So Ted "I'm As American As Anyone Born In Canada" Cruz is doing an armed minstrel show with one of those crackers from Duck "Sweet Jesus What A Bunch Of Worthless Fucks We Are" Dynasty...
And the one asshole turns to the other asshole and says:
Showing posts with label Duck Dynasty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Duck Dynasty. Show all posts
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
I'll Leave A Light On
Did you know that Jesus is coming soon?
Yeah, me neither.
But according to noted theologian, and Duck Dynasty guy, Willie Robertson, He is.
So it must be true.
Because if you can't believe reality TV faux hillbillies who can you believe?
This is America, dammit!
Robertson bases his predictions about the J man's imminent return on the coming release of a Nick Cage movie. Just like the Council of Nicaea did.
The flick, called Left Behind, is yet another of those Rapture movies that simple minded hicks can't seem to get enough of. It's like crack for them. Or maybe Oxycontin...
If you'll recall, a while back, Robertson, channeling the spirit of Jesus, and charitable, open-hearted, God is Love, Conservative Christians everywhere, had some truly enlightened things to say about gays.
This raises an interesting theological question: What happens if a gay Christian is "enRaptured" (so to speak)? Does He spit him or her back? Or does some sort of super duper conversion therapy happen on the trip up to Heaven?
Well, Willie, what about it? You're the expert, after all.
Yeah, me neither.
But according to noted theologian, and Duck Dynasty guy, Willie Robertson, He is.
So it must be true.
Because if you can't believe reality TV faux hillbillies who can you believe?
This is America, dammit!
Robertson bases his predictions about the J man's imminent return on the coming release of a Nick Cage movie. Just like the Council of Nicaea did.
The flick, called Left Behind, is yet another of those Rapture movies that simple minded hicks can't seem to get enough of. It's like crack for them. Or maybe Oxycontin...
If you'll recall, a while back, Robertson, channeling the spirit of Jesus, and charitable, open-hearted, God is Love, Conservative Christians everywhere, had some truly enlightened things to say about gays.
This raises an interesting theological question: What happens if a gay Christian is "enRaptured" (so to speak)? Does He spit him or her back? Or does some sort of super duper conversion therapy happen on the trip up to Heaven?
Well, Willie, what about it? You're the expert, after all.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
2013 Year End Update
Where to begin?
How about with the fact that 1/3 of Americans don't believe in evolution? That's as good a place as any. Honestly, I would have thought it was more...Ignorance is one of those things we're still good at manufacturing here in Fortress America.
The Republican majority in our esteemed House of Representatives voted to repeal the Affordable Care Act over and over again. This was, of course, a purely symbolic gesture. Not unlike the band playing Nearer My God To Thee as the Titanic sank. Minor political afterthought Rick "Please don't google Santorum" Santorum even compared the Affordable Care Act to apartheid and, by implication, himself to Nelson Mandela, which seems a stretch. I will now pause briefly while you compare Rick Santorum to a steaming pile of horse shit. But hey, the people most hurt by insufficient (or no) health insurance are generally poor and if there's one thing our proudly "Christian" nation can do with the best of them is fuck over the less fortunate. I mean, it's right there in the Bible: "Every man for himself. Amen."
After the Seahawks lost to the Cardinals, a fellow up in Washington called Arizona a "desert racist wasteland" and folks down here got upset. To be fair, it is a desert--well, most of it anyway. But it can't be a wasteland! I mean, My God look at all the "championship" golf courses we have! Unless he meant "wasteland" in the T.S. Eliot sense...hmmm. And as for racist...well...uh, the majority of the people here really aren't racist. No, what they are is so apathetic and/or stupid that they let a bunch of racists run things. See, there's a difference...I think. Of course, the results are essentially the same, so...
Houses built in dried out forests, and by coastlines where hurricanes make yearly appearances, and in an area with the quaint--and descriptive--nickname of Tornado Alley, were burned, washed, and/or blown, away. Naturally, they will be rebuilt in more or less the exact same locations.
Despite the efforts of the usual gang of Republican chickenhawks, we are not at war with Syria or Iran. Yet.
A hillbilly duck call magnate said racist, sexist, and homophobic things. Really? Wow! Didn't see that one coming. His constitutional right to say racist, sexist, and homophobic things is not in dispute, and the likes of Sarah Palin jumping to his rescue was to be expected. No, what is truly amazing is that some people find him and his family entertaining?!? I suppose this goes hand in hand with that disbelief in evolution thing.
Many famous, talented, worthwhile people died. And still, Dick Cheney lives on...and on...and on...It's all so arbitrary.
Which is probably just as well, all things considered.
Happy New Year!
PS Don't drink and drive. Leave that to retired professional athletes. They have lots of practice.
How about with the fact that 1/3 of Americans don't believe in evolution? That's as good a place as any. Honestly, I would have thought it was more...Ignorance is one of those things we're still good at manufacturing here in Fortress America.
The Republican majority in our esteemed House of Representatives voted to repeal the Affordable Care Act over and over again. This was, of course, a purely symbolic gesture. Not unlike the band playing Nearer My God To Thee as the Titanic sank. Minor political afterthought Rick "Please don't google Santorum" Santorum even compared the Affordable Care Act to apartheid and, by implication, himself to Nelson Mandela, which seems a stretch. I will now pause briefly while you compare Rick Santorum to a steaming pile of horse shit. But hey, the people most hurt by insufficient (or no) health insurance are generally poor and if there's one thing our proudly "Christian" nation can do with the best of them is fuck over the less fortunate. I mean, it's right there in the Bible: "Every man for himself. Amen."
After the Seahawks lost to the Cardinals, a fellow up in Washington called Arizona a "desert racist wasteland" and folks down here got upset. To be fair, it is a desert--well, most of it anyway. But it can't be a wasteland! I mean, My God look at all the "championship" golf courses we have! Unless he meant "wasteland" in the T.S. Eliot sense...hmmm. And as for racist...well...uh, the majority of the people here really aren't racist. No, what they are is so apathetic and/or stupid that they let a bunch of racists run things. See, there's a difference...I think. Of course, the results are essentially the same, so...
Houses built in dried out forests, and by coastlines where hurricanes make yearly appearances, and in an area with the quaint--and descriptive--nickname of Tornado Alley, were burned, washed, and/or blown, away. Naturally, they will be rebuilt in more or less the exact same locations.
Despite the efforts of the usual gang of Republican chickenhawks, we are not at war with Syria or Iran. Yet.
A hillbilly duck call magnate said racist, sexist, and homophobic things. Really? Wow! Didn't see that one coming. His constitutional right to say racist, sexist, and homophobic things is not in dispute, and the likes of Sarah Palin jumping to his rescue was to be expected. No, what is truly amazing is that some people find him and his family entertaining?!? I suppose this goes hand in hand with that disbelief in evolution thing.
Many famous, talented, worthwhile people died. And still, Dick Cheney lives on...and on...and on...It's all so arbitrary.
Which is probably just as well, all things considered.
Happy New Year!
PS Don't drink and drive. Leave that to retired professional athletes. They have lots of practice.
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