Well, here we are at the end of another year...
Older? Sure.
Wiser? Uh...some of us, sure. Others, not so much.
Three years of the reign of the Flaming Orange Anus have taught us one thing:
There is no known bottom to the stupidity of certain Americans. Just when you think we've reached it, the trapdoor gives way, and there below us is the empty, unfathomable, darkness.
But hey, hope springs eternal, and there's always a chance, slight though it may be, that some folks will wise up.
Just don't bet on it.
Anyway, we head now into an election year that is bound to be the strangest one EVER.
Many lies will be told. Much money will change hands. Tweets will fly.
If you thought 2016 was odd, brace yourself for whatever Vladimir Putin and his minions in the Republican Party can come up with.
Don't worry. It's just the fate of democracy in the balance.
But first, let's all have a large flagon of New Year's cheer...we will definitely need it!
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Sunday, December 15, 2019
First Thing, Let's Hang All Of The Traitors
At some point, you have to draw the line. You know?
If you let people get away with the kind of stuff that Traitor Don and his Band of Republican Scum have been attempting to get away with...well, what will the next Republican president (God help us if there is ever another Republican president), presumably one smarter than this one (not a very high bar) try to get away with--and succeed?
So.
Time to get out the scaffolding. (I wonder, is the one used for all the conspirators in the Lincoln assassination in storage at the Smithsonian?)
Time to buy the rope.
Time to set things right.
Because some things are not "politics as usual."
If you let people get away with the kind of stuff that Traitor Don and his Band of Republican Scum have been attempting to get away with...well, what will the next Republican president (God help us if there is ever another Republican president), presumably one smarter than this one (not a very high bar) try to get away with--and succeed?
So.
Time to get out the scaffolding. (I wonder, is the one used for all the conspirators in the Lincoln assassination in storage at the Smithsonian?)
Time to buy the rope.
Time to set things right.
Because some things are not "politics as usual."
Wednesday, December 4, 2019
Indefensible
Sometimes, when you go to the zoo, if the apes and monkeys are angry, they will fling their feces at you. (For any Trump supporters out there, feces means shit.)
Often, that's all they can think of doing when they get really, really agitated.
I was reminded of this today while watching clips of the Republicans questioning three noted law professors regarding impeachment.
Since their Orange Pig God has indeed committed various impeachable offenses, despite their loud, incoherent, spittle flecked protestations to the contrary, their position is completely indefensible.
So, as their meager deflections and inane arguments fall apart, there is absolutely nothing left for them to do but to start throwing shit, like the lesser primates they so eerily resemble.
Soon the Russian trolls and bots will no doubt join in and begin trying to slander each of the distinguished legal scholars as out of touch elitists, much to the delight of the "real Americans" who are quite comfortable in their bottomless pit of ignorance.
This is no doubt entertaining for their Oinker in Chief and his army of brain dead idiots, including the yes men and women at Fox News.
But it sure reflects badly on what our nation has become. One of our two main political parties has been taken over by some sort of brain eating prion disease.
#SAD
Often, that's all they can think of doing when they get really, really agitated.
I was reminded of this today while watching clips of the Republicans questioning three noted law professors regarding impeachment.
Since their Orange Pig God has indeed committed various impeachable offenses, despite their loud, incoherent, spittle flecked protestations to the contrary, their position is completely indefensible.
So, as their meager deflections and inane arguments fall apart, there is absolutely nothing left for them to do but to start throwing shit, like the lesser primates they so eerily resemble.
Soon the Russian trolls and bots will no doubt join in and begin trying to slander each of the distinguished legal scholars as out of touch elitists, much to the delight of the "real Americans" who are quite comfortable in their bottomless pit of ignorance.
This is no doubt entertaining for their Oinker in Chief and his army of brain dead idiots, including the yes men and women at Fox News.
But it sure reflects badly on what our nation has become. One of our two main political parties has been taken over by some sort of brain eating prion disease.
#SAD
Friday, November 22, 2019
Crooked As A Dog's Hind Leg*
They got Al Capone on income taxes.
He murdered people. He strong armed people. He bribed. He lied. He cheated. He stole.
But they got him on not paying his taxes.
Al Capone surrounded himself with criminals.
He was a crook, through and through. A very successful crook for many years.
But he wasn't, as far as I can tell, a traitor.
Donald J. Trump has also surrounded himself with crooks.
Unfortunately for Donald J., his crooks aren't nearly as competent as Capone's.
And apparently some of them aren't willing to take the fall for Donald's various crimes.
This must come as a shock to Trump, who has spent his entire adult life committing crimes of one kind or another.
And getting away with it. Either through bribery or intimidation or just shear dumb luck.
That's over.
He will be impeached. He may or may not be convicted by the Senate. Depends on whether or not a few Republicans grow a conscience and a spine.
Regarding the election of 2020, who knows? With the entire GOP determined to look away from Russian interference, we can only keep our fingers crossed about the outcome.
But that doesn't matter, really. The Trump brand, which is one of the only things Donald J. cares about, is over. There will only be a pile of ashes for his awful progeny to inherit--if they all aren't in jail, that is.
*"Crooked as a dog's hind leg" is how my late father-in-law described a certain East Valley politician with whom he was acquainted. It seems appropriate when discussing Donald J. Trump to use it.
He murdered people. He strong armed people. He bribed. He lied. He cheated. He stole.
But they got him on not paying his taxes.
Al Capone surrounded himself with criminals.
He was a crook, through and through. A very successful crook for many years.
But he wasn't, as far as I can tell, a traitor.
Donald J. Trump has also surrounded himself with crooks.
Unfortunately for Donald J., his crooks aren't nearly as competent as Capone's.
And apparently some of them aren't willing to take the fall for Donald's various crimes.
This must come as a shock to Trump, who has spent his entire adult life committing crimes of one kind or another.
And getting away with it. Either through bribery or intimidation or just shear dumb luck.
That's over.
He will be impeached. He may or may not be convicted by the Senate. Depends on whether or not a few Republicans grow a conscience and a spine.
Regarding the election of 2020, who knows? With the entire GOP determined to look away from Russian interference, we can only keep our fingers crossed about the outcome.
But that doesn't matter, really. The Trump brand, which is one of the only things Donald J. cares about, is over. There will only be a pile of ashes for his awful progeny to inherit--if they all aren't in jail, that is.
*"Crooked as a dog's hind leg" is how my late father-in-law described a certain East Valley politician with whom he was acquainted. It seems appropriate when discussing Donald J. Trump to use it.
Saturday, November 16, 2019
Freak Show
Remember when the Emperor Numbnuts told us that he only knew the "best people"?
Seems like a century ago...but it's really only been a couple of years, more than enough time to render judgment.
Well, if these are "the best", I'd hate to see the worst.
Starting in no particular order, let's take a quick look at "the best".
There's Kellyanne Conway, that walking scarecrow, who lies as easily as most people breath. Numbnuts should study her closely, despite the fact that she's definitely not a 10, because she's much better at lying than he is.
What about Billy Barr, whose Daddy gave Jeffrey Epstein a job at the elite Dalton school in NYC, showing a very perceptive understanding of human character, which he has passed down to his boy Billy. Barr has shown himself to be what we expected him to be, a Republican hack, who disregards the Constitution whenever it suits him.
Then there's Wilbur Ross, who came to the administration from one of the most corrupt banks on the planet, and apparently sleeps through most, if not all, of his department's meetings.
Rick Perry and Ben Carson are sharing one second rate brain, and poorly at that.
Mike Pompeo has ground the State Department down to a fine dust, which I'm sure makes his "real" boss, Mr. Putin, very happy indeed.
Brett Kavanaugh shouldn't be allowed near any court, let alone our Supreme one. He's a liar, a sexual predator, and probably an alcoholic as well. But he went to Yale (pinch me!) so, it's all good.
Mike Pence is one of those holier-than-thou Christian pieces of shit which our country is uniquely infected with.
Betsy DeVos is a billionaire cretin, who is doing her best to destroy our public education system. Because "they" go to public schools and we certainly don't want to help "them" in any way.
Let's skip over all of the "best people" who are now serving time and get to Numbnuts' family:
The boys, Junior and Eric, are exactly what you'd expect Donald J. Trump's sons to be. That's not a compliment. Spoiled, stupid, corrupt, entitled....I could go on, but what's the use? A lot of that comes from their "superior" genes. And the rest from the way they were raised.
Then there's Princess, who is just as spoiled, entitled and corrupt as her brothers, but maybe not quite as stupid. Maybe. What Princess brings to table, in addition to her slumlord husband, is a Daddy who desperately wants to, uh, "couple" with her. Which sounds like something out of a lesser Greek tragedy. Of course, in Greek tragedy they usually all end up dead at the end. Something to hope for, I guess.
We will skip the other two Trump spawn. Because, honestly, why should we give them more attention than he does?
That leaves Melania, wife number 3. At this point, I would not be surprised to find out that she was a Russian plant. A sparrow sent to entrap an idiot. Be Best!
My God! I almost overlooked Roger Stone! The man with a tattoo of Nixon on his back. A little too high to be a proper tramp stamp, but still...it's the spirit of the thing. Ponder that for a second. A grown man with a tattoo of Richard M. Nixon, noted crook and up until now our most disgraced President, on his back. That should go over well in prison.
Seems like a century ago...but it's really only been a couple of years, more than enough time to render judgment.
Well, if these are "the best", I'd hate to see the worst.
Starting in no particular order, let's take a quick look at "the best".
There's Kellyanne Conway, that walking scarecrow, who lies as easily as most people breath. Numbnuts should study her closely, despite the fact that she's definitely not a 10, because she's much better at lying than he is.
What about Billy Barr, whose Daddy gave Jeffrey Epstein a job at the elite Dalton school in NYC, showing a very perceptive understanding of human character, which he has passed down to his boy Billy. Barr has shown himself to be what we expected him to be, a Republican hack, who disregards the Constitution whenever it suits him.
Then there's Wilbur Ross, who came to the administration from one of the most corrupt banks on the planet, and apparently sleeps through most, if not all, of his department's meetings.
Rick Perry and Ben Carson are sharing one second rate brain, and poorly at that.
Mike Pompeo has ground the State Department down to a fine dust, which I'm sure makes his "real" boss, Mr. Putin, very happy indeed.
Brett Kavanaugh shouldn't be allowed near any court, let alone our Supreme one. He's a liar, a sexual predator, and probably an alcoholic as well. But he went to Yale (pinch me!) so, it's all good.
Mike Pence is one of those holier-than-thou Christian pieces of shit which our country is uniquely infected with.
Betsy DeVos is a billionaire cretin, who is doing her best to destroy our public education system. Because "they" go to public schools and we certainly don't want to help "them" in any way.
Let's skip over all of the "best people" who are now serving time and get to Numbnuts' family:
The boys, Junior and Eric, are exactly what you'd expect Donald J. Trump's sons to be. That's not a compliment. Spoiled, stupid, corrupt, entitled....I could go on, but what's the use? A lot of that comes from their "superior" genes. And the rest from the way they were raised.
Then there's Princess, who is just as spoiled, entitled and corrupt as her brothers, but maybe not quite as stupid. Maybe. What Princess brings to table, in addition to her slumlord husband, is a Daddy who desperately wants to, uh, "couple" with her. Which sounds like something out of a lesser Greek tragedy. Of course, in Greek tragedy they usually all end up dead at the end. Something to hope for, I guess.
We will skip the other two Trump spawn. Because, honestly, why should we give them more attention than he does?
That leaves Melania, wife number 3. At this point, I would not be surprised to find out that she was a Russian plant. A sparrow sent to entrap an idiot. Be Best!
My God! I almost overlooked Roger Stone! The man with a tattoo of Nixon on his back. A little too high to be a proper tramp stamp, but still...it's the spirit of the thing. Ponder that for a second. A grown man with a tattoo of Richard M. Nixon, noted crook and up until now our most disgraced President, on his back. That should go over well in prison.
Tuesday, November 5, 2019
It's The Hypocrisy, Stupid (part whatever)
Remember when "The Deficit" was a big deal? Those awful Democrats, led by that awful Obama, were ruining our children's futures by saddling them with "The Deficit"! Yikes!
Now that President Numbnuts and his Congressional enablers have inflated "The Deficit" to a record amount, with no end in sight, and hints of more tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans, "The Deficit" is suddenly no big deal.
And it will remain no big deal until there is a Democrat in the White House, and then, as if by magic, the Republicans will start screaming their empty heads off about "The Deficit".
Or what about that tan suit that Obama wore one time. What a catastrophe that was! A blight on all things Americans hold dear! Almost treasonous!
Now we have a Halfwit in Chief who wears an ill fitting blue suit that more often than not looks like he slept in it, accessorized with a clownishly long red tie.
But that's ok. Because he's white, and full of hate. You know, a "real" American. The kind that Fundamentalist Christian Americans can wholeheartedly support.
Remember when the Republicans were the party of "law and order"? And not a collection of crooks? But that was a long time ago. Nowadays, from the First Family on down, they'd steal the pennies off a dead man's eyes.
We used to have allies that we relied on, and who relied on us. Now the only countries that can rely on us are Russia, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, and Syria.
Donald J. Trump is incapable of obeying the laws of this nation. He has lived a life of illegality since he was very young. He was raised by a criminal. He has modeled himself after criminals. He acts like a criminal.
He is a criminal.
Only a criminal would spend so much time and effort hiding things. Honest people do not behave this way.
And still, after all of this, a large majority of Republicans still think Trump is a "good role model" for children.
This makes perfect sense if you're a Republican.
Not so much if you're a human being.
Now that President Numbnuts and his Congressional enablers have inflated "The Deficit" to a record amount, with no end in sight, and hints of more tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans, "The Deficit" is suddenly no big deal.
And it will remain no big deal until there is a Democrat in the White House, and then, as if by magic, the Republicans will start screaming their empty heads off about "The Deficit".
Or what about that tan suit that Obama wore one time. What a catastrophe that was! A blight on all things Americans hold dear! Almost treasonous!
Now we have a Halfwit in Chief who wears an ill fitting blue suit that more often than not looks like he slept in it, accessorized with a clownishly long red tie.
But that's ok. Because he's white, and full of hate. You know, a "real" American. The kind that Fundamentalist Christian Americans can wholeheartedly support.
Remember when the Republicans were the party of "law and order"? And not a collection of crooks? But that was a long time ago. Nowadays, from the First Family on down, they'd steal the pennies off a dead man's eyes.
We used to have allies that we relied on, and who relied on us. Now the only countries that can rely on us are Russia, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, and Syria.
Donald J. Trump is incapable of obeying the laws of this nation. He has lived a life of illegality since he was very young. He was raised by a criminal. He has modeled himself after criminals. He acts like a criminal.
He is a criminal.
Only a criminal would spend so much time and effort hiding things. Honest people do not behave this way.
And still, after all of this, a large majority of Republicans still think Trump is a "good role model" for children.
This makes perfect sense if you're a Republican.
Not so much if you're a human being.
Sunday, October 27, 2019
Just How Stupid Are They?
This is the question we must ask of Trump supporters.
Based on my observations, I'd say that they are very, very, very stupid.
For instance, the Arizona Republic publishes letters on an almost daily basis that praise Traitor Don for something or other. On closer examination, these letters are usually just regurgitated Fox News talking points.
And anyone who quotes Fox News with a straight face is a fucking idiot.
Not everyone who writes a pro-Trump letter to the editor is a Fox spouting moron.
Some go way beyond that. There was a letter just the other day from some old guy in Sun City, which is a reliably ignorant retirement community west of Phoenix. Consistently Red as a baboon's ass.
This gentleman, who is obviously in desperate need of help, claimed that Trump performed "miracles" every day.
You know, like Jesus. Uh huh.
Of course, stupid people do not like to be told that they are stupid.
I suppose because it makes them feel even stupider.
But the facts remain.
However, since facts mean nothing to MAGAts, who are bigly proud of being "low information" voters, there is no point at all in trying to reason with these people.
Indeed, attempting to engage them in any kind of meaningful conversation is a complete waste of your time.
Based on my observations, I'd say that they are very, very, very stupid.
For instance, the Arizona Republic publishes letters on an almost daily basis that praise Traitor Don for something or other. On closer examination, these letters are usually just regurgitated Fox News talking points.
And anyone who quotes Fox News with a straight face is a fucking idiot.
Not everyone who writes a pro-Trump letter to the editor is a Fox spouting moron.
Some go way beyond that. There was a letter just the other day from some old guy in Sun City, which is a reliably ignorant retirement community west of Phoenix. Consistently Red as a baboon's ass.
This gentleman, who is obviously in desperate need of help, claimed that Trump performed "miracles" every day.
You know, like Jesus. Uh huh.
Of course, stupid people do not like to be told that they are stupid.
I suppose because it makes them feel even stupider.
But the facts remain.
However, since facts mean nothing to MAGAts, who are bigly proud of being "low information" voters, there is no point at all in trying to reason with these people.
Indeed, attempting to engage them in any kind of meaningful conversation is a complete waste of your time.
Monday, October 21, 2019
Signor Baseball's World Series Preview
That anguished moan you are hearing is coming from baseball fans in Los Angeles and New York.
And also from television executives everywhere.
They were this close to having the two largest media markets battling it out in the World Series. Imagine the ad dollars!
But, after running away with their division, and looking like a lock to win the pennant, the Dodgers' manager seemingly forgot about Clayton Kershaw's history of failing in the playoffs. Maybe a wizened old bench coach is needed to keep Dave Roberts from some of his, oh, let's call them unusual, pitching decision. "Uh, Dave? NO."
And the Yankees? Well, their starting pitching was suspect all year long...and Aroldis Chapman is definitely not Mariano Rivera. Why they added another bat, Encarnacion, when they needed another arm is a mystery. Then their much vaunted bullpen got the shakes. Plus, Houston has a really good team, with vastly superior starting pitching, so...
The better team won in this case.
Nationals versus Astros it is.
And what will that mean? Houston has much better starters than any team in the AL. But Washington's top 3, Scherzer, Strasburg, and Corbin, match up very well against Cole, Verlander and Greinke. Throw in Sanchez and you might even give an edge to the Nationals. The bullpens look pretty equal, though after what the Astros' pen did to New York, it would be hard to bet against them.
Starting lineups would seem to favor Houston--but starting lineups also clearly favored Los Angeles, and they're at home now, trying to figure out what happened. Very strange things can happen in a short series.
All in all, it looks like it could be a great World Series, decided by which team makes the exceptional play and which team doesn't, assuming they both make all of the routine ones.
The safe bet is Houston in 6 games.
And also from television executives everywhere.
They were this close to having the two largest media markets battling it out in the World Series. Imagine the ad dollars!
But, after running away with their division, and looking like a lock to win the pennant, the Dodgers' manager seemingly forgot about Clayton Kershaw's history of failing in the playoffs. Maybe a wizened old bench coach is needed to keep Dave Roberts from some of his, oh, let's call them unusual, pitching decision. "Uh, Dave? NO."
And the Yankees? Well, their starting pitching was suspect all year long...and Aroldis Chapman is definitely not Mariano Rivera. Why they added another bat, Encarnacion, when they needed another arm is a mystery. Then their much vaunted bullpen got the shakes. Plus, Houston has a really good team, with vastly superior starting pitching, so...
The better team won in this case.
Nationals versus Astros it is.
And what will that mean? Houston has much better starters than any team in the AL. But Washington's top 3, Scherzer, Strasburg, and Corbin, match up very well against Cole, Verlander and Greinke. Throw in Sanchez and you might even give an edge to the Nationals. The bullpens look pretty equal, though after what the Astros' pen did to New York, it would be hard to bet against them.
Starting lineups would seem to favor Houston--but starting lineups also clearly favored Los Angeles, and they're at home now, trying to figure out what happened. Very strange things can happen in a short series.
All in all, it looks like it could be a great World Series, decided by which team makes the exceptional play and which team doesn't, assuming they both make all of the routine ones.
The safe bet is Houston in 6 games.
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
One Last Gift For His Boss
As Donald J. Trump heads for the exit, quickly one hopes, he gives his Russian master one last gift:
Several hundred thousand dead Kurds.
Add that to the weakening of our alliances with our oldest European allies.
And the chaos he's sewn with NATO.
And the open invitation for even more interference with our elections.
And the weakening of sanctions on Russian oligarchs.
And the undermining of American values by the loving embrace of neo-Nazis and various other hate groups, including white supremacists, and fundamentalist Christians.
Whatever the cost to America's prestige, Donald aims to please his boss, Vladimir.
Because Vladimir helped elect him and Donald is nothing if not grateful...and scared shitless about what Vladimir could do to him if he disappoints.
Several hundred thousand dead Kurds.
Add that to the weakening of our alliances with our oldest European allies.
And the chaos he's sewn with NATO.
And the open invitation for even more interference with our elections.
And the weakening of sanctions on Russian oligarchs.
And the undermining of American values by the loving embrace of neo-Nazis and various other hate groups, including white supremacists, and fundamentalist Christians.
Whatever the cost to America's prestige, Donald aims to please his boss, Vladimir.
Because Vladimir helped elect him and Donald is nothing if not grateful...and scared shitless about what Vladimir could do to him if he disappoints.
Thursday, October 3, 2019
Is There Anything Donald J. Trump Won't Lie About?
No.
No there isn't.
Everything and anything. Small things. Big things. Unimportant things and very important things.
Sometimes, in fact, in the middle of a lie, he will stop and lie about something completely unrelated to the lie he was telling. You know, just for practice.
Given that, the stunning thing is that he isn't better at it.
I mean, sweet Baby Jesus, he's had a lifetime to perfect his lying--and he's still bad at it.
At this point, only a moron would fall for his lies.
In fact, the only people who still believe him are the MAGAts themselves.
And the truth is that they are a minority. That's right, loud, stupid, angry, gun crazy, racist, phony "Christians" are a minority in this country. They take up way more space in the national psyche and dialogue than they warrant.
And the only way that a political party that caters to them can win a national election is by cheating.
No there isn't.
Everything and anything. Small things. Big things. Unimportant things and very important things.
Sometimes, in fact, in the middle of a lie, he will stop and lie about something completely unrelated to the lie he was telling. You know, just for practice.
Given that, the stunning thing is that he isn't better at it.
I mean, sweet Baby Jesus, he's had a lifetime to perfect his lying--and he's still bad at it.
At this point, only a moron would fall for his lies.
In fact, the only people who still believe him are the MAGAts themselves.
And the truth is that they are a minority. That's right, loud, stupid, angry, gun crazy, racist, phony "Christians" are a minority in this country. They take up way more space in the national psyche and dialogue than they warrant.
And the only way that a political party that caters to them can win a national election is by cheating.
Sunday, September 22, 2019
At This Point, We Shouldn't Be Surprised By Anything He Does
Honestly, if you woke up tomorrow, and there were Russian tanks on Pennsylvania Avenue or Rodeo Drive, would you be surprised?
Shocked maybe. But surprised? Nah.
Sickened? Saddened? Sure.
But surprised? Probably not.
Certainly Moscow Mitch would be very happy, giddy even, and the Fox News' scum squad of Lil Tucker, Big Sean, Harpy Jeannie, and their supporting Geek Chorus would have a very good reason for why this was a great bit of diplomacy, indeed, a truly patriotic, thing. And besides, what about Obama's (fill in the blank)?
Or what if Traitor Don sold all of our Pacific territories to China for a package of magic (soy) beans? Again, shocked, but not surprised.
So, of course, Emperor Numbnuts tried to strong arm the Ukrainians to get dirt on Joe Biden's son.
If you think that's impossible, either you are a brain dead MAGAt, or you just haven't been paying attention for the last two and a half years.
Anyway, who are we to judge the actions of such a "stable genius"?
Besides, at this point, he's told so many lies and broken so many laws, what's one more?
Shocked maybe. But surprised? Nah.
Sickened? Saddened? Sure.
But surprised? Probably not.
Certainly Moscow Mitch would be very happy, giddy even, and the Fox News' scum squad of Lil Tucker, Big Sean, Harpy Jeannie, and their supporting Geek Chorus would have a very good reason for why this was a great bit of diplomacy, indeed, a truly patriotic, thing. And besides, what about Obama's (fill in the blank)?
Or what if Traitor Don sold all of our Pacific territories to China for a package of magic (soy) beans? Again, shocked, but not surprised.
So, of course, Emperor Numbnuts tried to strong arm the Ukrainians to get dirt on Joe Biden's son.
If you think that's impossible, either you are a brain dead MAGAt, or you just haven't been paying attention for the last two and a half years.
Anyway, who are we to judge the actions of such a "stable genius"?
Besides, at this point, he's told so many lies and broken so many laws, what's one more?
Monday, September 9, 2019
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Idiot
So the story comes out that we had to pull an "asset" (spy) out of Russia because our intelligence agencies thought he or she would be endangered because of a) Donald J. Trump's big mouth and/or b) Donald J. Trump's uncomfortable chumminess, let's call it a full blown crush, with Vladimir Putin
If Trump isn't a treasonous stooge for the Russians, and nothing he's said or done would convince anyone with a functioning brain otherwise, he's simply too fucking stupid to be trusted with our state secrets.
Think about that for just a second...
John le Carre has written a lot of really entertaining books about espionage. From Alec Leamas, in The Spy Who Came In From The Cold, through all of the George Smiley books, and on until today, they are the ne plus ultra of spy stories, their verisimilitude founded on le Carre's MI-6 background.
And in not one of them will you find a character as stupid as Donald J. Trump.
Because nobody would believe a fictional character as stupid as Donald J. Trump.
If Trump isn't a treasonous stooge for the Russians, and nothing he's said or done would convince anyone with a functioning brain otherwise, he's simply too fucking stupid to be trusted with our state secrets.
Think about that for just a second...
John le Carre has written a lot of really entertaining books about espionage. From Alec Leamas, in The Spy Who Came In From The Cold, through all of the George Smiley books, and on until today, they are the ne plus ultra of spy stories, their verisimilitude founded on le Carre's MI-6 background.
And in not one of them will you find a character as stupid as Donald J. Trump.
Because nobody would believe a fictional character as stupid as Donald J. Trump.
Friday, September 6, 2019
It's Just That Easy!
Inspired by current events, I have taken my Sharpie and added a bunch of zeroes to our checking account balance.
We are now Trillionaires.
I have also changed the year of our births so that Mrs. Franklin and I are now, and will always be, 39. If it's good enough for Jack Benny, it's good enough for us.
In addition, young B. Franklin Jr. is 6'8", with a 45 inch vertical, and has signed to play with the San Antonio Spurs. Go Spurs Go.
Next I will alter the Electoral College count from 2016 and this nightmare will finally be over.
I may also get rid of some of our more backward, I mean RED, states.
It's just that easy!
We are now Trillionaires.
I have also changed the year of our births so that Mrs. Franklin and I are now, and will always be, 39. If it's good enough for Jack Benny, it's good enough for us.
In addition, young B. Franklin Jr. is 6'8", with a 45 inch vertical, and has signed to play with the San Antonio Spurs. Go Spurs Go.
Next I will alter the Electoral College count from 2016 and this nightmare will finally be over.
I may also get rid of some of our more backward, I mean RED, states.
It's just that easy!
Saturday, August 31, 2019
Weather Report
Is it wrong for me to hope that Hurricane Dorian changes course once again and wipes Mar-a-Lago off the face of the earth?
No. It is not.
I am, as all good Americans are, only thinking of our Dear Leader's best interests.
Traitor Don's Florida show place is full of what every good Republican calls "illegal aliens", working their hardest, and no doubt underpaid, for the Orange Pustule's benefit.
Traitor Don's constituents, the world famous MAGAts, hate "illegal aliens". I wouldn't want TD to find himself in an ethical conundrum. Dorian can solve that problem for him.
Also, this would be a perfect time for some good old insurance fraud. Traitor Don, always short on cash and with way too much media attention focused on Deutsche Bank, his preferred laundered Russian money source--oops, I meant preferred lender--could make a killing by doing what he does best: LYING.
And finally, scraping the ruins of Mar-a-Lago away would leave a nice piece of land for Traitor Don and his vile son-in-law, little Jared Kushner, to build some slums. Which is something that Jared has experience doing.
It's a win win.
No. It is not.
I am, as all good Americans are, only thinking of our Dear Leader's best interests.
Traitor Don's Florida show place is full of what every good Republican calls "illegal aliens", working their hardest, and no doubt underpaid, for the Orange Pustule's benefit.
Traitor Don's constituents, the world famous MAGAts, hate "illegal aliens". I wouldn't want TD to find himself in an ethical conundrum. Dorian can solve that problem for him.
Also, this would be a perfect time for some good old insurance fraud. Traitor Don, always short on cash and with way too much media attention focused on Deutsche Bank, his preferred laundered Russian money source--oops, I meant preferred lender--could make a killing by doing what he does best: LYING.
And finally, scraping the ruins of Mar-a-Lago away would leave a nice piece of land for Traitor Don and his vile son-in-law, little Jared Kushner, to build some slums. Which is something that Jared has experience doing.
It's a win win.
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
"Just Saying Stuff"
This is how a columnist for a major American newspaper describes the moron masquerading as our President.
As a guy "just saying stuff."
This would be amusing...except that it isn't.
In the course of a few hours, the "stuff" Dipshit said included insulting any and all of the Jewish Americans who don't support him--which is the vast majority of Jewish Americans.
Then he insulted the Prime Minister of Denmark, a country that has supported, with troops, our, oh, let's call it an "adventure" in ISIS land. Because she wasn't "nice" to him when she declined to sell Greenland to us. All she said was that it was an "absurd" request. But Dipshit defines not nice as anything that isn't fawning obeisance, so no Dipshit visit to Denmark until they remember their manners. And maybe get a man as Prime Minister--Dipshit has trouble with any woman who isn't subservient.
Then he retweeted some other moron named Wayne Allyn Root, who had called Dipshit the "King of Israel", and the "Second Coming of God."
Then Dispshit called himself "the chosen one", because he is convinced, somewhere in that fetid pool of pus that is his brain, that he alone can negotiate with the Chinese. That laughter you hear is coming all the way from Beijing.
Then he reversed his position from just a few days earlier and folded on background checks, probably because the NRA reminded him how helpful they had been in using Russian money to support him during the last election. And using money from the Russians is near and dear to Dipshit's heart.
This is your President, a guy who just "says stuff".
As a guy "just saying stuff."
This would be amusing...except that it isn't.
In the course of a few hours, the "stuff" Dipshit said included insulting any and all of the Jewish Americans who don't support him--which is the vast majority of Jewish Americans.
Then he insulted the Prime Minister of Denmark, a country that has supported, with troops, our, oh, let's call it an "adventure" in ISIS land. Because she wasn't "nice" to him when she declined to sell Greenland to us. All she said was that it was an "absurd" request. But Dipshit defines not nice as anything that isn't fawning obeisance, so no Dipshit visit to Denmark until they remember their manners. And maybe get a man as Prime Minister--Dipshit has trouble with any woman who isn't subservient.
Then he retweeted some other moron named Wayne Allyn Root, who had called Dipshit the "King of Israel", and the "Second Coming of God."
Then Dispshit called himself "the chosen one", because he is convinced, somewhere in that fetid pool of pus that is his brain, that he alone can negotiate with the Chinese. That laughter you hear is coming all the way from Beijing.
Then he reversed his position from just a few days earlier and folded on background checks, probably because the NRA reminded him how helpful they had been in using Russian money to support him during the last election. And using money from the Russians is near and dear to Dipshit's heart.
This is your President, a guy who just "says stuff".
Wednesday, August 14, 2019
Zombies
Generally, I do not believe in crazy things like vampires, werewolves, the Laffer Curve--you know, sheer lunacy.
Of course, this list should include zombies.
I mean, what's crazier than zombies?
Recently, however, I've been forced to reevaluate my thoughts on the undead, rising from their graves to consume human flesh.
You see, I watched some footage of Trump rallies, and, well...
There can be no other rational explanation for the brain dead, foaming at the mouth crowd that our Traitor in Chief unfailingly attracts.
They are all zombies. Honestly, what else could they be?
Of course, this list should include zombies.
I mean, what's crazier than zombies?
Recently, however, I've been forced to reevaluate my thoughts on the undead, rising from their graves to consume human flesh.
You see, I watched some footage of Trump rallies, and, well...
There can be no other rational explanation for the brain dead, foaming at the mouth crowd that our Traitor in Chief unfailingly attracts.
They are all zombies. Honestly, what else could they be?
Friday, August 9, 2019
No More Thoughts, No More Prayers
What's the point, really?
Thoughts and prayers do nothing for the dead. And very little, if anything, for their survivors
They might conceivably make the person "thinking and praying" feel a little better...but honestly what use is that?
None.
What we desperately need is action. Background checks, waiting periods, a ban on military style weapons, no guns for the mentally ill, a national gun registry, limits on ammunition sales--all permissible under the "well regulated" clause of the Second Amendment--there are many things we could do.
All of which are, unfortunately, things that #MoscowMitch McConnell is unwilling to allow.
Action might offend his "backers" and by "backers" I mean owners.
One of Moscow's owners, the NRA, doesn't want any kind of limitations on guns--despite 90% of Americans wanting, indeed demanding, them.
But....don't hold your breath.
Because #MoscowMitch knows which side his bread is buttered on. Besides, his other owners, the Russians, are no doubt enjoying the chaos our national gun fetish has unleashed.
So, let's all just sit back and wait for the next massacre...shouldn't be too long...
Thoughts and prayers do nothing for the dead. And very little, if anything, for their survivors
They might conceivably make the person "thinking and praying" feel a little better...but honestly what use is that?
None.
What we desperately need is action. Background checks, waiting periods, a ban on military style weapons, no guns for the mentally ill, a national gun registry, limits on ammunition sales--all permissible under the "well regulated" clause of the Second Amendment--there are many things we could do.
All of which are, unfortunately, things that #MoscowMitch McConnell is unwilling to allow.
Action might offend his "backers" and by "backers" I mean owners.
One of Moscow's owners, the NRA, doesn't want any kind of limitations on guns--despite 90% of Americans wanting, indeed demanding, them.
But....don't hold your breath.
Because #MoscowMitch knows which side his bread is buttered on. Besides, his other owners, the Russians, are no doubt enjoying the chaos our national gun fetish has unleashed.
So, let's all just sit back and wait for the next massacre...shouldn't be too long...
Wednesday, July 31, 2019
And Now, A Few Words About Reparations
Recently, the Arizona Republic published an editorial cartoon that showed Adam and Eve asking for Reparations for being forced from
the Garden of Eden. I suppose a certain segment of the Republic's readers found
this to be clever.
Except...Adam and Eve and their Garden are a fairy tale and slavery actually
happened. Human beings sold like cattle. Women raped and impregnated by
their "owners". Men and women brutalized and murdered, or worked until
death. Children taken from their parents and sold to the highest bidder. You know, the part of American history that certain people tend to gloss over, or ignore completely.
Since I'm a reasonable person, if someone can convince me that all the atrocities against African
Americans stopped with the Emancipation
Proclamation and the 13th, 14th, 15th and 24th Amendments, and that we live
now in a "color blind", just society, with equal opportunity for all,
good schools and fair housing for everyone, then I'll agree that the idea of reparations is absurd.
Until then, do
us all a favor and keep the fairy tales for Sunday school.
Thursday, July 18, 2019
You Might Be A Racist If...
You've ever started a sentence with, "I'm not a racist, but..."
You think that slavery wasn't that bad.
You're fond of telling other American citizens to "go back to where they came from."
You have a Confederate flag.
You're a Republican who remains silently complicit.
You support Donald J. Trump.
You are related to Donald J. Trump.
You are Donald J. Trump.
See, it's really not that hard to spot a racist. I don't know what the confusion is. Or the hesitation to call things what they truly are.
Because when someone shows you what they are, over and over again, only a fool wouldn't believe them.
You think that slavery wasn't that bad.
You're fond of telling other American citizens to "go back to where they came from."
You have a Confederate flag.
You're a Republican who remains silently complicit.
You support Donald J. Trump.
You are related to Donald J. Trump.
You are Donald J. Trump.
See, it's really not that hard to spot a racist. I don't know what the confusion is. Or the hesitation to call things what they truly are.
Because when someone shows you what they are, over and over again, only a fool wouldn't believe them.
Thursday, July 11, 2019
The Important Thing Is That The Market Is Up!
There are children in cages, drinking water from toilets--but the market is up!
The President is a traitorous imbecile--but the market is up!
Our election was hacked, our infrastructure is old and decrepit, the rich keep getting tax breaks that they do not need, white supremacists wander the halls of the White House, cops keep shooting people of color on an almost daily basis, Mitch McConnell is a cancer on democracy--but the market is up!
Things can and will fall apart.
But the important thing is that the market is up!
You probably don't own any stock, or, if you do own stock, not very much of it...most of us don't. Sure, pension funds are heavily invested in the market, but who do you know with a pension these days? And, if you do have a pension, there's a very good chance that either A) it's underfunded to the point of insolvency; or B) somewhere a Republican is plotting to take it away from you.
But, whether or not you own any stock, the important thing is that the market is up!
The President is a traitorous imbecile--but the market is up!
Our election was hacked, our infrastructure is old and decrepit, the rich keep getting tax breaks that they do not need, white supremacists wander the halls of the White House, cops keep shooting people of color on an almost daily basis, Mitch McConnell is a cancer on democracy--but the market is up!
Things can and will fall apart.
But the important thing is that the market is up!
You probably don't own any stock, or, if you do own stock, not very much of it...most of us don't. Sure, pension funds are heavily invested in the market, but who do you know with a pension these days? And, if you do have a pension, there's a very good chance that either A) it's underfunded to the point of insolvency; or B) somewhere a Republican is plotting to take it away from you.
But, whether or not you own any stock, the important thing is that the market is up!
Monday, July 1, 2019
Signor Baseball's Midseason Update
Repeat after me, "the balls are not juiced, the balls are not juiced, the balls are not juiced."
Feel better?
Apparently the powers that be have decided that what the fans really want is a season long episode of Home Run Derby.
So, anyway, as we race past the halfway mark of the MLB season, let us pause to ask the eternal questions: where the hell are we and what the hell is going on?
In the AL, several surprises surprise us. Minnesota is much better than anyone expected, and if the Indians don't get their asses in gear, their reign in the Central will be over. The Yankees are also out performing expectations, especially considering that they've been without their best starter and their two top power hitters practically all year. I still expect Boston to make a race out of it, but like Cleveland, they better do it soon. Tampa is also a surprise, and has a good shot at a Wild Card berth.
In the West, Seattle has been the biggest disappointment and Texas the biggest surprise. But Houston is still the class of this division, and the best the Rangers and maybe the A's can hope for is one of the Wild Cards. The Angels have the best player in baseball in Mike Trout, a future Hall-of-Famer in Albert Pujols, and that Japanese cat, Ohtani, who is very, very good. This makes them wonderfully entertaining for a dozen or so at bats every game, but isn't quite enough to make them contenders.
Over in the National League East, the Phillies aren't nearly as good as expected, but the Braves don't look strong enough to run away from them, so expect that race to go down to the last week of the season. The Nationals starting pitching is still very strong, but they seem stuck right around .500, which won't win them anything.
In the Central, the Cubs haven't been able to separate themselves from Milwaukee. In fact the entire division is bunched together, as they all take turns beating each other. This should give some measure of hope to fans of the Reds and Pirates and especially the Cardinals, who've spent the first half of the season muddling along. On paper, Chicago is still the class of this division, but until they start playing like it...
Out West it's all Dodgers. Colorado, San Diego and, quelle surprise, Arizona, have taken turns being second. But it is a very distant second...I guess the question to ask is whether L.A. is that good, or is everybody else that mediocre? I'm leaning toward the latter.
By the way, while I was writing this 10 guys you've never heard of hit 450 foot homers.
Feel better?
Apparently the powers that be have decided that what the fans really want is a season long episode of Home Run Derby.
So, anyway, as we race past the halfway mark of the MLB season, let us pause to ask the eternal questions: where the hell are we and what the hell is going on?
In the AL, several surprises surprise us. Minnesota is much better than anyone expected, and if the Indians don't get their asses in gear, their reign in the Central will be over. The Yankees are also out performing expectations, especially considering that they've been without their best starter and their two top power hitters practically all year. I still expect Boston to make a race out of it, but like Cleveland, they better do it soon. Tampa is also a surprise, and has a good shot at a Wild Card berth.
In the West, Seattle has been the biggest disappointment and Texas the biggest surprise. But Houston is still the class of this division, and the best the Rangers and maybe the A's can hope for is one of the Wild Cards. The Angels have the best player in baseball in Mike Trout, a future Hall-of-Famer in Albert Pujols, and that Japanese cat, Ohtani, who is very, very good. This makes them wonderfully entertaining for a dozen or so at bats every game, but isn't quite enough to make them contenders.
Over in the National League East, the Phillies aren't nearly as good as expected, but the Braves don't look strong enough to run away from them, so expect that race to go down to the last week of the season. The Nationals starting pitching is still very strong, but they seem stuck right around .500, which won't win them anything.
In the Central, the Cubs haven't been able to separate themselves from Milwaukee. In fact the entire division is bunched together, as they all take turns beating each other. This should give some measure of hope to fans of the Reds and Pirates and especially the Cardinals, who've spent the first half of the season muddling along. On paper, Chicago is still the class of this division, but until they start playing like it...
Out West it's all Dodgers. Colorado, San Diego and, quelle surprise, Arizona, have taken turns being second. But it is a very distant second...I guess the question to ask is whether L.A. is that good, or is everybody else that mediocre? I'm leaning toward the latter.
By the way, while I was writing this 10 guys you've never heard of hit 450 foot homers.
Monday, June 24, 2019
The Art Of The Deal...Explained By Donald J. Trump
OK. So the most important thing in any deal is that we make money. And when I say we, I mean ME. I make money.
First thing: Don't bring up morality. I don't know from morality. In fact, I don't know anything about morality. I know money. And money is completely amoral.
So, if we can get Saudi Arabia, for instance, to buy a bunch of weapons, a bigly amount, billions of dollars worth, does it really matter how many journalists they dismember? No, it does not. Because, believe me, I get a cut, no pun intended. Off the top, too. I know that some people are saying that the Saudis are using the weapons we sell them to murder the people of Yemen even as we speak. So what? I don't even know where Yemen is. Anyway, if the Yemenis can get some cash together, we'd be happy to sell them weapons, too.
And, if Israel also buys a bunch of weapons, who cares how many Palestinians they displace and/or kill? How many weapons have the Palestinians bought from us? NONE. That's how many. Again, I make sure I get a cut, one way or another.
If I could figure out a way to sell weapons to the Russians and Chinese and North Koreans and even the Iranians, I would in a New York minute! You better believe it. Their money is just as good as any other country's.
Remember, nothing lasts forever, and long term alliances are just begging to be broken. Ask my ex-wives.
First thing: Don't bring up morality. I don't know from morality. In fact, I don't know anything about morality. I know money. And money is completely amoral.
So, if we can get Saudi Arabia, for instance, to buy a bunch of weapons, a bigly amount, billions of dollars worth, does it really matter how many journalists they dismember? No, it does not. Because, believe me, I get a cut, no pun intended. Off the top, too. I know that some people are saying that the Saudis are using the weapons we sell them to murder the people of Yemen even as we speak. So what? I don't even know where Yemen is. Anyway, if the Yemenis can get some cash together, we'd be happy to sell them weapons, too.
And, if Israel also buys a bunch of weapons, who cares how many Palestinians they displace and/or kill? How many weapons have the Palestinians bought from us? NONE. That's how many. Again, I make sure I get a cut, one way or another.
If I could figure out a way to sell weapons to the Russians and Chinese and North Koreans and even the Iranians, I would in a New York minute! You better believe it. Their money is just as good as any other country's.
Remember, nothing lasts forever, and long term alliances are just begging to be broken. Ask my ex-wives.
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
Just One Question For Trump Supporters
I'm tired.
You're tired.
We're all tired.
If you're not tired of Donald J. Trump, there is something very, very wrong with you.
So, the question for Trump supporters is: "What does he have to do to lose your support?"
He lies constantly. He lies at an unbelievable rate. 10,000 provable lies and counting since his inauguration. That doesn't seem to bother you.
He violates the Constitution every day. Every fucking day! That doesn't seem to bother you.
He has NO discernible positive achievements as President. His entire Presidency has consisted of the aforementioned lies and appeasing various dictators, who are apparently his role models for governance. That doesn't seem to bother you.
He just admitted that he will willingly collude with foreign governments during the next election. And he has done absolutely NOTHING to stop foreign governments from meddling in said election. That doesn't seem to bother you.
So, what does he have to do to lose your support?
He lies, he cheats, he steals, he disregards the law, he commits something that looks very much like treason on a regular basis, and still you support him.
Is demonizing people with brown or black skin worth that much to you? You'd let our country be dismantled just to punish "them"?
Wow.
You're tired.
We're all tired.
If you're not tired of Donald J. Trump, there is something very, very wrong with you.
So, the question for Trump supporters is: "What does he have to do to lose your support?"
He lies constantly. He lies at an unbelievable rate. 10,000 provable lies and counting since his inauguration. That doesn't seem to bother you.
He violates the Constitution every day. Every fucking day! That doesn't seem to bother you.
He has NO discernible positive achievements as President. His entire Presidency has consisted of the aforementioned lies and appeasing various dictators, who are apparently his role models for governance. That doesn't seem to bother you.
He just admitted that he will willingly collude with foreign governments during the next election. And he has done absolutely NOTHING to stop foreign governments from meddling in said election. That doesn't seem to bother you.
So, what does he have to do to lose your support?
He lies, he cheats, he steals, he disregards the law, he commits something that looks very much like treason on a regular basis, and still you support him.
Is demonizing people with brown or black skin worth that much to you? You'd let our country be dismantled just to punish "them"?
Wow.
Wednesday, June 5, 2019
Dear Jared And Ivanka
Hi Jared! Hi Ivanka!
You seem like nice kids.*
But some of your choices, which to sane people appear to be the actions of complete hypocrites and ethical pygmies, lead me to the conclusion that somewhere along the way you got off track. Like the song says, "one step forward and several million steps back."
This was not your fault.
After all, you were both raised by career criminals. Your fathers represent the lower depths of humanity. Pere Kushner went to jail for his actions. And Pere Trump? Good God, where to begin with him? In a just world he would've been sitting in solitary confinement somewhere for the last 30 years. Apparently your mothers were too busy shopping to give you any moral guidance at all. #SAD
Is it any wonder you behave the way you do? No it is not.
In fact, it would be a miracle if you'd turned out to be anything but what you are.
Again, this was not your fault.
But, as Goering said at the Nuremberg Trials, "let's put all this ugliness behind us, ok?"
I offer this as a friend. All good things must end, and it's time for you to leave Washington. Trust me, if you stay, things will only get uglier. You have no idea how ugly.
I'm worried about you and your well being. Think of your "reputations". Think of your children. Start making a list of possible aliases. You can use the same first initials if it helps save on monogramming. Joe Kramer and Ida Tusk? Jerry Kimble and Iona Thimble? Plastic surgery might be a good idea, too.
Do not go back to New York city! They do not want you. They do not need you. It will get really uncomfortable the moment you show your faces anywhere in the Big Apple. You are both delicate creatures. Especially you, Jared. And, should you somehow avoid prison sentences, NYC is the last place on earth you want to be.
So where should you go?
I'm thinking either Moscow, Beijing, Jerusalem, or Riyadh.
You have friends there, don't you? Or, if not exactly "friends", people with similar interests.
If you need help packing, I'm only a phone call away.
Yours,
B. Franklin
(*I'm lying here. It's a rhetorical device. They actually seem like truly awful people.)
You seem like nice kids.*
But some of your choices, which to sane people appear to be the actions of complete hypocrites and ethical pygmies, lead me to the conclusion that somewhere along the way you got off track. Like the song says, "one step forward and several million steps back."
This was not your fault.
After all, you were both raised by career criminals. Your fathers represent the lower depths of humanity. Pere Kushner went to jail for his actions. And Pere Trump? Good God, where to begin with him? In a just world he would've been sitting in solitary confinement somewhere for the last 30 years. Apparently your mothers were too busy shopping to give you any moral guidance at all. #SAD
Is it any wonder you behave the way you do? No it is not.
In fact, it would be a miracle if you'd turned out to be anything but what you are.
Again, this was not your fault.
But, as Goering said at the Nuremberg Trials, "let's put all this ugliness behind us, ok?"
I offer this as a friend. All good things must end, and it's time for you to leave Washington. Trust me, if you stay, things will only get uglier. You have no idea how ugly.
I'm worried about you and your well being. Think of your "reputations". Think of your children. Start making a list of possible aliases. You can use the same first initials if it helps save on monogramming. Joe Kramer and Ida Tusk? Jerry Kimble and Iona Thimble? Plastic surgery might be a good idea, too.
Do not go back to New York city! They do not want you. They do not need you. It will get really uncomfortable the moment you show your faces anywhere in the Big Apple. You are both delicate creatures. Especially you, Jared. And, should you somehow avoid prison sentences, NYC is the last place on earth you want to be.
So where should you go?
I'm thinking either Moscow, Beijing, Jerusalem, or Riyadh.
You have friends there, don't you? Or, if not exactly "friends", people with similar interests.
If you need help packing, I'm only a phone call away.
Yours,
B. Franklin
(*I'm lying here. It's a rhetorical device. They actually seem like truly awful people.)
Monday, May 27, 2019
A Brief History Of The Republican Party And Treason
1968: operatives working for Republican Presidential candidate Richard M. Nixon contacted the North Vietnamese and offered them a better peace deal that LBJ was, if they'd just put off signing until after the election. This temporarily scuttled the Paris peace talks and contributed to the election of Nixon. Oh, by the way, there was no better deal...and countless more people died as a result.
1980: operatives working for Republican Presidential candidate Ronald W. Reagan contacted the Iranians and offered them a better deal if they'd hold off releasing their American hostages, which President Carter had been negotiating, until after the election. They did. Reagan won, and at least in this case the Iranians got something: arms.
2016: operatives working for Republican Presidential candidate Donald J. Trump received repeated offers of "help" from the Russians. They reported none of this to the FBI. They changed the party's platform to favor Russia. They accepted "aid" from Russian hackers. Trump "won" and ever since he's bent over backward to favor Vladimir Putin.
As a bonus, let's not forget the plot to overthrow FDR, cobbled together by a number of bankers and industrialists, all of them Republicans terrified by the New Deal. That one didn't work, but it sure wasn't for lack of trying.
Treason. Treason. Treason. Treason.
Just something to remember as we honor our war dead...
1980: operatives working for Republican Presidential candidate Ronald W. Reagan contacted the Iranians and offered them a better deal if they'd hold off releasing their American hostages, which President Carter had been negotiating, until after the election. They did. Reagan won, and at least in this case the Iranians got something: arms.
2016: operatives working for Republican Presidential candidate Donald J. Trump received repeated offers of "help" from the Russians. They reported none of this to the FBI. They changed the party's platform to favor Russia. They accepted "aid" from Russian hackers. Trump "won" and ever since he's bent over backward to favor Vladimir Putin.
As a bonus, let's not forget the plot to overthrow FDR, cobbled together by a number of bankers and industrialists, all of them Republicans terrified by the New Deal. That one didn't work, but it sure wasn't for lack of trying.
Treason. Treason. Treason. Treason.
Just something to remember as we honor our war dead...
Friday, May 17, 2019
Every Sperm Is Sacred...Alabama Toodleloo
This country becomes more of a joke hourly.
From the spray tanned Traitor in the White House, to the organ grinder's monkey pretending to be our Attorney General, and all the other Trump appointed misfit grifters polluting our body politic, it's hard to be shocked by anything that happens in the good ol' USA.
But...
A bunch of good old white boys who happen to sit in the Alabama legislature, and the Georgia and Missouri legislatures as well, have decided to put uppity wimmenfolk in their place, and let the poor things know, once and for all, who's in charge of their bodies.
Spoiler alert! It ain't the women.
Obviously, these women just don't appreciate the wonderful blessing they've received when they are impregnated by a mouth breathing hayseed. Even if the hayseed raped them, or is related to them. After all, every sperm is sacred. It says so in the Bible-doesn't it? It must! If it doesn't, it should! Roll Tide.
Under normal circumstances, we could wait for the Supreme Court to explain to all the Bible thumpin' Jethros out there that Roe v Wade is the law of the land, and to mind their own fucking business.
But these are not normal circumstances. Thanks to Mitch McConnell (who, if there is a Hell as described by Dante, deserves his own ring) we now have a Supreme Court peopled with the likes of Brett "I Like Beer!" Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch to go along with Clarence "I've Done All You Asked--Now Can I Be An Honorary White Man?" Thomas, Alito and Roberts.
Do not hold your breath waiting for them to do the right thing.
(By the way, there are a disproportionate number of Catholics on the Supreme Court. Way too many. And their religious beliefs tend to color everything they rule on. This is not a good thing.)
So, here we are. Going backward in a hurry.
I would say boycott Alabama, but honestly, who the fuck wants to go to Alabama in the first place?
From the spray tanned Traitor in the White House, to the organ grinder's monkey pretending to be our Attorney General, and all the other Trump appointed misfit grifters polluting our body politic, it's hard to be shocked by anything that happens in the good ol' USA.
But...
A bunch of good old white boys who happen to sit in the Alabama legislature, and the Georgia and Missouri legislatures as well, have decided to put uppity wimmenfolk in their place, and let the poor things know, once and for all, who's in charge of their bodies.
Spoiler alert! It ain't the women.
Obviously, these women just don't appreciate the wonderful blessing they've received when they are impregnated by a mouth breathing hayseed. Even if the hayseed raped them, or is related to them. After all, every sperm is sacred. It says so in the Bible-doesn't it? It must! If it doesn't, it should! Roll Tide.
Under normal circumstances, we could wait for the Supreme Court to explain to all the Bible thumpin' Jethros out there that Roe v Wade is the law of the land, and to mind their own fucking business.
But these are not normal circumstances. Thanks to Mitch McConnell (who, if there is a Hell as described by Dante, deserves his own ring) we now have a Supreme Court peopled with the likes of Brett "I Like Beer!" Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch to go along with Clarence "I've Done All You Asked--Now Can I Be An Honorary White Man?" Thomas, Alito and Roberts.
Do not hold your breath waiting for them to do the right thing.
(By the way, there are a disproportionate number of Catholics on the Supreme Court. Way too many. And their religious beliefs tend to color everything they rule on. This is not a good thing.)
So, here we are. Going backward in a hurry.
I would say boycott Alabama, but honestly, who the fuck wants to go to Alabama in the first place?
Saturday, May 11, 2019
Jeez Lindsey! What Do They Have On You?
At one point in the not too distant past, Senator Lindsey Graham, or as I call him with a certain fondness, "The Belle of the South", was anti-Trump and pro-reaching across the aisle, at least in some instances.
He called the Great Orange MAGAt "dangerous" "absurd" "bombastic" "not fit" and "stupid". All of which are true, by the way.
Lindsey was also besties with the late, unlamented, John McCain, who Trump has shat on at every opportunity, while McCain lived and even after he died.
But then, something changed...
Now Lindsey enjoys golfing with the MAGAt. Now Lindsey tweets things like "Happy Birthday, Mr. President! You're keeping your promise to make America safer and more prosperous."
And "President Trump clearly relishes being the Law and Order president and a strong Commander in Chief."
This isn't your garden variety Republican hypocrisy, which we are all more or less used to by now.
No, this something different. You don't just suddenly decide to kiss up to a sleazy rat bastard who demeans and disrespects your best friend. Not if you have any character, that is.
The 180 degree reversal began after Graham announced that his email had been hacked.
One is forced to speculate that someone is blackmailing the Senator with the contents of those emails.
So, the operative question is, what do they have on you Lindsey?
Must be something really bad, huh? Is it little girls? Little boys? Big boys? Animals?
After all, a Southern gentleman's reputation is everything. And the fear of having it besmirched by anything, especially the truth, can force a fella to act in very strange ways.
He called the Great Orange MAGAt "dangerous" "absurd" "bombastic" "not fit" and "stupid". All of which are true, by the way.
Lindsey was also besties with the late, unlamented, John McCain, who Trump has shat on at every opportunity, while McCain lived and even after he died.
But then, something changed...
Now Lindsey enjoys golfing with the MAGAt. Now Lindsey tweets things like "Happy Birthday, Mr. President! You're keeping your promise to make America safer and more prosperous."
And "President Trump clearly relishes being the Law and Order president and a strong Commander in Chief."
This isn't your garden variety Republican hypocrisy, which we are all more or less used to by now.
No, this something different. You don't just suddenly decide to kiss up to a sleazy rat bastard who demeans and disrespects your best friend. Not if you have any character, that is.
The 180 degree reversal began after Graham announced that his email had been hacked.
One is forced to speculate that someone is blackmailing the Senator with the contents of those emails.
So, the operative question is, what do they have on you Lindsey?
Must be something really bad, huh? Is it little girls? Little boys? Big boys? Animals?
After all, a Southern gentleman's reputation is everything. And the fear of having it besmirched by anything, especially the truth, can force a fella to act in very strange ways.
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
"Too Stupid To Collude"
Four little words that will be Donald J. Trump Jr.'s epitaph.
It'll look really good on a granite headstone, too. Only the best granite, I'm sure. No! Let's go with marble! Like a Roman Emperor would use to memorialize his dimwitted son.
"Too stupid to collude."
Must be those "superior genes", huh?
Or do they skip a generation?
Or are they simply not there at all?
Like the old saying goes, "the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree."
Questions, questions, questions.
"Too stupid to collude."
WOW.
It'll look really good on a granite headstone, too. Only the best granite, I'm sure. No! Let's go with marble! Like a Roman Emperor would use to memorialize his dimwitted son.
"Too stupid to collude."
Must be those "superior genes", huh?
Or do they skip a generation?
Or are they simply not there at all?
Like the old saying goes, "the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree."
Questions, questions, questions.
"Too stupid to collude."
WOW.
Sunday, April 21, 2019
The Trump Doctrine(s)
1. Everything is for sale. Everything. Including America's dignity, honor, and security.
2. Steal everything and anything you can get your hands on.
3. If you get caught, LIE.
4. If you get caught lying, lie some more.
That's it. That's all.
When this "man" and his family are finally out of the White House, before the place is scoured and fumigated, somebody better count the silverware.
2. Steal everything and anything you can get your hands on.
3. If you get caught, LIE.
4. If you get caught lying, lie some more.
That's it. That's all.
When this "man" and his family are finally out of the White House, before the place is scoured and fumigated, somebody better count the silverware.
Tuesday, April 16, 2019
Signor Baseball's Somewhat Belated 2019 AL Preview
Signor Baseball has been plagued by a variety of nagging ailments (it is the years and the miles), an automobile accident (that was not his fault), and the knowledge that there are approximately 40 million Americans who are complete imbeciles. And, as a result, he has fallen a little behind in his prognosticating.
But, as the executioner says, the show must go on.
So, let's start in the East. If it's good enough for the sun, it's good enough for me. Once again the Yankees will hit many home runs and strike out many times. And once again their starting pitching will be precarious. New York might have the best bullpen in the Majors, but getting to it with a lead may prove problematical. Also, New York has already been hit with an outrageous injury bug. Starting to look like a MASH unit up in the Bronx. So, despite a very weak start, it looks like the Red Sox are the favorites--once again. Unless Tampa can continue to play .750 baseball, that is. But they can't do that...can they? I mean honestly, name two Rays. Go on. Snell and, uh, that other guy...Toronto isn't nearly strong enough to compete, though Vlad Guerrero Jr. may liven things up in the Great White North. Baltimore is a disaster zone. Nice town, good people, great ballpark, bad team. So, Boston, Yankees, maybe Tampa if they're for real, Toronto if they're not and the Orioles way, way back. One, possibly two Wild Cards.
Central: Cleveland, city of lights, city of mystery. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, or as I like to call it, The Hall of You're Kidding Me, They're In and They're Not?! is in Cleveland. The Indians seem to win the Central every year, and 2019 should be no different. They have a solid everyday lineup and the best pitching in the division. And that's more than enough. The Twins have improved to the point where they can keep it relatively close, at least for awhile. Chicago is also better than they have been. So, Minnesota and the White Sox in whatever order pleases you, for second and third. The Royals have fallen on hard times. It wasn't that long ago that Kansas City was the class of this division, but now they will struggle to stay out of the cellar. They will be helped in this endeavor by Detroit. The Tigers have fallen on even harder times than the Royals. Sad. Sad. Sad. On the plus side, both teams are just a couple of players away--if those players are the spitting image of Willie Mays and Sandy Koufax.
West: Mike Trout is the best player in baseball. Mike Trout just signed a new contract with the Angels for close to half a billion dollars. Mike Trout will have a typically great year. The Angels will not win the West this year. That is how baseball, unlike, say, basketball, works. So, who will win the West? Probably Houston. They have a great lineup and good starting pitching--though it's not quite as good as it has been. Seattle and Oakland will battle for second, with a chance for a Wild Card. The aforementioned Angels of Anaheim, or whatever they call themselves now, will be lucky to play .500 ball. And poor old Texas is in tear it down and start again mode, and a fire sale of their more expensive players should begin sometime in late June, early July. Maybe a Wild card from this division.
But, as the executioner says, the show must go on.
So, let's start in the East. If it's good enough for the sun, it's good enough for me. Once again the Yankees will hit many home runs and strike out many times. And once again their starting pitching will be precarious. New York might have the best bullpen in the Majors, but getting to it with a lead may prove problematical. Also, New York has already been hit with an outrageous injury bug. Starting to look like a MASH unit up in the Bronx. So, despite a very weak start, it looks like the Red Sox are the favorites--once again. Unless Tampa can continue to play .750 baseball, that is. But they can't do that...can they? I mean honestly, name two Rays. Go on. Snell and, uh, that other guy...Toronto isn't nearly strong enough to compete, though Vlad Guerrero Jr. may liven things up in the Great White North. Baltimore is a disaster zone. Nice town, good people, great ballpark, bad team. So, Boston, Yankees, maybe Tampa if they're for real, Toronto if they're not and the Orioles way, way back. One, possibly two Wild Cards.
Central: Cleveland, city of lights, city of mystery. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, or as I like to call it, The Hall of You're Kidding Me, They're In and They're Not?! is in Cleveland. The Indians seem to win the Central every year, and 2019 should be no different. They have a solid everyday lineup and the best pitching in the division. And that's more than enough. The Twins have improved to the point where they can keep it relatively close, at least for awhile. Chicago is also better than they have been. So, Minnesota and the White Sox in whatever order pleases you, for second and third. The Royals have fallen on hard times. It wasn't that long ago that Kansas City was the class of this division, but now they will struggle to stay out of the cellar. They will be helped in this endeavor by Detroit. The Tigers have fallen on even harder times than the Royals. Sad. Sad. Sad. On the plus side, both teams are just a couple of players away--if those players are the spitting image of Willie Mays and Sandy Koufax.
West: Mike Trout is the best player in baseball. Mike Trout just signed a new contract with the Angels for close to half a billion dollars. Mike Trout will have a typically great year. The Angels will not win the West this year. That is how baseball, unlike, say, basketball, works. So, who will win the West? Probably Houston. They have a great lineup and good starting pitching--though it's not quite as good as it has been. Seattle and Oakland will battle for second, with a chance for a Wild Card. The aforementioned Angels of Anaheim, or whatever they call themselves now, will be lucky to play .500 ball. And poor old Texas is in tear it down and start again mode, and a fire sale of their more expensive players should begin sometime in late June, early July. Maybe a Wild card from this division.
Monday, April 8, 2019
Signor Baseball's 2019 NL Preview
I think it was Jesus who first said "Good pitching beats good hitting. Except when it doesn't."
Or maybe it was Casey Stengel, who was a much more interesting conversationalist.
Anyway, as some people try to pretend, at least for a little while, that Trump is "innocent" and also a "man", let's take a look at what the National League has to offer for 2019.
In the East, we see a jumble. The Mets still have superior starting pitching--when healthy. But they can't seem to stay healthy. And they also don't seem capable of scoring enough runs to win those games when their superior starting pitching gives up more than 1-2 runs. So, sadly, let's forget about the Mets. Philadelphia added Bryce Harper's big bat, and perhaps more importantly, J. T. Realmuto, one of the best catchers in baseball, and maybe that will be enough to push them past Atlanta. Washington added another good arm; but good arms tend to get hurt in National's land. If they don't, look for a three team race, with the runner up having a good shot at a Wild Card. It could be a four team race, if the Mets bats could ever keep up with their arms. And the arms stay healthy, of course. Nah. New York will be somewhere around .500 and that leaves the Marlins in last, still occasionally developing good players, and then having to get rid of them when they ask for more money. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
In the Central, the Cubs, Brewers, and Cardinals should be neck and neck all season long. Chicago still puts the best lineup on the field--but where did that get them last year? Milwaukee is solid everywhere--but starting pitching, And the St. Louis, thanks to Arizona's penury, now has Paul Goldschmidt to anchor their batting order. 30 homers, 100 rbi's, and a .300 average looks pretty good in any team's lineup. Injuries and whichever team's starters come through will decide the Central. Probably a Wild Card, maybe two, from here as well. Elsewhere, the Pirates are talented, but very young, and probably a year or two away from seriously competing. And it looks like Cincinnati will have to rely on the madcap comedic stylings of Yasiel Puig to make this year entertaining. He may not be the second coming of Willie Mays, but he is endlessly amusing.
Out West, the Diamondbacks traded their best everyday player, lost their second best everyday player and number 2 starter to free agency, and replaced the grass on their field with artificial turf. What they really need to replace is their managing general partner, Ken Kendrick, who is an imbecile. Tough for any team to overcome an imbecile owner, so...unless their pitching is a lot better than it looks, last place seems like a likely outcome for Arizona. Probably lowest attendance in the division, too. Suck on that, ownership. For the rest of the division, the Dodgers still are the team to beat, with Colorado a not so close second. L.A. is just loaded; they should be with that payroll. If they don't run away with the West, somebody ought to lose their job. I don't see a Wild Card team coming from this division. All indications are that San Francisco's window of opportunity has closed for the time being, though they'll still be favored almost every time Bumgarner takes the mound. Too bad he can't pitch every day, huh? The Giants still have one of the best ballparks in the majors and that ain't nothing. If there's a possible surprise team in the West it's San Diego. Without the various pressures of playing in L.A., Manny Machado should regain his All-Star form. And Fernando Tatis Jr. looks like the real deal. Now, if they can just find some reliable arms...
Wednesday, April 3, 2019
Thinning The Herd
For a group of people who don't believe in evolution, conservatives sure do love social Darwinism.
You start with the young. Weaken--or take away entirely--their public schools, hot lunch programs, Head Start, after school activities. Close as many public facilities as possible. Make getting gunned down at school a distinct possibility. Living with that constant fear in the pit of their stomachs will get them ready for adulthood. If they survive to adulthood. Remember to repeatedly tell them that nonsense about pulling themselves up by their bootstraps!
Then there's the sick. Take away as much health care as you can. Make it impossible for people with pre-existing conditions to get insurance. Let the drug companies charge whatever they want. Encourage people to go broke from paying hospital bills. Hey, it's their choice: that expensive, necessary surgery or food and housing. And you have to make choices in this life!
Finally, the old. Gut their pensions. Starve Social Security. Plenty of greeter jobs at WalMart, you lazy old fucks!
If you're a heartless Republican (or Libertarian) prick, dreaming sweet wet dreams of Ayn Rand's river of bullshit and the glories of the Free Market, it's really not that hard to do these things.
Poor people are such a drag. They had every opportunity in this greatest nation on the face of the earth to make enough money to pay for private schools, gold plated healthcare, and a happy and long retirement. And they just didn't do it.
Better off dead, you know?
You start with the young. Weaken--or take away entirely--their public schools, hot lunch programs, Head Start, after school activities. Close as many public facilities as possible. Make getting gunned down at school a distinct possibility. Living with that constant fear in the pit of their stomachs will get them ready for adulthood. If they survive to adulthood. Remember to repeatedly tell them that nonsense about pulling themselves up by their bootstraps!
Then there's the sick. Take away as much health care as you can. Make it impossible for people with pre-existing conditions to get insurance. Let the drug companies charge whatever they want. Encourage people to go broke from paying hospital bills. Hey, it's their choice: that expensive, necessary surgery or food and housing. And you have to make choices in this life!
Finally, the old. Gut their pensions. Starve Social Security. Plenty of greeter jobs at WalMart, you lazy old fucks!
If you're a heartless Republican (or Libertarian) prick, dreaming sweet wet dreams of Ayn Rand's river of bullshit and the glories of the Free Market, it's really not that hard to do these things.
Poor people are such a drag. They had every opportunity in this greatest nation on the face of the earth to make enough money to pay for private schools, gold plated healthcare, and a happy and long retirement. And they just didn't do it.
Better off dead, you know?
Friday, March 29, 2019
And Now, A Few Words About William Barr
William Barr was, is, and always will be a Republican hack.
I refer you all to Iran-Contra, Iraqgate, and the pardons George H. W. Bush issued to everyone who ignored the Constitution to do whatever they wanted in the Middle East and Latin America--including shipping drugs into the U.S.--just as an earlier Special Counsel, Lawrence Walsh, was closing in.
Guess who urged Bush the Elder to issue the pardons?
His Attorney General, William Barr.
The preservation of the cesspool that is the GOP is the prime directive of Republican hacks everywhere.
So, of course, Barr says there was no collusion by Trump. Nothing to see here, move along.
The Party must be preserved, even if the President is a traitor, even if countless Republican Senators and Representatives have been bought by the Russians, too.
The Party must be preserved at all costs.
Not the country. Not the Constitution. The Party.
I refer you all to Iran-Contra, Iraqgate, and the pardons George H. W. Bush issued to everyone who ignored the Constitution to do whatever they wanted in the Middle East and Latin America--including shipping drugs into the U.S.--just as an earlier Special Counsel, Lawrence Walsh, was closing in.
Guess who urged Bush the Elder to issue the pardons?
His Attorney General, William Barr.
The preservation of the cesspool that is the GOP is the prime directive of Republican hacks everywhere.
So, of course, Barr says there was no collusion by Trump. Nothing to see here, move along.
The Party must be preserved, even if the President is a traitor, even if countless Republican Senators and Representatives have been bought by the Russians, too.
The Party must be preserved at all costs.
Not the country. Not the Constitution. The Party.
Monday, March 25, 2019
See, It Really Isn't That Hard
So there's a mass shooting in New Zealand. Naturally, it was carried out by an angry, scared, Islamophobic white male, with a nod and a wink to our own little Tinpot in Chief.
(Gee, the world does get more and more like the good old U.S. every day, don't it?)
And less than a week later, New Zealand bans assault rifles.
Don't those silly Kiwis know that the proper response to a mass shooting is earnest, heartfelt "thoughts and prayers" followed by complete inaction?
Well, not complete inaction. The maggots on Fox News will rant about a possible infringement on our God given Second Amendment rights to any and all handheld weapons. The MAGAts will put on their little red hats, get out their own sacred, beloved hardware and parade around looking all menacing, and pretending to be really, really tough. The cretins on twitter will argue about what is and isn't an automatic weapon. And the Republicans in Congress, the courts, and elsewhere will ignore the wishes of the majority of Americans for some kind of sane gun control.
That's the kind of action we like.
Apparently, that's the only kind of action we are capable of at this point.
What a pathetic country we've become.
(Gee, the world does get more and more like the good old U.S. every day, don't it?)
And less than a week later, New Zealand bans assault rifles.
Don't those silly Kiwis know that the proper response to a mass shooting is earnest, heartfelt "thoughts and prayers" followed by complete inaction?
Well, not complete inaction. The maggots on Fox News will rant about a possible infringement on our God given Second Amendment rights to any and all handheld weapons. The MAGAts will put on their little red hats, get out their own sacred, beloved hardware and parade around looking all menacing, and pretending to be really, really tough. The cretins on twitter will argue about what is and isn't an automatic weapon. And the Republicans in Congress, the courts, and elsewhere will ignore the wishes of the majority of Americans for some kind of sane gun control.
That's the kind of action we like.
Apparently, that's the only kind of action we are capable of at this point.
What a pathetic country we've become.
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Without Firing A Shot
Time was when the chief strategic problem that we worried about in Europe was what would happen if the Soviet Union sent several tank battalions rushing through the Fulda Gap in Germany.
NATO would respond in force, all hell would break loose, there would be chaos throughout Western Europe, and given the amount of tactical nuclear weapons on the ground, possibly the beginning of the end of life on earth.
Of course, this never happened, except perhaps in the fever dreams of Tom Clancy.
Instead, using a more sophisticated method involving lots of money, women, blackmail, and the latest techniques in media manipulation, the Soviets, now going by the less threatening name "Russia", have managed to unleash chaos throughout the West without firing a shot.
Brexit, and all the other right wing "populist" movements in France, Hungary, and elsewhere that dot the continent like the pox, have been funded completely or in large part by the kleptocracy, founded by an old KGB agent, known as Putin Inc.
And let's not forget Putin's prime lapdog stooge, our own Traitor in Chief, whose empire was kept afloat all of these years by laundered Russian money, his election to the White House helped immeasurably by Russian bots, Russian hackers, even more Russian loot, and a handful of elected Republicans who consider treason a reasonable means to an end.
Turns out this was our Fulda Gap--amoral people who would literally do anything, including selling out their country, to win an election.
Without firing a shot.
NATO would respond in force, all hell would break loose, there would be chaos throughout Western Europe, and given the amount of tactical nuclear weapons on the ground, possibly the beginning of the end of life on earth.
Of course, this never happened, except perhaps in the fever dreams of Tom Clancy.
Instead, using a more sophisticated method involving lots of money, women, blackmail, and the latest techniques in media manipulation, the Soviets, now going by the less threatening name "Russia", have managed to unleash chaos throughout the West without firing a shot.
Brexit, and all the other right wing "populist" movements in France, Hungary, and elsewhere that dot the continent like the pox, have been funded completely or in large part by the kleptocracy, founded by an old KGB agent, known as Putin Inc.
And let's not forget Putin's prime lapdog stooge, our own Traitor in Chief, whose empire was kept afloat all of these years by laundered Russian money, his election to the White House helped immeasurably by Russian bots, Russian hackers, even more Russian loot, and a handful of elected Republicans who consider treason a reasonable means to an end.
Turns out this was our Fulda Gap--amoral people who would literally do anything, including selling out their country, to win an election.
Without firing a shot.
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
And Now, A Few Words About Taxes
Living in Phoenix, as I do, my daily newspaper is the, sigh, Arizona Republic, which, honestly, we subscribe to mostly for the obituaries. Morbid, I know.
I also, being somewhat masochistic, I guess, read the letters to the editor.
Mostly these are word for word rehashes of whatever garbage the writer heard most recently on Fox News. You can almost hear the spittle flying. It is sad. But it is true.
The other day, though, the Republic printed one from a fellow from Sun City, one of the myriad of bland, beige, boring, retirement camps--uh--I mean adult communities--which ring Phoenix like some breed of suffocating albino snake.
This guy was upset that the crazy socialists would tax away all the rich people. They would be forced to flee America if we tried to raise their taxes. And then where would we be without our rich people? He really meant it, too! He wasn't specific about where all those rich people would go. Couldn't be western Europe. Their taxes are higher than ours. Hmmm. Somalia? Venezuela? Russia?
Being a Sun City-ite, this guy must be of a certain age. Surely he remembers, fondly I'd guess, the 1950's. You know, that Trumpian paradise where blacks, browns, gays, women and students kept their mouths shut. Yeah. That place. The place that conservatives hunger to go back to with a passion that makes one blush. Blush, and then vomit.
Anyway, the top marginal tax rate, the rate the richest Americans theoretically pay, in the 1950's, the Eisenhower years, was 91 or 92%. That's right.
How about the Kennedy years? Same rate.
LBJ? Took a deep plunge to 75%.
Under I Am Not A Crook it was still at 70%. Yeah, that raving socialist Richard M. Nixon was president of a country with a 70% top marginal rate!
The top marginal rate for 2019 is 37%. You could double it, and still be below LBJ's rate, let alone JFK and Eisenhower's.
If things were so much better back then...maybe we should go back to those rates, just for nostalgia's sake. Just to make some people happy again...
I also, being somewhat masochistic, I guess, read the letters to the editor.
Mostly these are word for word rehashes of whatever garbage the writer heard most recently on Fox News. You can almost hear the spittle flying. It is sad. But it is true.
The other day, though, the Republic printed one from a fellow from Sun City, one of the myriad of bland, beige, boring, retirement camps--uh--I mean adult communities--which ring Phoenix like some breed of suffocating albino snake.
This guy was upset that the crazy socialists would tax away all the rich people. They would be forced to flee America if we tried to raise their taxes. And then where would we be without our rich people? He really meant it, too! He wasn't specific about where all those rich people would go. Couldn't be western Europe. Their taxes are higher than ours. Hmmm. Somalia? Venezuela? Russia?
Being a Sun City-ite, this guy must be of a certain age. Surely he remembers, fondly I'd guess, the 1950's. You know, that Trumpian paradise where blacks, browns, gays, women and students kept their mouths shut. Yeah. That place. The place that conservatives hunger to go back to with a passion that makes one blush. Blush, and then vomit.
Anyway, the top marginal tax rate, the rate the richest Americans theoretically pay, in the 1950's, the Eisenhower years, was 91 or 92%. That's right.
How about the Kennedy years? Same rate.
LBJ? Took a deep plunge to 75%.
Under I Am Not A Crook it was still at 70%. Yeah, that raving socialist Richard M. Nixon was president of a country with a 70% top marginal rate!
The top marginal rate for 2019 is 37%. You could double it, and still be below LBJ's rate, let alone JFK and Eisenhower's.
If things were so much better back then...maybe we should go back to those rates, just for nostalgia's sake. Just to make some people happy again...
Saturday, March 9, 2019
Genetics
We are what we are, and rare is the person who rises above.
For instance, let's say your dad was a mobbed up, crooked, racist piece of shit. Let's call him, oh, I don't know, Fred.
Chances are, unless you inherited absolutely zero traits from him, you, too, would end up being a mobbed up, crooked, racist piece of shit.
And there's a distinct possibility that you might even be a bigger mobbed up, crooked, racist piece of shit. What with the completely unwarranted sense of privilege that might come from such an upbringing.
Now, say you have kids.
Let's call them, oh, I don't know, Junior, Princess, and the Other One.
Here again, unless they inherited absolutely zero traits from you (and honestly, what are the odds of that?), they too would probably be mobbed up, crooked, racist pieces of shit.
Because you are a delusional narcissist as well, you might have even been able to convince yourself that you have "superior genes".
(Sound of uproarious laughter)
And that's genetics.
For instance, let's say your dad was a mobbed up, crooked, racist piece of shit. Let's call him, oh, I don't know, Fred.
Chances are, unless you inherited absolutely zero traits from him, you, too, would end up being a mobbed up, crooked, racist piece of shit.
And there's a distinct possibility that you might even be a bigger mobbed up, crooked, racist piece of shit. What with the completely unwarranted sense of privilege that might come from such an upbringing.
Now, say you have kids.
Let's call them, oh, I don't know, Junior, Princess, and the Other One.
Here again, unless they inherited absolutely zero traits from you (and honestly, what are the odds of that?), they too would probably be mobbed up, crooked, racist pieces of shit.
Because you are a delusional narcissist as well, you might have even been able to convince yourself that you have "superior genes".
(Sound of uproarious laughter)
And that's genetics.
Monday, March 4, 2019
And Now, A Few Words About Stupid People
The key thing about stupid people is that they seldom understand how truly stupid they are.
And, unfortunately, there really is nothing that we can do about that.
It just is. Like the sun rising and setting. Like the tides. Like gravity.
Trust me. I've been dealing with this shit almost all of my life. Since I was a wee lad.
You can pretend that they're like us. But they're not.
They're stupid.
Will they ever change?
No. They're stupid for life. Forever.
There is a difference between stupid and ignorant. Ignorant people can sometimes be educated.
Sometimes.
But there is no practical difference between willfully ignorant and stupid.
Of course, not all stupid people are Republicans.
But, at this point, all Republicans are stupid people.
Stupid to ignore silly things like facts and evidence. Stupid to continue to support that traitor, sullying the White House and disgracing our nation on a second by second basis.
They say Judas got 30 pieces of silver...these folks got a tax cut that doesn't benefit 99% of them and a never ending campaign of hatred and fear and stupidity.
Stupid. Blind. Bigoted. Hate filled.
It's a toxic blend.
And, unfortunately, there really is nothing that we can do about that.
It just is. Like the sun rising and setting. Like the tides. Like gravity.
Trust me. I've been dealing with this shit almost all of my life. Since I was a wee lad.
You can pretend that they're like us. But they're not.
They're stupid.
Will they ever change?
No. They're stupid for life. Forever.
There is a difference between stupid and ignorant. Ignorant people can sometimes be educated.
Sometimes.
But there is no practical difference between willfully ignorant and stupid.
Of course, not all stupid people are Republicans.
But, at this point, all Republicans are stupid people.
Stupid to ignore silly things like facts and evidence. Stupid to continue to support that traitor, sullying the White House and disgracing our nation on a second by second basis.
They say Judas got 30 pieces of silver...these folks got a tax cut that doesn't benefit 99% of them and a never ending campaign of hatred and fear and stupidity.
Stupid. Blind. Bigoted. Hate filled.
It's a toxic blend.
Sunday, February 24, 2019
Apparently, Donald J. Trump Believes That He Just Invented The Fourth of July
What can one say?
Honestly, what can one say?
Your #FakePresident, who is about as bright as a small bag of horseshit--not a large bag, now, a small bag--lives in a world completely devoid of facts, truth, honesty, and empathy. In short, completely devoid of anything that might go into making a worthwhile human.
Which, when you think about it, is really an accomplishment...must be those "superior" genes.
An egomaniacal, narcissistic, delusional, criminal, fool. Who truly believes he just invented the Fourth of July.
As stunning as his total ignorance about, well, just about everything, is the fact that there are still millions of, oh, let's call them people, who support this odious, traitorous pile of toxic orange effluent.
Millions of them! And this cancerous polyp in the bowels of democracy probably is their "favorite President."
I mean, GODDAMN!
Honestly, what can one say?
Your #FakePresident, who is about as bright as a small bag of horseshit--not a large bag, now, a small bag--lives in a world completely devoid of facts, truth, honesty, and empathy. In short, completely devoid of anything that might go into making a worthwhile human.
Which, when you think about it, is really an accomplishment...must be those "superior" genes.
An egomaniacal, narcissistic, delusional, criminal, fool. Who truly believes he just invented the Fourth of July.
As stunning as his total ignorance about, well, just about everything, is the fact that there are still millions of, oh, let's call them people, who support this odious, traitorous pile of toxic orange effluent.
Millions of them! And this cancerous polyp in the bowels of democracy probably is their "favorite President."
I mean, GODDAMN!
Sunday, February 17, 2019
The Orange Old Deal (notes from a Republican think tank)
Ok. We all agree that this Green New Deal nonsense is a nonstarter.
For one thing, it's Progressive. And we're against progress. Always remember that. It's our operating principle.
Progress leads to fairness. Fairness is antithetical to everything we stand for. After all, fairness is the root of socialism. YIKES!
But we have to offer an alternative with a catchy name.
So...The Orange Old Deal:
Forget wind and solar and bio fuels. We're going to burn coal until there's not a lump of coal left. Because 30,000 coal miner jobs are much more important than the 350 million other American lives. (Let alone all of those billions of foreigners. Foreigners are so...foreign.)
Same thing applies to oil, by the way. Drill Baby drill! Remember, climate change is a liberal myth. Or a Chinese plot. You choose. The Koch brothers will be happy to fund you either way.
Fetuses are sacred. Guns are even more sacred. Health care isn't a right. Russia is our friend. Collusion is not a crime. Black people are dangerous. So are brown people. So are educated people. Especially educated women.
Looks like we are going to need to build a lot of walls.
Social Security will work better after we give all that money to Wall Street. We promise.
A living wage is whatever your boss says it is. You're lucky to have a job. So shut up and get to work.
Anything else?
Oh yeah. Always remember to wear your flag pins. Now repeat after me: We Love This Country So Much!
For one thing, it's Progressive. And we're against progress. Always remember that. It's our operating principle.
Progress leads to fairness. Fairness is antithetical to everything we stand for. After all, fairness is the root of socialism. YIKES!
But we have to offer an alternative with a catchy name.
So...The Orange Old Deal:
Forget wind and solar and bio fuels. We're going to burn coal until there's not a lump of coal left. Because 30,000 coal miner jobs are much more important than the 350 million other American lives. (Let alone all of those billions of foreigners. Foreigners are so...foreign.)
Same thing applies to oil, by the way. Drill Baby drill! Remember, climate change is a liberal myth. Or a Chinese plot. You choose. The Koch brothers will be happy to fund you either way.
Fetuses are sacred. Guns are even more sacred. Health care isn't a right. Russia is our friend. Collusion is not a crime. Black people are dangerous. So are brown people. So are educated people. Especially educated women.
Looks like we are going to need to build a lot of walls.
Social Security will work better after we give all that money to Wall Street. We promise.
A living wage is whatever your boss says it is. You're lucky to have a job. So shut up and get to work.
Anything else?
Oh yeah. Always remember to wear your flag pins. Now repeat after me: We Love This Country So Much!
Friday, February 8, 2019
How To Become A Fundamentalist
It's really very simple.
First, hit yourself in the head. Repeatedly. Over and over and over again. Use a hammer--if you can figure out how a hammer works. Try running at full speed toward a tree, or concrete wall. Lower your head before impact. Repeat.
You may be just a little woozy by now. Double vision and blood oozing from your nostrils and ears are possible side effects. Don't worry. Do not be deterred. Stay the course. You're getting there!
Now, tie a piece of rubber tubing around your neck. Tightly. You need to cut off the blood flow to your brain completely. Feel a little light headed? Good! Again, don't worry about damaging your brain. After all, you won't be using it anymore. Your autonomic systems will still work fine. Probably.
When you come to, if you come to, you're ready to be a fundamentalist!
So grab your Bible, or your Quran, or just some old issues of The National Review, and get bizzee!
(These same methods can be used to create Trump supporters, too.)
First, hit yourself in the head. Repeatedly. Over and over and over again. Use a hammer--if you can figure out how a hammer works. Try running at full speed toward a tree, or concrete wall. Lower your head before impact. Repeat.
You may be just a little woozy by now. Double vision and blood oozing from your nostrils and ears are possible side effects. Don't worry. Do not be deterred. Stay the course. You're getting there!
Now, tie a piece of rubber tubing around your neck. Tightly. You need to cut off the blood flow to your brain completely. Feel a little light headed? Good! Again, don't worry about damaging your brain. After all, you won't be using it anymore. Your autonomic systems will still work fine. Probably.
When you come to, if you come to, you're ready to be a fundamentalist!
So grab your Bible, or your Quran, or just some old issues of The National Review, and get bizzee!
(These same methods can be used to create Trump supporters, too.)
Thursday, January 31, 2019
The Republican Party Should Be Reclassified As A Terrorist Organization
Screw the poor, screw minorities, screw students, screw women, screw old people--if ISIS was running rampant down Main Street USA, they couldn't possibly do more damage to America than the Republican Party.
Take away health care from those who need it most. Try to gin up a race war. Keep as many people from voting as possible. Play footsie with any and all dictators. Nudge nudge, wink wink.
Cheat. Lie. Steal. Repeat.
They cannot govern. In fact, they have no interest in governing. Governing effectively is complicated, and who has time for that? No, it's much easier to rig the system for their rich friends--even more than it already was.
They appeal to the worst instincts of our worst people. You know, neo-Nazis, white supremacists, Stephen Miller, Steve Bannon, and other scum.
I wonder what they will do if they succeed in destroying America?
Take away health care from those who need it most. Try to gin up a race war. Keep as many people from voting as possible. Play footsie with any and all dictators. Nudge nudge, wink wink.
Cheat. Lie. Steal. Repeat.
They cannot govern. In fact, they have no interest in governing. Governing effectively is complicated, and who has time for that? No, it's much easier to rig the system for their rich friends--even more than it already was.
They appeal to the worst instincts of our worst people. You know, neo-Nazis, white supremacists, Stephen Miller, Steve Bannon, and other scum.
I wonder what they will do if they succeed in destroying America?
Tuesday, January 22, 2019
"Stan And Ollie"
While you are all anxiously awaiting the next Marvel super hero epic, counting the seconds until the interminable fight scene that decides the planet's fate, might I suggest entertainment of a somewhat different sort?
"Stan and Ollie" are Laurel and Hardy, of course.
They were the premier comedy team of the 1920's and 1930's. And, like Chaplin, Keaton, and the Marx Brothers, they outlived their fame. Or, rather, they outlived their viability in Hollywood. They were still world famous...they just couldn't get a movie deal.
The picture finds them in England, on tour, running through their old sketches for live audiences, hoping to get financing for a Robin Hood picture.
Hardy is a Flastaffian character, with huge appetites for food, women and gambling. Laurel is more grounded, spending his time writing new material, for projects that will never materialize. (Indeed, in what passes for "real" life, even after Hardy's death, Laurel continued to write scenes for them.)
It is an extremely touching look at two old friends struggling to make it back to the pinnacle they once knew.
John C. Reilly is Hardy, "Babe" to his closest friends. Steve Coogan is Laurel down to every small facial tic. Shirley Henderson and Nina Arianda are perfect as their wives, and Rufus Jones steals most of the scenes he's in as their British promoter.
It really is a wonderful film. Naturally, it was overlooked by the Oscars.
As was "The Death of Stalin", which is simply the funniest movie I've seen in years.
Oh well...as always, there is no accounting for taste.
Let's blow something up, huh?
"Stan and Ollie" are Laurel and Hardy, of course.
They were the premier comedy team of the 1920's and 1930's. And, like Chaplin, Keaton, and the Marx Brothers, they outlived their fame. Or, rather, they outlived their viability in Hollywood. They were still world famous...they just couldn't get a movie deal.
The picture finds them in England, on tour, running through their old sketches for live audiences, hoping to get financing for a Robin Hood picture.
Hardy is a Flastaffian character, with huge appetites for food, women and gambling. Laurel is more grounded, spending his time writing new material, for projects that will never materialize. (Indeed, in what passes for "real" life, even after Hardy's death, Laurel continued to write scenes for them.)
It is an extremely touching look at two old friends struggling to make it back to the pinnacle they once knew.
John C. Reilly is Hardy, "Babe" to his closest friends. Steve Coogan is Laurel down to every small facial tic. Shirley Henderson and Nina Arianda are perfect as their wives, and Rufus Jones steals most of the scenes he's in as their British promoter.
It really is a wonderful film. Naturally, it was overlooked by the Oscars.
As was "The Death of Stalin", which is simply the funniest movie I've seen in years.
Oh well...as always, there is no accounting for taste.
Let's blow something up, huh?
Saturday, January 12, 2019
Random Thoughts For A Dreary Winter Day
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Tuesday, January 1, 2019
Where Are We Now, Where Are We Now?
As we wander, timidly I suppose, into a brand new, shiny year, we must pause, take a deep breath, and ask ourselves, "where are we now?"
Robert Mueller, who is so very much smarter than anyone attacking him, is apparently reaching the end of his investigations. Plural.
And the House, now controlled by the Democrats, is set to launch its own investigations. Plural.
So, what can we expect them to yield?
That the current resident of the White House is a traitor is obvious. That he is a willing puppet of Vladimir Putin (and the Saudis, too, for that matter), is a given. Why? $$$$$$. That he has surrounded himself with a collection of crooks, liars, racists, fools, and traitors is also obvious. This collection includes his three oldest children. But we knew that already.
What else might Mueller and the Democrats expose?
I suspect that there may not be much left of the Republican Party or the NRA when all is said and done.
And that's where it gets tricky.
We only have the two parties, really. The Libertarians are a clown car full of Ayn Rand worshiping punks. And the Greens are simply nothing. They contribute only background noise.
But now, one of our two major parties is on the verge of being revealed for all to see as so totally corrupted by money that they have openly betrayed our country--just to win an election.
This will not go over to well with the folks who call themselves conservatives. And not just the MAGAts. There are many millions of people who still identify as proud Republicans.
How will they react?
We know the MAGAts don't believe in facts, so they'll undoubtedly deny everything, scream "fake news" and rally around the Great Orange Pustule. However, they are just a loud, obnoxious, idiotic minority.
But what about the majority of the Republican Party?
That will be the central question of 2019.
Robert Mueller, who is so very much smarter than anyone attacking him, is apparently reaching the end of his investigations. Plural.
And the House, now controlled by the Democrats, is set to launch its own investigations. Plural.
So, what can we expect them to yield?
That the current resident of the White House is a traitor is obvious. That he is a willing puppet of Vladimir Putin (and the Saudis, too, for that matter), is a given. Why? $$$$$$. That he has surrounded himself with a collection of crooks, liars, racists, fools, and traitors is also obvious. This collection includes his three oldest children. But we knew that already.
What else might Mueller and the Democrats expose?
I suspect that there may not be much left of the Republican Party or the NRA when all is said and done.
And that's where it gets tricky.
We only have the two parties, really. The Libertarians are a clown car full of Ayn Rand worshiping punks. And the Greens are simply nothing. They contribute only background noise.
But now, one of our two major parties is on the verge of being revealed for all to see as so totally corrupted by money that they have openly betrayed our country--just to win an election.
This will not go over to well with the folks who call themselves conservatives. And not just the MAGAts. There are many millions of people who still identify as proud Republicans.
How will they react?
We know the MAGAts don't believe in facts, so they'll undoubtedly deny everything, scream "fake news" and rally around the Great Orange Pustule. However, they are just a loud, obnoxious, idiotic minority.
But what about the majority of the Republican Party?
That will be the central question of 2019.
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