Tuesday, March 29, 2016

A Closer Look At The Republican Contenders

Trump? Cruz? Kasich?

No sane person would want any of these clowns anywhere near the Oval office.

Not the tiny fisted, carny barker megalomaniac, not the hyper religious, gun worshiping, snake oil salesman, and no, not even the one who seems almost reasonable compared to the other two, but down deep is just another reactionary hack.

And yet, there are millions of Americans of voting age who are seriously considering voting for them.

So, we are forced to confront the fact that many millions of Americans are simply out of their minds.

They know nothing of history. They have no concept of truth and fiction. They live in a fact free zone.

Their big issues are abortions, guns, religion, and immigration.

Oh, yeah, and an all encompassing fear and hatred of "the other".

They are dead certain that the brown people are getting away with something.

And if only "we" could stop them, everything would be fine and we could go back to our idyllic Mayberry past.

They truly madly deeply believe this shit!

And here's the kicker: Republican controlled states across this great land of ours have spent the last decade figuring out new and better ways to rig elections. Whether by simple gerrymandering or outright voter suppression they have made it harder and harder for Democrats to vote.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

The Poor Can Never Be Made To Suffer Enough (part 785)

So out here Arizona way, the esteemed Republican members of our Legendary Legislature, including towering statesmen like David Gowan, John Kavanagh, Steve Montenegro, and J.D. Mesnard, have decided to allow those poor suffering bastards known collectively as "the poor" to borrow money at up to 200% interest.

Why? Well, to help them, of course!

No word yet on whether Governor Cup or Waffle Cone will sign or veto this aid to Loan Sharks charitable act.

Gee, I wonder which way he's leaning...

You know, if you really want to "help" the poor you could do any number of things:

Raise the minimum wage, fully fund public education, support labor unions, do away with that "right to work" crap, restore all the cuts to AHCCCS, start prosecuting employers who exploit immigrant labor, quit giving tax cuts to the rich while cutting services to the people who need them know, stuff like that.

Things that might actually help the poor.

But I guess it's just easier to fuck them over when they're desperate for cash, right?


I mean, that's the Christian thing to do, right?


Monday, March 21, 2016

A Fool And His Money... the raison d'etre of the modern Republican Tea Party.

See, like any snake oil salesman or carny barker worth his salt knows, you can tell fools anything.


And there's a very good chance that they will believe you, AND give you some money.

Deep Stupid is a beautiful thing.

Ask Wayne LaPierre. Ask Ted Cruz. Ask Mike Huckabee. Ask...

Ask any Republican.

Ask any televangelist.

Some very, very wealthy people have already pissed away over $200 million on failed 2016 Republican presidential candidates.

Rubio, Walker, Fiorina, Perry, Bush, Carson, Paul--a real Murderer's Row of Incompetence.

Think about that. All that dough and nothing to show for it.

And yet, they keep on giving...why?

Well, the one thing all these losers have in common is that they promised not to raise taxes on the donor class.

Come hell or high water our cherished billionaires will not have to pay a penny more. Let the country's infrastructure fall apart, let the water and air be poisoned, let the public schools fail, let the poor starve and the sick die, not one penny more.

In fact, those fabulous "makers" deserve a tax cut, don't ya know.

So of course they keep giving.

After all, what's a few hundred million when there are trillions at stake?

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Bumperstickers For Potential Republican Presidential Candidates

Since the average Republican's attention span is very short, it's extremely important for all Republican candidates to have short, pithy, easily remembered, bumpersticker length, catch phrases to sear into their fans' tiny little brains:

Trump: I'll Keep The Darkies In Line!

Cruz: Rush Loves Me!

Kasich: I'm Still In This Thing, Right?

Trump: Heads Will Roll!

Cruz: Jesus Loves Me, Too!

Kasich: I'm Here If You Need Me!

Trump: You Think Keeping All These Lies Straight Is Easy? Ha!

And who can forget, try as we might, the also rans:

Rubio: Help! I've Repeatedly Fallen And I Can't Get Up!
Jeb: Remember All The Fun We Had When A Bush Was President?!
Christie: If A Morbidly Obese Lying Bully Is What You Want, I'm Your Man!
Carson: I'm An Idiot. Vote For Me and You Can Be An Idiot Too!
Carly: Golden Parachutes For Everybody!

But of course, for the true blue believers there is only one who touches the blackest corner of their hearts:

Trump: No, Really, I'll Keep the Darkies In Line!

Sunday, March 13, 2016

There Is No Truth To--

--the rumor that they'll start handing out brown shirts at Trump rallies. Most of these folks already have their white sheets and why confuse them further with wardrobe choices.

--the idea that Trump got multiple student deferments because he was, and is, essentially a chicken shit chicken hawk. No, the simple fact is that he realized early on that his life was worth much more than yours or mine. Therefore it would be criminal to waste it. Let the rabble serve and perhaps die.

--the crazy notion that the Trump salute is similar to the Nazi salute. It's just a, what do you call it? A coincidence.

--the scandalous lies that the family fortune was built on government contracts, his father was a racist who worked extra hard to keep black people out of his developments, his own Mob connections, his somewhat shaky record as a developer with multiple bankruptcies, and his fictitious net worth.

--the obvious slander that he attracts racists, bigots, xenophobes, political illiterates, outright morons, and their ilk. "Low information voters", white supremacists, the KKK, and stupid people in general have a right to express their political opinions without being attacked.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

"Just Say No"

Nancy Reagan will be remembered for three things: her glassy-eyed adoration of her husband, that little red dress, and "just say no", her contribution to the war on drugs.

"Just say no."

As a simple, easy to remember catch phrase, sure.

As a drug policy, not so much.

But it was all we got from the Gipper and Mrs. Gipper.

And that was the 80's in nutshell:

Rich, comfortable, smugly clueless people telling the rest of us to "just say no."

As the CIA helped flood black neighborhoods with crack cocaine to fund Ronnie's illegal war against the Contras.

As thousands of people died from AIDS, a disease that neither of them acknowledged until one of their own, Rock Hudson, contracted it.

As American trained death squads wandered around Central America, killing any leftists they could find.

As the Republican Party began its systematic dismantling of the American Middle Class.

And all the while trillions of dollars disappeared into the waiting maws of defense contractors.

It was Nancy's reactionary father who turned dear, simple Ronnie from an FDR Democrat to a fire breathing, red baiting, FBI informant Republican.

Weep for Nancy Reagan's passing? Let her family do that.

The rest of us should...

"Just say no."

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Pigs Of A Feather

There they were:

Il Trumpo and Jersey Fats on the same stage!

Trumpo, chin thrust out like a road company Mussolini, blathering away. Honestly, only an idiot would vote for this man.

And poor Chris Christie, visions of Krispy Kremes, and perhaps the Vice Presidency, dancing through his empty head, as he nodded and smiled behind his new boss.

Two bloated, pasty bullies pretending to be tough guys...

That much bullshit in one place. The smell must have been something.

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Have You No Sense Of Decency, Sir?

Maybe it's just me, but if I were running for the presidency, and a bunch of white supremacists, including a former Grand Poobah of the KKK came out in favor of my candidacy, I might pause for a second and reflect:

Gee, what is it about me and my campaign that attracts such filth and scum?

And then, if I were a decent human being, and not a piece of filth and scum my own self, I would immediately renounce their support, saying something along the lines of "I don't want the support of racist scum."

But obviously Donald J. Trump sees things differently.

So he did a tap dance, a little number called "White supremacist? Gosh, I don't even know what that means. David Duke? Who's he? KKK? Hmmm. What about those Mexicans..."

And this is the favored candidate of a plurality of Republicans?

Res Ipsa Loquitur.