His Problems Are Now Our Problems. All Of Them.

Let's start with something simple: that blue suit that he's been wearing since last summer--seemingly without having it cleaned or pressed.

Guy who purports to be soooooo RICH and he can't afford a suit that fits better? Sure.

Just because you're a bloated, flabby, gaseous toad doesn't mean you can't find a good tailor.

Billionaires don't generally dress like door to door toupee salesmen. Real billionaires, that is. Even those creepy Silicon Valley libertarian twats can pull together a respectable look.

While we're talking about The Orange One's Wealth, how many other "billionaires" can you think of who plaster their name on nickel and dime items? Steaks? Neckties from China? Christmas ornaments? New Year's Eve parties? Really?

And how come no major American banks will lend to him? Cuz he's such a "successful" negotiator?

All those foreign "lenders" that Big Boy has had to rely on to stay afloat--Deutsche Bank, the Chinese, Russian Mafia, whatever--will want something in return for their silence about Der Trumps' real financial situation.

To say the least, it will be very strange to have a President in hock to so many foreigners.

Now that the entrepreneurial triumph known as Trump University has been sent to history's ash bin, what about all those other lawsuits, 30 or so, wasn't it, that he still needs to deal with?  Probably all groundless, nuisance suits, huh?

Then there's his attention span, or rather his attention deficit disorder.

There might be, and admittedly I'm guessing here, but there might be a few issues that come up that require more than a ungrammatical, misspelled tweet to deal with. (You'd think someone with such a big, good brain would be better at something tweens master in a morning.)

#tweetyourwayoutofthisonemotherfucker

Finally, when Big Boy dies--sooner rather than later, one hopes--who's getting stuck with all that debt he's so proudly accumulated?  I'm guessing Tiffany.

The Art Of The Scam

From P.T. Barnum, to H.L. Mencken's "booboisie", right up to Nixon's "silent majority" the one consistent thing about our great nation is that there really is a sucker born every minute.

And so, Trump.

And his, uh, "University".

Since, in America, money is the only true measure of all men, then naturally there are a lot of people looking to get rich quickly and by whatever means necessary.

Enter Trump and his spiel:

Listen to ME! Follow MY advice! I am THE ONE!

Of course, advice like MINE doesn't come cheap. So, do whatever you have to do to afford the bounty of MY wisdom.

If that means charging up $40-50,000 in credit card debt, well, that's a small price to pay to be like ME!

Do you want to be a loser? No, of course not. You want to be a winner like ME!

Follow ME and prosper!

Somewhere, P.T. Barnum is laughing.

Now, if El Trumpo were honest, hahahaha, he would tell them the true secret to his "fantastic" wealth:

First, inherit 200 million bucks from your dad. This is the key!

Then, also inherit his business contacts, his Mob contacts, and his political contacts.

And remember--if things get rough, you can always go bankrupt and leave somebody else holding the bag!

If you can just follow these simple rules, then you too can be a success like Donald Trump!