Saturday, December 31, 2016

The Circus Comes To Town

My God, look at all the clowns!

John Bolton! Steve Bannon! Kellyanne Conway! Jeff Sessions! Michael Flynn! Ben Carson! Newt Gingrich! Rudy Guiliani! Tom Cotton! Mike Pence! Rick Perry! Steve King! Sarah Palin! Jan Brewer! Rex Tillerson and all those interchangeable, pasty billionaires! On and on, it never ends!

A freak show of mis-governance, a huge accident just waiting to happen, a national tragedy about to unfold!

Vladimir Putin proudly presents a Theocratic Kleptocracy for the Ages!

Look at the ringmaster marionette, with his orange skin and fright wig! Amazingly lifelike!

Smell that?

That's elephant shit.

Step right up folks and dive in!

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Some Thoughts On The Trump Inauguration

Seems like it's been hard to get any entertainers to perform for Der Trump, all the little Trumplings, and various invited Swamp Creatures, huh?

SS Marching Band already booked elsewhere?

Too bad.

And Putin's no help at all. To be fair, he probably feels like he's done enough for DonDon already.

Got that one little girl with the nice voice. Jackie something

Kinda young.

But DonDon likes 'em young. Remember how he started slobbering all over Ivanka when she was a mere strappling?

Anyway, nobody else seems too anxious for the gig, and we're running out of time.

So the kid will sing, and uh, well, maybe we can get a few MiGs to fly over...

One thing:


OK, DonDon?


Wouldn't want the Reign of the Orange Blight to get off on the wrong foot.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

A Pimp's Idea Of A Palace

We should all count our blessings that Melanoma and little Dipshit Trump Jr* aren't planning on moving into the White House.

The place has a certain simple elegance. It is the people's house, after all.

And after seeing the family photo album from Trump Tower Palace Versailles West, it's obvious that no one in that family understands simple, or elegant, or classy.

So, by all means please stay in Manhattan (where you are hated, by the way) and continue to purchase all the gold tchotchkes you can find. Tables, chairs, toilets, bidets, toothpicks, penis stretchers--whatever.

*For the record, I am not picking on the poor little troubled child. His Mom says he's just like his Dad. So, I'm not being pejorative. I'm being descriptive. Also, like all Trump children, he's being raised not by his father, but by his mother (and a village of surrogates, I'm guessing). Which means he'll probably grow up to be an undocumented lingerie model.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Prepare To Go Backwards

It is a strange thing to suddenly realize that the country you thought you lived in isn't there any more.

Perhaps it never was...maybe it was just a dream.

In any case, the dream is over.

The Trump boys have big plans for our country.

Sorry, their country.

There's money to be made! Make that MONEY!!!!

Oil to be drilled for, coal to be mined, pipelines to be laid. Federal land to be sold to the highest bidder. All of those National Parks need to be monetized! Otherwise, what use are they?

Away you pesky regulations! You only get in the way of progress; and all in the naive guise of protecting our air and water and health and common heritage.

Fuck that namby pamby shit!  There's money to be made! Make that MONEY!!!!

So fuck your health, fuck your feelings, fuck your future.

Fuck your so-called Constitutional rights!

The Constitution is only paper and ink. And ink fades and paper burns.

Gays and blacks and browns and uppity womenfolk and liberals and progressives and environmentalists and humanists and all the bleeding hearts in the fact based community will be taught a lesson now.

And they better not ever forget it:

Rich White Men Make The Rules.

Rule Number One: There's money to be made! Make that MONEY!!!!

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Heil To The Tweeter In Chief

So, we're going from a cool, collected, intelligent, learned man to a 70 year old spoiled brat with the impulse control of a peeved teenage drama queen.

Anybody see any potential problems with that?

It's comforting to know that when that infamous 3:00 a.m. phone call finally comes in, Fearless Leader will be too busy tweeting to answer it, his tiny little fingers pecking away, oblivious to everything except satisfying his boundless ego.

Man, we are truly fucked.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Hey, We're All Going To Die Anyway, So Why Not?

So Der Trump and his Shit Fer Brains Crew don't believe in climate change?

I'm reminded of the old baseball pitcher, who, when told that his curve ball was an optical illusion, said "you go stand behind that tree 60 feet away and I'm going to beat you to death with an optical illusion."

Belief has nothing to do with it.

But the operating principle of the Republican Party about all things environmental has been for some time "we're all going to die anyway, so why not?"

Why not burn more oil and coal? And the dirtier the better! Fuck solar and wind.

Let's get rid of the EPA. Bunch of meddlesome nellies.

Why worry about the air and the water?

Why worry about the ice caps?

Why worry about those melting glaciers on Greenland that can raise the sea levels several feet all by themselves?

Let's party like it's the end of the world!!!!

Because, "hey, we're all going to die anyway, so why not?"

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Q & A With The President Elect

What are you going to do about immigration?

Build a wall.

How are you going to pay for it?

Make Mexico.


Make America Great Again.

What about all the undocumented workers?

Round 'em up and ship 'em back.


Make America Great Again.

What about taxes?

Cut them.

How does that lower the deficit?

Make America Great Again.

What about wage stagnation and income inequality?

Make America Great Again.

What about the Middle East?

Destroy ISIS.


Secret plan.


Make America Great Again.

What about the infrastructure?

Rebuild it. We're a third world country now. Sad.

How are you going to pay for it?

Make America Great Again.

What about China?

Get tough with them.


Make America Great Again.

What about Russia?

Putin is my kind of guy. Strong. Not weak. Strong.

What if he invades the Ukraine and the Baltic countries?

Make America Great Again.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

The coal industry is a dying industry for a variety of reasons.

If you live in West Virginia or Kentucky or Pennsylvania and you were hoping to work the rest of your life in the coal mines and then retire with that nagging cough to Arizona or Florida, well...

The world changes.

If you thought that voting for Der Trump would stop it from changing, well...

Now, if you had voted with your brains instead of your hatred (and your dicks), you might have elected someone who would push for a massive retraining program and new, good paying jobs in a green energy economy. And made sure you had an adequate safety net, including healthcare, regardless of employment.

But you didn't, so...lotsa luck!

Of course, you still could all become successful entrepreneurs....


Friday, December 2, 2016

The Jobs President

Let's say Der Trump makes good on his campaign promise to deport millions of "illegal aliens" immediately.

Who is going to do all the things they do for us?

Those angry Rust Belt folks?

Uh huh. Sure they are. For minimum wage--or less?

Pick fruit and vegetables and clean house and bus tables and do all sorts of hard manual labor?

I'd like to see a bunch of paunchy, pasty, Midwesterners picking lettuce, or digging ditches, or pruning trees, or...

In fact, it would make a great reality TV show.

No benefits. No healthcare. No leverage through a union.

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Just doing their part to Make America Great Again!

Oh, and by the way, that Carrier deal that Der Trump is so proud of is essentially a bribe with tax payer money. Gee, what a great negotiator he is!