Monday, December 31, 2012

Out with the old, in with the new!

It's been a very frustrating year, that's for sure.

The good? Barack Obama was re-elected, thus sparing us four years of the robotic, elitist Mitt Romney. Now all Obama has to do is develop a spine -- which is by no means certain.

I got to see Bruce again. That alone makes it a better year than most. Thanks to my friend Nancy for the ticket and to all my friends at Greasy Lake with whom I saw the show.

Trent Franks is no longer my congressman. I now have Paul Gosar to represent me. This is not necessarily a major improvement, but almost anyone is better than Trent. (I except Allen West, Michele Bachmann, Steve King, Louis Gohmert, Virginia Fox and a few other crazies from this, but not many. These guys would all be worse than Trent). In the same vein, Jon Kyl is no longer my senator, but Jeff Flake is replacing him and I'm not at all sure that's an improvement.

Now for the bad. One thing stands out this year and it was unfortunately brought home again just a couple of weeks ago -- our nationwide obsession with guns. When the framers wrote the Constitution 225 years ago, I don't think they could have imagined such atrocities as Aurora and Sandy Hook. I have trouble imagining them and I've lived through them. The rest of the world sees this obsession and thinks we have positively lost our collective minds. I agree with them. There is no easier problem for us to fix, yet no less likely problem for us to fix. Mitch McConnell and Grover Norquist will celebrate tax hikes together before the NRA and the other 2nd Amendment nuts will give an inch toward even such common sense steps such as automatic registration, limited capacity on magazines, etc. It really leaves me with very little hope.

With that in mind, here's a song I found going through my head today. It seems fairly apropos, so I hope you all enjoy it.

Happy New Year to all. It really can't be any worse than last year -- can it?

Sunday, December 30, 2012

2013 Predictions, or: Right Back Where We Started

Nearly 500 years ago, Nostradamus predicted that I would write this blog entry...

In 2013 we can expect more obstructionist nonsense from those super duper patriots in the Tea Party wing of the Republican nuthouse.

Once again President Obama will bend over backward to accommodate John Boehner in the misguided belief that Boehner can deliver Republican votes in the House. Unfortunately, the Republican House is still comprised of people like Louie Gohmert, Trent Franks, Darrell Issa, Paul Ryan, and Michele Bachmann. So, very little of substance will get done. And Boehner himself may be deposed by yet another empty suit.

We can hope for a ban on assault rifles and large capacity clips--but don't bet the farm on it.

The slaughter of the innocents will continue.

More attention will be paid to the antics of our pop singers and TV and movie stars than is healthy. Bread and circuses to keep the masses placated.

The Bilious, Bullying, Billionaires will continue their attack on Democracy, aided and abetted by most--but not all--of the corporate media--and a majority of the Supreme Court.

Fox "News" will find new ways to lie to the American people. Naturally, the people who listen to Fox will not notice this.

Mitt Romney, pere et fils, will continue to blame everyone and everything for his defeat--except for his own incompetence and his tired, incoherent ideas. But, of course, he didn't really want to be President anyway. So it all worked out well in the end.

The Dark Lord Cheney and his hateful spawn will attack the President for some reason or other.

No one but Fox News will care what the Dark Lord Cheney and his hateful spawn say.

George W. Bush, or Simple W if you prefer, will remain politically insignificant, just a bitter memory from an ugly past.

Chris Christie will start a diet and exercise program to get him in shape to lose to Hillary in 2016.

Arizona's politicians, including our pea brained Governor, Jan "Chuck Tell Me What To Do" Brewer, our criminally negligent lawman, Sheriff Joe "Que Pasa" Arpaio, and our resident foreign policy expert, Senator John "POW" McCain, R-Bitter Old Man,  will continue to provide amusement to the rest of a grateful nation.

No matter who hosts it, the Academy Award show will be too long and tedious to be truly enjoyable.

The lack of good film roles for "women of a certain age (other than La Streep)" will be decried.

Hopefully Peter O'Toole will finish the third volume of his memoir, "Loitering With Intent". I heartily recommend the first two volumes, which are subtitled "The Child" and "The Apprentice",  to anyone who loves acting, theatre, storytelling, or just good, often humorous, writing in a kind of Joycean stream of consciousness style.

Some religious nut will announce that the world will end at a certain time on a certain day. The world will not end, of course. But the nut will still have devoted followers, because there is never a shortage of fruit cakes in America.

Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was.

Mrs. Franklin and I hope you and yours have a safe and Happy New Year's Eve. And that all of your teams cover the spread and your hangover isn't too awful.

Remember to hydrate. Trust me, it helps.

And don't drink and drive. That's a clown move, bro.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Year End Valley Sports Roundup

I know, I'm just as surprised as you are that the world is still here. I even had  "12-21-12 world ends" written in my day planner. I mean, if you can't trust the looney predictions of some bat shit crazy nut jobs based on a fundamental misinterpretation of the calendar of an extinct civilization, what can you trust?

So, since it isn't the apocalypse after all, and too much holiday cheer has left me kind of groggy, we might as well take a close look at the Valley's sports scene:

Jesus, what a cesspool!

Where to begin?

Well, they say it's football season, though that would be hard to tell from what we've seen around here. So let's start with our beloved Arizona Cardinals.

One thing I know for sure, once a cheap SOB always a cheap SOB. That pretty much sums up my feelings about the Bidwill family's business. They got a new stadium and all the cash flow that went with it, and the franchise is now worth about a billion bucks. So why are the Bidwills always getting into fights over money? First it was with the Fiesta Bowl over signage, then Westgate over parking, now NAU over training facilities. For a franchise that has been mediocre at best for generations they have a tremendous sense of entitlement.  All that money and they still don't spend on depth. They are always one injury away from disaster. The defense is strong, but not strong enough to shut out every opponent, which is what they have to do to win. The offensive line is consistently awful. Their "running" game is a joke. Their GM is a joke, too. This is a team that passed on both Adrian Peterson and Terrell Suggs in the draft. As for the head coach's decision making regarding the quarterback position, well, let's just say that Jeff George is sitting somewhere right now waiting for his phone to ring. It is becoming clear that they were very lucky to have Kurt Warner and Todd Haley for the brief period of time that now looks like their Golden Age. The worst part of this whole debacle is that Larry Fitzgerald, who is still one of the top two or three receivers in the league, is spending a large part of his prime without an NFL quarterback to throw to him.

OK, what about "your" Phoenix Suns? Steve Nash made everybody around him look better--including Alvin Gentry. Steve Nash is gone. Goran Dragic is good, but he is still a work in progress. And the gap between "good" and "great" in the NBA is wide. Gortat was the best back-up center in the league--emphasis on back-up. Jared Dudley is a solid 6th man. Michael Beasley has a world of talent, and if he ever...blah blah blah. You can grow old waiting for people to change. The point guard they drafted, whose name escapes me, was briefly demoted to the D-League. And the rest of the roster is made up of guys who would be 8th, 9th, or 10th men on a good team. This all adds up to lots of empty seats at the Purple Palace. On the plus side, with Toronto still one of the worst teams in the league, at least we haven't had to hear the "if only Bryan Colangelo was still around" wails coming from the local media. Yep, Bryan has done such a great job as GM with the Raptors. Uh huh.

Remember a few seasons back when the Suns' roster was 10 swing men, a power forward and Steve Nash? Well, the Arizona Diamondbacks seem to be cornering the market on light hitting short-stops and middle relievers. (Hey, maybe they can trade Justin Upton for Eddie Brinkman. That'll show him!) I know, Kevin Towers is a genius, etc etc, but come on. I haven't checked with Bill James yet, but I'm pretty sure that nobody ever won a pennant with a team full of utility infielders. Of course, it probably doesn't matter what the D-backs do, because both the Giants and Dodgers have way superior talent. This all adds up to one thing: there will be plenty of good seats available to watch your favorite baseball teams when they come to town next summer.

Which brings us to hockey. Is there still a hockey team? There must be, because the city of Glendale has committed $300 million dollars to pay some guy to keep the Phoenix Coyotes in town. The city will have to divert this money from other services. This will mean cutbacks for the people who live in Glendale. Fortunately, this will not affect most hockey fans, because most hockey fans do not live in Glendale. So they couldn't care less about what happens to Glendale. Come to think of it, I don't really care what happens to Glendale either. But if I did, I'd be pissed off right about now.

And last, but not least, we have the ASU Sun Devils. Sure the baseball team used to win the College World Series on a regular basis, and the basketball team has sent several very good players to the NBA, including Jumpin' Joe Caldwell, Byron Scott, Fat Lever, and James Harden. But for those of us of a certain age, ASU will always mean Frank Kush. Do the names Mini Max Anderson, Curly Culp, Ron Pritchard, Fair Hooker, JD Hill, Joe Spagnola, Danny White, John Jefferson, Woody Green, and the Malone brothers, Art and Benny, ring a bell? (Yes, I really am that old.) Anyway, I'm pretty sure that Frank Kush would be embarrassed to take a 7-5 team to a bowl game. But, as Dylan reminds us, "things have changed."

Saturday, December 22, 2012

In the spirit of peace on earth

It seems that every right-wing loon in the country is now espousing armed teachers or security guards at every school in the country. No mention of cost. No mention that they are now advocating that the very same teachers which they considered to be overpaid and underworked as of the last election should now be packing heat at school.

And definitely no mention that even trained police officers miss more than they hit a lot of the time when in a stressful (read: possible gun presence) situation.

Bruce said it.....

Saturday, December 15, 2012

More American Exceptionalism

We are exceptional at shooting each other.

We really do a good job of it.

Men, women, teenagers, children, babies--doesn't matter.

No other "civilized" country on earth can touch us in this regard. Sure, Somalia is close, but then they're not considered "civilized" now are they? No, they're savages.

Which raises an interesting question. When we lecture other countries on human rights how do we keep a straight face? And how do they not double up with laughter? "Hey Abdul the guys from the shooting gallery are telling us how to behave again!"

Go to the movies, go to work, go to school, go to the mall, go to the 7-11 for some skittles? You're playing Russian roulette.

Of course the plethora of guns in our exceptional society has nothing whatsoever to do with all of the people getting shot. That's just liberal, bleeding heart, nonsense. Ask the NRA.

Remember, "guns don't kill people, people kill people."

And crazy people kill people. And crazy people with assault rifles kill lots of people. Including children.

As that old crook Nixon used to say, "let me make one thing perfectly clear":  Anybody who thinks they need an assault rifle, or a machine pistol, and thousands of rounds of ammunition to protect themselves is insane.

And anybody who wants to argue for the rights of people to own these things is an accomplice to murder.

Of course, it's always easier to cry and light a candle, than to do something substantive.

Chances are that our exceptional Congress will offer no remedy. Too many of them, on both sides of the aisle, are scared to death of the gun lobby. And if our exceptional President dares to, he will be attacked by the ever ready staunch defenders of the exceptional Second Amendment.

Those true patriots who honestly believe, in those festering piles of horseshit that they call brains, that banning assault rifles and high capacity clips somehow infringes on their "rights".

So save some tears for the next senseless tragedy. Because there will be a next one, and one after that. So it goes. Forever and ever.

Because we are exceptional.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

My Petition to Secede

Whereas I have lived in Arizona for more than 50 years (long sigh); and whereas during that time I have been "represented" by the likes of Jan Brewer, Jon Kyl, John McCain, Ben Quayle, John Shadegg, Ev Mecham, Fife Symington, Jane Hull, Barry Goldwater, and some twits in the state legislature whose names I never bothered to learn; and whereas for much of that time I have been "protected" by an arrogant joke of a sheriff named Joe Arpaio and such stellar attorneys (general and county) as Tom Horne and Andrew Thomas; and whereas they have all been essentially worthless (yeah, Barry too); and whereas the good people of Arizona seem determined to keep choosing a stunning collection of grifters, fools, and circus clowns for the majority of their elected officials; and whereas some of said elected officials do a sad, shady, and woefully inadequate job of counting those votes they disagree with; therefore, I hereby petition the Federal government for some form of relief from this cruel and unusual punishment.

Frankly, I think we'd be better off if a whole bunch of Red states did secede. Let the hillbillies fend for themselves for awhile and let's see how they do.

But since that's not going to happen, at the very least some of us should be allowed to secede from whatever Red state we find ourselves in.

By secession I mean not having to pay any state taxes anymore. Oh, I'll still live here. We have a nice house and Mrs. Franklin has business interests. Most of our friends are here, too.

But I don't want to financially support the asinine behavior anymore. Enough is enough.

So, just tell me what kind of forms I need to fill out, OK?

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

So Long, and Thanks for Everything!

I miss Mitt!

There, I said it.

To be honest, what I really miss are the recordings of Mitt. The Mitt Tapes, which for awhile kept bubbling up to the surface every few days, were truly a blessing...and just in time for the Holidays, too.

It was like unearthing more of Dylan's basement tapes...or pristine recordings of the Beatles live in Hamburg. Pure gold!

I kept waiting for the one where he blamed "the Jews in Hollywood." I know it must still be there somewhere...

The recordings were a treasure trove of pure, unadulterated, Mitt-Thought.  The Ur-Mitt unleashed, 100 proof, if you will.  He joyfully shat all over minorities, women, the poor, the middle-class--indeed everybody but his rich-fuck friends.

But guess what Mitt? They weren't really your friends. They were just your fellow rich-fucks who thought you would make them even richer. Oh well, we all make mistakes. Just don't expect a Christmas card from Sheldon Adelson or the Koch brothers.

Based on all of the available evidence, can we at least finally agree that Willard Mitt Romney is a "(word that starts with C and ends with unt)"?

Oh, sure, he's still rich. But just between you and me, I've known richer men. In fact, the wealthiest guy I ever knew could buy and sell Mitt a couple of times over. And he started out with nothing.

That's right. Nothing. No rich father. No stock to sell to get through college. My guy didn't go to college. And, brace yourself, he was a lifelong registered Democrat. Always paid his taxes, too. Shocking, I know. But true.

It's long past time for Willard Mitt Romney to stop talking, scuttle off to one of his houses, find somebody to ghost write his guaranteed to be whiny and insipid auto-biography, and live out the remainder of his life in a well deserved, but comfy, anonymity.

So long, and thanks for everything!

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Things I'm Thankful for Today

It's been a long day in the kitchen preparing Mr. Turkey, my back feels as if it will never recover, but it was completely worth it! That said, here are a few things I'm thankful for this day.

--- Mr. B. Franklin, my blog partner, who has been a great friend for almost 30 years and pretty much keeps this blog running since I'm usually too lazy to post anything. Thanks, David!

--- Another Bruce show coming up in two weeks with friends from as far away as Australia coming to Phoenix for the show. Always a high point in my life. Hell, I've seen Springsteen 26 times already and those are 26 of the 30 best shows I've ever seen, including the top 15. To put this into perspective, I used to be in the record business and I would guess that I've seen well over 350 shows.

--- My family. Nothing more to be said, other than that I'm grateful to have the parents and siblings I have.

--- A ceasefire in Gaza. Anytime peace is announced anywhere in the world, no matter how temporary that peace may be, it's a cause for thanks.

--- The fact that we aren't looking at the inauguration of President Romney in January. Enough said.

--- My local public library. Even though the funds have been cut and staff reduced, they still never fail to get me any book I need.

--- My late grandmother for instilling in me at a very early age a lifelong love of reading. I still miss you, Granny Lee.

--- Soccer, particularly the English Premier League, the European Championships and the World Cup. I am so glad I got hooked on the game, particularly when I had gotten so cynical about American pro and college sports. They bore the hell out of me now that I know about the Beautiful Game.

--- Knox College. Best three years of my life. Thanks to all the faculty, staff and my fellow students. You made it fantastic!

--- Any of you out there that read this blog. I know there aren't many of you, but the ones that are there are why we started this. Now tell all your friends to give us some hits, because the more people that read, the more fun it is to write.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Angry White Male

Hey, I voted for Obama twice.

Where's all this stuff I'm supposed to get?

Where are my gifts?

Willard Mitt Romney said Obama gave me gifts to vote for him--where are they?

Rush Limbaugh and O'Reilly said he did, too. And they never lie, do they?

I'm waiting, Mr. President.

I know the mails are slow this time of year, but come on!

You know what I'd really like? One of those satellite radio thingys. I hear there's a Springsteen channel, and the BBC World service, and a whole bunch of cool stuff. I could also use some new  shoes.

Of course, the greatest gift of all is that, thanks to you, Barack Hussein Obama, McCain/Palin (remember her?) and Romney/Ryan weren't elected.

Now, that's what I call a thoughtful gift.

Thank you, Barack! We're even.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Election Wrapup

I know Mormons aren't supposed to drink distilled spirits, but hey, this would be a good time to start...

Me, I've been very drunk and extremely happy--giddy almost--for about 60 hours now...

And the best part has been watching the various explanations offered up by Rove and Limbaugh and Dick Morris (Jesus, what a putz!), and O'Reilly, and Coulter and all the other empty headed, right wing swine "experts".

You know, the Japanese used to do it the right way: fuck up really bad and you had to kill yourself--no ifs, ands, or buts. It was expected. In fact, it was the honorable thing to do.

I got a drawer full of knives if anybody needs one...

Sunday, November 4, 2012

What Mitt Romney Really Wants To Say To The American People

What lies do you want me to tell? Honestly, I don't care anymore. What little moral character I had is long gone, along with any ethical sense I might have once, fleetingly, possessed. I'm tired, very tired. So, just tell me what you want to hear, and I'll oblige.

How about this one: The President isn't a true American. You like the sound of that one? I know you do.

By the way, he's also, and I'm sure some of you haven't even noticed this, because we're not like that, a black man. A child of Ham, and accursed, at least until 1978, according to my faith. I was 31 in 1978. Fully formed, as it were, and well grounded in my beliefs and the beliefs of my forefathers.

Speaking of lies, what about this one: I have no intention of overturning Roe v Wade. I know some of you still believe me when I say that. I love you, you simple trusting, true Americans. And I love women, especially. In fact, I come from a religion that loves women so much, that for a long time we allowed male members to marry bunches of them. A religion that realizes that women need to be protected from themselves, and their inherent weakness, by strong, devout men. My wife Ann understands that, and she has a dancing horse. Do you have a dancing horse? I didn't think so.

This President, who doesn't love our country, is undeniably black, and probably wasn't even born here, has colluded with foreigners, Italians, to send good American jobs overseas. Maybe your job is next. Think about that.

Now some of you may have heard people saying that I made a lot of my money by shipping jobs overseas. Those people are liars. They simply don't understand how business works. They aren't as rich as I am, either. They trust in things they call "facts". Friends, you and I both know that you don't need "facts" when you have faith. Have faith in me. I love you. I love this country.

I love this country so much, that I am willing to sacrifice all of my self-esteem, abase myself in front of people like Rupert Murdoch, Rush Limbaugh, Grover Norquist, lie and cheat and steal, say and do ANYTHING, to be elected President of this country that I love so much.

Can the child of Ham say that? No, he cannot.

Behold, I have come to you on a White Horse to save you from democracy and yourselves!

Believe in me and the power of my righteousness and everything will be alright!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Countess Dracula


The camera shows a long shot of a castle somewhere in Transylvania, with the sun setting directly behind. The camera zooms in, as it shows us walk through the front door and down a hall until we find a stairway to the basement.

We slowly move down the stairs. We look down and see a coffin. The sun has just set. The lid slowly opens.

We zoom in and see Ann Coulter. Pale face, heavy eye shadow, red lipstick. She has her eyes closed.

Fade to Ann Coulter at CPAC: "If we don't nominate Chris Christie and run Mitt Romney, we will lose."

Fade to Christie praising President Obama for his and the government's reaction to Hurricane Sandy:
“I have to give the president great credit,” Christie, who delivered the keynote address at Romney’s nominating convention, said on the Fox News Channel. “He’s done, as far as I’m concerned, a great job for New Jersey.”

We see Coulter rise up in the coffin: "I've been betrayed! Christie, you will pay for this if it takes all eternity!"

Can't wait to see this commercial....

A Glimpse At The Future, or: Ayn Rand Thinks You're A Pussy

OK, so a very big storm hits once again, but this time there is no FEMA because President Romney and Vice-President Ryan are sure that disaster relief is something the states should handle on their own...

You know, states like Alabama and Mississippi and Louisiana and the Carolinas and Georgia. Because they always do such a great job looking after the welfare of their citizens...Uh huh.

Good, solid, God fearin' Red States. Don't want no federal gubmint meddlin' in our affairs. Certainly don't want no black man in the White House, unless he's servin' the white folks.The South shall rise again, y'all!

So good luck to you, you hateful, halfwit, racist hillbillies.

And, while you're picking through what's left of the double wide, looking for your Heroes of the Confederacy Commemorative Coasters, you can suck on this:

Paul Ryan believes in that Ayn Rand bullshit that you're on your own and make the most of it. A small amount of cream will rise to the top, the rest will fall by the wayside. That's life! I got mine, Fuck You!

And Willard Mitt Romney believes that churches should provide all that is needed. Of course, his church only takes care of members in good standing of his church. So, swallow your pride, get a lobotomy, and join the Church of Latter Day Saints. They'd love to have you!

[By the way, this big 'ol, badass storm has absolutely nothing to do with global warming, because as we all know, global warming is just another liberal plot designed to hurt the oil and coal companies. Why do they hate America so much?]

Saturday, October 27, 2012

It's All Greek To Me

One of the cherished talking points of the Right is how we are turning into Greece.

It has become so endemic that it has filtered down to the letters to the editor of The Arizona Republic, surely one of the lowest rings of the living Hell that is Right Wing Looneydom.

The hysterical rant goes something like this:

Soon we will be bankrupt--just like Greece!

And it will be because of the evil unions--just like Greece!

And all the entitlements of our welfare state--just like Greece!

And the lazy workers--just like Greece!

And the overall corruption of "socialism"--just like Greece!

I'm sure if there were some way to claim that Greece had a "black, anti-colonial Kenyan, Muslim" President, they'd do that too.

And I suppose if the Greeks had the world's largest economy, largest military, the world's safest currency, and their own central bank with the ability to print their own money, and set their own interest rates--we would be "just like Greece".

But they don't.

So anyone who tells you that we're in danger of becoming "just like Greece" is a fucking idiot. And you can quote me on that.

Of course, there is one way that we are exactly like Greece:

Many of the wealthiest Greeks have done everything they possibly can--legally and otherwise--to avoid paying taxes.

Remind you of anyone?

Monday, October 22, 2012

Great Moments In Arizona Law Enforcement

Let's call the roll, shall we?

First you've got the Border Patrol agents getting in a shoot out with each other, fatally for one of them. You know, there was a reason Andy only gave Barney the one bullet...

Then there's the southern Arizona sheriff, with three times the legal limit of alcohol in his system, wearing no seatbelt, who crashed his pickup. Sounds like he was going way too fast on a gravel road, too, but what the hell. "In for a penny, in for a pound", as they say. Now he's "brown bread", in Cockney rhyming slang. I'm sure to his family it's a tragedy, but to me it just looks like Darwin in action.

And what about Attorney General Tom Horne, currently under investigation for some funny business with a large sum of money during the 2010 election.

Don't forget  Paul Babeu, of "Baboo, You One Sexy Man" fame, still in the running for The Advocate's LGBT Hypocritical Lawman of the Year Award.

We certainly don't want to overlook Scottsdale cop James Peters, who, in his distinguished 12 year career, has been involved in 7 shootings--6 of which resulted in fatalities. Shoot first and ask questions later, huh?

All of these folks have a shot, no pun intended, at joining our Hall of Fame.

Whatever their noteworthy achievements, however, they will never be able to equal the ongoing disaster that is Sheriff Joe Arpaio.Very soon there will be yet another multi-million dollar wrongful death payout to the family of someone killed while incarcerated in Sheriff Joe's jail. That brings the total to, what, $50-60 million? Drop in the bucket. Then there's the $100 million gone missin' from his county funds. I'm sure it will turn up eventually. Probably just an accounting error, right? Add in the racial profiling, the pink underwear, the green baloney, Tent City, chain gangs, the hundreds of sexual assault cases he never investigated, the thousands of open warrants, the countless publicity stunts, and "America's Toughest Sheriff" has a record in "law enforcement" that is unparalleled. On the other hand, he's kept us safe from the ongoing threat of undocumented dishwashers, busboys, and gardeners. I'm sure the people who keep voting for him are very proud of his accomplishments. So don't be too surprised if he's re-elected. This is Arizona we're talking about, after all.

Now here's the really funny thing. I don't know about the Border Patrol agents, or "Quick Draw" Peters, but the rest of them belong to the Republican Party.

You know, the "Law and Order" party?

Ha Ha Ha.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Why do the Romney bumperstickers just say "Mitt"?

Because "Vote for the party that believes in "legitimate" rape, hates minorities, thinks Wall Street is too regulated, fears women, loves guns, thinks Jesus rode a dinosaur and slavery wasn't so bad, demonizes teachers, ignores science, starts wars they refuse to fight in or pay for, wants to privatize Social Security and gut Medicare, encourages tax evasion, and thinks corporations are people and money is speech" doesn't fit on a bumpersticker.


Friday, October 12, 2012

Jan Brewer Accidentally Tells The Truth

The New York Times, which should still be washing the blood off its hands for the part it played in ginning up the war with Iraq, recently wasted a page of its Sunday magazine with a Q&A with Jan "Chuck, Tell Me What To Do" Brewer, figurehead governor of Arizona.

The desiccated hag, who is the head cheerleader for the private prison industry (because Chuck told her what to do), wandered off from her handlers long enough to answer a few questions. Her answers were about what you'd expect from a pea brain, reactionary, political hack.

In short, and I'm paraphrasing, "guns good--more guns better", "Joe Arpaio good--Mexicans bad",  "Obama petty with thin skin--me nice white lady" and so on, and so forth.

But in the midst of her predictable, semi-literate drivel she was quoted as saying the following:

"These madmen are going to find some way, somehow to create whatever it is they want to create."

Now, of course, like any good whack-job Republican, she was giving the party's rote answer about the futility of regulating guns.

But it seems to me she has come up with the perfect campaign slogan for Romney-Ryan, indeed for every Republican candidate everywhere.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012


John Sununu, one of the smaller chunks floating around in the clogged toilet bowl that is the Republican Tea Party, says that President Obama is "lazy" and "not that bright". I guess he forgot "shiftless".

Let's take a moment and  recall who and what John Sununu is--besides a Rush Limbaugh wannabe, that is: the foreign born, former governor of one of our less significant states and the one time chief of staff for George H.W. Bush--one of our less significant Presidents, whose son, Simple W,  is the gold standard for "lazy" and "not that bright". Sununu is another one of those delusional, blowhard Republicans who like to pretend that the Bush-Cheney years never happened, that everything was fine until the "unprepared, lazy, Kenyan, anti-American, socialist, Muslim usurper" somehow "tricked" the American people into electing him. Uh huh.

Here's a fun fact about Sununu: While he was Bush The Elder's chief of staff he used military aircraft to fly to golf resorts, ski lodges, and Republican fundraisers. You know, for the good of the country. It is estimated that this cost taxpayers over $600,000, of which Sununu, when called out over it, repaid only a pittance.

Sounds like just another Republican pig sucking on the teat of government while constantly decrying those who truly need government assistance as leeches.

Yeah, I'd value and respect his opinion. Oink.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Romney Method

We've all met people who could look us right in the eye, smile, and lie their asses off.

Usually they are trying to sell us something defective--snake oil or a used car or land in Arizona--and not running for the presidency of the United States.

But that, in a nutshell, is Willard Mitt Romney.

He will say whatever he thinks you want to hear, regardless of the facts.

Indeed, facts are completely fungible things in his hands.

If a previous statement becomes inconvenient, he will then deny that he ever said it.

Indeed, he will claim that you said it.

He will do this all with a twinkle in his eye, a smile and a firm handshake.

His one overriding purpose is to close the sale.

Maybe a country enraptured by "reality" TV and Faux News, a country that forgets--or never learned--those parts of its history that don't follow the phony, Tea Party narrative, deserves a smiler with a knife as Commander in Chief.

But, my God, has it come to this?

Wednesday, October 3, 2012


As a strategy, insulting almost half of the American people might seem, on the surface, like a bad idea.

Especially when a good portion of your base is included in the group you disparage.

Tactically, I'm reminded of Custer's approach to the Sioux: Other than that bit at the end, things worked out pretty well.

Obviously, the usual concepts of campaigning clearly don't apply to Willard Mitt Romney.

And why should they? In Mitt's mind, he is one of "the chosen".  And we are so very lucky to have him. Just ask Ann.

We are not capable of understanding "the chosen". We are merely here to serve them.

So, whatever he says, whatever he does, we should just shut up and agree.

Compared to him we are all lazy layabouts, under-achieving, moochers. People like us should learn our proper place.

If anyone has an overblown sense of entitlement, it is Willard Mitt Romney. Remember, this is the guy who thought he could just waltz in and take Ted Kennedy's Senate seat. Why? Nobody but Mitt knows.

But I'd guess it was because, well, he's Mitt.

Isn't that enough?

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The Best Health Care System In The World

Did you hear about the lady who was charged $83,046 by a Chandler, Arizona hospital to treat a scorpion bite?

Sounds fair, right? After all, as the opponents of "European style socialized' medicine are so fond of reminding us, "we have the best health care system in the world."

Of course, in Mexico, which for those of you who went to school in Arizona, is not in Europe, pharmacies charge about $100 per dose for scorpion anti-venom.

But we're not in Mexico, dammit!

So watch what happens through the magic of the "free market" and unfettered capitalism:

The American importer, using the efficiency of the best economic system ever devised, sells that same $100 anti-venom to its distributors for $3500. Per dose. Because, uh, well, because they can. Hey, people gotta eat!

The distributor then sells it to hospitals for $3780. Per dose.

And the hospital charged the lucky patient $39,652. Per dose.

Throw in the emergency room expenses and, voila, the total is $83,046.

For what pencils out to about three grand worth of treatment.

The lady's insurance company, no dummies they, agreed to pay only $57,505. Because somebody has to draw the line against soaring health care costs...(yes, I am being sarcastic again.)

I'm sure that everyone will agree that we'd be crazy to tamper with a system that works so well.

[The hospital involved has announced that they are lowering their charge for the venom to "just" $8000. Per dose. I guess going from grotesquely ridiculous to merely ridiculous is how we measure progress around here.]

Friday, September 21, 2012

It Really Doesn't Matter

It really doesn't matter that:

Willard Mitt Romney has proven himself, over and over and over again, to be a clueless, incompetent boob.

Or, that he has shown, repeatedly, that he couldn't care less about anybody but himself and his rich friends.

Or, that he has shown, repeatedly, that he doesn't understand anything about foreign policy, or the limits of military intervention.

Or, that he has shown, repeatedly, that he has a fundamental  misunderstanding of what made this country great economically and what might make it great again. (Hint: it wasn't outsourcing and vulture capitalism.)

No, despite all this there are tens of millions of people who will vote for him simply because he's white.

They will respond to the various dogwhistles of Rush Limbaugh, Fox "News", Karl "Calling Me Turd Blossom Is Actually An Insult To Turds" Rove, and the billionaire Republican backers who love America so much that they are willing to spend hundreds of million of dollars to destroy democracy, if it lowers their taxes a little.

Because, well, you know. The other guy is black. And he only wants to help them.

That's the way they think and nothing, no leaked tapes, no idiotic responses, no campaign gaffes, no mountains of evidence, will change their minds.

So, it occurs to me that old people who vote for Romney/Ryan deserve to lose their Medicare.

And middle class people who vote for Romney/Ryan deserve to lose their Social Security.

And working class people who vote for Romney/Ryan deserve to have their jobs shipped overseas.

And uninsured people who vote for Romney/Ryan deserve to go broke paying medical bills.

And poor people who vote for Romney/Ryan deserve to lose the safety net.

And women who vote for Romney/Ryan deserve to have no say in what they do with their bodies.

And young people who vote for Romney/Ryan deserve no future but mountainous student loans, minimum wage jobs, and perpetual war.

Because, in the immortal words of one of America's Latter Day Patron Saints, Forrest Gump, "stupid is as stupid does."

Sunday, September 16, 2012

The Big Stick

Apparently there are just two settings on the Republican Foreign Policy machine:

"Off" and "War".

Sounds like we'll be at war with Syria and Iran shortly after a Romney inauguration. That would be payback to Sheldon Adelson. (As if the multi-billion dollar tax break wasn't enough.)

After all, got to keep Sheldon happy and that means keeping Israel (with her nuclear arsenal that no one is supposed to mention) safe.

And anybody else who dares look at us cross-eyed better watch it, too. You hear me Libya, Yemen, Tunisia, Egypt?

But not, of course, Saudi Arabia. Because even though they fund the most anti-American forms of fundamentalist Islam all around the world, and even though most of the 9-11 hijackers were Saudis, they are our friends. And we take care of our friends.

What about Russia and China? Fuck 'em! Had about enough of those commie bastards. They'll get with the program or feel the Wrath of Willard!

Remember that Randy Newman song, Political Science? "Let's drop the big one and see what happens." Yeah, something like that.

This will be extremely good news for the defense contractors. Time to order that new Bentley and start shopping for the Maui beach house again! Hooray!

Not so good news for the poor bastards in the military. Or their families.

But they're just grist for the mill, after all.

Besides, they won't be able to afford student loans after Mitt's banker friends get a hold of them, and there aren't going to be any jobs under the "outsourcing President" anyway, so it's just as well. Might as well enlist, huh?

Expendable is the word I'm looking for.

And, whatever happens, Mitt's kids won't be in harm's way, that's for sure. So it's all good!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Say What?

As I was driving from Starbucks to Starbucks the other day, searching for even the vaguest hint of consistency in their products, I heard someone on the radio talking about a "Republican outreach to minority voters." I tell you, I almost crashed.

Let's see. First you consistently, from day one, demonize the first black president by calling him all sorts of names: Marxist, un-American, anti-colonial Kenyan, socialist, non-American, the anti-Christ, American hating Muslim, etc. Your spiritual leader, Rush "Pig Boy" Limbaugh even mocks the First Lady's figure. Stay classy, Pig Boy.

Your mouth piece, Fox "News", attacks a teenage gymnast, who just happens to be black, calling her "unpatriotic" because of her leotard (!) and criticizing her hair (!).

Then there's the organized attempt at rampant voter suppression, including the various forms of what can only be called "poll taxes" being instituted by Republican controlled state legislatures, which is the only way the Republicans have a chance at winning this election.

Add to this the constant dog whistle catch phrases that make up most Republican rhetoric these days.  You know, "welfare", "the food stamp President", "law and order" (the great Jimmy Breslin once wrote that "law and order" means only one thing to a certain kind of white voter: "Get the nigger!").

(I regret having to use that word, but that's what the man said, and he knows what he's talking about.)

Oh, and let's not forget George "Stand Your Ground" Zimmerman, poster boy for the Second Amendment.

And now you decide to reach out to African American voters? Amazing.

As for Latinos, the other important minority voting block, I have two words for our Republican friends: Joe Arpaio.

And how about a couple of letters and a number: SB1070.

But good luck with your outreach!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The Big Lie

"His primary rules were: never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it."  (excerpted from an OSS psychological profile of Adolph Hitler)

Remind you of anyone?

Of course it is wrong to compare today's Republican Tea Party with the Nazis.

For one thing, the Nazis were much better organized.  Better dressers, too.

However they do share at least a few traits. First there's the fascistic love of pomp and militarism. Remember how hot and bothered the neo-cons got when they saw Simple W. in his flight suit? Not a dry seat in the house! And those were the men...

They love them some war, too. Oh, not to actually fight in--remember Dick Cheney's "other priorities"? But they are very eager for you to fight for them. Because, let's face it, your life isn't nearly as valuable as theirs. (Shocking to think of it, but the Nazis have the moral edge here. They actually fought in their war.)

Then there's the fanatical hatred of the weak or different. Nothing pisses a good Tea Party Republican off more than a different skin color, unless it's a different religion, or a different sexual orientation. Or poor people in general. I think "parasites" is the word they use.

Again I ask, remind you of anyone?

But the biggest similarity is their undying faith in The Big Lie.

And why not? It worked for the Nazis and it's worked for the Republican Party for years. And it's so very easy:

Lie. About anything. Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, Taxes, Abortion, Healthcare, Education, Welfare, Immigration, Jobs, Foreign Policy, Gun Control, Crime. Then keep on repeating the lie until the simpletons and hillbillies believe it. Fox News and Rush Limbaugh can always be counted on to help with this.

At the same time, in the interest of balanced reporting, the so called "liberal media" will ignore most, if not all, of your lies. Apparently in their eyes, a thousand Republican lies can be counterbalanced by one Democratic lie. Anyway, if and when they do finally notice, enough time will have passed that the lies will have become facts for your base.

The truth can be a powerful thing. But when a political party admits to "creating its own reality", the "truth" becomes anything they say it is.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Blow Hard

This is one of my favorite times of the year.

A hurricane, named Isaac in a nice biblical twist, and what, in other circumstances, noted televangelist Pat Robertson would surely call "the vengeful act of a just God", is poised to rip through a bunch of deeply Red States.

The citizens of these states, and their elected officials, God fearing, Gun Lovin' Republicans for the most part, who spend the rest of the year complaining about the "evil meddlin' Federal gubmint", "anti-American liberals", "wicked gays", "welfare queens with their Cadillacs", and "all those people (and we all know who they mean) looking for a handout and taking advantage of the rest of us" will soon be on their collective knees begging for Federal relief. The hypocrisy of the Red States is deep and wide...and apparently never ending.

The relief they clamor for will come in large part from the taxes paid by those Blue States that our southern cousins so despise.

This happens in some form or other like clockwork and yet I never tire of it...

I must admit, though, with apologies to Mr. Robertson, that it seems to me that a truly "just" God would wait until all the billionaire pillagers who prop up the Republican Tea Party are celebrating in Tampa and then completely level the know, like Sodom and Gomorrah.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Religious Notes From All Over

According to a story in the August 19th edition of The Arizona Republic, the Diocese of Phoenix missed its self-imposed deadline of June 14th to publish a list of how many of its priests were involved in sexual misconduct and how much this "misconduct" cost the Diocese. You know, in legal fees, hush money, etc.

We will set aside for the moment the fact that it apparently took the keen journalistic minds of the Republic two months to realize that the deadline had passed. The Republic exists to sell advertising and keeping too close a watch on actual news interferes with that.

No, let us instead ask if the Diocese's delay was caused by the breathtaking number of molesting priests and/or the astronomical amount of money spent on damage control. Perhaps they are simply ashamed? Or perhaps they are simply still counting....

The latest figure I could find for the amount of money spent nationally by The One True Church to make amends for the, let us say, sins committed by "the Shepherds of the Flock" is $3.3 Billion.

That's $3,300,000,000.

And that's a lot of dough.

You might say "gee, if the Bishops had just kept a closer watch on their priests most of that money could have been spent to help the poor and hungry, the ill and homeless."

Obviously you don't understand how the wealthy international holding company that calls itself The Catholic Church works.

Oh God Bless you naive and trusting souls! Have I got a religion for you!

Saturday, August 18, 2012

And Ye Shall Know Him By His Enemies

Let's see...

On one side you've got Barack Obama. You know, the Kenyan, anti-colonial, Marxist, socialist, Muslim? Yeah, that guy.

Set aside for a second that he isn't a Kenyan, he isn't a Marxist or a socialist, and he isn't a Muslim.

As for being anti-colonial, well, hell, our country was founded by a bunch of anti-colonialists. Do the names Franklin, Jefferson, Washington, Hamilton, Adams, and Madison ring a bell? Being a pro-colonialist is very 17th Century.

Anyway, this Obama guy is a nice enough fellow. Charming. Lovely family. Very smart. Way too accommodating to his opponents. Still can't seem to get it through his head that he's dealing with a bunch of nihilist assholes who have only one goal: destroy him. Fortunately, as the election draws nearer, this appears to be changing.

And on the other side, his enemies, if you will:

Mitt Romney: serial liar. Cat can't go a day without lying about something. At this point it seems to be habitual. He even lies about the one semi-good thing he ever did as governor of Massachusetts. I tell you, he really can't help himself. Tax evader. Oh, he loves his country, sure. Didn't you see the little flag pin on his lapel? He just loves his money more. Tremendous sense of privilege that comes from being a wealthy male member of a patriarchal religion. He and his "let them eat cake" wife deserve each other.

Paul Ryan: also a serial liar; and from the National Socialist haircut he sports, (seriously, take a close look at some newsreel footage from the 1930's. All the brownshirts have the same 'do), to the Ayn Rand nonsense he spouts, he is a complete fraud. Ryan's family made their fortune on government contracts. And his wife was a lobbyist. So, once again we have a Republican who thinks the government should only work for them. "I got mine--fuck you!" He is considered an "intellectual force" in Republican circles. That should tell you all you need to know about the brain power at work in the GOP these days.

Rush Limbaugh: let's play a word association game. When I say "fat racist radio scum" who comes to mind?

Rupert Murdoch: his Fox News is ground zero for the Get Obama Gang. It is made up of halfwits, cranks and liars. And appeals to the same. You would need a Kray super computer to tally all of the misinformation that spews out Fox News in a single day. In a truly "fair and balanced" world old Rupe and his boy would spend the rest of their lives in an English gaol. And they just might.

Donald Trump: what a piece of work. Most loudmouthed developers of a certain age are content to just flash their money, marry their fourth or fifth wives, stamp their names in gold foil on everything they can, and skip off to Switzerland for their quarterly monkey gland treatments. Not Trump. No, the Man With The Improbable Hair thinks people a) like him, b) value his opinions, and c) would vote for him for president. (Well, maybe president of a restricted country club--if nobody else was running.) After hinting that he might run for the highest office in the land, Trump (as in Hump, Dump and Rump) has taken over the reins of the Crazy Birther Wagon and he's gonna ride that empty thing until he can't ride it no more! He would never, never really run for President because a)  he isn't up to it intellectually, which would become apparent in the first few minutes of any debate he would enter, and b) he would be afraid to let anyone look too closely at his finances, because he isn't worth anything close to what he claims to be worth.

Of course there are many, many others: Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Bill O'Reilly, Sarah Palin, Sheldon Adelson, the Koch brothers, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Glenn Beck, Darrell Issa...the list of swine is long... but time is short...and I'm sure by now you get the idea.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Bain-Pain 2012

So Willard Mitt Romney has named a VP candidate. I really didn't think it would be Eddie Munster, but apparently I was wrong.

What this says to me is that the attacks on Romney about Bain Capital, his tax returns, and his severe lurch to the right to appease the base are all working. It wouldn't surprise me if his high dollar campaign donors (the Koch Brothers, Sheldon Adelson, etc.) dictated this move as they saw Willard's poll numbers go in exactly the wrong direction. Sort of an ultimatum as it were -- give us the guy we want who we actually believe we can trust to do what we want, or the funding dries up faster than the Arizona desert after a monsoon.

There are a few good things about this pick for the Democrats. First, it allows the campaign to make this an election about choice rather than a referendum on the Obama presidency, a change I'll guarantee campaign hq in Chicago has been praying for. After all, with unemployment and the economy absolutely stuck with no sign on the horizon for a positive move anytime in the near future (thanks Tea Party obstructionists), Obama certainly doesn't want to run on his record at the present time.

Second, over the next few weeks the term "end Medicare as we know it" is going to be imprinted on every voter's brain. I guarantee not a day will go by between now and November 6 without you hearing that phrase -- and it plays right into the hands of the Democrats. Romney has been running using the idea that the ACA cuts Medicare, but now he's married to the guy who wants to cut it completely. I don't see how he can continue that meme, but I have no doubt they'll try. It just won't work.

Ryan claims that his budget will cut the deficit and the debt severely over the next 10 years without raising taxes on the middle class -- but every reputable economist that I've read says just the opposite. You see, there is no way that that you can give huge tax cuts to the rich without paying for them and simultaneously increase the defense budget significantly without both raising taxes on the poor and middle class and cutting to the bone or eliminating the social net completely. I've got to believe that there are enough rational people out there under 54 (and even those above) who will see through this. It's just not possible to do what Ryan's budget says -- the math doesn't add up no matter how you try to juice the numbers.

Romney has said we don't need anyone from Congress anywhere near the White House -- instead it needs to be someone with business and executive experience. Yet now he hires the GOP face of Congress, a man whose business experience consists of driving the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile to be his running mate. You can't have it both ways, Mitt, and Jim Messina, David Plouffe and David Axelrod will know how to exploit this latest flip-flop from Mr. 1%. I also find it amusing that Mitt now says his business life should now be off the table -- it's only issues we should be discussing. This from the man who has been running for President for six years based on his business experience. I would argue that his business experience and his tax returns are entirely germane to the campaign, because they tell us what his Mittness is likely to do regarding economic policy in the country.

If I were the Obama campaign, I would immediately offer a new bumper sticker to every one of my supporters -- "Bain-Pain 2012." You see, it will be Bain and it's ilk running the country on policies that will bring immense pain to all the non-millionaires out there.

I would also hit every retirement community in every swing state either personally or with a surrogate reminding them of exactly what this will mean for Social Security and Medicare, even if they won't personally be affected. I'll bet they won't like the idea of their kids and grandkids being shut out of these programs that are part of our way of life in order to feed more money to those who don't need it, no matter what they say.

Thank you Willard. You've made me and every Democrat, liberal and progressive in the country very happy this weekend.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Texas Executes Man With 61 IQ

When I saw the headline "Texas executes man with 61 IQ" my first thought was, well gee, who's going to be governor now?

But it turns out it wasn't Rick Perry after all. No, not George W. Bush either.

Now, maybe you thought that the Supreme Court had ruled in 2002 that a state couldn't execute a "mentally retarded" person because it violated the 8th Amendment's prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment.

The Supreme Court did in fact say that, but hey, don't mess with Texas!

Besides, a person with a 61 IQ isn't considered to be "mentally retarded" in the Lone Star State.

I'll leave a space here for you to make up your own jokes:

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Socialism At Work Again

Big news in these parts!

Luke Air Force Base, pride of the west Valley, has been chosen to host the F-35 fighter program!

According to The Arizona Republic this will result in a thousand new jobs and hundreds of millions of dollars pumped into the local economy!

Only one problem: It can't be true.

Because, as any good Republican will tell you, government has never created a single job.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Gore Vidal - Gone Too Soon

Today is a sad day in American letters. Gore Vidal has passed away.

My friend David recommended to me 27 years ago that I read Vidal's Lincoln. I did and I've been hooked since then. His series of novels on American history is a series that I believe everyone should read at some point, the sooner the better.

Vidal was also a brilliant political essayist, someone who could promote controversial ideas in absolutely riveting terms. In 2002 he laid out one of the best possible cases for NOT going to war in Iraq, and history proved him to be correct. R.I.P. Gore Vidal.

You will be sorely missed.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Tramps Like Us, Baby, We Were Born To Eat

Turns out that Chris Christie, the morbidly obese Governor of New Jersey, is a big Springsteen fan.

The longer I live, the more I encounter things in this world that just dumbfound and amaze me. This is one of those things.

It is obvious that Christie has no idea what Springsteen has been singing about for the last 40 years or so.

If he listened to the lyrics and took them to heart, well, he wouldn't be Chris Christie. He couldn't be.

Bruce Springsteen champions almost everything that an obnoxious loudmouth bully like Christie is against.

You know, things like community, working people, racial justice, economic fairness, equality, unions, brotherhood, the struggle of the common man against the corporation....

Things that Chris "Super Size Me!" Christie has nothing in common with.

PS It occurs to me that, as Springsteen tours Europe, he offers a look at the best of America...whereas Mitt Romney, as he races off to kiss Bibi Netanyahu's ass after his various London debacles, offers up the worst.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Romney Way To Economic Recovery

If you're ever feeling unreasonably optimistic about the future, just read the letters to the editor in The Arizona Republic and it'll bring you right back to reality.

The other day, for instance, they published a letter from a man who sang the praises of Willard Mitt Romney's offshore accounts. This guy is convinced that the ability to hide money from the IRS in the Cayman's, Bahamas, and Switzerland proves Willard's economic bona fides. In his mind Romney is an economic genius and the country--our country--would greatly benefit from just that kind of financial acumen.

Wow. Normally I'd dismiss this guy, in the vernacular of my Irish forebears, as just "another fookin' ijit." But apparently many people share his belief in the Mastery of Mitt. So let's take a closer look:

Since Romney made a lot of his money by hollowing out companies, off-shoring the jobs, firing American workers, looting pension funds, and ultimately burdening the remaining shell company with millions of dollars in debt, all while raking in huge management fees for him and his Bain Capital buddies, I'm wondering what a United States run under those principles would look like...

First of all, any job that can be sent overseas will be. The Federal government will be run out of a call center in Bangalore. And if those Indians get uppity, bang, we move it to Indonesia, just like that.

The only remaining American industries will be Defense contractors. Naturally, we'll need more wars to use all that cool, expensive stuff. Iran anyone? How about Russia and China, too?

Now, you unemployed folks needn't worry about the solvency of Social Security, or Medicare anymore. Most of you won't live long enough to benefit from them anyway. See, Mitt will do away with what's left of the safety net, welfare, food stamps, OSHA, the EPA, the FDA--all of those burdensome regulatory agencies that bother his billionaire backers. We'll have bad air, bad water, unclean food, unsafe roads and bridges, and low wages. Some of those diseases we thought we had eradicated will make a curtain call, too. Cholera, polio, tuberculosis--maybe even smallpox! But at least you won't have the Feds buggin' you man! It'll be a real "free market" paradise. You'll see.

Of course, it's not all bad. On the plus side for progressives, you can say goodbye to most, if not all, of the Red States. They take more from the Federal government than they give, which means they under perform. And Mitt knows what to do with under performing assets.

So sayonara y'all! 147 years after the Civil War, Dixie will finally get its wish!

Friday, July 20, 2012

How much longer do we have to take this?

The shootings in Aurora, CO, hit me in a way that very few things ever have before. You see, I used to live in Aurora. In fact, I lived within a mile of that theatre and saw a number of movies there before I left. As I was watching the news early this morning, it actually took a while to sink in that this was the same theatre. It just seemed so unreal. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that if I had not moved away and was a fan of the Batman series of films, it would have been very possible that I could have been in that theatre. I do wonder what it will take to have an honest, civilized debate on gun laws in this country. This morning I heard Louis Gohmert, the idiot congressman from Texas who can always be counted upon to say something stupid, wonder why there weren't other people with guns in the theatre -- they could have stopped it, he said. Yet all the reports I've heard so far say that the shooter, who was wearing a gas mask, set off tear gas cannisters to sow confusion before he started shooting. The idea that anyone else with a gun would have done anything other than contribute to the carnage is an astonishing idea. In basic training in the U.S. Navy, we were exposed to tear gas without wearing a mask. Trust me, not one of us could have done anything even remotely resembling helping the situation, with or without a gun, when exposed to tear gas. Your only thought is to get some relief for your eyes. On top of that, every gun that Holmes had was a legally purchased firearm. Every single one. Think about that the next time you hear Ted Nugent or Wayne LaPierre talk about how only criminals commit crimes with firearms. Holmes had no criminal record. He didn't become a criminal until he started blasting away in a crowded movie theatre at innocent victims with legally purchased guns! If James Holmes had been holding a knife or two, or even two fucking samurai swords, do you really think he could have killed 12 people and wounded, some critically, 59 people? If you really believe that, then you must believe that the superheroes portrayed in the type of movie they were attending must actually be real -- because he would have had to possess some sort of super powers to kill that many people without an automatic weapon. How clear does this have to get before we do something about this as a society? We refused to discuss it after Virginia Tech. We refused to discuss it after Fort Hood. We refused to discuss it when Gabby Giffords, along with several other innocent victims, was shot. How much carnage do we have to endure before we end the stranglehold the NRA, the tea Party, and the GOP have over our gun laws? Do any of you really want to see one of your parents, siblings, children or friends die because we don't have the political courage to stand up to these people?

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Ben Quayle, Superstar

When last we heard from Young Ben Quayle, R-Silver Spoon, he was heading off to Washington DC to "kick some ass".

In Young Ben's mind he is one tough hombre. I believe the word is "delusional". I guess being a pampered, little, lick-spittle will do that to a fellow. The truth is, Ben Quayle would get his ass kicked at a Cub Scout jamboree. (I'm reminded once again of the Bush boys. They all think they're Sonny or Michael, but in actuality they are all Fredo.)

Young Ben had campaigned, if by "campaigned" you mean spending Mom and Dad's money preaching to a bunch of Paradise Valley Republican scum, by calling President Obama "the worst president ever." This coming from a man whose party gave us Warren Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, and both Bushes--in less than 100 years! (Quite a roll call, isn't it? We're lucky there's anything left standing. All I can say is thank God for FDR, JFK and LBJ or we'd all be living in caves, eating the dead and dying.)

Well, time flies by, and Young Ben Quayle is running for re-election! Since he hasn't done a single substantive thing in Washington DC--he is a good Republican after all--and because of redistricting he has to defeat another Republican cypher, David Schweikert, to even get to the general election, our boy has doubled down. His latest ad concludes with the following:

"Two years ago I called him (Obama) the worst president in history. I overestimated him."

Ah, the exuberant ignorance of shallow youth...Let's get one thing straight. Ben Quayle is, to quote a line from "The Ruling Class", a piece of "upper class excrement." He has no new ideas, no solutions, no intellectual capacity at all, not even a fundamental understanding of the problems we face. He is nothing but a name, and honestly, it's not much of a name.

Friday, July 13, 2012

When Lap Dogs Collide

I thought I had said all I needed to say about Wil Cardon in my groundbreaking post from earlier this year. As you may recall, it was entitled, definitively, if I do say so myself,  Wil Cardon is just another Republican Putz. I was certain it covered everything you could ever need to know about young Wil Cardon. I was equally certain that because Mr. Cardon is a featherweight intellectually, and has the political savvy of a bag of dirt, even an institution as dissolute as the Arizona Republican Party would not take him seriously. I mean, they already are, let us say, top heavy, with people possessing those exact qualities. And really, who needs one more like that?

But, alas, the world is a funny place, Arizona is funnier still, and because Wil Cardon has millions of dollars to spend on himself, he is still a candidate for the United States' Senate seat of the old anteater himself, Jon "Not Intended As A Factual Statement" Kyl.

Here's where it gets fun! To run in the general, Cardon has to defeat Jeff Flake in the primary. Jeff Flake, for those of you too benumbed by Republican incompetence to notice these things, is a U.S Congressman from the hillbilly heartland of Arizona. He can best be described as Rand Paul lite. And no, that's not a compliment. As far as I can tell Flake hasn't done one thing for the people in his district. Because "Government is Bad!! Ronald Reagan said so!!" His constituency hates big government--except for the services they themselves need to survive. This is the "keep your government hands off of my Medicare" crowd in a nutshell. "Don't do anything to help anyone else--but keep my checks a comin'" is their mantra.

So Wil Cardon is in a pickle. How do you attack someone from your own party who is doing just exactly what the nitwits want him to do? How do you outflank somebody on the right who already has two wheels in the right hand gutter?

I know! Make shit up! Cardon's ads, and they are plentiful, play up Wil's great achievements as a job creator. Turns out he owns a bunch of Subway sandwich shops. More minimum wage jobs is apparently the only Republican answer to America's shrinking middle class. The ads go on to make Flake sound like a dangerous Big Government, dare I say it, liberal! That's just stupid, of course, but who knows, maybe it will play with the more inbred Mormon Tea Party crowd.

Let's be clear about one thing: neither of these boys should be considered fit to serve in the Senate. I mean honestly, shouldn't a certain level of intelligence be a minimum requirement? But since Arizona has swung disastrously to the right politically, and will soon be known as "the third Carolina", one of them will probably end up being addressed as "Senator".

In the meantime we are treated to the laugh-a-minute entertainment of Jeff and Wil mano a mano!

Many years ago, as I was wandering around New York's Upper East Side with a couple of friends, we were treated to the sight of two tiny little pampered lap dogs barking away at each other. That's what I'm reminded of by the ongoing spectacle of Cardon vs Flake.

Now, I don't mean that in a pejorative sense. I mean it in a descriptive sense.

Monday, July 9, 2012

A Lesson in Pop Music History

Everyone remembers the cover of Bruce Springsteen's "Born To Run" LP, which pictured Bruce and Clarence Clemons back to back, a celebration of interracial harmony in 1975. Few remember that Bruce had a band that at one point early in his career featured three black musicians along with three white musicians. The LP "The Wild The Innocent and The E Street Shuffle" celebrated not only rock and roll, but jazz and soul as well. With that in mind, check out this video from the Roskilde Festival in Denmark with Bruce and the E Street Band performing with The Roots. If this doesn't bring to mind such interracial bands from the sixties as Sly and the Family Stone and Booker T & the MGs, then you just don't know much about pop music history.

It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

About 50 years ago, I saw a movie called "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" at the Cinerama in Scottsdale Arizona. It featured almost every top comic actor of the day, with the notable exceptions of Lucille Ball and Bob Hope. (And of course Charlie Chaplin, who had been run out of the country a decade earlier by some "Red Scare" Republican assholes.)

The movie was way too long and dragged in places, but the best bits were (and are) very funny. I still remember one of the lines delivered by the great Jonathan Winters. A group of total strangers is wrangling over some stolen money that they hope to get their hands on. One of the group mentions that if they should recover the money without arousing the suspicion of the police, they wouldn't have to pay any taxes on it. Winters, who plays a truck driver just trying "to get this load of furniture to Yuma" doesn't think this sounds right, and he tells the others:

 "Even businessmen who lie and cheat and steal all day long, even they have to pay taxes."

Well, no, not necessarily. Not anymore. Not if Willard Mitt Romney gets elected. Oh, the small businessmen, who Republicans profess to love and serve--and yet fuck over in so many ways--they'll continue to pay taxes. Sure, I mean somebody has to. And if all those good, solid, salt-of-the-earth, God fearin' folks are stupid enough to vote for a Republican Corporate Whore after all these years of watching the American Middle Class be destroyed by Republican Corporate Whores, then they deserve whatever happens to them.

But the big Big BIG businessmen who are spending a billion dollars to defeat the coloured usurper, they won't be paying any taxes. And what's more, they'll want a refund from those of us who do pay taxes. Because, hey, they deserve it!!

After all, they're the job creators, right?

Of course, for the past 30 years or so most of those jobs have been in China, or India, or Indonesia, or Mexico--anywhere but the USA. But just as soon as we lazy, spoiled, unproductive, Americans decide we can work for pennies an hour with no benefits, no vacations, and no right to unionize, well by God, they'll bring those jobs back here.

Because, after all, they're Patriots! And they love this country!

God Bless America!

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World...

Sunday, July 1, 2012

John Roberts....A Fantasy

INTERIOR: the chambers of the Chief Justice of the United States' Supreme Court--day

[John Roberts, an insignificant man in a black robe, stands before a full length mirror]

Roberts: Well, today's the big day! Yep, the big day. Obamacare, heh heh heh.  Frankly, I don't see what the big deal is. I think liberals just like to complain about things. I'm very happy with my health insurance, and so is everyone I know. Scalia, and Alito, and Thomas. And sometimes Kennedy. You never can tell with him. It's something, though, to hold the fate of millions of people in your hands. Makes me kind of giddy.

[A 3 headed devil, bearing a remarkable resemblance to Rush Limbaugh and the Koch brothers, appears on his right shoulder]

Devil: You know what you have to do, don't you?

Roberts: Yes, Master. I do.

Devil: Just like Citizens United.

Roberts: Yes, Master.

Devil: This will finally be the end of our first--and last--black President.

Roberts: Yes, Master.

[An angel, who is the spitting image of Abe Lincoln, appears on his left shoulder]

Angel: Now John, you don't really want to do that, do you?

Roberts: Who are you?

Angel: I'm the better angel of your nature.

Devil: Shut up!!

Roberts: I didn't know I had one.

Angel: Oh John, we all do. It's just hidden in some people.

Devil: Shut the fuck up!!

Angel: John, don't pay any attention to them. They're living in the past and we're talking about the future. The future. Listen, do you really want to be remembered as the biggest asshole in the history of the Supreme Court?

Roberts: I thought that was Scalia.

Angel: Besides him I mean.

Roberts: No! No, I don't!

Angel: Good, there's hope for you yet.

Devil: God damn it!

[The 3 headed devil disappears in a puff of smoke. The angel chuckles and then he, too, disappears]

Roberts: The better angel of my nature. Wow!

[Roberts brushes the dandruff off his shoulders, and exits]

Fade to black

Monday, June 25, 2012

SCOTUS, Arizona, and the Looney Right

SCOTUS ruled on Arizona's immigration bill, SB 1070, today, saying that three of the four sections under consideration were unconstitutional. They upheld the worst section of the bill, Section 2(b) which is commonly referred to as the "papers, please" section, although they held that this could be revisited. Naturally, the reaction on the right ranges from disbelief to delusion. Jan Brewer claims it as a great victory, while the biggest idiot in the state (and that is saying something, trust me) Sheriff Joe Arpaio (Bigot-Maricopa County) used the decision and Fox News to cry about how he is being persecuted by the Obama administration. I don't live in Maricopa County anymore (bad as my life is, at least that's one thing I can be grateful for as long as Sheriff Looneytunes is in office), but I feel bad for my liberal friends there. They not only have to deal with the biggest bunch of incompetent dunderhead legislators ever assembled (see any Republican in the Arizona Legislature) including Ben Quayle, Jan Brewer, Ken Bennett, Jon Kyl, John McCain, David Schweikart, Trent Franks, and the list goes on and on, but they also have to live with their county being a national laughing-stock due to the senile antics of Sheriff Joe. I sincerely hope that someday the fools who keep re-electing this moron will face up to what the county has become -- and by extension, the state. By the way, considering that I live in Kingman, possibly the most racist city in the state, it is really saying something to say that I feel sorry for the folks in Maricopa County.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Burn After Reading


Strategy for all 2012 Republican candidates.


Congratulations on choosing the only party that truly loves America!

Since you have made the commitment to help save our beloved country from that arrogant Kenyan socialist, Barack Hussein Obama, you are entitled to know the innermost secrets and, more importantly, the proven election winning tactics of the GOP:

It's really very simple:

LIE all you want. FOX News will cover for you. Whatever outrageous nonsense you can come up with is fine with us. Tip: the crazier the better. Stuff that is so obviously wrong that a sane person wouldn't even consider saying it is incredibly effective with the typical American voter. It may sound counter productive--but trust us, it works!

An important reminder: when you're caught in a lie--do not apologize. Apologies are a sign of weakness. No, the trick is to just lie some more! Give our friends at FOX and our Lord and Master Rush Limbaugh a little time to defend you and miracles can happen!! Our plan to destroy the (socialist) public education system has paid off big time! People really are that stupid! So have some fun with it...

Even with such an effective propaganda machine there are a few things we never admit: Teddy Roosevelt was a Trust Buster not a Corporate Enabler. Prescott Bush did business with the Nazis. He also tried to start a coup d'etat against FDR. Without unions there would be no Middle Class. Richard Nixon started the EPA. Both Nixon and Ronald Reagan were party to treasonous acts that helped them get elected. Reagan raised taxes many times. Iran-Contra was an impeachable offense. Al Gore won the popular vote in 2000. George W. Bush was appointed President by the Supreme Court. Bush was in charge of national security on September 11th, 2001. Iraq had no WMDs and absolutely nothing to do with 9-11. Cutting taxes on millionaires and billionaires has never created jobs. Unregulated financial institutions and laissez faire economics led to the crashes of both 1929 and 2008. The individual mandate was a Republican idea.

If any of these are ever mentioned, immediately change the subject! Then attack the questioner's patriotism.

Remember, we are the Party of Lincoln! And of the "Southern Strategy". Crazy, isn't it? But when you can reconcile those two facts you are truly a Republican.

That's it. That's all you need to know!

Good luck and God Bless Amercia!


Thursday, June 14, 2012

Sheldon Adelson--A Primer

I can think of three good reasons why Sheldon Adelson has spent tens of millions of dollars supporting Republican presidential candidates.

Reason number 1: Mr. Adelson owns casinos in Las Vegas and Macau. The latter is much more profitable than the former and is under Federal investigation for a variety of alleged offenses, including bribery.  A Republican president would never allow a business owned by such a wealthy backer to be charged with anything--even if it is located in Communist China. So it is in Sheldon Adelson's best interest to defeat President Obama any way possible. Otherwise, he might end up in jail.

OK. That's reason number 1.

Reason  number 2 is that Sheldon Adelson is one of those Jewish Americans who puts the interests of Israel, real or imagined, ahead of the interests of the United States. I often wonder why the folks who love Israel that much don't just move to Israel. I'm sure they'd be happy to have you and your money, Shelly. In any case, since Obama has had the temerity to suggest that Palestinians are human beings and are entitled to some rights, and a state of their own, he is persona non grata with people who think like Adelson.

OK. That's reason number 2.

Reason number 3 is that Sheldon Adelson is just another billionaire asshole who doesn't want to pay taxes.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Last Night I Had This Crazy Dream...

Willard Mitt Romney was elected president and to celebrate the Koch brothers threw a big party for all of their friends. Justices Scalia,Thomas, Kennedy, Alito and Roberts were there. And Grover Norquist, Rush Limbaugh, Roger Ailes, Paul Ryan, Allen West, Donald Trump, Sarah Palin and all the rest of the goon squad. Oh, it was grand!

They laughed and laughed about what saps the American people were. Such sheep, so easily led, with no historical perspective and prone to believing whoever shouted the loudest and the longest, true or not.

The party got wilder and wilder as they took turns screaming out the next steps in their plan:

"Privatize Social Security!" "Vouchers for Medicare!" "Do away with the EPA!" "Criminalize abortion!" "Do away with Public Education!" "Drill Baby Drill", "Privatize! Privatize! Privatize!"

They were having such a fantastic time they didn't notice the fire that started when Limbaugh and Chris Christie, wrestling over the last shrimp, knocked a sterno can over.

The fire sprinkler system had been made in China (cheaper steel) and assembled by non union labor (cheaper labor).

Because of government cut-backs (necessary austerity measures) the understaffed city safety inspector's office had been too busy to inspect it properly.

And even if it had worked, the antiquated water main (circa 1900) was leaky (infrastructure repairs aren't as important as cutting taxes) and couldn't carry the necessary pressure.

The Fire Department, which was suffering from its own cutbacks and from constantly being demonized as "union thugs", arrived too late.

So they all burned to death.

Oh, it was grand!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Voter Fraud

It has become Republican gospel that we are suffering from rampant voter fraud.

According to the GOP this fraud is always perpetrated by Democrats.

They can produce no proof that this has happened. But by God they know in their hearts that it must be true. So as always, the facts be damned!

And the best way to stop this heinous assault on our cherished Republic is to disenfranchise anyone they can.

Old people, young people, minorities--you are all under suspicion. You cannot be trusted and the country would be better off if you weren't allowed to vote. So practically every Republican controlled legislature in the country has set about to ensure that you can't.

Funny, the only rampant "voter fraud" that I've ever seen has been Republicans getting elected by claiming to support working people, and then crawling cozily into the first corporate pocket they see.

Republicans "Support working people"? Now that's fraud.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Somewhere On The Road To Serfdom

The good people of Wisconsin have decided that they would rather be serfs, ruled by a weaselly, beady-eyed, bought and paid for Corporate Whore like Scott Walker and his blood sucking minions...

Good for them!

I say let's run those "union thugs" out of town!
To Hell with the minimum wage and benefits!
To Hell with the 40 hour week!
To Hell with pensions!
Bring back child labor!

To Hell with Healthcare!
To Hell with Public Education!
To Hell with clean air and water!
To Hell with the safety net!
Privatize Everything!

To Hell with progress!
The Enlightenment was a tragic mistake!
Keep women in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant!
Taxes are Socialism!
Freedom Isn't Free!

All Hail The Corporation!

Monday, June 4, 2012

What's in A Name?

Last week, they unveiled portraits of George W. Bush and his fawning wife, what's-her-name, at the White House. Simple W. cracked a few jokes, smirked his frat boy smirk, and it was just like old times...

Brought back a lot of memories: Florida 2000, fat Jeb, the Supreme Court shitting all over the Constitution, 9-11, turning a surplus into a deficit, Iraq, Osama Bin Laden alive and kicking, tax cuts for the richest, W. looking like a chimp in a flight suit, "mission accomplished", Katrina, rendition, Rummy, Condi, Wall Street's meltdown, Halliburton, Blackwater, the Dark Lord Cheney's fetching sneer--ah Jesus, the list is endless...

Which reminds me, Bush's nickname for Karl Rove is "turd blossom".

Rove is also widely known as "Bush's brain".

Ergo, George W. Bush has shit for brains.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012


Apparently, if you fold a 20 dollar bill in just the right way, the result is a vivid picture of the twin towers burning...

Then, if you fold it a few more times, you get the equally shocking image of George W. Bush holding hands with a Saudi prince and laughing at you!

And two folds beyond that yields Dick Cheney sneering as he drinks the blood of Iraqi children...

I tell you, it's positively eerie.

Sunday, May 27, 2012


I don't put much faith in an afterlife...

But if there is one, I'd pay good money to someday see Justices Kennedy, Roberts, Scalia, Thomas and Alito explain to Jefferson, Madison, Adams, and Franklin how corporations are people and money is speech.

I'm guessing there would be much amazement and even some laughter from our Founders.

And imagining what would happen if that noted "originalist" Antonin Scalia, whose belief in his own intellectual superiority is somewhat detached from reality, began to lecture Tom, James, John and Ben about what they really meant, fills me with immeasurable, dare I say heavenly, joy.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Today's Chuckle

John McCain, R-Bitter Old Man, has announced plans for a "think tank" bearing his name at Arizona State University. I will now pause briefly for laughter....

"Think tank"? To quote Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

"I think I want to be a Senator" and "I think I want to be President" don't really qualify. Nor does "Hey, I was a P.O.W.! You people owe me!"

Every time McCain runs for re-election I send a letter to the editor of The Arizona Republic asking them to publish a list of his accomplishments. Because Arizona is such a transient state, it would be helpful for all of our newcomers to see in black and white just what "The Maverick" has done for the state. Never once have they replied to my request. Could it be because there's nothing to list?

In the article announcing his "think tank", McCain makes the following declaration, apparently referring to the difficulties of being in the Senate with those wicked Democrats: "I'm surrounded by such incompetency that it's very dispiriting sometimes."

Hey John, you want "dispiriting" try living in a state that's represented by you, Kyl, Flake, Franks, Quayle, Schweikert and Gosar. That's dispiriting.

And Senator, if you want to see real "incompetency" take a good long look in the mirror.

Monday, May 21, 2012

SB1070 And The Law Of Unintended Consequences

The other day, or maybe it was last week or even last month, I don't know, when it starts to get hot I get confused about time...anyway, somebody important, a businessman or something, said that SB1070 was hurting business, because all the cheap labor had disappeared. Well, yeah.

Arizona has run on cheap labor for as long as I can remember. Even before Taft-Hartley and the "right to work" laws (back in my construction days they were known as "right to starve") crippled unions, a living wage was unheard of in the agricultural industry. Itinerant produce workers, many of them Mexican nationals, moved from crop to crop and state to state, doing back breaking piecework from dawn until dusk. They worked so hard and for so little that it wasn't long before other businesses took notice. Construction, restaurants, lodging, landscaping--all wanted their share of cheap labor.

The math on this one is pretty simple, simple enough for even someone with an Arizona public school education to understand: Keeping wages down keeps profits up. Not having to pay any benefits and having a large, disposable, faceless workforce helps too. My God, the beauty of the unfettered "free market"! Pure Capitalism at work! Before outsourcing to China, India and everywhere else, was even a gleam in a businessman's eye, there were hundreds of thousands of  "illegals" willing to work for next to nothing in the Southwest.

Everything was fine in the Land of King Dollar until somebody scared the locals with lurid tales of headless corpses blanketing the Sonoran Desert. Be afraid, be very afraid! Somebody better do something! Enter the SB1070 crowd.

But in their efforts to be tough on illegals, the Rabid Right may have ultimately shot itself in the foot.

In all likelihood the most successful push-back on SB1070 won't come from the left, or from a basic sense of decency and humanity. And it certainly won't come from the Supreme Court.**

No, it will be from conservative Republican businessmen worried about their profits, because all the cheap labor has disappeared.

**As a rule of thumb, don't expect anything good to ever come from the Supreme Court as it is presently constituted.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

A Balanced, Well Reasoned Analysis

Because these things have a way of sneaking up on us, it's never too early to start analyzing the upcoming Presidential election from the perspective of a typical Republican leaning independent voter:

Former President George W. Bush, Simple W. to friend and foe alike, and as Republican as you can get, came into office with a budget surplus which he quickly turned into the largest deficit in history. The Republican nominee, Mitt Romney, would go even further than Bush in cutting taxes--the root of the deficit. The Democratic incumbent, Barack Obama, would return taxes to the level of the Clinton years. However, Obama is black.

Goaded on by his Vice President, Dick Cheney, or if your prefer, the Dark Lord Cheney, Bush then started two "unfunded" wars. The one in Iraq was completely uncalled for and will cost us as a nation well over a trillion dollars. Romney's foreign affairs advisers are all Bush retreads. Barack Obama ended US combat involvement in Iraq, oversaw the elimination of Osama Bin Laden, and is winding down the US presence in Afghanistan. But Obama is still black.

The world wide economic meltdown was caused for the most part by an unregulated gang of Wall Street bandits who fancy themselves "Masters of the Universe." They wreaked havoc on the industrialized countries with a series of financial instruments so complexly structured that few understood them. Mitt Romney who was himself one of these "Masters of the Universe" would prefer that Wall Street be totally unregulated and we let the "free market" decide everything. Obama has called for more--not less--regulation of Wall Street.  However Obama remains black.

Health care in the US is much more expensive than in any other nation. Yet our life expectancy lags and we have millions of uninsured citizens. Mitt Romney is fine with this. Being a multi-millionaire, he has no worries about the cost of health care. "Whatever the market will bear" seems to be his motto. Despite the determined efforts of the Republican party, Obama was able to pass the first major overhaul of the US healthcare system in 40 years. It's major flaw is that it doesn't go far enough. Romney has promised to repeal every aspect of the President's program, once again depriving millions of people of healthcare.

As you can see, it will be a very tough decision for the undecided. Romney? Wrong about everything. Obama? Black.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

We Really Don't Care

Here in Arizona we really don't care that Sheriff Joe Arpaio is a cosmic joke. Civil liberties be damned, Sheriff Joe is protecting us from the rampaging hordes of dishwashers, gardeners, busboys, short order cooks, and all the rest of the low wage Mexican vampires that threaten to do, uh, something to Arizona's economy. Prop it up, maybe?

We also don't care that our illustrious governor, Jan "Chuck, tell me what to do!" Brewer, she of the wagging finger and perpetual fright mask, just appointed a man to run the State Parks Department who is, let us say, slightly under-qualified. By slightly, I mean he fit just 2 of the 7 criteria set forth by the search committee. He was, of course, chosen over someone who fit all 7. Because he had the one key qualification that trumped all the rest: he was buddies with the "Chuck" of "Chuck, tell me what to do!" But this had nothing to do with his being selected. How do we know this? 'Cause Chuck said so, and Chuck is an honorable man. Ha Ha Ha. When he isn't busy "helping" the governor, Chuck is a lobbyist for mining companies and for-profit-prisons. Ha Ha Ha again.

We certainly don't care that Brewer and her crew are doing everything they can to de-fund Planned Parenthood--despite the fact that Planned Parenthood was started in Arizona by Barry Goldwater's wife. You know, the Barry Goldwater? Mr. Arizona? The guy who used to be the patron saint for conservatives? Of course, compared to the nutjobs who call themselves "conservative" today, Barry Goldwater looks like Karl Marx.

We don't care that the state of Arizona is in a neck and neck race with Mississippi, Alabama and both the Carolinas to see who can be the most backwards. How low can you go? My money's on us.

Finally, we especially don't care that the Republicans have run the state legislature for the last 30 years or so. There is no provable correlation between this and the mess we find ourselves in. Besides, as we all know (say it with me now) "it's the liberals' fault"!

No, we really don't care. And so, we continue to elect a collection--did I say collection?--nay, a festering pile, of racists, hillbillies, flat-earthers, birthers, home schoolers, gun worshipers, Crazy Jesus Club members, out and out morons, and all-of-the-abovers. So, facts be damned, and full speed ahead!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012


Of course we all remember when Willard Mitt Romney single-handedly saved the American auto industry. While treasonous Obama and the socialist Democrats dithered, Willard Mitt manfully took charge and brought Detroit back from certain ruin. Ann Romney is just like any working mom.

Nixon ended the Vietnam war in early 1969. He did have a "secret plan"--just like he promised in the campaign. The war didn't drag on for another 6 years and spill over into Cambodia. The Khmer Rouge never happened. Henry Kissinger is a great man.

Ronald Reagan was right about "welfare mothers driving Cadillacs." They were all that was really wrong with America, and once he got rid of them, wages rocketed skyward and the middle class thrived like never before. He correctly identified that "government was the problem" and realized that bankers and brokers always and only have the best interests of the American people at heart. His courageous actions prevented the Sandinistas from conquering all of Latin America and probably Canada, too. Ollie North is a hero.

Only the quick thinking of George H. W. Bush saved us all from being raped and then murdered by Willie Horton. Lee Atwater was a genius.

Bill Clinton was 100% right about NAFTA.  No American jobs have been lost and the Mexican middle class has flourished, turning that country into a stable, safe, law abiding, first world democracy. Ross Perot didn't know what he was talking about.

After the wholly unexpected and completely unpredictable attacks of September 11th, George W. Bush brought us all together with his "compassionate conservatism" and then hunted down and killed Osama Bin Laden. Only his quick action invading Iraq prevented Saddam Hussein from destroying the world with his stockpiles of WMD's. Dick Cheney is a patriot.

Ahhh, memories...