Wednesday, October 9, 2019

One Last Gift For His Boss

As Donald J. Trump heads for the exit, quickly one hopes, he gives his Russian master one last gift:

Several hundred thousand dead Kurds.

Add that to the weakening of our alliances with our oldest European allies.

And the chaos he's sewn with NATO.

And the open invitation for even more interference with our elections.

And the weakening of sanctions on Russian oligarchs.

And the undermining of American values by the loving embrace of neo-Nazis and various other hate groups, including white supremacists, and fundamentalist Christians.

Whatever the cost to America's prestige, Donald aims to please his boss, Vladimir.

Because Vladimir helped elect him and Donald is nothing if not grateful...and scared shitless about what Vladimir could do to him if he disappoints.

Thursday, October 3, 2019

Is There Anything Donald J. Trump Won't Lie About?


No there isn't.

Everything and anything. Small things. Big things. Unimportant things and very important things.

Sometimes, in fact, in the middle of a lie, he will stop and lie about something completely unrelated to the lie he was telling. You know, just for practice.

Given that, the stunning thing is that he isn't better at it.

I mean, sweet Baby Jesus, he's had a lifetime to perfect his lying--and he's still bad at it.

At this point, only a moron would fall for his lies.

In fact, the only people who still believe him are the MAGAts themselves.

And the truth is that they are a minority. That's right, loud, stupid, angry, gun crazy, racist, phony "Christians" are a minority in this country. They take up way more space in the national psyche and dialogue than they warrant.

And the only way that a political party that caters to them can win a national election is by cheating.

Sunday, September 22, 2019

At This Point, We Shouldn't Be Surprised By Anything He Does

Honestly, if you woke up tomorrow, and there were Russian tanks on Pennsylvania Avenue or Rodeo Drive, would you be surprised?

Shocked maybe. But surprised? Nah.

Sickened? Saddened? Sure.

But surprised? Probably not.

Certainly Moscow Mitch would be very happy, giddy even, and the Fox News' scum squad of Lil Tucker, Big Sean, Harpy Jeannie, and their supporting Geek Chorus would have a very good reason for why this was a great bit of diplomacy, indeed, a truly patriotic, thing. And besides, what about Obama's (fill in the blank)?

Or what if Traitor Don sold all of our Pacific territories to China for a package of magic (soy) beans? Again, shocked, but not surprised.

So, of course, Emperor Numbnuts tried to strong arm the Ukrainians to get dirt on Joe Biden's son.

If you think that's impossible, either you are a brain dead MAGAt, or you just haven't been paying attention for the last two and a half years.

Anyway, who are we to judge the actions of such a "stable genius"?

Besides, at this point, he's told so many lies and broken so many laws, what's one more?

Monday, September 9, 2019

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Idiot

So the story comes out that we had to pull an "asset" (spy) out of Russia because our intelligence agencies thought he or she would be endangered because of a) Donald J. Trump's big mouth and/or b) Donald J. Trump's uncomfortable chumminess, let's call it a full blown crush, with Vladimir Putin

If Trump isn't a treasonous stooge for the Russians, and nothing he's said or done would convince anyone with a functioning brain otherwise, he's simply too fucking stupid to be trusted with our state secrets.

Think about that for just a second...

John le Carre has written a lot of really entertaining books about espionage. From Alec Leamas, in The Spy Who Came In From The Cold, through all of the George Smiley books, and on until today, they are the ne plus ultra of spy stories, their verisimilitude founded on le Carre's MI-6 background.

And in not one of them will you find a character as stupid as Donald J. Trump.

Because nobody would believe a fictional character as stupid as Donald J. Trump.

Friday, September 6, 2019

It's Just That Easy!

Inspired by current events, I have taken my Sharpie and added a bunch of zeroes to our checking account balance.

We are now Trillionaires.

I have also changed the year of our births so that Mrs. Franklin and I are now, and will always be, 39. If it's good enough for Jack Benny, it's good enough for us.

In addition, young B. Franklin Jr. is 6'8", with a 45 inch vertical, and has signed to play with the San Antonio Spurs. Go Spurs Go.

Next I will alter the Electoral College count from 2016 and this nightmare will finally be over.

I may also get rid of some of our more backward, I mean RED, states.

It's just that easy!

Saturday, August 31, 2019

Weather Report

Is it wrong for me to hope that Hurricane Dorian changes course once again and wipes Mar-a-Lago off the face of the earth?

No. It is not.

I am, as all good Americans are, only thinking of our Dear Leader's best interests.

Traitor Don's Florida show place is full of what every good Republican calls "illegal aliens", working their hardest, and no doubt underpaid, for the Orange Pustule's benefit.

Traitor Don's constituents, the world famous MAGAts, hate "illegal aliens". I wouldn't want TD to find himself in an ethical conundrum. Dorian can solve that problem for him.

Also, this would be a perfect time for some good old insurance fraud. Traitor Don, always short on cash and with way too much media attention focused on Deutsche Bank, his preferred laundered Russian money source--oops, I meant preferred lender--could make a killing by doing what he does best: LYING.

And finally, scraping the ruins of Mar-a-Lago away would leave a nice piece of land for Traitor Don and his vile son-in-law, little Jared Kushner, to build some slums. Which is something that Jared has experience doing.

It's a win win.

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

"Just Saying Stuff"

This is how a columnist for a major American newspaper describes the moron masquerading as our President.

As a guy "just saying stuff."

This would be amusing...except that it isn't.

In the course of a few hours, the "stuff" Dipshit said included insulting any and all of the Jewish Americans who don't support him--which is the vast majority of Jewish Americans.

Then he insulted the Prime Minister of Denmark, a country that has supported, with troops, our, oh, let's call it an "adventure" in ISIS land. Because she wasn't "nice" to him when she declined to sell Greenland to us. All she said was that it was an "absurd" request. But Dipshit defines not nice as anything that isn't fawning obeisance, so no Dipshit visit to Denmark until they remember their manners. And maybe get a man as Prime Minister--Dipshit has trouble with any woman who isn't subservient.

Then he retweeted some other moron named Wayne Allyn Root, who had called Dipshit the "King of Israel", and the "Second Coming of God."

Then Dispshit called himself "the chosen one", because he is convinced, somewhere in that fetid pool of pus that is his brain, that he alone can negotiate with the Chinese. That laughter you hear is coming all the way from Beijing.

Then he reversed his position from just a few days earlier and folded on background checks, probably because the NRA reminded him how helpful they had been in using Russian money to support him during the last election. And using money from the Russians is near and dear to Dipshit's heart.

This is your President, a guy who just "says stuff".