Wednesday, June 21, 2017

A New Name

There's a line in a Woody Allen movie (can't remember which), spoken by Max Von Sydow, that I've always cherished:

As I recall, Von Sydow's character says, "If Christ ever came back, he probably couldn't stop vomiting."

That about sums up my feelings for all the "good Christians" who voted for Trump.

Those poor fundamentalist knuckleheads who feel like they're being persecuted. Boo hoo.

It's one thing to believe in fairy tales. It's another thing to insist that everyone else believe with you. And it's still another to use your "faith" to spread hatred, bigotry, bile, and overwhelming stupidity.

Even though most of what you "know" about him was cobbled together many years, in some cases centuries, after the fact, and has no connection whatsoever to whatever life he might have led, poor old Jesus still deserves better than this.

So, do your boy Jesus a favor and change your name from Christians to something else, OK?

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Yet Another Fable, Part 1

And so the Master Negotiator, the winner, the sporter of superior genes, the self-proclaimed multi-billionaire, found himself in a pickle.

After so many bankruptcies--none of which were his fault, of course--no major American bank would loan him a penny!

Now, you might think that a truly master negotiator would be able to work something out with Chase, or B of A, or Wells Fargo, or Citi, or somebody...

But the banks had all been burned by one or more of his bankruptcies, and so they told the Master Negotiator, the winner, the self-proclaimed multi-billionaire, "NO!"

Of course, he could've used some of his own multi-billions, couldn't he?

Hmmmm? Couldn't he? Does Warren Buffet have to borrow money? Does Bill Gates?

But the first rule of grifters everywhere is "never use your own money". (That is, if you have any money of your own.)

And so the Master Negotiator turned elsewhere...

Lo and behold, some nice Russian "businessmen" (hahaha) had some money, lots of money, and they were more than happy to help the Master Negotiator out!

Naturally, there were "terms" attached to these loans. When you borrow money there are always terms. And, depending on the lender, the larger the amount borrowed, the more onerous the terms may be.

But the Master Negotiator had never had to suffer the consequences of any of his many failures, and so, why not take the Russians' money?

Why not indeed?

Monday, June 5, 2017

What Kathy Griffin Should Say:

So I did something that I thought was funny, and it turns out that to many people it wasn't. Welcome to my entire career.

So it offended a lot of you. Oops. That happens in comedy sometimes. Get over it.

To put this all into perspective, Google all the things Donald Trump's asshole buddy (and White House guest) Ted Nugent said about President Obama and Hillary Clinton.

I may be a c-list comedian, struggling to be a mini-Joan Rivers, (who, by the way, said some truly awful things about Michelle Obama), but at least I never committed treason.

And as far as damaging little Barron Trump, wait until he's old enough to realize who his father is, all the awful things his father has said and done, just exactly what family he's a member of, and what the Trump name means to a majority of Americans and people around the world, and then talk to me about "damaging" poor little Barron with a distasteful sight gag.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

It's The Hypocrisy, Stupid (Continued)

Remember when deficits were an awful, awful, indeed the most awful, thing?

And then, suddenly, they weren't!

And then, sure enough, suddenly, they were again.

But now...well, you get the idea.

Remember how certain people screamed that Obama shouldn't do anything in Syria without Congressional approval? Uh huh.

Remember how "scandalous" it was when Obama wore a (gasp) tan suit?

Or when Mrs. Obama touched the Queen of England?

Oh, and the birth certificate!!! What about the birth certificate?!

These were all big deals, you might even say yooge deals, for the Loudmouth Right Wing Asshole Club. The Limbaughs and Hannitys and O'Reillys brayed and brayed, their beady little eyes gleaming, their devoted listeners sucking up every lie like mother's milk.

But now we have a so called President up to his many chins in treasonous activities. A Mob friendly, pathological liar in a baggy suit, clown makeup, and a  fright wig. A White House full of Nazis and Russian fellow travelers, a Cabinet made up of crooks and incompetents, and nary a peep from those Republican "patriots" who regularly wet themselves over Obama's perceived transgressions.

If it weren't for their fealty to complete hypocrisy, the GOP wouldn't have any moral code at all.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Pariah Nation

Used to be that the nations known as "pariahs" had tin pot despots running them.

You know,  Amin's Uganda, Qaddafi's Libya,  Duvalier's Haiti, Hussein's Iraq, Marco's Philippines, Assad's Syria, and North Korea under whomever.

All of these places were/are characterized by wide spread corruption, disregard for human rights and the rule of law, brutality towards anyone who appeared to challenge them, kleptocracy, plutocracy, and, of course, rampant nepotism by the ruling families.

Any of that sound familiar?

There was a time when we sneered at despots, decried their awful deeds, and by example tried to lead the civilized world.

Hahaha. That was then, this is now.

We, the good ol' US, are now officially a pariah nation.

Let's go down the check list:

Ignore Climate Change? You better believe it! As long as there's a drop of fossil fuel to be sold, Global Warming is just an "unproven theory".

Universal Health Care? Na. Too hard. Too complicated. Too, uh, "socialist".

Religious persecution? Yep. Certainly if you're a Jew or a Muslim or a non-believer. Those swastikas don't spray paint themselves!

Kleptocracy?  All of those proposed tax cuts for the rich? Selling off public lands to the highest bidders? The Republicans would take the pennies off a dead man's eyes and replace them with vouchers.

Oligarchy? Have you seen Der Trump's appointments? A rainbow coalition of rich, white, mostly males, with dollar signs where their consciences should be.

Rampant nepotism? Are you kidding? It's only a measure of how little Der Trump cares for Tiffany that she isn't at least a trusted advisor, perhaps even a cabinet member by now.

Admire, and even buddy up to, the scum of the earth? Our Piece of Shit in Chief is overly fond of other Pieces of Shit, like the Philippines' Duterte, who is nothing more or less than a psychopathic murderer. Then there's Der Trump's bromances with the likes of Putin, Sisi, Erdogan, and the entire House of Saud. Assholes always seek out other assholes. It's a law of nature.

To be fair, so far the Trump administration hasn't jailed or murdered any journalists or dissidents.

So far...

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Signor Music's Favorite Rock Guitarists Of All-Time!!!!

Because we are all sick to death of politics and worrying about just how awful the next few months and years will be, (hint: pretty fucking awful--unless you're a rich, white male), herein follows my highly subjective list of favorite rock guitarists:

1. Jimi Hendrix

2. Bill Nelson

3. Pete Townshend

4. Mick Ronson

5. Prince

6. Neil Young

And then in no particular order: Joe Walsh, Jeff Beck, George Harrison, David Gilmour, Mark Knopfler, Mike Campbell, Brian May, Billy Gibbons, Tom Verlaine, Paul McCartney, Mick Jones (Clash), Martin Barre, the Edge, Steve Hunter, Dick Wagner, Phil Manzanera, David Hidalgo, Nils Lofgren, John Lennon, Dave Davies, Ron Wood, Richard Thompson, Mike McCready and Stone Gossard, Robin Trower, Lindsay Buckingham, and Bruce Springsteen.

(I have to admit here that I haven't really liked Eric Clapton much since Cream, and, despite his obvious virtuosity, I never liked Jimmy Page much at all. The same applies to Eddie Van Halen.)

And, of course, we can't forget Chuck Berry, because quite simply there wouldn't be rock and roll without him.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Today's Post Is Brought To You By The Letter "T"

T is for Taken

T is for Tension

T is for Tawdry

T is for Turmoil

T is for Terrible

T is for Treachery

T is for Tool

T is for Tragedy

T is for Terror

T is for Treason

T is for Traitor

T is for Turd

T is for Trump