Sunday, September 17, 2017

Another Page From The Diary Of V. Putin

Codename Numbnuts has been a major disappointment.

He does not seem to understand how to deal with, oh, let's call them "issues".

If I have "issue" with someone, then someone sips tea and dies of "natural causes". Simple.

How hard is this to understand?

If Codename Numbnuts has "issues" he tweets.

He tweets!

This is not way to deal with "issues".

Oi yoi yoi.

What have I gotten myself into here?

This whole thing is turning out to be much more trouble than it is worth.

He takes our money and what do we get in return? Nothing!

What is word? "Bupkis" We get a lot of bupkis from this son of a bitch.

Codename Numbnuts does not seem to understand, I don't need him.

Let me repeat: I don't need him.

He will find this out shortly.

He will not be happy.

Maybe he will tweet about it.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Possible 2020 Trump Campaign Slogans

I'm sure that there are some cynics among you who are certain that all the fundraising that Der Trump is doing, including his recent brownshirt rally in dear old Phoenix, is just designed to grift enough money from his base o' halfwits to pay for his family's ever growing legal fees...

Oh, ye of little faith!

I prefer to look ahead with the optimism born from my strong belief that things can always get worse.

And so, dear reader, I proudly offer up some potential Trump 2020 campaign slogans:

Trump 2020: Together we can ruin a nation!

Trump 2020: The joke's on you!

Trump 2020: Let's see how bad things can get!

Trump 2020: You knew I was crazy when you fell for me!

Trump 2020: Nothing is my fault. Nothing!

Trump 2020: I told you you'd get tired of "winning"!

Trump 2020: Just how stupid do I think you are? Ha!

Trump 2020: A Moron Among Morons!

Trump 2020: Kleptocracy anyone?

Trump 2020: Let's see just how much more I can fuck things up!

Trump 2020: Wall? What wall?

Trump 2020: Ich bin ein AmeriKKKan!

Trump 2020: Things can always get worse!

Trump 2020: Pardon Me!

Thursday, September 7, 2017

The Opioid Crisis Explained

Try to follow along now. This gets complicated.

There's money to be made in keeping as many of you as possible stoned on opioids.

Lots and lots of money.

The doctors make money, the pharmacies make money, and the drug manufacturers make money. Boy, do they!

Lots and lots of money.

That's how you end up with hundreds of millions of pills being dispensed in West Virginia, for instance.

And that's just one small, relatively insignificant, state.

So a few hundred thousand, even a few million people O.D. and die.

So what?

There's always more people in pain.

And by golly, do we have ways to treat their pain!

This is America. And, like the man said, America is a business.

And business is all about the Benjamins.

So, repeat after me:

There's money to be made in keeping as many of you as possible stoned on opioids.

I guess it isn't that complicated after all.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

House Of Cards

Say you had a political party.

Say this party has benefited from subtle and not so subtle racist "dog whistles" for many years.

Say this party, as a result of these dog whistles, had attracted through the years a collection of the dregs of humanity. The worst of the worst.

Say some of these dregs had actually found their way into Congress, where they formed a block of ignorant, bigoted, clueless fools, who had no understanding of how to govern, or even how government works.

Say this party has strayed so far from its roots that it would be completely unrecognizable to not only its founders, but to many of its current members.

Say, along the way, that this party and some of its candidates had accepted money, lots and lots of money, and other, more esoteric forms of support, from a foreign government hostile to the United States.

Say this money had found its way into the pockets of many of the most highly placed members of this party.

Say this party's win at any cost methods, helped immeasurably by this foreign government, had ultimately resulted in electing a President who is totally unqualified to hold any elected office.

Say someone started investigating this party's connection to that foreign government. Say at every step of the way the investigator(s) were shocked to find someone else in the party who had taken the foreign government's money and help.

All connected, all corrupted, all stacked inside each other, like one of those Russian nesting dolls.

All traitors.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Two Pathetic Tiny Men

Apparently obeying laws, like paying taxes, are only for the "little people".

Of course Der Trump pardoned ass hat clown Joe Arpaio.

I'm guessing that the racist former sheriff reminds the racist so called President of his dear old racist daddy.

And in times like these, racist scum have to stick together.

Arpaio, who was known as "nickel bag Joe" for his fearless pursuit of small time drug users when he worked for the DEA, spent decades harassing gardeners, busboys, housekeepers, line cooks and day laborers--as long as they were Latino--all to the cheers of his loyal supporters, most of whom were and are senile. Other Maricopa County criminals got away with whatever they wanted, especially criminals of the white collar variety, of whom Arizona has many. Starting with the Republican controlled state government...

His "law and order" methods cost the state around a hundred million dollars from various law suits. But this never deterred his "base" who love the man who came to be known as Sheriff Joke.

And the Joke's base is Der Trump's base. pink underwear and green baloney sandwiches for Arpaio.

By the way, this pardon will do nothing for Trump's plummeting approval ratings. The pro-Arpaio people were already drunk on the orange kool aid.

Meanwhile large swaths of Texas are being washed away by Hurricane Harvey. The so called President's words of wisdom and comfort to them? "Good luck."

Der Trump will not only go down as the worst President ever, but also the most ridiculous. And it's not even close. The good news is, he can't pardon himself.

Monday, August 21, 2017

Stupid White Men Will Be The Death Of Us

I know that it is currently fashionable in some parts of this great land o' ours (including the White House) to blame everything on "them".

And, of course, by "them" I mean black and brown people.

They're taking away "our" jobs and gaming the system and ruining things for "real" Americans.

And, of course, by "real" I mean white Americans.

I don't expect the people who believe this racist bullshit to ever change their minds. Hell, many of them are still fighting the Civil War.

So they wave their Confederate traitor's flags, scream their foolish heads off, and attempt to intimidate those of us who see them for what they really are.

They are enabled by one of our two major political parties. Guess which one.

Naturally, the truth is something very different.

See, black and brown people (and women of all ethnicities) have so little real power in this great land o' ours that they can't be blamed for anything.

You lost your job? Chances are it was a white man who fired you.

Entire industries moved overseas? All of those Fortune 500 companies aren't run by people of color.

Health insurance and prescriptions costs too much? Congress is 90% white males. Blame them.

No social safety net? Like I said, Congress is 90% white males. You voted for them. Shut up.

Poisoned air and water? The people who pay Congress to undo regulations are not black and brown.

Moron in the White House, rattling his flaccid saber and nodding and winking at neo-Nazis, white supremacists and the KKK?

Repeat after me,

Stupid white men will be the death of us--if we let them.

PS next time you are unfortunate enough to encounter one of these verminous creatures, ask them this: since they believe that black and brown people have all the advantages in our society, if they could, would they like to be black or brown? That should shut them up.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

The Fourth Reich, or: Heil Trump!

And here I thought we were done with Nazis in everything but Indiana Jones' movies.

Turns out some of them are scuttling around the White House.

It's true, you know. Elections do have consequences.

And one of the consequences of the last election is that we have a bigly pile of racist subhuman scum masquerading as President of the United States.

And look, he brought his family of criminal half wits with him!

Let's not forget the various pieces of shit he's placed in important positions:

Steve "Pack of Lies" Bannon. Jefferson Beauregard "If'n It's A Race War You Want, I'm Your Peckerwood" Sessions III. The Hungarian Nazi, Sebastian Gorka. And last, and definitely least, that pustule Steven Miller.

Fuck them all.

I don't expect people to always agree on the economy, or taxes, or health care, or foreign policy.

But if you can't agree that neo-Nazi's, white supremacists, the KKK, and the alt-right in general is a collection of feeble minded, anti-American, anti-Semitic, racist, assholes,'re probably one of them.