Wednesday, March 13, 2019

And Now, A Few Words About Taxes

Living in Phoenix, as I do, my daily newspaper is the, sigh, Arizona Republic, which, honestly, we subscribe to mostly for the obituaries. Morbid, I know.

I also, being somewhat masochistic, I guess, read the letters to the editor.

Mostly these are word for word rehashes of whatever garbage the writer heard most recently on Fox News. You can almost hear the spittle flying. It is sad. But it is true.

The other day, though, the Republic printed one from a fellow from Sun City, one of the myriad of bland, beige, boring, retirement camps--uh--I mean adult communities--which ring Phoenix like some breed of suffocating albino snake.

This guy was upset that the crazy socialists would tax away all the rich people. They would be forced to flee America if we tried to raise their taxes. And then where would we be without our rich people? He really meant it, too! He wasn't specific about where all those rich people would go. Couldn't be western Europe. Their taxes are higher than ours. Hmmm. Somalia? Venezuela? Russia?

Being a Sun City-ite, this guy must be of a certain age. Surely he remembers, fondly I'd guess, the 1950's. You know, that Trumpian paradise where blacks, browns, gays, women and students kept their mouths shut. Yeah. That place. The place that conservatives hunger to go back to with a passion that makes one blush. Blush, and then vomit.

Anyway, the top marginal tax rate, the rate the richest Americans theoretically pay,  in the 1950's, the Eisenhower years, was 91 or 92%. That's right.

How about the Kennedy years? Same rate.

LBJ? Took a deep plunge to 75%.

Under I Am Not A Crook it was still at 70%. Yeah, that raving socialist Richard M. Nixon was president of a country with a 70% top marginal rate!

The top marginal rate for 2019 is 37%. You could double it, and still be below LBJ's rate, let alone JFK and Eisenhower's.

If things were so much better back then...maybe we should go back to those rates, just for nostalgia's sake. Just to make some people happy again...

Saturday, March 9, 2019


We are what we are, and rare is the person who rises above.

For instance, let's say your dad was a mobbed up, crooked, racist piece of shit. Let's call him, oh, I don't know, Fred.

Chances are, unless you inherited absolutely zero traits from him, you, too, would end up being a mobbed up, crooked, racist piece of shit.

And there's a distinct possibility that you might even be a bigger mobbed up, crooked, racist piece of shit. What with the completely unwarranted sense of privilege that might come from such an upbringing.

Now, say you have kids.

Let's call them, oh, I don't know, Junior, Princess, and the Other One.

Here again, unless they inherited absolutely zero traits from you (and honestly, what are the odds of that?), they too would probably be mobbed up, crooked, racist pieces of shit.

Because you are a delusional narcissist as well, you might have even been able to convince yourself that you have "superior genes".

(Sound of uproarious laughter)

And that's genetics.

Monday, March 4, 2019

And Now, A Few Words About Stupid People

The key thing about stupid people is that they seldom understand how truly stupid they are.

And, unfortunately, there really is nothing that we can do about that.

It just is. Like the sun rising and setting. Like the tides. Like gravity.

Trust me. I've been dealing with this shit almost all of my life. Since I was a wee lad.

You can pretend that they're like us. But they're not.

They're stupid.

Will they ever change?

No. They're stupid for life. Forever.

There is a difference between stupid and ignorant.  Ignorant people can sometimes be educated.

But there is no practical difference between willfully ignorant and stupid.

Of course, not all stupid people are Republicans.

But, at this point, all Republicans are stupid people.

Stupid to ignore silly things like facts and evidence. Stupid to continue to support that traitor, sullying the White House and disgracing our nation on a second by second basis.

They say Judas got 30 pieces of silver...these folks got a tax cut that doesn't benefit 99% of them and a never ending campaign of hatred and fear and stupidity.

Stupid. Blind. Bigoted. Hate filled.

It's a toxic blend.

Sunday, February 24, 2019

Apparently, Donald J. Trump Believes That He Just Invented The Fourth of July

What can one say?

Honestly, what can one say?

Your #FakePresident, who is about as bright as a small bag of horseshit--not a large bag, now, a small bag--lives in a world completely devoid of facts, truth, honesty, and empathy. In short, completely devoid of anything that might go into making a worthwhile human.

Which, when you think about it, is really an accomplishment...must be those "superior" genes.

An egomaniacal, narcissistic, delusional, criminal, fool. Who truly believes he just invented the Fourth of July.

As stunning as his total ignorance about, well, just about everything, is the fact that there are still millions of, oh, let's call them people, who support this odious, traitorous pile of toxic orange effluent.

Millions of them! And this cancerous polyp in the bowels of democracy probably is their "favorite President."

I mean, GODDAMN!

Sunday, February 17, 2019

The Orange Old Deal (notes from a Republican think tank)

Ok. We all agree that this Green New Deal nonsense is a nonstarter.

For one thing, it's Progressive. And we're against progress. Always remember that. It's our operating principle.

Progress leads to fairness. Fairness is antithetical to everything we stand for. After all, fairness is the root of socialism. YIKES!

But we have to offer an alternative with a catchy name.

So...The Orange Old Deal:

Forget wind and solar and bio fuels. We're going to burn coal until there's not a lump of coal left. Because 30,000 coal miner jobs are much more important than the 350 million other American lives. (Let alone all of those billions of foreigners. Foreigners are so...foreign.)

Same thing applies to oil, by the way. Drill Baby drill! Remember, climate change is a liberal myth. Or a Chinese plot. You choose. The Koch brothers will be happy to fund you either way.

Fetuses are sacred. Guns are even more sacred. Health care isn't a right. Russia is our friend. Collusion is not a crime. Black people are dangerous. So are brown people. So are educated people. Especially educated women.

Looks like we are going to need to build a lot of walls.

Social Security will work better after we give all that money to Wall Street. We promise.

A living wage is whatever your boss says it is. You're lucky to have a job. So shut up and get to work.

Anything else?

Oh yeah. Always remember to wear your flag pins. Now repeat after me: We Love This Country So Much!

Friday, February 8, 2019

How To Become A Fundamentalist

It's really very simple.

First, hit yourself in the head. Repeatedly. Over and over and over again. Use a hammer--if you can figure out how a hammer works. Try running at full speed toward a tree, or concrete wall. Lower your head before impact. Repeat.

You may be just a little woozy by now. Double vision and blood oozing from your nostrils and ears are possible side effects. Don't worry.  Do not be deterred. Stay the course. You're getting there!

Now, tie a piece of rubber tubing around your neck. Tightly. You need to cut off the blood flow to your brain completely. Feel a little light headed? Good! Again, don't worry about damaging your brain. After all, you won't be using it anymore. Your autonomic systems will still work fine. Probably.

When you come to, if you come to, you're ready to be a fundamentalist!

So grab your Bible, or your Quran, or just some old issues of The National Review, and get bizzee!

(These same methods can be used to create Trump supporters, too.)

Thursday, January 31, 2019

The Republican Party Should Be Reclassified As A Terrorist Organization

Screw the poor, screw minorities, screw students, screw women, screw old people--if ISIS was running rampant down Main Street USA, they couldn't possibly do more damage to America than the Republican Party.

Take away health care from those who need it most. Try to gin up a race war. Keep as many people from voting as possible. Play footsie with any and all dictators. Nudge nudge, wink wink.

Cheat. Lie. Steal. Repeat.

They cannot govern. In fact, they have no interest in governing. Governing effectively is complicated, and who has time for that? No, it's much easier to rig the system for their rich friends--even more than it already was.

They appeal to the worst instincts of our worst people. You know, neo-Nazis, white supremacists, Stephen Miller, Steve Bannon, and other scum.

I wonder what they will do if they succeed in destroying America?