In Defense Of Roy Moore

See, you Yankees jes don't unnerstan how we do things down heah in Dixie.

See, in 'Bama, the age of consent is in utero. Now, that's the law, son. And you don't want to mess with the law.

Once a female is clean through the birth canal, she's fair game. Sister, cousin, whatever, don't matter. She's fair game.

Truth be told, Judge Moore showed admirable what you call restraint, by waiting 14 long and no doubt anxious years before approaching her. Man's a tower of moral courage and rectitude.

And ya'll know how them wimmen are. Constantly tempting good Christian menfolk into sin.

And the temptation must have been somethin'. Hot damn! Yet the Judge withstood it for more than a decade. Because he's a true Southern gentleman.

Now, I wouldn't expect a bunch of mealy mouthed liberals, New York Jews, coloreds, and emasculating feminist lesbian transgendered homosexuals, to understand Southern chivalry.

But that's all what this is, a sterling example of Southern chivalry. And Southern chivalry is the foundation of Southern culture. Well, that and slavery. And you must respect our culture!

Read yo' damn Bibles! It's all there in black and white.

Joseph and Mary. Jesus and that other Mary. Jezebel. Uh, Sodom and Gomorrah. Jonah and the whale. Victor Mature and Hedy Lamarr. Lot's wife. And all the rest of them.

Shameless

Remember how, when you'd see old footage of the God fearin' peckerwoods down in Dixie beating the hell out of black people just trying to go to school, or vote, or sit at a lunch counter, you'd think to yourself, "Man, what's wrong with those people? Can't they see how backwards/foolish/hateful/inhuman they look?"

You'd watch them screaming insults, spit flying, animal rage in their eyes, and deep down you'd be a little ashamed to be white.

Then maybe you'd think, "Well, that was a long time ago. Things have changed since then."

Uh huh.

Have you seen a Trump rally?

Same crazy look in the eyes. Same animal rage at "them", or "her".

Some folks ought to be ashamed.

But then, some folks are completely shameless.

Make Up Your Own Punchline

So Ted "I'm As American As Anyone Born In Canada" Cruz is doing an armed minstrel show with one of those crackers from Duck "Sweet Jesus What A Bunch Of Worthless Fucks We Are" Dynasty...

And the one asshole turns to the other asshole and says:

I Demand Satisfaction!

So Rand Paul, R-Wikepedia, pines for the good ol' days of Dixie, when a slight could be settled by a duel...

Fine.

Of course, one of those who Paul The Lesser feels most slighted by is, gasp, a woman! One Rachel Maddow by name.

Young Rand's honor has been thrown into question, and since he couldn't possibly best Ms Maddow in any intellectual contest, he yearns for the only other way he can think of, however illegal and archaic it may be, to satisfy his bruised ego.

Now, I'm not up on the rules of chivalry, southern or otherwise, (though I did recently see 12 Years A Slave, an excellent primer on the mentality of southern white males, past and present), but I don't think a gentleman would challenge a lady to a duel under any circumstances.

In fact, the sort of man who would challenge a woman to a duel isn't really much of a man at all.