Friday, October 25, 2013

Maybe Someday...

Maybe someday...

The hillbillies will realize that they're being played for saps by the billionaires who've bankrolled the Tea Party.

People will wake up to the indisputable truth that "socialized" medicine is cheaper and more effective than the nonsensical system we have.

Poor whites will figure out that the poor blacks and the poor browns aren't their enemies.

American businesses will remember that it was a growing, vital middle class that made our economy the envy of the world.

Red State voters will begin to wonder if there's some correlation between not funding public education and being really, really stupid.

Men will awaken to the fact that women should have the fundamental right to control their reproductive systems.

Folks will read all of the Second Amendment and learn that, contrary to what the NRA says, it does not give carte blanche to gun owners.

Every American citizen will ask themselves why the Koch brothers, and like minded billionaire scum, don't want us to have access to affordable health care, or unions, or protection against corporations, or an EPA, or...

Grover Norquist, Wayne La Pierre, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin, Louie Gohmert, Steve King, Rand Paul, all of the Fox "News" kids, and everyone else who spreads lies, bile, and hatred to make a buck, will be kicked to the curb, and/or laughed into irrelevance. Then they can all go off to Clown College, where they really belong.

Maybe someday....but don't hold your breath.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Night Of The Living Dead

Honestly, I thought Ed Meese was dead.

But no! He's alive and kicking, part of the blood sucking cabal that planned the Tea Party shutdown of the U.S. government.

You know that old saying, "you can't keep a good man down"?

Well, that doesn't apply here.

Let's be clear about something: Ed Meese was a right wing piece o'shit when he was in the Reagan administration and he's a right wing piece o'shit now.

One thing you can say about the Republican Party: no matter how discredited you may be, how mendacious, how wrong headed your policy, how despicable the crimes you've committed, how hateful and backward you are, or how just plain evil you may be, they'll always have a place for you.

I guess that's what they mean by "The Big Tent".

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The Village Idiots

One of the things wrong with this modern world is that we pay way too much attention to the musings of idiots.

Which is as good a way as any to introduce the latest wisdom from Joe the Plumber.

Let me say right here that, in another lifetime, I used to be a plumber. And a large percentage of the guys I worked with were racist idiots. (This was in Arizona, after all.)

Most of them weren't even qualified to be plumbers. (This was in Arizona after all. God bless the right to work laws. They really level the playing field as far as skills go.)

But putting their craftsmanship aside, the idea that people would listen to these idiots' political and social "ideas" never occurred to me.

Boy, have things changed. Now Joe the Plumber's thoughts make the front page of the Huffington Post:

"America needs a white Republican president."

Let's have a roll call of the last few white Republican presidents, shall we?

George W. Bush, George H.W. Bush, Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford, Richard Nixon. In reverse order we have a crook with Mob ties, who left office to avoid being impeached; a cypher whose sole purpose was to pardon the crook he replaced;  an amiable figure head who started the all out assault on the middle class, and shipped arms to Iran, while enriching his defense contractor benefactors; an oil whore CIA hack; and a full blown dunce, who lied us into a trillion dollar war.

Yeah. We need more of that.

But even though Joe the Plumber is a village idiot of the first order, he still has a future in politics. Just move out to my neck of the woods. He could be our next governor. Or at the very least take a seat in the state legislature.

(This is Arizona, after all.)

Thursday, October 10, 2013

A Letter To America From The Koch Brothers


First of all, we love this country. Which means we love you. Well...most of you.

Those of you who are willing to work hard, for whatever we want to pay you, for as long as we ask, with whatever benefits we're willing to offer. Or no benefits at all. Those of you who don't want government meddling to impede the natural progress that a truly free market brings. Those of you who don't worry about global warming or clean air and water or safe working conditions. In short, rugged American Americans, the kind who made this country that we love so great. You know who you are.

Some of you, though, constantly whine about the unequal distribution of wealth and continually beg for handouts. Like health care you can afford. And a living wage. And free public education. And government oversight of corporations. And the right to vote. Parasites. We don't love you. You are what's wrong with our beloved country.

Wise up. Life will be so much easier once you surrender your pathetic, little dreams and acknowledge that rich people are simply better. Honestly, would God, in His infinite wisdom, have made us rich if we weren't superior? No, He would not.

So, relax. Rich people know what's best. We will look after you. We will provide. Trust us.

Never forget, government is your enemy. We are your friends.

Remember, a rising tide lifts all boats. Yachts and dinghys, both. Even cardboard rafts, strapped together with vines and taking water at an alarming rate.

God Bless this great land of ours. God Bless us all!

Your friends,

Dave and Charlie

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Oh, Okay Then

So let me see if I've got this straight:

The GOP doesn't like a certain law. Remember now, they are the "law and order" party. And this happens to be a law passed by both houses of Congress, signed by the President, and upheld by the Supreme Court.

Hell, we even had a national election that was in large part a referendum on this law.

But forget about all that. Because if the "law and order" party doesn't like a law, I mean really doesn't like a law, they are willing to shut down the government to show their displeasure.

Gosh, if only there were a way, in a representative democracy, to change laws...(Maybe even make them better? What a radical idea! Too bad those Founding Father guys weren't smart enough to put something like that in the Constitution.)

Of course, that would involve governing and compromise, and we all know how the GOP feels about government. To a true blue Tea Party Republican compromise means "give me everything I want--or else."

So, there really is no option other than having what amounts to an infantile temper tantrum.

I guess this is just another example of that famous American exceptionalism.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Jesus Christ!

Just heard that Bill O'Reilly, or if you prefer, Bilious O'Rantly, thinks the "Holy Spirit" spoke to him and "told" him to write his little bookie wook about Jesus H. Christ.

At this point, I will pause briefly while you laugh until your spleen bursts...

Feel better? Good. Laughter is the best medicine.

Now, though I have no doubt that Mr. O'Rantly does hear voices in his head, I will bet good money, American money, that it ain't the Holy Spirit.

Hopefully it's just a tumor of some sort, inoperable if we're lucky, pressing on the tiny part of his brain that isn't devoted to uttering total bullshit at extremely high volume.

Let us pray...