metatag

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

It's Money That They Love

Dear Republican voters,

It should be evident to all but the dullest of you that your elected officials, the men and women with that R next to their names, the ones you've sent back to Washington over and over again, despite their utter lack of achievements, love one thing and one thing only:

Money.

Oh, sure, at every election they are masters at playing to whatever pet prejudices you, their easily fleeced flock, are currently in an uproar about.

Could be abortion. Could be welfare. Could be immigration. Could be guns. Could be health care. Could be "them" and what "they are doing to ruin this great country of ours." (The "them" being people of color, or the gays, or feminists, or those wicked, wicked liberals.)

Could be all of the above. They know you are haters and they willingly cater to your hatred.

But unless you are a complete dolt, (and I recognize that complete dolts make up a sizeable percentage of the Republican Party), you have to by now have recognized that what truly motivates all but the worst of the worst (i. e. the Gohmerts and Kings and Franks of the Grand Old Party), is money, and its non-stop pursuit.

Take the latest rip-off, aka the Republican tax plan. Unless you are a millionaire, better yet a billionaire, this "plan" will not help you at all. It will in fact hurt you. Deeply. Now, you might think that the fine Christians you helped elect would not want to hurt their constituency. Hahaha! Once again the joke is on you.

See, the vast majority of you do not give millions of dollars to the Republican party. So, honestly, what do you expect all the God fearing Republicans in Washington to do for you? You have no quid in the quid pro quo game. But billionaires do. Folks like the Koch brothers, the Mercers, the Ricketts, and Sheldon Adelson. They bought them a bunch of congressmen and women and a so-called President, and they expect to get something in return.

Like massive tax cuts and an end to the estate tax. And if they don't, they won't send millions of dollars to the Republican Party anymore. And the Republican Party will cease to exist. Pretty simple.

Now, somebody has to pay for all those pretty pretty toys the Defense Department really really needs, and if it isn't the wealthy, and it won't be, guess who it will be. Same for whatever few threads are left of the safety net.You might think that the safety net is only for "them", but you will find out very quickly that you need it, too.

Gee, I wonder whose taxes are going to go up if the richest amongst us have their taxes go down?

Uh, that would be you.

Again, hahaha.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Thanksgiving With The Trumps

"Should we say a prayer?"

"Do you think it'll help?"

"At this point it couldn't hurt."

"OK. Jesus Christ, why me Lord, why me?!"

"That'll probably do."

"Remember, if Mueller calls, I'm not here."

"Pass the mashed potatoes."

"Fuck you."

"Manners, manners, manners. After all, we're the First Family, and we should set an example."

"Please pass the mashed potatoes."

"Why don't you take those potatoes and shove them up your ass?"

"Where's Tiffany?"

"Who?"

"Remember, if Putin calls, I'm not here."

"Do any of us even like turkey?"

"Have you seen Melania?"

"She grabbed a bottle of slivovitz and went to her room."

"A full bottle?"

"Yeah."

"Did she say anything?"

"Yes. She said 'fuck you, fuck all of you.'"

"Remember, if LaVar Ball calls, I'm not here."

"Is there any more slivovitz?"

Sunday, November 12, 2017

In Defense Of Roy Moore

See, you Yankees jes don't unnerstan how we do things down heah in Dixie.

See, in 'Bama, the age of consent is in utero. Now, that's the law, son. And you don't want to mess with the law.

Once a female is clean through the birth canal, she's fair game. Sister, cousin, whatever, don't matter. She's fair game.

Truth be told, Judge Moore showed admirable what you call restraint, by waiting 14 long and no doubt anxious years before approaching her. Man's a tower of moral courage and rectitude.

And ya'll know how them wimmen are. Constantly tempting good Christian menfolk into sin.

And the temptation must have been somethin'. Hot damn! Yet the Judge withstood it for more than a decade. Because he's a true Southern gentleman.

Now, I wouldn't expect a bunch of mealy mouthed liberals, New York Jews, coloreds, and emasculating feminist lesbian transgendered homosexuals, to understand Southern chivalry.

But that's all what this is, a sterling example of Southern chivalry. And Southern chivalry is the foundation of Southern culture. Well, that and slavery. And you must respect our culture!

Read yo' damn Bibles! It's all there in black and white.

Joseph and Mary. Jesus and that other Mary. Jezebel. Uh, Sodom and Gomorrah. Jonah and the whale. Victor Mature and Hedy Lamarr. Lot's wife. And all the rest of them.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

An Idiot Abroad

Let's see how incoherent bombast plays in the Far East, huh?

It might help if you knew something about the region, or at least were willing to learn something--anything--about it, but, well...since you're already the self professed smartest guy in the room, with that great brain and the world's best memory, why bother? Facts are for suckers, after all.

No, better to bluster, threaten, and tweet your way around the Pacific Rim.

At least your rancid soul mate in the Philippines will welcome you with open arms.

Oh, and while you're ruining America's reputation, as our last few drops of global credibility go down the drain, make sure you get in a plug for one of your golf courses. Stay classy, DonDon!

It's true, Der Trump, the world is laughing at us...now.

Well, actually the world is laughing at you.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Uh, Guess What? Trickle Down Economics Still Doesn't Work

You have to give it to the Republicans. Like particularly avid terriers, once they get their teeth into something, they never let go.

Take tax cuts for the very, very wealthy. Despite all evidence to the contrary--decades and decades of it, in fact--once again the GOP (Grand Oligarch's Party) presents us with the miraculous wonder of trickle down economics.

If we just let the richest amongst us pay less in taxes--a lot less--everything will be alright. They will create all of these new, well paying jobs, and all the proletariat will prosper and rejoice! Hooray!

In fact, everything will be perfect!

They try this nonsense every chance they get.

It started with that bullshitter nonpareil Ronnie Reagan. When Saint Reagan first proposed it, George H.W. Bush had the good sense to point out that this was "voodoo economics".

But "Poppy" lost the nomination, and given the chance to be honest or be Reagan's veep, well, he quickly fell in line.

So we tried it--and it didn't work.

Well, actually it did work, for the rich. They, big surprise, got even richer. Hooray! The rest of us, the pluribus if you will in e pluribus unum, didn't get diddly.

I will take a wild guess here and say that hey, maybe that was the plan all along...

You would think that an engaged, enlightened electorate, would laugh anybody who tried that scam again right out of the building.

But this is America, and, well, we ain't so good at learning or remembering stuff.