Dr. Strangelove, or: John McCain Doesn't Know Anything About Anything

I've lived in Arizona for a long time...certainly much longer than Senator John McCain. I'll probably be here long after he's gone, too. And, if you put a gun to my head, I still couldn't name one thing he's done for the people of Arizona.

But even worse than his lack of any tangible legislative achievements is the faith that some media types seem to put in his foreign policy acumen. Let Vladimir Putin fart and there's McCain, expounding...

And he's always wrong. Always.

Remember "Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran"? Remember "We're all Georgians now"? Remember his predictions about the Iraq War? Remember the Keating 5?

Here's McCain's curriculum vitae: He was a prisoner of war. Doesn't that mean that he fucked up on some fundamental level?  He survived imprisonment. That's his expertise.Then he dumped the first wife on her sickbed, married the young daughter of a wealthy liquor distributor, ran for a safe Republican seat in the House, and then, because the voters in Arizona get all mushy over a boy in uniform--regardless of their qualifications--he ascended to the Senate. The rest, as they say, is history. I will only add that with the first big, important decision he had to make as a Presidential candidate he gave us the gift that is Sarah Palin. Res ipsa loquitur.

None of this makes him an expert on anything, except opportunism.

Now, on the other hand, if you were casting a screwball comedy, McCain and his little buddy, Miss Lindsey Graham, would make a perfect couple: A bitter old man and a dithering hysteric.

Well, hell, I guess that's exactly what we're living through, though, isn't it?

A screwball comedy where the most ridiculous people are taken seriously.

"Still The Best Decision I've Ever Made"

Proving once and for all that wisdom does not come with age, the other day John McCain insisted that choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate in 2008 was "still the best decision I've ever made."

Of course, in this case "best" is a relative term. It does not mean good or excellent or wise or any of those positive, productive things. It just means that in comparison to all of the other decisions he's made, this was the "best" of them.

Therefore, using that as a parameter, and as someone who has lived in Arizona whilst John "Maverick" McCain has served our poor, benighted state as a Congressman and Senator I am forced to agree.

In fact, the more I think about it, choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate in 2008 was a wonderful decision for the country and the world. It guaranteed that an unstable, intellectually stunted, bitter old man was not elected President of the United States.