Thursday, December 13, 2018

Arizonan Of The Year

And here I thought Texas's Louie Gohmert was hands down the biggest ass hat, ignorant, peckerwood, dipshit, ever elected anywhere.

Au contraire.

As reported in the Phoenix New Times, Arizona Republican State House Rep. David Stringer was recently captured on audio calling non-native English speaking students a “burden,” saying black people “don’t blend in” and lamenting a supposed “white flight” in more diverse areas of the country.

After a lecture (!?!) at Arizona State University, Stringer told a student that “diversity in our country is relatively new." When challenged on this by the student, who mentioned the Italians and Irish,  Stringer replied “They were all European...So after their second or third generation, everybody looks the same. Everybody talks the same. That’s not the case with African-Americans and other racial groups because they don’t melt in. They don’t blend in. They always look different.”

When asked whether that should matter, Stringer hemmed and hawed, saying “maybe it doesn’t” but that “it seems to matter to a lot of people.”

Uh huh. It matters to a lot of bigoted, ass hat, peckerwood, dipshits.

You know, like David Stringer and the people who support him.

Your move, Gohmert. Your title is being challenged. Time to step up the stupid.

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

A Few Words About George H.W. Bush

Someone once said that you shouldn't speak ill of the dead.

Uh huh.

But then I'd have very little to say about George H. W. Bush.

So here goes:

Willie Horton. (Ooh look! A scary black man! Be afraid! Be very afraid!)

Lee Atwater. (See above.)

Iran-Contra. (Bush famously claimed to be "out of the loop" about the Reagan White House's arms deals with Iran. Fortunately--for some--he was President and "back in the loop" when it was time to pardon everyone involved.)

April Glaspie. (Remember her? She's the one who essentially told Saddam Hussein that he could do whatever he wanted with Kuwait--we didn't care. But she did not do this on her own...)

Dan Quayle. (Having a halfwit a heartbeat away from the Presidency is never a good idea.)

C.I.A. (Once a C.I.A. boy, always a C.I.A. boy.)

Prescott Bush (His Daddy, who by some accounts was allegedly part of an attempted coup against FDR, and who was also a banker friendly to the Nazis.)

This was in no discernible way a "great" man. Was he better than his son, Simple W.? Sure.

Was he better than the oozing pustule now besmirching the White House? Of course he was. That bar is awfully low, though.

Rest in Peace, Poppy. (It's better than you deserve.)

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Some Stains Won't Go Away

One of the sadder facts about life on earth is that there are certain strains of humanity that simply won't die off.

One obvious one is the army of cretins that stand behind our #fakepresident while he's giving one of his, uh, let's call them unhinged rants.

First, and this will be very, very, hard for most of us, tune into the next Trump Rally. Then, in the interest of your mental health, turn the sound off. Now, ignore the screeching, traitorous baboon waving his flabby arms and gesturing with his tiny, feminine, hands.

Instead, focus on the baboon's fans.

Look at their faces.

They worship a man who is a proven liar, cheat, fraud, sexual predator, crook, racist, misogynist, and to top it all off, a traitor.

They do not believe any of these things, of course. They love him. They want to be him. He is them. They are him. Naturally, as in any cult, they share many of his failings. Remember the women in the "grab my pussy" t-shirts?  He wouldn't touch any of them with a 10 foot pole. But they think he would. He is the shill, they are the suckers.

So, forget about your "fake news" and your so-called "facts". These are the baboon's children. 50 years of Republican lies and dirty tricks have led us to this. One of our two main political parties has become a cult of MAGA hat wearing morons. You cannot reason with them. Do not bother to try.

If they all disappeared tomorrow, the world would be a better place.

Sadly, they will not.

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Other Trump Related Children's Toys Just In Time For Christmas!

Perhaps by now you've seen something called Trumpy Bear.

It is, believe it or not, a Trump themed stuffed toy know, for the kids.

Not all parents love their children, after all.

But Trumpy Bear is not the only Trump related child's toy.

There's Baby Trump, which shits all over the floor. Repeatedly. And then blames somebody else. That's all it does. But, in the interest of accuracy, isn't that enough?

Then there's a scale model of Trump Tower, complete with scab Polish laborers, Mob concrete, lots of cheap, gold colored crap, and more fire code violations than you can count. Bankrupt casino sold separately.

Don't forget Lil Trump. Despite being life size, with almost realistic paste on hair, tiny little hands, and a shiny red tie you could trip over, this doll is a moral and ethical pygmy. Couple that with a complete lack of empathy and you have just the thing for the lil sociopath in your life.

For the child with a hint of larceny, there's the easy bake Trump Tax Return. Talk about cooking the books! Help your child learn numbers, while he also learns how to cheat the government. Fun for the whole family.

And what Christmas would be complete without TalkingTrumpy? Just pull the cord and he starts to lie. About anything. About everything. And he never, ever, stops...

Friday, November 9, 2018

"First Man"

"First Man" is not a great movie.

It's full of good people, including Ryan Gosling and Claire Foy. It was directed by Academy Award winner Damien Chazelle, and it tells the story of Neil Armstrong, the 'first man on the moon.' The problem is that Armstrong was apparently so taciturn, so guarded emotionally, that there's not much to hang a drama on.

So, even with all of that talent involved, it's a slightly above average movie. Certainly nowhere close to "The Right Stuff", which is a classic. Not nearly as entertaining as "Apollo 13".

What is interesting, at least for me, is that the film is a stark reminder that as a nation, we used to do great things--or at least attempt them.

As JFK said about going to the moon, "we choose to do these things not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

We don't even attempt hard things anymore. Now all we seem to be able to do is tread water.

We give tax cuts to billionaires, keep Defense contractors fat and happy, make sure every nut has access to all the guns he or she needs, and meddle in women's private lives.

Massive infrastructure rebuild? Na.

Green energy program? Na.

Universal health care? Na.

These are all easier than going to the moon.

Let's not even think about a concerted national effort to curb the increasingly obvious effects of global warming.

For these things we'd need leadership on both sides of the aisle.

And one side has decided that nothing is as important as keeping their rich backers satisfied and their crazy base in a constant state of agitation.

Just like that, we've turned into a sad, empty husk of what we once were.

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Handy Voter's Guide

It can get complicated, this voting business.

Rich White Men spend billions of dollars to help make it so.

They pay for endless commercials and print ads that are just chock fulla LIES. I'm looking at you, Martha McSally.

They'll lie about candidates and they'll lie about various propositions.

They'll lie extra hard if there's money involved.

But there is a simple way to cut through all of the lies and dissembling.

When you get in that booth, just remember one little thing:

That 'R' by some of the candidates names?

That stands for RUSSIA.

It has nothing to do with democracy, the Constitution, or American values, at all. 

Repeat after me, "The 'R' stands for RUSSIA."

And if you vote for them--you are contributing to the destruction of the United States of America, plain and simple.

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

All Republican Women Must Be Suffering From Stockholm Syndrome

That is the only logical conclusion.

I know that logic has nothing to do with Republicans in general and Republican women in particular, but still, that is the only logical conclusion.

Why else would they continually vote against their own self-interests?

Equal pay for equal work. Maternity leave. Reproductive rights. Pre-school programs. After school programs. Universal health care. Social Security. Affirmative action.

All of these things are anathema to Republicans.

All benefit women.

And yet Republican women vote against them.

They are a textbook example of Stockholm Syndrome, literally sympathizing with their captors (Republican men).