Sunday, November 12, 2017

In Defense Of Roy Moore

See, you Yankees jes don't unnerstan how we do things down heah in Dixie.

See, in 'Bama, the age of consent is in utero. Now, that's the law, son. And you don't want to mess with the law.

Once a female is clean through the birth canal, she's fair game. Sister, cousin, whatever, don't matter. She's fair game.

Truth be told, Judge Moore showed admirable what you call restraint, by waiting 14 long and no doubt anxious years before approaching her. Man's a tower of moral courage and rectitude.

And ya'll know how them wimmen are. Constantly tempting good Christian menfolk into sin.

And the temptation must have been somethin'. Hot damn! Yet the Judge withstood it for more than a decade. Because he's a true Southern gentleman.

Now, I wouldn't expect a bunch of mealy mouthed liberals, New York Jews, coloreds, and emasculating feminist lesbian transgendered homosexuals, to understand Southern chivalry.

But that's all what this is, a sterling example of Southern chivalry. And Southern chivalry is the foundation of Southern culture. Well, that and slavery. And you must respect our culture!

Read yo' damn Bibles! It's all there in black and white.

Joseph and Mary. Jesus and that other Mary. Jezebel. Uh, Sodom and Gomorrah. Jonah and the whale. Victor Mature and Hedy Lamarr. Lot's wife. And all the rest of them.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

An Idiot Abroad

Let's see how incoherent bombast plays in the Far East, huh?

It might help if you knew something about the region, or at least were willing to learn something--anything--about it, but, well...since you're already the self professed smartest guy in the room, with that great brain and the world's best memory, why bother? Facts are for suckers, after all.

No, better to bluster, threaten, and tweet your way around the Pacific Rim.

At least your rancid soul mate in the Philippines will welcome you with open arms.

Oh, and while you're ruining America's reputation, as our last few drops of global credibility go down the drain, make sure you get in a plug for one of your golf courses. Stay classy, DonDon!

It's true, Der Trump, the world is laughing at

Well, actually the world is laughing at you.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Uh, Guess What? Trickle Down Economics Still Doesn't Work

You have to give it to the Republicans. Like particularly avid terriers, once they get their teeth into something, they never let go.

Take tax cuts for the very, very wealthy. Despite all evidence to the contrary--decades and decades of it, in fact--once again the GOP (Grand Oligarch's Party) presents us with the miraculous wonder of trickle down economics.

If we just let the richest amongst us pay less in taxes--a lot less--everything will be alright. They will create all of these new, well paying jobs, and all the proletariat will prosper and rejoice! Hooray!

In fact, everything will be perfect!

They try this nonsense every chance they get.

It started with that bullshitter nonpareil Ronnie Reagan. When Saint Reagan first proposed it, George H.W. Bush had the good sense to point out that this was "voodoo economics".

But "Poppy" lost the nomination, and given the chance to be honest or be Reagan's veep, well, he quickly fell in line.

So we tried it--and it didn't work.

Well, actually it did work, for the rich. They, big surprise, got even richer. Hooray! The rest of us, the pluribus if you will in e pluribus unum, didn't get diddly.

I will take a wild guess here and say that hey, maybe that was the plan all along...

You would think that an engaged, enlightened electorate, would laugh anybody who tried that scam again right out of the building.

But this is America, and, well, we ain't so good at learning or remembering stuff.

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Some Questions For The Next Trump News Conference

What's the deal with you and the Nazi salute? Did you just fall into it naturally, or did you learn it from your daddy?

Is there anything you won't lie about?

Have you ever heard the phrase "infantile tantrum"?

Do you understand the definition of treason?

If you're not a racist, why do you do so many racist things? And why have you surrounded yourself with racists?

As a follow-up, if you're not stupid, why do you do so many stupid things?

Now that the world has had a good, close, look at your children, do you still believe you have superior genes?

Do they have Presidential suites at Federal prisons?

And finally, a classic one, first asked by Stephen Colbert: What does Putin's cock taste like?

Monday, October 23, 2017

It Doesn't Really Matter, Does It?

It doesn't really matter if the current resident of the White House shits all over the Constitution.

After all, the Constitution is just ink and paper, and ink fades and paper burns.

It doesn't really matter if we have soldiers scattered all over the world and occasionally some of them die for no good reason.

Most of them are poor or working class blacks and browns and whites, and honestly, they have no place in the new Silicon Valley/Wall Street economy, except, maybe, at Wal Mart. And frankly, they're probably better off dead.

It doesn't really matter if the Republicans figure out a way to give huge tax breaks to millionaires and billionaires while taking away health care from poor people.

Fuck poor people! What have they ever done for the GOP? Other than vote for them, that is.

It doesn't really matter that the Russians helped rig our election so that a completely unqualified GOON was elected.

In a democracy, you generally get the government you deserve. Half the people don't bother to vote and the other half contains a very large percentage of imbeciles. It's a wonder we didn't end up here sooner.

It doesn't really matter that multi-starred generals have demeaned themselves to work for this GOON, even to lie for him. Or that the GOON has placed racists, liars, grifters, and fools in very important positions. Or even that the GOON seems dead set on starting a nuclear war.

The sun will still rise and set. The earth will still turn. The planet got along very well without us for billions of years, and will do so again, if necessary.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017


I don't do the Twitter thing. Sad.

But the POS in the White House sure does.

In the hands of someone clever, I suppose it can be a way to quickly say something funny, or witty, or touching, or maybe even insightful.

But Donald J. Trump, who is many things, is definitely not clever.

He is loud and obnoxious and bigoted and egotistical and, let's face it, just plain stupid with a capital S.

He roars about #FakeNews all of the time, when in fact, the only thing truly fake is him.

He is a fake businessman with a trail of bankruptcies and unpaid debts. He is a fake strongman, who folds when he comes up against anyone really strong. He is a fake patriot who will ultimately be proven to be a traitor.

He is without question a #FakePresident.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

The Conversation Going On Inside The Minds Of Republican Politicians

Wouldn't it just be easier to reach out to Hispanics, and women, and blacks, and gays, and students with policies that don't hurt them?

No. That would just make us like liberals. Yuck.

No, the easy thing is to work nonstop 24/7 to keep all of the above from voting, or at the very least make it so hard for them to vote that they don't. After all, it's what we're good at. God knows we can't govern worth a damn.


But aren't we the Party of Lincoln?

Of course we are. And we must constantly remind our good, overwhelmingly white, supporters of that. Otherwise they might start to think that we're all delusional racist bigots, consumed by greed, fear, and envy. And that would hurt their self-esteem. Because they keep electing and re-electing us.

Shouldn't we try to do something about all the guns in the hands of unstable people?

Second Amendment rights! Second Amendment rights! Second Amendment rights!

Ok. But do we really need all of those rapid fire rifles and pistols on the streets?

Yes. Mass shootings help to distract the common folk from all the truly awful things we're trying to do to them.

And that, after all, is the primary objective. Take as much as we can from the poor and middle class, and give as much as we can to the rich.