Welcome To West Mississippi

People think Arizona is a western state.

And geographically it is.

But in its soul, Arizona is in the deep, deep South.

Whatever small spots of hipness, coolness, or progressiveness it may contain are constantly buried under an avalanche of Trumpist MAGA cunts.

It is essentially West Mississippi, and we kid ourselves to believe otherwise.

The Legislature is controlled by brain dead troglodytes, who do everything they can to kill public education for all by pumping millions of dollars into charter schools for the few. Their phony 2020 election "audit" and subsequent deluge of legislation designed to keep anyone but their festering base from voting should tell you everything you need to know about how they feel about democracy. As far as social issues, well, might as well put sheets on them and light a cross on fire.

The Governor, Mr. Cup or Waffle Cone?, is a corporate whore, in bed with ALEC and whatever right wing billionaires willing to contribute to his campaigns. (He thinks he can run for President someday.  And given the current degenerate state of the Republican Party, he probably can.)

The main newspaper in the main city exists primarily to sell advertising, first, last, and always. Whenever their in-house "liberals" (and in any truly progressive state they would be considered "moderates") write anything remotely critical of the state's power structure, the resultant angry letters to the editor serve to highlight the low IQ's of the general populace.

The state has been in a drought for more than a decade, but that hasn't stopped countless new exurban subdivisions from being built, all with promises of 100 years of water. Because, you know, "free enterprise" always trumps common sense.

For years the state's mantra has been "we don't want to be another California!" No danger of that--except for the traffic. After all, California has countless world class Colleges and Universities. And major industries, including aerospace, defense, Silicon Valley, agriculture, shipping, entertainment--rather than relying on back office call centers, service industry jobs, and cheap houses, built further and further from the city core.

Another California? No, we're giving Mississippi, Alabama, and all the rest of good 'ol Dixie a run for their money!

 

 

An Incomplete List Of American Disgraces

(A complete list would take up way too much space...)

Homeless people. We are the richest country on the face of the earth.

Hungry people. We are the richest country on the face of the earth. And the fattest, too. But somehow we still have people going hungry, and children whose one good meal a day is provided by their school, which, of course, conservatives want to take away.

Mentally ill people set loose on the streets. Thanks again, Saint Reagan.

People with no health insurance. Because, you know, national health care is SOCIALISM!

People who refuse to be vaccinated. Because, you know, FreeDumb.

Substandard schools for poorer people. Sweet demi-palaces for richer people. There is a public elementary school that I drive by that has recently built a multi-purpose structure that would not be out of place at Lincoln Center, in New York City. Meanwhile, there are schools nearby with not enough books, not enough  paper, not enough pencils. Computers? Hahaha. And don't get me started on charter schools and the voucher system.

Bullet proof backpacks for school kids. Because some people think that their right to bear arms is more important than anyone else's right to live.

Lugnutz who wander around with their AR-15's. They think they look tough, but what they really look like is scared little boys playing army.

Idiots who can say, with a straight face, that slavery "wasn't so bad".

Idiots who oppose teaching that slavery was indeed that bad. Bad in such a profound and disturbing way that it should shame every decent white person in America, and cause them to dedicate themselves to finally fix its lasting ills.

Fox News. Goebbels would be so proud.

The Republican Party in toto. I mean, Jesus, just look at them.

Thinning The Herd

For a group of people who don't believe in evolution, conservatives sure do love social Darwinism.

You start with the young. Weaken--or take away entirely--their public schools, hot lunch programs, Head Start, after school activities. Close as many public facilities as possible. Make getting gunned down at school a distinct possibility. Living with that constant fear in the pit of their stomachs will get them ready for adulthood. If they survive to adulthood. Remember to repeatedly tell them that nonsense about pulling themselves up by their bootstraps!

Then there's the sick. Take away as much health care as you can. Make it impossible for people with pre-existing conditions to get insurance. Let the drug companies charge whatever they want. Encourage people to go broke from paying hospital bills. Hey, it's their choice: that expensive, necessary surgery or food and housing. And you have to make choices in this life!

Finally, the old. Gut their pensions. Starve Social Security. Plenty of greeter jobs at WalMart, you lazy old fucks!

If you're a heartless Republican (or Libertarian) prick, dreaming sweet wet dreams of Ayn Rand's river of bullshit and the glories of the Free Market, it's really not that hard to do these things.

Poor people are such a drag. They had every opportunity in this greatest nation on the face of the earth to make enough money to pay for private schools, gold plated healthcare, and a happy and long retirement. And they just didn't do it.

Better off dead, you know?

Poor People Don't Deserve Anything

It is by now patently obvious that that is the motto of the modern Republican Party.

(They're all good Christians, by the way. Just ask 'em!)

And not just a motto, an operating principle.

(They're all good Christians, by the way. Just ask 'em!)

No subsidies for takers! Health care, after all, is only for people who can afford it.

Good schools, too. Honestly, if you don't care enough about your children to make a lot of money to support them, well, why should the state care about them? Tell you what, we'll give you vouchers for private school. What more could you ask for? Oh, by the way, the vouchers will only cover a fraction of the cost of a private school, while diverting money from public schools, but beggars can't be choosers.

And if you want clean air and clean water, well, move somewhere with clean air and clean water.

Or be prepared to pay for it, you fucking cheapskate.

Tired of the cops hassling you and yours? Make some money, move to a better neighborhood, and maybe the cops will overlook your skin color...Just kidding! That'll never happen.

So stop your pathetic whining, get with the program, and enjoy living in the best country there ever was or ever could be.

(They're all good Christians, by the way. Just ask 'em!)

Why Republicans Hate Teachers

This is a simple one.

Teachers educate.

Educated people ask questions.

They understand facts.

They are repelled by bullshit.

They laugh at nonsensical statements.

They tend to reject racism and sexism and homophobia and xenophobia and anything to do with Ayn Rand.

In short, teachers teach people how not to be Republicans.

And that's why Republicans hate teachers.

Thank you, and good night.

Trying Hard To Be The Worst State In The Union

It's an uphill battle.

Mississippi, Alabama and the Carolinas all have a big head start.

Texas and Oklahoma work 24/7 to be truly awful.

Kansas has made a huge leap into the abyss just recently.

Florida is, well, Florida.

But by God, under the direction of Governor Doug "Cup or Waffle Cone" Ducey, and the billionaires who bought him his office, and with the unwavering support of quite possibly the pound for pound stupidest legislature in these United States, Arizona is closing fast!

Don't misunderestimate us!

We have both a massive inferiority complex and a desperate need to be first in something.

We won't guarantee that you have minimal healthcare, or a good education, or a reliable safety net should hard times come--but we will never let anyone infringe on your right to be a gun lovin' asshole.

This is our chance.

This is our time.

Arizona: the "If You're Poor Just Do Us A Favor And Die" State!

Today's Chuckle

The other day, one of the buddies of Governor Doug "Cup or Waffle Cone" Ducey was quoted as saying that Arizona needed to get rid of Common Core and instead institute "Arizona" standards for education.

What makes this so funny is that Arizona has no education standards. We've proved this for many years now. Many of our elected officials are proud of this fact. Indeed, they run on a promise of maintaining it. And since they continue to be elected and re-elected, the typical Arizona voter must agree with them.

We also have no standards for political candidates. We prove this on a daily, if not hourly, basis, too.

Obviously, these two missing standards go hand in hand.

More Of The Same

So Governor Doug "Cup or Waffle Cone" Ducey, just the kind of level-headed, free market businessman we need to set Arizona straight, gave his first little speech to our esteemed legislature yesterday.

It went on and on and people actually applauded!

Because life is short, and empty Republican rhetoric is endless, I will distill Ducey's address for you into a few brief words: no new taxes, won't pay what public schools have legally coming to them, will help charter schools in anyway possible, it's morning in Arizona, and the state is open for business!

One of the most amazing things I've seen in my life is the way that Arizona Republicans can act like they just got here, and by God, they're gonna clean this mess up!

The truth is that the Republican Party has been running Arizona (into the ground) nonstop for more than 30 years.

All of the wreckage we see around us, the sorry state of public education, the unregulated "anyone can start a" charter school fun house, the low wage economy, the huge deficits, the tax cuts upon tax cuts that never do anything but make wealthy people wealthier and the state poorer, the for-profit-prison industry sucking up any available funds, all of this is because of--not in spite of--Republican policy.

But hey, I'm sure it will be different this time....

Keep 'Em Poor And Stupid... And Desperate

That my friends, is the entire economic policy of your Republican Party.

A) Let's do away with the minimum wage.

B) Let's get rid of OSHA, the EPA, the FDA, and all those pesky regulations.

C) Let's shred the safety net.

D) Let's destroy the unions.

E) Let's gut public education.

F) Let's privatize Social Security.

G) All of the above.

We need lots of uneducated, desperate people, willing to work for anything, and in any conditions.

That's what our bosses want, and that's what we're going to give them!

Oh, and God Bless America!

Shocked! Shocked! Yet Again

A big headline on the front page of The Arizona Republic announces a teacher shortage in Arizona!!!!

No shit?

Gee, you think the fact that the state doesn't value education or teachers at all has anything to do with that?

This state had to be sued in order to force it to adequately fund public schools. Sued! Naturally, the state lost, but, of course, they're still refusing to pay up. Because we value education only as long as it take us to say "we value education."

And when I say "we" I mean the Republicans who have been running Arizona for a long, long time. And when I say "running" I mean "into the ground."

As a man on the radio in my long ago youth was fond of saying, "this is a state that glorifies bankers and vilifies teachers."

That's not entirely fair. Only public school teachers are vilified. They are, after all, members of a union (gasp!), and therefore the root of our problems.

If, on the other hand, you start a charter school, whatever your "qualifications", you will be exalted. State money will be showered upon you. You can even pick and choose what kind of students you want--or don't want. And no questions will be asked. No standards will be enforced. Because...uh...free market solution?

This assault from the right on public education can probably be traced back to the Supreme Court decision in Brown vs The Board of Education, back in the 1950's.

See, and this is going to surprise the hell out of you, living as you do in post racial America, but some white people are racist to their very core. I know, I was shocked to find it out myself. Shocked!

So, in the places they control, and that includes Arizona, everything becomes a game of keeping "them" away from "us". Depending on where you live, "them" can be African-Americans, Latinos, poor whites, or a combination thereof.

Since public schools are often full of "them", we must keep public schools in a constant state of disrepair and disarray. Because a permanent undereducated underclass sure comes in handy come hiring time...

And, as an extra benefit, we can blame the teachers (and their union, of course) for not being able to do the impossible job we've given them.

Talk about a win-win!