Friday, April 13, 2018

Signor Baseball's 2018 AL Preview

Baseball is unique among the team sports in that you only put your best team on the field every 4th or 5th game.

That's when your "ace" pitches. The next 3 or 4 games you will start, by definition, an inferior pitcher.

Now, on the better teams, the drop-off from your number 1 starter to your number 2 starter may not be that great. And the same thing applies between your 2 and 3, 3 and 4, and 4 and 5.

But on the bad teams, the drop-offs will be precipitous and calamitous.

So, yeah, it is a cliche, but it does almost always comes down to pitching...

AL East: the Yankees will hit 300 home runs...and they will strike out well over 1000 times. They seem to be overloaded with right handed bats, and there will be games they look like the reincarnation of the fabled Murderer's Row and games where they strike out 15-20 times. They have a great bullpen--on paper, though I'm not entirely sold on Aroldis Chapman as a closer. He ain't no Mo Rivera. Their starters also look superior on paper--but again, I'm not sure they can stay healthy for the entire year. Add in a new manager, who's never managed before, and a pennant begins to look problematical. I suppose they could figure it all out, have everything fall into place, and win 115 games...but, no. So let's go with the Red Sox to repeat, with New York and Toronto close behind, with at least one Wild Card coming from this division.  Boston is loaded with big bats, too. And for some reason, their starting pitching doesn't worry me as much as the Yankees. Toronto will score many runs and hope for the best from their starters. Baltimore's window seems to have closed, and God only knows what they're thinking in Tampa.

AL Central: even though they fell apart in the playoffs, Cleveland is still by far the class of the Central. They can hit, they can field, and even though the bottom part of their rotation is sketchy, they still have enough to run away with this division. Chicago, Kansas City and Detroit all look very mediocre. The Tigers are in complete tear down mode, the Royals are attempting to rebuild and still stay relevant, and if anyone can figure out what the White Sox are doing, please drop me a line. Minnesota isn't mediocre, but the Twins aren't anywhere close to Cleveland, at this point. Slight chance for a Wild Card coming out of this division.

AL West: the Angels are now in possession of the Babe Ruth of Japan! And honestly, he's looked pretty good so far, both on the mound and at the plate. However, it is a long, long season, and if you have a weakness as a hitter or pitcher, your opponents will figure out a way to exploit it. So we shall see if Mr. Ohtani really is the Babe Ruth of Anaheim. Even with the Sashimi Bambino and Mike Trout, the Angels aren't the best team in this division. That would be the Astros. You know, the World Champions? Houston has added pitching to an already strong staff. They're loaded with hitters, too. Everyone else is playing for second, with the Angels and Mariners having the best shot at a Wild Card slot. However, Seattle has disappointed everyone the last couple of years, so why pick them to do anything? Texas doesn't look to have enough starting pitching, besides Cole Hamels, to keep up and Oakland may be the worst team in the majors. That small market, small payroll, overachieving thing seems to have hit a wall.

Thursday, April 5, 2018

Why Are You So Afraid Of Russians?

This will take a little getting used to...

See, we've never had a President, or #FakePresident in this case, who was scared shitless of Russia.

Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, the fraud Reagan, Clinton, both Bush's, Obama--even dear Jimmy Carter, who is usually depicted by the Right as a weakling, all of them stood up to Mother Russia, when necessary.

But not Donald J. Trump. He just can't summon the necessary backbone.

That's right, the Commander-in-Chief of the strongest military the world has ever seen, and the most economically powerful nation the world has ever seen, gets all wobbly kneed when it comes to Russia.

Talk about a snowflake...

The White House is currently occupied by a pustule in an ill fitting blue suit, with a clownish red tie hanging down to his dimpled, flabby thighs, who positively melts when it come to Vladimir Putin, that two bit gangster, and his country of kleptocratic billionaires and scared serfs.

So, the $64,000 question is "WHY?"

What does your boyfriend Vlad have on you, Donnie?

Saturday, March 31, 2018

This Shouldn't Be A Surprise

Some of us find it fitting that Easter is on April Fool's Day this year....should be every year, shouldn't it? Anyway, in honor of the day, I will be turning wine into urine...

Now, where were we?

Oh, yeah. When a person shows you what they are, loudly and repeatedly, you'd be stupid not to believe them. They are what they are, and you will grow old waiting and hoping for them to change.

Donald J. Trump has been a punk ass bum for his entire adult life--and a good portion of his childhood, too. You can look it up.

His life has been an unrelenting assault on common decency. He is a swine. The people who support him are swines, too.

He has one goal: self-aggrandizement. He cares for nothing but stuffing his pockets, and putting his name on tacky buildings everywhere.

He cares for no one--except the daughter he wants to have sex with.

He is completely lacking in empathy for anyone else--except the daughter he wants to have sex with.

He has reduced our government to a sad game show.

He has reduced our standing in the world to a sick joke.

He is the living manifestation of The Swamp. Corruption is his core value.

The fact that he can damage our nation with his seemingly endless personal failings is the great tragedy of our times.

Donald J. Trump will not change. He will not deviate from his path. He will remain a punk ass bum until he dies, which can't happen too soon for me.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Only The Best People

Remember when our #FakePresident told us that he only knew the best people and his administration would only hire the best people?

Feels like a few centuries have passed since then, I know, but it was only little more than a year ago.

So, let's take a look at how some of "the best" people are doing.

Mike "Junior Jesus" Pence: any man who is afraid of what might happen if he's left alone with a (gasp) woman not his wife probably shouldn't be a heartbeat away from anything, let alone the Presidency. In general, people who think God is talking to them should be avoided, if not institutionalized.

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions: uh, whoever thinks it's a good idea to have a fucking white supremacist piece of shit running the Justice Department raise their hands. That is if you can, what with that sheet you're wearing.

Betsy DeVos: choosing someone with no practical knowledge of, or belief in, public education to run the Department of Education is exactly the kind of thinking we've come to cherish from our Flaming Orange Anus in Chief. Bravo sir, bravo!

Rick Perry: just another Republican idiot. No, the glasses don't make you look any smarter, Rickster. If only it were that easy.

Dr. Ben Carson: goes to show there are black idiots as well as white idiots in the Republicans' big tent. Some call that progress.

Wilbur "Ethics? What's That?" Ross: you'd think being on the board of one of the most corrupt banks in the world, the Bank of Cyprus, would disqualify you from being Secretary of Commerce. You'd be wrong. How about nodding off during meetings? No? Oh, I get it now. He makes Trump look virile and vital by comparison.

Steven Mnuchin: Stevie has him a trophy wife! But it sure wasn't for first place. Doesn't matter. They've both nestled up to the Government teat, and they are going to suck it for all it's worth.

General John Kelly: a racist, sexist, liar. It must be like looking in a mirror for Der Trump. Oh, wait. Kelly is a decorated Marine general, too, and not Cadet Bone Spurs. Uh, remind me again when we last won a war? Thank you for your service!

Scott Pruitt: you can't say that the Trumpster doesn't have a sense of humor. Most people would naturally assume that the EPA was created to protect the environment (I mean, Christ, it's in its name). And not to facilitate its rape and degradation, which is the only thing that Scott "First Class Is The Only Way I Can Fly" Pruitt is interested in. 

Jared "Side Hustle" Kushner: what can you say about this kid? Peddling his "influence" to whoever has a dollar. Slum lord. Tax cheat. Liar. "The apple doesn't fall very far from the tree" pretty much sums it up. His Dad is a crook, too. So naturally, he married into a family of criminals. They're not very good at it, but still, it's the thought that counts.

And let's not forget Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, Paul Manafort, Michael Flynn, Sebastian Gorka, Stephen Miller, Hope Hicks, Sean Spicer, Reince Priebus, Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, the Mooch, and each and every one of that crack Trump legal team.

If these are the best, sweet Jesus who or what would be the worst?

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Hey, It Turns Out That You Can't Run Government Like A Business

Well, not an effective, fair, honest, government.

That's impossible if the "business" you're emulating is a Trump/Kushner business.

Now, if you want a third world, kleptocratic government, run for the benefit of oligarchs, then Donny and Jerry are your boys.

When the survivors write the the history of the Trump years, they will have to add wings to all the libraries just for the books about corruption.

If it isn't nailed down, our "businessmen leaders" will steal it, or sell it to the highest bidder.

So, a true statement would be "You can't run an effective, fair, honest, government like a Trump/Kushner business."

Glad we got that cleared up.

Now, about all of those vacant, pasty white faces, beaming their approval of whatever shite comes squirting out of Der Trump's anus/mouth as they stand behind him in the warmth of his toxic orange glow at his rallies....

All I can say about them is that there is no cure but death for such Deep, Deep Stupid.

Monday, March 5, 2018

We Are The Barbarians

What do you know about the guy in the house across the street?

Seems ok? Kinda quiet? Keeps to himself?

All around the world, there are guys across the street. Most of them are ok.

Some of them aren't.

Only in America can that "quiet guy, who keeps to himself" have military style rifles and thousands of rounds of ammunition.

You get angry? I get angry. Everybody gets angry, now and then. Everybody has a bad day, now and then. Everybody probably has a moment, however brief it may be, when they get mad enough to kill another person.

Only in America can someone take that anger, that grievance, that pissed off attitude, that moment of madness, and easily turn it into a few dozen a school, or a mall, or a concert, or an office building.

Our nation was settled by the outcasts of Europe. We may not have always gotten their best people.
We are mongrels, for better and for worse, in all of our "exceptionalism."

And, at times, that very fact leads to madness.

This entire argument over which guns are permissible under the Second Amendment is proof of that. Unfortunately, in America, money usually trumps common sense.

We are the barbarians.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Wait, I Thought Children Were Our Future

That's what people say, right?

"Oh the children! Oh the children! They're our future!"

Isn't there even a song about it?

These children, who comprise our future, go to school as part of their education/maturation/socialization.

So why, pray tell, do we fuck over teachers every chance we get?

Low wages, no respect, blame from everyone, money starved public schools, and in many states, the unregulated scam of charter schools, where the only qualification to teach is to be a homo sapien.

Do we really want these molders of young minds, who probably spend more time with "our future" than many if not most of "our future's" parents do, to be living from hand to mouth?

Do we want them abandoning their chosen career--and what an important career it is--because they can't make ends meet on a teacher's pay?

And now on top of everything we want them to be trained gunmen, too?

What the fuck is wrong with this country?

Many years ago there was a local radio host who went by the name "John Sage". One of his comments that I remember is this: "we live in a state that glorifies bankers and vilifies teachers."

Apparently that has now spread to much of the country.

Do we care so little about "our future"? Are lower taxes really worth that gamble?

So I ask again, what the fuck is wrong with this country?