So, This Is What It's Like To Have An Idiot In Charge During A Pandemic

Are you still alive?

Good.

Consider yourself fortunate.

Fortunate that you haven't listened to our #FakePresident's advice regarding the coronavirus pandemic.

This whole "what do experts know, anyway?" approach to government has come back to bite our sad nation's ass. Hard.

Turns out that government isn't the problem. Inept government is. And Republican is now officially a synonym for inept.

Turns out that a "government so small we can drown it in a bathtub" doesn't help much during a national, indeed worldwide, crisis.

(You can thank Ronald Reagan, the Republican Party, and that stooge Grover Norquist for much of the mess we're in.)

Toss in a spoiled, psychologically damaged fool in the White House and let the fun begin!

At this point, anybody still listening to our Grifter-in-Chief, or his Fox News' stooges, deserves to catch the virus.

Then, they'll either live or die. Toss a coin.

And all the prayers in the world won't change that.

Wouldn't It Be Fun To Drown Grover Norquist In A Bathtub?

Just asking.

You understand this is a purely intellectual exercise.

Calculate the depth and width of the tub. The amount of water needed. The temperature of the water.

I suppose we should make it look like an accident, too.

What would that involve? A glass of wine? Pills?

Perhaps he slipped and hit his head...that would explain any necessary blunt force trauma.

See how complicated this sort of thing can be?

But fun. Oh yes, fun fun fun!

And also, what's the word?

Ironic.

Maybe Someday...

Maybe someday...

The hillbillies will realize that they're being played for saps by the billionaires who've bankrolled the Tea Party.

People will wake up to the indisputable truth that "socialized" medicine is cheaper and more effective than the nonsensical system we have.

Poor whites will figure out that the poor blacks and the poor browns aren't their enemies.

American businesses will remember that it was a growing, vital middle class that made our economy the envy of the world.

Red State voters will begin to wonder if there's some correlation between not funding public education and being really, really stupid.

Men will awaken to the fact that women should have the fundamental right to control their reproductive systems.

Folks will read all of the Second Amendment and learn that, contrary to what the NRA says, it does not give carte blanche to gun owners.

Every American citizen will ask themselves why the Koch brothers, and like minded billionaire scum, don't want us to have access to affordable health care, or unions, or protection against corporations, or an EPA, or...

Grover Norquist, Wayne La Pierre, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin, Louie Gohmert, Steve King, Rand Paul, all of the Fox "News" kids, and everyone else who spreads lies, bile, and hatred to make a buck, will be kicked to the curb, and/or laughed into irrelevance. Then they can all go off to Clown College, where they really belong.

Maybe someday....but don't hold your breath.

Back To The Future, or: Sequester This

And so we are where we started.

Trapped.

With a government hamstrung by a few fanatic lunatics, who owe their allegiance not to the wishes of a majority of the American people, but to a handful of corporate interests and/or their own misguided interpretations of the Constitution.

Fanatics who take their marching orders from a bloated, bilious, radio talking head, an anti-tax lobbyist, the simpering mouthpiece of the gun manufacturers, and, "angels and ministers of grace defend us", the ghost of Ayn Rand!

Oh my.

Now, on top of everything else, Supreme Court justice Antonin "Clarence Thomas Is My Bitch" Scalia, who is just barely, recognizably human, tells us that protecting the rights of African-Americans to vote amounts to a "racial entitlement." This after the Republican Party spent an entire election cycle trying to figure out new ways to suppress the black vote--something which Republican controlled state legislatures gleefully continue to do 24-7.

Jesus Christ.

Out with the old, in with the new!

It's been a very frustrating year, that's for sure.

The good? Barack Obama was re-elected, thus sparing us four years of the robotic, elitist Mitt Romney. Now all Obama has to do is develop a spine -- which is by no means certain.

I got to see Bruce again. That alone makes it a better year than most. Thanks to my friend Nancy for the ticket and to all my friends at Greasy Lake with whom I saw the show.

Trent Franks is no longer my congressman. I now have Paul Gosar to represent me. This is not necessarily a major improvement, but almost anyone is better than Trent. (I except Allen West, Michele Bachmann, Steve King, Louis Gohmert, Virginia Fox and a few other crazies from this, but not many. These guys would all be worse than Trent). In the same vein, Jon Kyl is no longer my senator, but Jeff Flake is replacing him and I'm not at all sure that's an improvement.

Now for the bad. One thing stands out this year and it was unfortunately brought home again just a couple of weeks ago -- our nationwide obsession with guns. When the framers wrote the Constitution 225 years ago, I don't think they could have imagined such atrocities as Aurora and Sandy Hook. I have trouble imagining them and I've lived through them. The rest of the world sees this obsession and thinks we have positively lost our collective minds. I agree with them. There is no easier problem for us to fix, yet no less likely problem for us to fix. Mitch McConnell and Grover Norquist will celebrate tax hikes together before the NRA and the other 2nd Amendment nuts will give an inch toward even such common sense steps such as automatic registration, limited capacity on magazines, etc. It really leaves me with very little hope.

With that in mind, here's a song I found going through my head today. It seems fairly apropos, so I hope you all enjoy it.

Happy New Year to all. It really can't be any worse than last year -- can it?

What Mitt Romney Really Wants To Say To The American People

What lies do you want me to tell? Honestly, I don't care anymore. What little moral character I had is long gone, along with any ethical sense I might have once, fleetingly, possessed. I'm tired, very tired. So, just tell me what you want to hear, and I'll oblige.

How about this one: The President isn't a true American. You like the sound of that one? I know you do.

By the way, he's also, and I'm sure some of you haven't even noticed this, because we're not like that, a black man. A child of Ham, and accursed, at least until 1978, according to my faith. I was 31 in 1978. Fully formed, as it were, and well grounded in my beliefs and the beliefs of my forefathers.

Speaking of lies, what about this one: I have no intention of overturning Roe v Wade. I know some of you still believe me when I say that. I love you, you simple trusting, true Americans. And I love women, especially. In fact, I come from a religion that loves women so much, that for a long time we allowed male members to marry bunches of them. A religion that realizes that women need to be protected from themselves, and their inherent weakness, by strong, devout men. My wife Ann understands that, and she has a dancing horse. Do you have a dancing horse? I didn't think so.

This President, who doesn't love our country, is undeniably black, and probably wasn't even born here, has colluded with foreigners, Italians, to send good American jobs overseas. Maybe your job is next. Think about that.

Now some of you may have heard people saying that I made a lot of my money by shipping jobs overseas. Those people are liars. They simply don't understand how business works. They aren't as rich as I am, either. They trust in things they call "facts". Friends, you and I both know that you don't need "facts" when you have faith. Have faith in me. I love you. I love this country.

I love this country so much, that I am willing to sacrifice all of my self-esteem, abase myself in front of people like Rupert Murdoch, Rush Limbaugh, Grover Norquist, lie and cheat and steal, say and do ANYTHING, to be elected President of this country that I love so much.

Can the child of Ham say that? No, he cannot.

Behold, I have come to you on a White Horse to save you from democracy and yourselves!

Believe in me and the power of my righteousness and everything will be alright!

Last Night I Had This Crazy Dream...

Willard Mitt Romney was elected president and to celebrate the Koch brothers threw a big party for all of their friends. Justices Scalia,Thomas, Kennedy, Alito and Roberts were there. And Grover Norquist, Rush Limbaugh, Roger Ailes, Paul Ryan, Allen West, Donald Trump, Sarah Palin and all the rest of the goon squad. Oh, it was grand!

They laughed and laughed about what saps the American people were. Such sheep, so easily led, with no historical perspective and prone to believing whoever shouted the loudest and the longest, true or not.

The party got wilder and wilder as they took turns screaming out the next steps in their plan:

"Privatize Social Security!" "Vouchers for Medicare!" "Do away with the EPA!" "Criminalize abortion!" "Do away with Public Education!" "Drill Baby Drill", "Privatize! Privatize! Privatize!"

They were having such a fantastic time they didn't notice the fire that started when Limbaugh and Chris Christie, wrestling over the last shrimp, knocked a sterno can over.

The fire sprinkler system had been made in China (cheaper steel) and assembled by non union labor (cheaper labor).

Because of government cut-backs (necessary austerity measures) the understaffed city safety inspector's office had been too busy to inspect it properly.

And even if it had worked, the antiquated water main (circa 1900) was leaky (infrastructure repairs aren't as important as cutting taxes) and couldn't carry the necessary pressure.

The Fire Department, which was suffering from its own cutbacks and from constantly being demonized as "union thugs", arrived too late.

So they all burned to death.

Oh, it was grand!

Here Lies Willard Mitt Romney

And lies and lies and lies and lies...

If it's not about Medicare or Social Security, it's about RomneyCare or what Bain Capital actually did to make money. Or how much he does--or doesn't--pay in taxes. Or...

Oh well, I guess we should expect nothing more from a Republican presidential candidate. Doesn't matter how much money they have, where they went to school, or how "moral" they claim to be. They just can't help themselves.

And who can blame them? It's been a highly successful "strategerie." Say one thing and yet do exactly the opposite. And always be the first to point the finger at the other guy. Then wrap yourself in the flag and grab a Bible.

They've gotten away with it since Nixon, whose "people" convinced the South Vietnamese to stay away from the Paris peace talks long enough to get himself elected. That's treason, by the way. Then, after a brief pause brought on by Watergate, it really kicked into high gear with Ronald Reagan, whose "people", allied with the Israeli's, subverted President Carter's negotiations with Iran to help tilt the 1980 election to Reagan. That's treason, too. Since the allegedly "liberal" Mainstream Media mostly ignored these acts, the Republicans were unshackled and emboldened enough that their lying, by now institutionalized, has stayed at near terminal velocity since then.

Remember Simple W. and the Dark Lord Cheney? I rest my case.

Today, the Party of Lincoln has finally reached rock bottom, willfully turning itself into the Party of Norquist and Limbaugh. And its candidate will come from Romney, Santorum or Gingrich. As that loveable cut-up Karl Marx once said, "history repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce."

I am tired. I have not the time, space, or inclination to list all of their various lies. It's not that hard to look them up. Suffice it to say, if their lips are moving there's a better than 50% chance that they are lying.

But some of you will still vote for them anyway. Is it because you are stupid, or scared, or crazy? Or a racist, or a fool, or one of the 1%? Or all of the above?

Need some federal funds for hurricane relief? F.U. says Cantor...

Every time I think Eric Cantor couldn't be more cruel or stupid than he already is, he proves me wrong. It's really a bit unbelievable to see the lengths this guy will go to to please Grover Norquist. You see, he's now decided that no money should be spent on hurricane relief without corresponding cuts on other federal programs (you're right, he only wants to cut those programs that help the poor -- God forbid we should cut defense!).

Cantor's spokesperson told Talking Points Memo today:
"We aren't going to speculate on damage before it happens, period," his spokesperson Laena Fallon emails. "But, as you know, Eric has consistently said that additional funds for federal disaster relief ought to be offset with spending cuts."

Now note that Fallon says "ought", not "must" -- but I think that's a distinction that really doesn't matter. We've already seen what Cantor and his ilk want to do to the federal budget -- in their ideological world, the only purpose for government is to transfer money from the bottom up to the wealthy. They have shown this to be true over and over and over again. Yet people still vote for them -- go figure.

I'm sure there have been more despicable people to reach positions as powerful as the one Cantor now occupies, that of House Majority Leader, but with the notable exceptions of Dick Cheney and Tom DeLay I have to think really hard to remember one. Usually the system realizes just how inhumane these people are and spits them out after they have their few moments of fame -- but Cantor is still with us and I doubt seriously that his district will vote him out, especially since they are inland and won't bear the brunt of the coming storm. I suspect the rest of the state (especially the coastal areas) will disagree with Cantor, after all,  Governor McDonnell has already declared a state of emergency -- precisely so the state will be eligible for federal disaster funds.

Worst Case Scenario

My boy and I went to see the angry monkey movie today and naturally that got me to thinking about our Republican cousins and the 2012 election.

To begin with, we should never underestimate the ability of the American people to do the wrong thing. Exhibit #1: the 2004 Presidential election. I'm sure that some of you believe, as I do, that the 2004 vote in Ohio was rigged. But the point is that the election shouldn't have been close enough for "electronic funny business" in one Midwestern state to have made any difference. After 4 years of Simple W--the Appointee in Chief--and the Dark Lord Cheney, including their Keystone Kops act on September 11th, the resulting bait and switch war in Iraq and, to top it off, replacing a large surplus with a huge deficit, how could more than 60 million people still vote for the Republican ticket? Are they that stupid? Sadly, the answer is "yes".

So let's say up is really down and black is really white and in 2012 the good citizens of the USA elect some lunatic Republican to the highest office in the land. (Next to Grover Norquist's, that is. Oh, that's right, he's never been elected to anything. He's a lobbyist. Strange, isn't it?)

And let's throw in the Senate for good measure. So that means the White House, both houses of Congress, and perhaps most importantly, the Supreme Court, would all be in Republican hands.

Doesn't really matter which Republican either. Sure Bachmann (or Palin or Cain or Perry) might be the craziest of the lot, but when you get right down to it, is there really that much difference between any of them and Romney (or Pawlenty, or Gingrich or, hell, any angry monkey)?

Can you imagine a country run by these people with absolutely no checks and balances?

And you think you're fucked now?! Baby, you don't know what fucked is...

It's the Hypocrisy, Stupid (part 1 of a series)

Like a herpes sore that just won't go away, news of Newt Gingrich's sex life has burst forth yet again. Now personally, I don't care about Newt Gingrich's sex life. In fact, I find the idea of Newt Gingrich having sex with anyone or anything appalling. The times being what they are, I'm sure there is a subset of pornography that features pasty, flabby, old men having sex with mentally deficient women, though I can't imagine that it's very popular. But then "de gustibus non est disputandum" as the ancient Romans used to say. (And most of them were bent in ways we can't even begin to comprehend.)

No, what I care about is the disturbing fact that there are some people who still pay serious attention to Newt Gingrich. Why? When has he been right about anything? When has he added anything worthwhile to the national debate? For instance, has he ever suggested maybe cutting the defense budget just a little bit? No, better to hunt down and "reform" a few "welfare queens" than go after the trillion dollar gorilla.

Gingrich's big moment was shutting down the government. Wow, there's an achievement! I'm sure that bulging pustule Grover Norquist was very proud. But a funny thing, when you shut down the government everybody suddenly realizes--including the people who think they hate government--how much they really rely on government. So tip o' the hat to you on that one, Newty.

(His second biggest moment was the impeachment of Bill Clinton. That he was schtupping a woman other than his wife at the same time he was attacking Clinton's morals wasn't a problem for Gingrich, who has, like so many Republicans, what one might charitably call "flexible" ethics. This is not the behavior I expect from the man who wrote that timeless spiritual classic "Rediscovering God in America.")

In the past, politicians who miscalculated as badly as Newt Gingrich had the decency to disappear into the night, never to be heard from again. But those were nobler and simpler times. Being catastrophically wrong just isn't enough these days. In fact, the reverse seems to be true, at least for the Republicans. Now being wrong over and over again about a variety of things gives you a certain gravitas. Throw in a large dose of moral hypocrisy and you've got the perfect Conservative talking head. And so we're repeatedly treated to Newt's thoughts on, well, everything. And the constant threat and/or promise that he will run for President. The Democrats would certainly welcome that. Picture it: Newt and whatever number wife he's on by 2012 up against Barack and Michelle Obama. The smart money says he gets his cracker ass stomped. Oh well, just one more debacle to add to an already impressive resume.