Yep, Trent Franks Is Still An Idiot

Trent Franks (sigh) is a Republican United States Congressman from my state (sigh) Arizona.

He is demonstrably an idiot, but that has never stopped, that will never stop the good, God (and everything else) fearing, abortion hating, members of his benighted district. The district includes one of those anti-septic enclaves full of old, retired, reactionary fuckers built by Del "Why yes, I did make a lot of money building casinos for the Mob. What are you inferring?" Webb. When Pete Townshend wrote "hope I die before I get old" these were exactly the kind of old people he was afraid of becoming...but I digress.

The fact that Trent is a couple of chromosomes shy of a full load is apparent to anyone who has ever seen a picture of Trent. I don't know what you call them now, but my grandmother used to call them mongoloids.

But no matter. Like Louie "Yes, I really am this stupid" Gohmert, who is his equal as an intellect and statesman, Franks is in the US Congress and you aren't. So there, loser!

Trent's latest, uh, faux pas, which is French for "every time Trent Franks opens his mouth", is his urgent warning that terrorists will smuggle atomic bombs in bales of marijuana.

Let that sink in for a minute and get back to me...

PS Remember the "you lie!" guy? Well, I've got 5 grand for the first member of Congress who yells "traitor" while the Liar in Chief is spewing. Consider it a contribution to their 2018 campaign.

Pestilence

The other day, The Rude Pundit compared Dick "The Dark Lord" Cheney to a cockroach.

As far as I'm concerned, that's an insult to cockroaches everywhere.

They ought to sue for defamation.

Of course, that's just my opinion. And enough about me.

Today's topic is "what kind of political party doesn't have the moral character to denounce a cockroach?"

Honestly, Dick Cheney has been wrong about everything during his entire political career.

At this point, he is nothing more or less than a war criminal. A frightening, frothing, clown, dripping with the blood of innocents.

And yet, whatever ridiculous nonsense he continues to spout, with or without his equally disgusting daughter at his side, not one of the current (or past) Republican presidential candidates has the balls to laugh at him. Indeed, many of them continue to respect and admire him and his "opinions".

Fuck him. Fuck his opinions.

I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised. The GOP is, after all, the home of Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Mike Huckabee, Steve King, Trent Franks, Tom Cotton, Ted Cruz, "You Lie!", death panels, "Hell of a job, Brownie", birthers, etc etc etc.

It really isn't a political party anymore.

It's an open air insane asylum, run by its inmates, and funded by a handful of billionaires.

The Best News I've Had All Year!

Sometimes, in the deep gloom of winter, as we huddle around the fire and pray for the return of the light, a miracle happens...

Today I learned that faded action film "star" Steven "Yes, This Is Really The Way I Run" Seagal has announced that he might, might, consider throwing his hat--and possibly his hair with it--into the ring for the governorship of Arizona!

Seagal, no dummy he, has been palling around with Sheriff Joe Arpaio--a.k.a. America's Toughest Sheriff--a man whose performance in office has cost the taxpayers of Maricopa County tens of millions of dollars in wrongful death and wrongful arrest suits. He has observed the ongoing wonder that is Governor Jan "Chuck, Tell Me What To Do" Brewer. He has read the profound statements issued by Tea Party darlings Trent Franks, David Schweikert and Paul Gosar. And he has realized that there are no qualifications to hold public office in Arizona.

So why not him? And, since Hollywood can be so cruel to the rapidly aging especially when they are untalented, why not now?

This is exactly what I've been waiting for.

You see, Arizona has been stuck at 47 or 48 in the rankings of horrible states for way too long. God knows we aren't going to go up to number 1 ever or even break into the top 25.

You wanna know why? Way too many Midwesterners move here. And they don't care about the arts or education or good jobs or healthcare or mass transit or the environment. No, they just want a little sun before they die. And low taxes. And to get away from "them", of course. The dreaded  "other".

So they come here, live off their Social Security, relying on Medicare to keep them alive a little longer, all the time whining about the "damn Federal gubmint", while stuffing themselves with Mexican food as they complain about Mexicans. Ironic, ain't it?

Anyway, while we can't ever hope of getting better, there is a real possibility that we can get worse. Much worse. And Governor Steven Seagal--with the help of our inestimable Klown Kollege legislature--is just the man to do it.

Mississippi and Alabama and South Carolina better watch out. 'Cause we're coming for them!

Trent Franks, Defender of the Unborn

Is anyone surprised that Trent Franks said something stupid again? Didn't think so.

Take a good close look at Franks, yet another of Arizona's illustrious Congressmen.

Would you say he's one or two chromosomes shy of completeness? Yep.

Franks keeps getting re-elected for one reason and one reason only: his district includes all of the dried up douche bags, male and female, in Sun City.

These are people who haven't been fertile since the Truman administration. Yet they get all worked up over "the rights of the unborn".

The operative theory goes something like this: Fetuses have rights, old people have rights, everybody else who isn't rich and white can suck it.

And Trent Franks, who isn't as dumb as he looks (it's close though), knows how to pander to their fears with the usual litany of right wing paranoia: immigration, the black man in "our" White House, etc.

Normally, these are the "get the government off our backs!" crowd.  Why won't they just leave us alone!

Except when it comes to a woman's right to control her own reproductive system. Then the government should jump in with both jackbooted feet and punish the bitches!

These folks rely on government assistance of all kinds--but they hate the Federal government with a passion.

Oh, those meddlesome Feds, with their hot lunch programs, and Head Start, and public education, and welfare, and regulations, and taxes! Oh, don't get them started on taxes...

Get rid of all that stuff. It's socialism!

But keep your goddamn hands off our Social Security and our Medicare and our Medicaid!

It's cognitive dissonance like this that keeps the Trent Franks of the world in office.

Out with the old, in with the new!

It's been a very frustrating year, that's for sure.

The good? Barack Obama was re-elected, thus sparing us four years of the robotic, elitist Mitt Romney. Now all Obama has to do is develop a spine -- which is by no means certain.

I got to see Bruce again. That alone makes it a better year than most. Thanks to my friend Nancy for the ticket and to all my friends at Greasy Lake with whom I saw the show.

Trent Franks is no longer my congressman. I now have Paul Gosar to represent me. This is not necessarily a major improvement, but almost anyone is better than Trent. (I except Allen West, Michele Bachmann, Steve King, Louis Gohmert, Virginia Fox and a few other crazies from this, but not many. These guys would all be worse than Trent). In the same vein, Jon Kyl is no longer my senator, but Jeff Flake is replacing him and I'm not at all sure that's an improvement.

Now for the bad. One thing stands out this year and it was unfortunately brought home again just a couple of weeks ago -- our nationwide obsession with guns. When the framers wrote the Constitution 225 years ago, I don't think they could have imagined such atrocities as Aurora and Sandy Hook. I have trouble imagining them and I've lived through them. The rest of the world sees this obsession and thinks we have positively lost our collective minds. I agree with them. There is no easier problem for us to fix, yet no less likely problem for us to fix. Mitch McConnell and Grover Norquist will celebrate tax hikes together before the NRA and the other 2nd Amendment nuts will give an inch toward even such common sense steps such as automatic registration, limited capacity on magazines, etc. It really leaves me with very little hope.

With that in mind, here's a song I found going through my head today. It seems fairly apropos, so I hope you all enjoy it.

Happy New Year to all. It really can't be any worse than last year -- can it?

Today's Chuckle

John McCain, R-Bitter Old Man, has announced plans for a "think tank" bearing his name at Arizona State University. I will now pause briefly for laughter....

"Think tank"? To quote Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." 

"I think I want to be a Senator" and "I think I want to be President" don't really qualify. Nor does "Hey, I was a P.O.W.! You people owe me!"

Every time McCain runs for re-election I send a letter to the editor of The Arizona Republic asking them to publish a list of his accomplishments. Because Arizona is such a transient state, it would be helpful for all of our newcomers to see in black and white just what "The Maverick" has done for the state. Never once have they replied to my request. Could it be because there's nothing to list?

In the article announcing his "think tank", McCain makes the following declaration, apparently referring to the difficulties of being in the Senate with those wicked Democrats: "I'm surrounded by such incompetency that it's very dispiriting sometimes."

Hey John, you want "dispiriting" try living in a state that's represented by you, Kyl, Flake, Franks, Quayle, Schweikert and Gosar. That's dispiriting.

And Senator, if you want to see real "incompetency" take a good long look in the mirror.