A Closer Look At The Republican Contenders

Trump? Cruz? Kasich?

No sane person would want any of these clowns anywhere near the Oval office.

Not the tiny fisted, carny barker megalomaniac, not the hyper religious, gun worshiping, snake oil salesman, and no, not even the one who seems almost reasonable compared to the other two, but down deep is just another reactionary hack.

And yet, there are millions of Americans of voting age who are seriously considering voting for them.

So, we are forced to confront the fact that many millions of Americans are simply out of their minds.

They know nothing of history. They have no concept of truth and fiction. They live in a fact free zone.

Their big issues are abortions, guns, religion, and immigration.

Oh, yeah, and an all encompassing fear and hatred of "the other".

They are dead certain that the brown people are getting away with something.

And if only "we" could stop them, everything would be fine and we could go back to our idyllic Mayberry past.

They truly madly deeply believe this shit!

And here's the kicker: Republican controlled states across this great land of ours have spent the last decade figuring out new and better ways to rig elections. Whether by simple gerrymandering or outright voter suppression they have made it harder and harder for Democrats to vote.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Bumperstickers For Potential Republican Presidential Candidates

Since the average Republican's attention span is very short, it's extremely important for all Republican candidates to have short, pithy, easily remembered, bumpersticker length, catch phrases to sear into their fans' tiny little brains:

Trump: I'll Keep The Darkies In Line!

Cruz: Rush Loves Me!

Kasich: I'm Still In This Thing, Right?

Trump: Heads Will Roll!

Cruz: Jesus Loves Me, Too!

Kasich: I'm Here If You Need Me!

Trump: You Think Keeping All These Lies Straight Is Easy? Ha!

And who can forget, try as we might, the also rans:

Rubio: Help! I've Repeatedly Fallen And I Can't Get Up!
Jeb: Remember All The Fun We Had When A Bush Was President?!
Christie: If A Morbidly Obese Lying Bully Is What You Want, I'm Your Man!
Carson: I'm An Idiot. Vote For Me and You Can Be An Idiot Too!
Carly: Golden Parachutes For Everybody!

But of course, for the true blue believers there is only one who touches the blackest corner of their hearts:

Trump: No, Really, I'll Keep the Darkies In Line!

You Can Do This Or You Can Do That

You can go see Michael Moore's new documentary, Where To Invade Next, and see how intelligent, reasonable people deal with issues.

Or...

You can watch any Republican candidate talking, shouting, whining, et cetera, and see how panderers cajole drooling imbeciles into a mindless frenzy.

You choose.

Dear Sheldon Adelson,

Dear Sheldon,

May I call you Shelly? You seem like a Shelly to me.

Hey, sorry I missed the big Bow Down Before Me And Beg For My Money fest. From what I saw on the TV it looked like a lot of fun.  Especially when Jersey Fats slipped up with that "occupied territories" gaffe. My God, I almost split a gut with laughter!

That's a cool scooter you got, by the way. Is that one of those "and it won't cost you anything" deals they advertise on the late night infomercials? I know you could afford to buy one, but free stuff is free stuff. Am I right?

Look, you're a busy man--how are those Justice Department investigations of bribery at your Macau casino going by the way? Ooops. Sore spot, huh? My bad.

Anyway, here's the deal. Last Presidential election you spent about a hundred million bucks on loser candidates. I mean real losers. Newt Gingrich? Mitt Romney? I know, you being a billionaire and all, that's just a few drops in the old Clairol bucket. And this time, Yahweh love you, you seem bound and determined to do it again. Noblesse oblige, and all that.

But let's face it, Christie, Kasich, and the rest have the stench of death on them already, and it's only 2014! By 2016 they'll be so ripe, nobody will go near them. Except die hard Republicans, of course. And if you've been paying any attention at all, you know that there aren't going to be enough die hard Republicans left to elect a president of anything larger than an all white Country Club.

So here's my pitch: For millions less than you'll spend on any of them, I promise to be your candidate. I'll even convert if necessary. I mean, one set of fairy tales is pretty much the same as the other, so why not? I already have a couple of campaign slogans ready: "Israel First Last and Always!" and "A Rich SOB Paid For This Sign".

Honestly, we both know that you're going to lose again. And then pretty soon you're going to die. But until that glorious day comes along, we should have some fun, huh?

Yours truly (for a price),

B. Franklin

The Proof Is In The Puddin'

Sure the competition was tough. After all, you've got Haley Barbour and John Kasich and that moron in Maine, whose name, thankfully, escapes me.

Still, all this time I was absolutely certain, that of all the governors, Jan Brewer had to be the biggest imbecile.

Mais non! With his sterling debatin' skills, Rick Perry has proven once and for all, and without fear of contradiction, that they really do grow 'em bigger in Texas.

Ye hah, y'all!

The GOP war on the middle class and the poor

The GOP took over the House of Representatives and several statehouses and Governorships in 2010 by running on the platform of reducing the deficit and creating jobs. Thus far, I haven't seen a single thing -- not one solitary single bill -- to indicate that they weren't lying through their teeth.

The first place where this was really noticeable was in Wisconsin. Gov. Walker ran on a "get the state out of the red" platform. Not once in his campaign did he ever mention dismantling the public unions for all intents and purposes. So what has he done in a mere 11 weeks in office? Destroyed the public sector unions -- except, of course, those that supported him in the election. Not a single bill to create jobs for Wisconsinites -- instead he and the Repulican legislature have passed bills that according to the experts will result in the loss of thousands of jobs as well as killing job expansion.

In Maine, the anti-labor forces led by Governor Paul LePage have reached new heights of silliness. The Governor, who claims the state is another one facing severe budget deficits, is actually spending money to remove a mural depicting the history of labor in Maine. Where is this mural located? The Capitol building? The governor's mansion? No, it's at the Department of Labor! You know, the department assigned to ensure the rights of workers in the state. The reason it is being removed, at taxpayer expense, is that it is actually not pro-business enough. You read that correctly. It actually celebrates labor without giving enough credit to business -- you know, the people who actually fought against labor expansion, minimum wage, the 40-hour work week, etc. Spending taxpayer money on this is something Gov. LePage actually deems important -- all while trying to weaken unions and increase the work week, even on 16 and 17 year old kids!

Florida, led by newly-elected Governor Rick Scott -- he of the fraud problems (he was forced to resign as CEO of Columbia/HCA in 1997 after the company was found guilty of fraud and Medicare violations, including 14 felonies) -- has introduced its own bills aimed at weakening labor unions. First is a bill similar to one under consideration in Maine that will ban the government from automatically collecting union dues. The purpose of this is to make people leave the unions, under the assumption that while unions will still fight for the rights of workers, the people can reap the benefits without having to actually support the unions financially. The second bill will force the unions to tell the members every year what they must do to decertify their union -- in other words, the unions will be forced to tell the members how to destroy their unions. This one is a classic. Scott yesterday signed a bill implementing merit pay for teachers while eliminating tenure for new hires and he is pushing a bill that will privatize public hospitals.

Believe it or not, it gets worse than this. Perhaps the champion of them all is Governor John Kasich of Ohio, the former Fox News right-wing pundit. In Ohio, a bill has passed the Senate and looks to pass the House that will restrict the rights of over 350,000 public sector union members there. At least Kasich is more consistent than Walker -- he doesn't care which unions supported him, he is all in favor of ruining them all. Including the police and firefighter unions! Now some may say that Kasich is really just doing his best to cut the deficit, but those who make that argument then must deal with the fact that Kasich just gave his new chief of staff a healthy pay increase over the previous Governor's chief of staff of about 40% to $175,000. His reason for this is that you must pay and pay well to attract people from the private sector into the public sector. You see, Kasich says basically that union members are overpaid, lazy slobs and don't deserve what they're making, but in some cases (as long as it suits him) they actually need to make more!

I haven't even gone into Michigan, Arizona, South Carolina, Colorado and a few other states yet. This is just the tip of the iceberg. The only good things I'm really seeing about all this is that 1) it is definitely opening the eyes of the voters (the governor and legislature approval ratings are dropping precipitously in all these states); and 2) the Democratic base is beginning to be galvanized, after meekly sitting on the sidelines in 2010. Let's hope so. Someone has to do something to stop these con men before the middle class is completely destroyed.