mean, who are you going to believe? The Republicans or your lying eyes? 

So what happened to the Party of Law and Order? 

Washed away in a flood of Q-Anon nonsense, Russian disinformation, Libertarian twaddle, racist dog whistles, and corporate cash.

Now and forever, G.O.P. stands for Goons On Parade.

They deserve nothing but contempt.

Religion Is Where The Money Is

How can you make a lot of money?

This is an important question, because as we all know, being poor is the worst crime you can commit in America.

So pay attention, ok?

You could invent something wonderful. You could fill a tangible need, either real or imagined. You could produce something indispensable. 

Of course, all of these require inventing or building or supplying something real. 

And there is always the chance that no one will want what you're selling. For every John D. Rockefeller, Bill Gates, or Jeff Bezos, there are millions of unknown failures, with garages or warehouses full of things that nobody wants.

Religion, on the other hand, doesn't require that you produce anything real.

No expensive inventory. No years of R&D. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

Just that most ephemeral of things, "FAITH".

And from some people's simple faith, you can acquire private jets, mansions, improbable haircuts, enormous bank accounts--all sorts of real things. Maybe even a pool boy to boff the wife while you watch. 

Did I mention that you can do all of this tax free?

And even though you're not supposed to mix your religion with politics, well, that's never stopped anyone from doing it. Ya know?

Of course, there is the danger that you will get soooo big that people will begin to notice your, uh, let's call them moral failings, because sins is such a weighted word. Either, of course, can be forgiven--if the money is right.

For instance, no entity on earth has a better real estate portfolio than the Catholic Church. And let's not forget the art collection and all of that gold, too. $$$$$$$$. But after 1700 years of relative impunity for its "idiosyncrasies", the one true church has come under close scrutiny for too many of its shepherds molesting their flocks. And hush money payments and legal fees do take a toll on the bottom line.

But setting that aside, there's still a lot of money to be made. Big money! Big money! Big money!

All it takes is a vague knowledge of The Bible, making sure to skip over the more problematic parts. You know, the parts where old Jesus asks you to help the poor and the lame and treat great wealth as morally suspect. I mean, where's the fun in that? Jesus had never seen a Gulfstream jet, after all. One look and he would have changed his mind about wealth.

So, put that "socialist" stuff aside, embrace a muscular, Capitalist Christ, and start gathering your own flock.

Because, as we all know, there's a sucker born every minute. And apparently a lot of them will give their last dollar to anyone with a slick spiel about salvation.

Trigger Happy, or: Just How Many "Bad Apples" Are We Willing To Tolerate?

Ho hum. Another person of color killed by the police.

Could be a man on the streets. Could be a woman in her bedroom. Could be a child in his yard.

And, after all the usual excuses are made for the police, we hear the refrain of "a few bad apples." 

"A few bad apples." Over and over again. And yet, we never seem to throw those few bad apples away, which is what any competent grocer would do.

And what about the other apples? The ones we assume are "good".

Shouldn't they be offended by the presence of the bad ones?

They should. But it seems they rarely are. The "brotherhood of the thin blue line" and all that bullshit.

If you continually look the other way as the bad apples engage in whatever mayhem they please, up to and including murder, and then make excuses for their behavior, how "good" are you really?

Perhaps we should make every cop take a lengthy psychological evaluation to see if maybe, just maybe, they're racists with a strong tendency for violence. And summarily dismiss those who are.

But the police unions would never allow that, would they?

So here we are. 

The people we pay to "protect and serve" all of us are apparently so terrified of some of us that they automatically reach for their guns under almost any circumstances.

Imagine what a person of color feels every time they see a policeman. Imagine living your entire life with that kind of feeling.

It's really very simple: If you give a "little" man (or woman) a badge and a gun, all of a sudden he's a "big" man (or woman). 

And you better listen to him (or her), you better obey him (or her)...or he (or she) may kill you.

Of course, if you're black or brown, even if you listen, even if you obey, they still might kill you...because somehow, in their mind, you're a threat.

I'm Beginning To Doubt The Value Of An Ivy League Education

Herein follows an incomplete list of Ivy League graduates that have recently served, or are currently serving, in our government:

(Some went to Harvard, some to Yale, a few to Princeton, and several went to two of the three.)

Ted Cruz, asshole Senator from Texas.

Tom Cotton, asshole Senator from Arkansas.

Ben Sasse, asshole Senator from Nebraska. 

Ron DeSantis, criminal Governor of Florida.

Mike Pompeo, Wilbur Ross, Elaine Chao, Steve Mnuchin, proud members of the "former guy's" Cabinet. All corrupt in different ways. (Der Trumpo himself went to grad school at Penn's Wharton School, where he was described by one of his professors as "the dumbest goddamn student I ever had.")

Samuel Alito, Clarence Thomas, Neil Gorsuch, and Brett Kavanaugh, justices of the Supreme Court, and blights on the very idea of the Law.

Of course we must not ever forget Simple W, (George W. Bush) and the Dark Lord (Dick Cheney), those draft dodging war mongers who gave us the multi-trillion dollar sinkhole that is Iraq.

And, just for nostalgia's sake, J. Fife Symington, former Governor of Arizona, whom, when caught in some legal trouble, defended himself by saying, essentially, "they should have known I was lying."

I suppose it's really very simple:

If you went into the Ivy League as a complete asshole, chances are you will come out as a complete asshole, too.

Even the best schools can't fix that.

Signor Baseball's 2021 AL Preview

Since my favorite NBA team has decided to find as many new ways to blow a lead as is humanly possible, which means all of the games we record get deleted from the DVR without being viewed (we are not masochists, after all), I find myself with plenty of free time to analyze the American League.

East: the Yankees are loaded offensively. But they've been loaded offensively for years and have nothing much to show for it. And, if the recent past is any indication, when they need another arm, they invariably go out and get...another bat. However, they are, on paper at least, still the class of the East. And if they can get something approaching consistent pitching they might just run away with the division. Tampa will be right there if they don't, and are a good bet for a Wild Card.  Even without two top starters, Morton and Snell, the Rays are a solid team with a history of beating seemingly superior Yankee teams. Toronto also has a strong everyday lineup, but their pitching is a little too shaky. And, because of the CoVid pandemic, they're stuck playing "home" games down in Florida until at least early in May--and probably longer, what with mutations and many Americans dimwitted hesitancy to get vaccinated or wear masks. That dislocation has to be weird for everyone involved. Boston has Alex Cora back as manager and, as a result, will probably lead the league in sign stealing. The Red Sox pitching is also weak (a theme is emerging) and they just don't have the offense they once had. (They should have tried harder to keep Mookie Betts). And down the road in Baltimore, it will be a loooong season yet again. Repeat after me: great town, great fans, great ball park, bad Orioles. It feels like they are in the tenth year of a 3 year rebuild. People usually get fired for that sort of thing. And so it goes...

Central: should be a three team race for first. Minnesota, Chicago and Cleveland all have things to recommend them. And all have things that make you go hmmm. The White Sox have strengthened their rotation and have a couple of interesting young bats. And, of course, manager Tony La Russa, who actually invented baseball. Just ask him. The Twins are the defending division champions, which ought to count for something. However, their starting pitching looks like a collection of number 3 starters, discarded by other teams. That may be enough to win the Central, though. And in Cleveland, city of lights, city of mystery, the Indians lost their best everyday player and wish they had a collection of number 3 starters to plug in after Shane Bieber. Still, since neither Chicago or Minnesota is that good, the Indians have a shot. Which is more than can be said for Kansas City and Detroit. It wasn't that long ago that the Royals won a couple of pennants and a World Series. But it probably feels like centuries to their fans. If they can get anywhere near to 75 wins it will be surprising. Same goes for the Tigers. Apparently they have lots of young arms just waiting for a chance. Good luck with that. By the time they're ready, if they're ever ready, Miguel Cabrera will be in the Hall of Fame. 

West: miserable cheaters though they may be, the Astros are still the best team in this division. (see "Life Isn't Fair" part one trillion). And while they have lost a few key pieces along the way, they're just better than the A's and Angels. So, Houston in first, Los Angeles and Oakland battling it out for second and a possible Wild Card. It would be nice to see Mike Trout, Ohtani, and Pujols in the playoffs together just once. But I suspect that the Angels' pitching will have to really step up to get them there. Oakland lost some key players. This seems to happen nearly every year, usually for monetary reason. And yet the A's has been weaving serviceable tapestries out of scraps of burlap for years, so if L.A. doesn't get enough pitching, Oakland will slide past them into second. Maybe someday they'll get a new stadium, too. In Seattle, the Mariners have a very young, unproven team. This does not bode well for their season. Some of the youngsters will pan out, some will not. Such is life. And in Texas, the Rangers are officially in tear-it-down mode. Maybe by the time they're finally competitive again, Texas will have gotten rid of their 2 ridiculous Senators. Maybe not.

Signor Baseball's 2021 NL Preview

Normally, I'd base this year's previews at least in part on last year's performance.

But last year was so weird, so very, very weird, that it shouldn't be used for that purpose. 

So, blindly, stumblingly, (which may not even be a word), we venture forth into the 2021 National League season without too many clues.

In that way, it will be much like the last 4 years of cocksure Trumpian incompetence.

Except 500,000 people won't die if I don't get it right.

East: it sure looks like the Braves are the class of this division again. Atlanta's pitching isn't quite as strong as the Mets and possibly the Nationals, but it isn't far off, either. And their everyday lineup, with Acuna, Ozuna, Freeman and Swanson, is much better than either. So...everybody else is playing for second--barring injuries. The Mets still have those stud starters and adding Francisco Lindor will upgrade the offense, but probably not enough to catch up with Atlanta. Philadelphia, Washington and Miami are in the same boat. Fairly solid teams that have at least one glaring hole. This is maybe the most competitive division in the NL, so, if the Braves falter, any of the other clubs could move ahead of them. Second place should have a good shot at a Wild Card slot.

Central: the one certainty in this division is that the Pirates will finish last. For a few years they were very competitive, but that window has slammed shut. Sad for the Pittsburgh faithful, but life isn't fair. As far as the other 4 teams go, St. Louis looks the strongest, but not that much stronger than Milwaukee. Both teams have question marks. Milwaukee still has a lights out bullpen, but needs a big comeback from Yelich, who was not himself in the CoVid season. In the City of the Big Shoulders, the Cubs have a bunch of front line players looking at free agency after this year. It may be the last dance for Chicago's core. And, perhaps, another 108 year World Series drought. As always seems to happen, it will come down to pitching. Here again, there isn't much to separate these teams. The Brewers have that strong bull pen and weak starters, the Cubs lost their ace, and St. Louis's top pitchers have a few miles on them. So, your guess is as good as mine. Finally, Cincinnati is just not as good as the other three. Their offense consists of Joey Votto and 7 guys you've never heard of and their best starter is injured--but they're still better than Pittsburgh. So they've got that going for them. Maybe a Wild Card slot for the runner up. Maybe not.

West: the Dodgers remain the team to beat, but the Padres are closing fast. Los Angeles will defend its World Series' crown with extremely strong pitching and a bunch of proven bats. What more do you need? Luck. San Diego has thrown a lot of money around, and their everyday line-up is about as solid as L.A.'s. Machado and Tatis will put up big numbers, but their starting pitching isn't nearly as good, so...The Giants just don't have the talent to keep pace. But on the bright side, San Francisco is a great city to hang out in and a lot of big contracts come off the books next off season, so hope springs eternal. Arizona has a little more talent, but they need a huge comeback year from Madison Bumgarner to truly compete and that doesn't seem likely at this point. And Colorado traded their best all around player for a pocketful of dreams. The Rockies look like a good solid last place team. That legal weed will really come in handy for their fans. Indeed, for all the fans of the also rans in this division. It does ease the pain. Dodgers first, but not in a runaway this time. Padres second and a Wild Card berth. Everybody else is playing for the 3-5 slots.

Dear MAGAts,

Apparently, there is a lot of hesitation in TrumpLand about getting the CoVid vaccines.

This is understandable. 

The vaccines are obviously a Deep State plot, funded by George Soros, Bill Gates, Cardi B, and Borat. 

Forget for a moment that Der Trump and Lady Be Best have already gotten vaccinated.

It's a Democrat trick and you are wise to reject it.

I'm urging all of you MAGAts to "just say NO!"

Of course, a lot of you will get sick. A not insignificant percentage of those will get very sick. I'm talking weeks in ICU sick. I'm talking heart, lung, kidney, and liver damage sick.

And some of you will die.

But FreeDumb is worth any price, right?

So, please, you go ahead and Do You.

Show us libtards what "real" Americans are made of.

And leave all the available vaccines for the "reality based" community. 

That'll show us.

They're Going To Need A Bigger Tent

Let's see...

We've got racists and homophobes and misogynists and xenophobes over there.

And neo-Nazis, white supremacists, standard issue bigots, and just general misanthropes over here.

Tax cheats, billionaire scum, corporate lapdogs, all purpose liars everywhere.

Idiots, imbeciles, half wits, and the willfully ignorant are the icing on the cake.

Yes, your modern Republican Party truly needs a big, big tent.

And yet, somehow, they all seem to get along.

Curious that.

I guess the one thing that binds them is that they are all TRAITORS at heart.

(It occurs to me that I may have written a very similar post long ago. But, you know what? There are some things that we need to be reminded of over and over and over again...)

Rush Limbaugh Can Burn In Hell

There's an old admonition, dating from ancient Greece, about not speaking ill of the dead.

Which is, of course, ridiculous.

Besides, if I couldn't "speak ill" about Rush Limbaugh, I wouldn't have anything to say about him; and honestly, where's the fun in that?

To be fair, I never ever ever listened to his show, for the simple reason that I'm not a halfwit.

But, occasionally, I would read about what he said, and that, naturally, led to the following perception:

What a fucking asshole he was! 

In fact, I would put him on the Mount Rushmore of Fucking Assholes.

There really is no other way to describe his racist, misogynist, homophobic, xenophobic, hypocritical parade of lies than as a steaming pile of dog shit.

That a legion of mouth breathing morons listened to and believed everything he crapped out on a daily basis only confirms my belief that there are many, many, millions of imbeciles in this exceptional land of ours.

By the way, this is a problem that there is no easy remedy for. We, the sane, will just have to figure out a way to coexist with a large swarm of idiots. And hope that they don't out breed us.

To give him his due, he was a master of the Big Lie--Goebbels would have been proud. 

And he gave Fox News the template for their ongoing assault on decency and truth. 

It's really not too complicated. Just lie about everything and a large audience of hateful scum will follow you anywhere.

It's quite fitting that a traitorous piece of garbage like Donald J. Trump would give a festering pile of shit like Rush Limbaugh a Presidential Medal of Freedom*. After all, he taught a generation of maggots to dance a jig, and told them that whatever the issue, they were always the aggrieved party. 

Trump and Limbaugh were, in fact, kindred spirits. Twin sons of different mothers, as it were.

So, to sum up, very glad that he is dead.

Very sorry that it didn't happen decades ago.

*(In this case, shouldn't it be spelled FreeDumb?)

This Is Not Who We Are...?

Something awful happens...

A mass shooting. Could be at a school, a church, a shopping center, a business, a concert, a night club. Could be anywhere.

A black person is murdered by the police. Could be a man selling cigarettes, could be a child with a toy, could be a woman in her bed.

A distraught parent kills their children, or their spouse, or anyone that's handy. Because they're "upset" about something--anything.

A gang of traitors storms the Capitol, blinded by their devotion to a two bit scam artist, masquerading as President.

Something awful happens, and a typical learned response is "this is not who we are." 

But the thing is, this is exactly who at least some of us are.

Almost half of our citizens voted for a traitor. A person who put himself above the Constitution. After four long years of his criminality and general incompetence, 70 million people still voted for him. Obviously, they were fine with his actions.

Many of them couldn't care less how many innocent people are killed as long as they get to keep their beloved guns.

They support racists, liars, con men, haters of all persuasions.

The United States Congress is full of them. Half of the Senate and almost half of the House are willing to turn a blind eye to the most outrageous behavior imaginable.

This is not who we are?

Sure it is.

Uh....Thanks?

It should be obvious by now to everyone, including his immediate family, that Louie Gohmert is a moron.

Everything he says, everything he does, confirms this. I can only imagine what kind of shit hole, to use the Flaming Orange Anuses' preferred term, he represents. 

What kind of "people", and I use that word in its broadest sense, keep sending this "person", and again I use that word in its broadest sense, to Congress?

As David Susskind used to say, "the mind boggles".

However, as unbelievable as it may seem, Louie now has competition--stiff competition--for the title of Worst Congress person.

My own sad state has thrown up some hardy challengers. Andy Biggs, Paul Gosar, David Schweikart, and Debbie Lesko are all in the running. 

Biggs and Gosar probably couldn't spell sedition without help, and yet they both committed it. 

Schweikart's own family campaigned against him. Must make Thanksgiving fun.

And Lesko is just another female, empty pant suit, Republican. The lights aren't on, and, yep, no one is home.

Hell of a team the GOP has assembled in Arizona. Individually they are #Sad. But as a group they are stunning. Is this a great country, or what?

We sentient Arizonans would be overcome with shame at the prospect of someone from our state toppling Louie from his perch atop the garbage heap that is the Republican House caucus...if it weren't for two late entries:

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert!

Two Q-anon embracing, Trump loving, pistol packing Mamas who never met a ridiculous idea they didn't heartily embrace. In a well ordered society they would both be disarmed and placed in padded rooms somewhere quiet. In the good ol USA they are both armed, and, at least for the time being, in Congress.

I would say that they're brain dead, but you have to have had a functioning brain at some point to be declared brain dead, so...

Still, we must enjoy our victories, however small they might be. 

Therefore, on behalf of the Arizonans who still have a sense of shame, I say to Lauren and Marjorie,

Uh....thanks?

Before Unity. Before Healing. JUSTICE.

Of course the Republican party now wants "unity" and "healing".

I wonder, would that be like the "unity" they showed President Obama for 8 years?

That slack jawed, racist, knife in the back, put party (and Russia, of course) before country kind of unity? 

And as far as "healing", they are the cause of almost all of our wounds. So let them heal themselves before bothering the rest of us.

God, what a miserable collection of cunts they are. Breathtaking.

Does anyone with a functioning brain think that impeaching The Grotesque One again is a bad idea? He is a traitor who tried to overthrow our government. Leading his idiot legions from the comfort of his lazyboy. Diet coke in his pudgy, soft hands, drool frothing on his lizard lips, bronzer puddling in the folds of his many chins, adult diaper full from the excitement.

Personally, I'd opt for saving time and money and just put that orange son of a bitch, his three eldest children, and his enablers against a wall. Blind fold optional.

But then, I hold a grudge like Stalin held a grudge. Like a Sicilian holds a grudge.

You might consider that a weakness. I admit, it isn't my best trait. Somehow, though, I find it works for me.

The overwhelming hypocrisy of the GOP is mind boggling. However, without it, they would have no core values at all but the lust for power and money.

They cannot govern. They can only steal. And sow chaos. 

Yes, it would be nice to have unity and healing. But before that we should have trials. Lots of them.

After they're over, we can have unity and healing--at least as much as we can stomach. 

But first we must have Justice.

A Traitor Until The Bitter End

You would think that a man who has declared bankruptcy so many times would know when to cut and run.

But no.

Apparently Donald J. Trump is going to ride the crazy train to the very end of the line.

I guess Il Trumpo still thinks that he's immune to the laws of this land.

And why not? He's gotten away with all sorts of illegal crap his entire worthless life. In fact, his business career has been based on illegal crap. Mob concrete, scab labor, stiffing his sub contractors, suing people who can't afford lawyers--there are many arrows in the Trump quiver. 

And he's always gotten away with it.

Why should treason and sedition be any different?

He expects to bluff and threaten his way out of every situation.

So why should encouraging a mob of his delusional halfwits to storm the Capitol be any different?

But it is. Oh yes, it is. You can fuck with a lot of stuff. But not that. And all of his little Republican helpers, Biggs, Gosar, Greene, Guiliani, Boebert, McCarthy and the rest should be updating their resumes. Maybe Russian Television is hiring.

Of course, his army of imbeciles will always stay with him. Like any cult, once you've drunk too much of the Kool-aid the only way out may be death. And that is a problem that we will have to deal with in the coming years. But for the majority of sentient Americans, he's finally crossed the line.

When even a piece of opportunistic garbage like Moscow Mitch McConnell turns against you, you've gone too far.

There will be trials, there will be asset seizures, there will be prison sentences. Best to fuel up the private jet and punch the coordinates for Moscow or Riyadh into the navigation system.

Anyone with the last name of "Trump" might consider an alias. This applies to "Kushner" as well.

(The most amusing aspect of this whole tragedy is that Ivanka, aka Princess Sparkle Pony, thinks she has a future in politics. Maybe she can be the head snitch in whatever prison she ends up in.)

Personally, I would dispense with jail time for her daddy and just put him up against a wall somewhere. Blindfold optional.

But then I'm old school when it comes to treason.