Religious Notes From All Over

Here it is once again, that sacred season wherein billions of dollars are spent celebrating a fairy tale.
You know, the babe in the manger, the virgin birth, the wise men, all that bullshit. I mean, you're free to believe whatever you want, but I guess faith must mean you turn off the rational part of your brain, huh?

Then again, maybe your brain doesn't have a rational part...in that case, never mind!

But whatever the state of your brain, at least we're all "free" to say "Merry Christmas" again. Finally. The stress was killing me...And a White House and Congress full of traitors, criminals, rapists, grifters, imbeciles, racists, white supremacists, and congenital liars, all conspiring to tear apart a once great country, is a very small price to pay for that privilege. So, Happy Holidays to all!

Down in that Alabama, which they tell me is still part of the Union, believe it or not, that good Christian Roy "Sugar, Come Sit On Uncle Roy's Lap" Moore wears a pin that is some sort of combination of a cross and an American flag. That in itself is a travesty, but the truly surprising thing is that it doesn't burst into flames every time Roy The Pedophile puts it on. But I guess things are different down there. And the one thing that fundamentalists of all religions are is fundamentally insane. So let's all "pray" that the "rapture" takes these assholes elsewhere, and soon.

Now let's turn to our Jewish friends. Any idiot who believes that recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel is a good idea, and that it will in any way help the peace process, should immediately move there. I'll help you pack, Jared. Better hurry, though, because I hear that you are one small step ahead of the law.

Honestly, and this goes for all of you, if you love Israel sooooo much, move to fucking Israel. It's just that simple.

And speaking of Jewish Americans who love Israel more than the United States, Shelly Adelson, please shave your head. You look like somebody's addled Bubbe with a tragic dye job, and you're making us all sick.

In Defense Of Roy Moore

See, you Yankees jes don't unnerstan how we do things down heah in Dixie.

See, in 'Bama, the age of consent is in utero. Now, that's the law, son. And you don't want to mess with the law.

Once a female is clean through the birth canal, she's fair game. Sister, cousin, whatever, don't matter. She's fair game.

Truth be told, Judge Moore showed admirable what you call restraint, by waiting 14 long and no doubt anxious years before approaching her. Man's a tower of moral courage and rectitude.

And ya'll know how them wimmen are. Constantly tempting good Christian menfolk into sin.

And the temptation must have been somethin'. Hot damn! Yet the Judge withstood it for more than a decade. Because he's a true Southern gentleman.

Now, I wouldn't expect a bunch of mealy mouthed liberals, New York Jews, coloreds, and emasculating feminist lesbian transgendered homosexuals, to understand Southern chivalry.

But that's all what this is, a sterling example of Southern chivalry. And Southern chivalry is the foundation of Southern culture. Well, that and slavery. And you must respect our culture!

Read yo' damn Bibles! It's all there in black and white.

Joseph and Mary. Jesus and that other Mary. Jezebel. Uh, Sodom and Gomorrah. Jonah and the whale. Victor Mature and Hedy Lamarr. Lot's wife. And all the rest of them.