Compare And Contrast The Candidates

This isn't nearly as hard as some people insist on making it, so here goes:

Joe Biden: well, he is old. And he does stutter from time to time.

Donald J. Trump: rapist. traitor. pathological liar. traitor. tax cheat. traitor. adulterer. traitor. incompetent businessman as evidenced by all those bankruptcies and all of those failed businesses. traitor. fraud. traitor. sexual predator--including, allegedly, with very young girls. traitor. seemingly slipping into some form of dementia as evidenced by his every public utterance. traitor. lap dog to Putin. Did I mention that he's a traitor?

Biden, despite having to work around shit stains like Mitch McConnell and Mike Johnson, faux Democrats like Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema, mainstream Media that doesn't care what happens to democracy as long as they have a close "horse race" to blather about, and a Supreme Court overrun with medieval Corporate Whore Catholics, has managed to get passed more positive legislation than any President since FDR. But no tax cuts for the rich, so...

And Trump? Well, to be fair, Trump did manage to squeeze 3, count 'em 3, more turds onto the Supreme Court, and a tax cut that almost entirely benefits the richest American. Oh yeah, let's not forget that his son-in-law walked away with 2 billion dollars of Saudi money.

Hmm.  That's a tough choice.

What Did They Think Would Happen?

So you nominate a life long criminal, who has been charged with money laundering, and accused, with good reason, of multiple sexual assaults, defrauding subcontractors, buddying up to mobsters, lying/cheating/stealing, to name just a few of his accomplishments.

And somehow, with a lot of help from RussiaRussiaRussia, Facebook, a nonfeasant media, the head of the FBI, and a few million gullible and/or brain dead American voters, this asshole gets elected President of the United States.

Did they think he would suddenly stop all of his crime-ing?

Are they fucking stupid?

Well, yes.

But they also knew this was their best, and perhaps last, chance to pack the courts with Christo-fascists.

AND to give a huge tax cut to all of their billionaire/millionaire supporters.

What's a little grifting compared to all of that? 

But when you have someone without any morals at all in a position of almost unlimited power, and you let him go unchecked because you're busy screwing the country in your own way, really bad things can happen.

Donald J. Trump only cares about himself and money. He will do ANYTHING for money, and to gratify his ego.

Selling our secrets to the highest bidder? Why not? If the price is right, anything goes.

It's a safe bet that intelligence assets have died because of him.

It's also a safe bet that some of our nuclear secrets may now be in Moscow, Beijing, Riyadh*, wherever the money was right.

I've said it before, and I will say it again: 

At this point, anyone who still supports Trump is a goddamn TRAITOR.

*There's a reason the Saudis gave Jared Kushner 2 billion dollars to "invest" and it isn't because he's good with money. He gave them something in return. Something he shouldn't have had any access to at all, since he couldn't get a security clearance without his father-in-law's interference. Hopefully, the DOJ will get to the bottom of his crimes, and Jared can spend the rest of his life in prison.

 

 

My White Replacement Theory

Here is a partial list of some "whites" that should be "replaced" ASAP.

Donald Trump

Donald Trump's 3 oldest children and their spouses

Rupert Murdoch

Tucker Carlson

Sean Hannity

Laura Ingraham

Mark Levin

Every Republican Senator and Congressperson (I realize that a couple of these are people of color--but being in the Republican Party means they have willingly forfeited any claims they might have to being black or brown and are no doubt considered honorary whites by their fellow Republicans, so...)

Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema

Everybody who whines about Critical Race Theory without any understanding of what it is

Every hillbilly with a soft spot for the Stars and Bars

Every gun nut

Every Libertarian billionaire

Every anti-vaxxer

Every televangelist

All of these people could be very easily replaced by either a wad of dryer lint or a medium size pile of horse shit.

No one who matters would miss them and the country would immediately be so much better off.

What Happens To A Useful Idiot Who Becomes A Useless Idiot?

Having served his Master's purpose, not wisely or particularly well--but wholeheartedly--Donald J. Trump finds, much to his surprise that his Master no longer has any use for him.

Oops.

This must be causing some concern in whatever parts of Traitor Don's brain that are still semi-functional.

All that treason for naught. #SAD.

Sure, he will sooner or later be confronted with a bevy of New York state charges. And there's a pretty good chance that he will face a few Federal charges as well.

Sure, he will probably lose everything.

Sure, his beloved (well at least one of them is beloved) older children may all go to prison, too.

But he's spent his entire adult life bullshitting in court, drawing out law suits, dissembling, lying, bribing, blackmailing, and threatening people.

And somewhere in that low wattage brain of his, he's no doubt convinced himself that he will skate once more. Because he always has before.

The thing is, though, that his Master doesn't care about any of that.

No, his Master plays a brutally straight forward game of Realpolitik. Not a lot of grey areas. Not a lot of nuance.

The question is, will his Master be content to bury him under an avalanche of the Kompromat that they've been collecting for many years?

Of course, it could be something more dramatic. More final. More in keeping with his Master's M.O.

So, my advice to Donald J. Trump is "Don't drink the tea."

Or do. No one really gives a fuck anymore.

A Traitor Until The Bitter End

You would think that a man who has declared bankruptcy so many times would know when to cut and run.

But no.

Apparently Donald J. Trump is going to ride the crazy train to the very end of the line.

I guess Il Trumpo still thinks that he's immune to the laws of this land.

And why not? He's gotten away with all sorts of illegal crap his entire worthless life. In fact, his business career has been based on illegal crap. Mob concrete, scab labor, stiffing his sub contractors, suing people who can't afford lawyers--there are many arrows in the Trump quiver. 

And he's always gotten away with it.

Why should treason and sedition be any different?

He expects to bluff and threaten his way out of every situation.

So why should encouraging a mob of his delusional halfwits to storm the Capitol be any different?

But it is. Oh yes, it is. You can fuck with a lot of stuff. But not that. And all of his little Republican helpers, Biggs, Gosar, Greene, Guiliani, Boebert, McCarthy and the rest should be updating their resumes. Maybe Russian Television is hiring.

Of course, his army of imbeciles will always stay with him. Like any cult, once you've drunk too much of the Kool-aid the only way out may be death. And that is a problem that we will have to deal with in the coming years. But for the majority of sentient Americans, he's finally crossed the line.

When even a piece of opportunistic garbage like Moscow Mitch McConnell turns against you, you've gone too far.

There will be trials, there will be asset seizures, there will be prison sentences. Best to fuel up the private jet and punch the coordinates for Moscow or Riyadh into the navigation system.

Anyone with the last name of "Trump" might consider an alias. This applies to "Kushner" as well.

(The most amusing aspect of this whole tragedy is that Ivanka, aka Princess Sparkle Pony, thinks she has a future in politics. Maybe she can be the head snitch in whatever prison she ends up in.)

Personally, I would dispense with jail time for her daddy and just put him up against a wall somewhere. Blindfold optional.

But then I'm old school when it comes to treason.

Today's Chuckle

I don't know about you, but the funniest thing I've heard recently is the rampant speculation about "what will Trump do next?"

Will he run in 2024? Will Jesus finally come back and be his running mate?

Will Don Jr. run?

Will Ivanka run?

Will he start his own media company?

Will he become the King Maker of the Republican party? 

These are all nonsensical.

Donald J. Trump will spend the rest of his miserable life either in court, in jail, and/or in bankruptcy.

And his three adult children, plus the boy wonder son-in-law, Jared, will spend much of their miserable lives doing the same.

It was "fun" while it lasted, but the gig, as they say, is up.

Their only options are to stay here and face the music, praying for an incompetent prosecutor, a senile judge, and a compromised jury full of MAGAts, or flee the country to somewhere without an extradition treaty.

Run in 2024? 

Don't make me laugh.

Random Thoughts On A Ridiculously Hot Day

Since "Global Warming" is just another of those Chinese hoaxes that are so popular with our fearless leader, this string of 110 degree plus days that we're living through in Phoenix must just be another socialist plot--right?

Anyway, the extreme heat makes things a little crazy, and our thoughts turn to...

If you have enough money to start your own space program, you have too much money.

Maybe this, and by "this" I mean the Trump Abomination, will stop, once and for all, that "run government like a business...we need a businessman in charge" nonsense. Maybe. 

We should never underestimate the ability of the Republican Party to repackage the same old horse shit in a shiny new box.

It's very, very, very hard to get to excited about major league baseball when it's played under these conditions. Basketball seems to have pulled off its restart with a modicum of verisimilitude, but all those tens of thousands of empty seats in the baseball stadiums, dotted with the occasional CGI fans, are just sad. Maybe they should just cut and paste the front cover of the Sgt. Pepper's album everywhere? That would be fun, at least for awhile. Plus, I'm pretty sure that they're using a juiced ball again...

Is every Republican in Congress either a twink or a female impersonator?

There is no point in trying to convince any remaining die hard Trump supporters about the error in their ways. Don't waste your time or your breath. If, after all of the damage that "man" and his Republican enablers have done to this country over the last few years, they still follow him blindly over whatever cliff he's headed toward, they are past redemption. Just like those Germans in the Spring of 1945 who were convinced that the Big Guy would turn it around any day now, they are True Believers and they will go to their graves believing the Big Lie(s).

Always remember, "Greater love hath no man" than that he would leave his brother's death bed to get in a quick 18 holes.

We will get through this madness, somehow, but what we will look like on the other side is at this point unknowable.

Jaws 2020

Time for a Jaws' reboot!

Of course, we'll have to change a few things to appeal to today's audience.

So, instead of a killer shark, we'll have a killer virus.

And instead of a small resort community, Amity, we'll use the entire USA.

Finally, we have to replace the idiotic mayor, who put money ahead of the safety of his citizens.

I'm thinking an idiotic, egocentric President, who (spoiler alert) also puts money before the safety of his citizens and who finally responds to the crisis by spending his time bragging about his TV ratings while people are dying.

For comic relief, he surrounds himself with a couple of token smart people whom he completely ignores (hahaha) and a whole bunch of dumb people, including his daughter and bumbling son-in-law, who worship him. Dumb people who think they're smart are always funny!

The heroes will be those brave people who find themselves fighting both the virus and the idiots--sometimes without the aid of the proper equipment.

Don't know how it ends, but I smell a hit!

"Please Hold For The President..."

Keep your phones charged and handy, Trump supporters!

Apparently the overwhelming, all encompassing genius of Jared Kushner isn't enough.

And so, your Dear Leader may call and ask you for your advice about this latest Chinese Hoax, the coronavirus.

He's already reached out to noted epidemiologists, J-Lo and A-Rod, and you may be next!

Don't worry if you don't know a damn thing about viruses, epidemics, medicine, logistics, health care, or anything in general.

He doesn't either!

But, that's why you love him, isn't it? He's just as spectacularly uninformed as you are.

And that's why he needs you.

After all, it was the "low information voters", (with the help of the Russians, the media, voter suppression, and James Comey) that put him where he is in the first place.

And now he needs you to help save the Republic!

So put on those thinking caps!

The next call you get may be from you-know-who!

Freak Show

Remember when the Emperor Numbnuts told us that he only knew the "best people"?

Seems like a century ago...but it's really only been a couple of years, more than enough time to render judgment.

Well, if these are "the best", I'd hate to see the worst.

Starting in no particular order, let's take a quick look at "the best".

There's Kellyanne Conway, that walking scarecrow, who lies as easily as most people breath. Numbnuts should study her closely, despite the fact that she's definitely not a 10, because she's much better at lying than he is.

What about Billy Barr, whose Daddy gave Jeffrey Epstein a job at the elite Dalton school in NYC, showing a very perceptive understanding of human character, which he has passed down to his boy Billy. Barr has shown himself to be what we expected him to be, a Republican hack, who disregards the Constitution whenever it suits him.

Then there's Wilbur Ross, who came to the administration from one of the most corrupt banks on the planet, and apparently sleeps through most, if not all, of his department's meetings.

Rick Perry and Ben Carson are sharing one second rate brain, and poorly at that. 

Mike Pompeo has ground the State Department down to a fine dust, which I'm sure makes his "real" boss, Mr. Putin, very happy indeed.

Brett Kavanaugh shouldn't be allowed near any court, let alone our Supreme one. He's a liar, a sexual predator, and probably an alcoholic as well. But he went to Yale (pinch me!) so, it's all good.

Mike Pence is one of those holier-than-thou Christian pieces of shit which our country is uniquely infected with.

Betsy DeVos is a billionaire cretin, who is doing her best to destroy our public education system. Because "they" go to public schools and we certainly don't want to help "them" in any way. 

Let's skip over all of the "best people" who are now serving time and get to Numbnuts' family:

The boys, Junior and Eric, are exactly what you'd expect Donald J. Trump's sons to be. That's not a compliment. Spoiled, stupid, corrupt, entitled....I could go on, but what's the use? A lot of that comes from their "superior" genes. And the rest from the way they were raised.

Then there's Princess, who is just as spoiled, entitled and corrupt as her brothers, but maybe not quite as stupid. Maybe. What Princess brings to table, in addition to her slumlord husband, is a Daddy who desperately wants to, uh, "couple" with her.  Which sounds like something out of a lesser Greek tragedy. Of course, in Greek tragedy they usually all end up dead at the end. Something to hope for, I guess.

We will skip the other two Trump spawn. Because, honestly, why should we give them more attention than he does?

That leaves Melania, wife number 3. At this point,  I would not be surprised to find out that she was a Russian plant. A sparrow sent to entrap an idiot. Be Best!

My God! I almost overlooked Roger Stone! The man with a tattoo of Nixon on his back. A little too high to be a proper tramp stamp, but still...it's the spirit of the thing. Ponder that for a second. A grown man with a tattoo of Richard M. Nixon, noted crook and up until now our most disgraced President, on his back. That should go over well in prison.

Weather Report

Is it wrong for me to hope that Hurricane Dorian changes course once again and wipes Mar-a-Lago off the face of the earth?

No. It is not.

I am, as all good Americans are, only thinking of our Dear Leader's best interests.

Traitor Don's Florida show place is full of what every good Republican calls "illegal aliens", working their hardest, and no doubt underpaid, for the Orange Pustule's benefit.

Traitor Don's constituents, the world famous MAGAts, hate "illegal aliens". I wouldn't want TD to find himself in an ethical conundrum. Dorian can solve that problem for him.

Also, this would be a perfect time for some good old insurance fraud. Traitor Don, always short on cash and with way too much media attention focused on Deutsche Bank, his preferred laundered Russian money source--oops, I meant preferred lender--could make a killing by doing what he does best: LYING.

And finally, scraping the ruins of Mar-a-Lago away would leave a nice piece of land for Traitor Don and his vile son-in-law, little Jared Kushner, to build some slums. Which is something that Jared has experience doing.

It's a win win.

Dear Jared And Ivanka

Hi Jared! Hi Ivanka!

You seem like nice kids.*

But some of your choices, which to sane people appear to be the actions of complete hypocrites and ethical pygmies, lead me to the conclusion that somewhere along the way you got off track. Like the song says, "one step forward and several million steps back."

This was not your fault.

After all, you were both raised by career criminals. Your fathers represent the lower depths of humanity. Pere Kushner went to jail for his actions. And Pere Trump? Good God, where to begin with him? In a just world he would've been sitting in solitary confinement somewhere for the last 30 years. Apparently your mothers were too busy shopping to give you any moral guidance at all. #SAD

Is it any wonder you behave the way you do? No it is not.

In fact, it would be a miracle if you'd turned out to be anything but what you are.

Again, this was not your fault. 

But, as Goering said at the Nuremberg Trials, "let's put all this ugliness behind us, ok?"

I offer this as a friend. All good things must end, and it's time for you to leave Washington. Trust me, if you stay, things will only get uglier. You have no idea how ugly.

I'm worried about you and your well being. Think of your "reputations". Think of your children. Start making a list of possible aliases. You can use the same first initials if it helps save on monogramming. Joe Kramer and Ida Tusk? Jerry Kimble and Iona Thimble? Plastic surgery might be a good idea, too.

Do not go back to New York city! They do not want you. They do not need you. It will get really uncomfortable the moment you show your faces anywhere in the Big Apple. You are both delicate creatures. Especially you, Jared. And, should you somehow avoid prison sentences, NYC is the last place on earth you want to be.

So where should you go?

I'm thinking either Moscow, Beijing, Jerusalem, or Riyadh.

You have friends there, don't you? Or, if not exactly "friends", people with similar interests.

If you need help packing, I'm only a phone call away.

Yours,

B. Franklin

(*I'm lying here. It's a rhetorical device. They actually seem like truly awful people.)

So, Where's The Body?

Habeas Corpus, as they say.

A guy goes into a building. He never comes out, at least not alive.

Jamal Khashoggi went into the Saudi consulate in Turkey. According to the Saudi's, he somehow got into a "fight" and was killed--accidentally.*

According to the Turkish authorities, he was murdered and then dismembered, or perhaps it was the dismembering that killed him, by Saudi security agents, allegedly working for the Saudi crown prince, Mohammed bin Salman, aka MBS, who apparently has both Il Trumpo, aka Baby Mussolini, and lil Jared Kushner, aka Mohammed's Bitch, in his pocket.

Now, it's possible to get killed in a "fight". You might get punched and fall and hit your head. You might be killed by the punch or punches. Who knows, maybe your opponent is a skilled kick-boxer. There are a lot of possible ways to die in a "fight". Why you would bother to get in a "fight" while you're picking up paperwork is left unanswered. And in photos, Jamal Khashoggi sure doesn't look like a brawler.

In any case, his body should be intact.

So where is the body?

I'm sure his family would like there to be a formal autopsy to determine the cause of death.

And a funeral...

*The Saudi's are now claiming that Khashoggi was killed by "rogue elements", acting without the authority or the knowledge of the Saudi crown prince.

Uh huh. Sure.

And our pathetic Traitor in Chief is ready to accept that "explanation", because, well, arm sales, and Jared, and, uh, you know. $$$$$$$.

Rogue elements? That's kind of like the 400 pound guy who, maybe, who knows, people are saying, hacked the election--for Hillary, of course.

Gee, I Hate To Be Crude, But...

Ivanka Trump really is a feckless cunt.

Now, before anyone gets their right wing, "real" American, snowflake panties all in a bunch, I don't mean that in a sexual, or misogynistic, way. I use that word in its English context. Not American. English.

In the way that Mick Jagger meant, back in the '60's, when a stuffy old man who, no doubt appalled by Mick's long hair and Carnaby street kit, asked him "what he thought he looked like" causing Jagger to reply "don't know. So long as I don't look a cunt like you."

See? It means something different.

An idiot. A fool. A poseur.

And therefore perfectly fitting for Ivanka Trump.

Or her brothers, for that matter. Or her husband.

Or her father. Especially her father.

In fact, the Trump Administration is made up almost entirely of Feckless Cunts.

They should trademark the name, make a couple of dollars for Trump Inc.

Only The Best People

Remember when our #FakePresident told us that he only knew the best people and his administration would only hire the best people?

Feels like a few centuries have passed since then, I know, but it was only little more than a year ago.

So, let's take a look at how some of "the best" people are doing.

Mike "Junior Jesus" Pence: any man who is afraid of what might happen if he's left alone with a (gasp) woman not his wife probably shouldn't be a heartbeat away from anything, let alone the Presidency. In general, people who think God is talking to them should be avoided, if not institutionalized.

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions: uh, whoever thinks it's a good idea to have a fucking white supremacist piece of shit running the Justice Department raise their hands. That is if you can, what with that sheet you're wearing.

Betsy DeVos: choosing someone with no practical knowledge of, or belief in, public education to run the Department of Education is exactly the kind of thinking we've come to cherish from our Flaming Orange Anus in Chief. Bravo sir, bravo!

Rick Perry: just another Republican idiot. No, the glasses don't make you look any smarter, Rickster. If only it were that easy.

Dr. Ben Carson: goes to show there are black idiots as well as white idiots in the Republicans' big tent. Some call that progress.

Wilbur "Ethics? What's That?" Ross: you'd think being on the board of one of the most corrupt banks in the world, the Bank of Cyprus, would disqualify you from being Secretary of Commerce. You'd be wrong. How about nodding off during meetings? No? Oh, I get it now. He makes Trump look virile and vital by comparison.

Steven Mnuchin: Stevie has him a trophy wife! But it sure wasn't for first place. Doesn't matter. They've both nestled up to the Government teat, and they are going to suck it for all it's worth.

General John Kelly: a racist, sexist, liar. It must be like looking in a mirror for Der Trump. Oh, wait. Kelly is a decorated Marine general, too, and not Cadet Bone Spurs. Uh, remind me again when we last won a war? Thank you for your service!

Scott Pruitt: you can't say that the Trumpster doesn't have a sense of humor. Most people would naturally assume that the EPA was created to protect the environment (I mean, Christ, it's in its name). And not to facilitate its rape and degradation, which is the only thing that Scott "First Class Is The Only Way I Can Fly" Pruitt is interested in. 

Jared "Side Hustle" Kushner: what can you say about this kid? Peddling his "influence" to whoever has a dollar. Slum lord. Tax cheat. Liar. "The apple doesn't fall very far from the tree" pretty much sums it up. His Dad is a crook, too. So naturally, he married into a family of criminals. They're not very good at it, but still, it's the thought that counts.

And let's not forget Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, Paul Manafort, Michael Flynn, Sebastian Gorka, Stephen Miller, Hope Hicks, Sean Spicer, Reince Priebus, Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, the Mooch, and each and every one of that crack Trump legal team.

If these are the best, sweet Jesus who or what would be the worst?

Hey, It Turns Out That You Can't Run Government Like A Business

Well, not an effective, fair, honest, government.

That's impossible if the "business" you're emulating is a Trump/Kushner business.

Now, if you want a third world, kleptocratic government, run for the benefit of oligarchs, then Donny and Jerry are your boys.

When the survivors write the the history of the Trump years, they will have to add wings to all the libraries just for the books about corruption.

If it isn't nailed down, our "businessmen leaders" will steal it, or sell it to the highest bidder.

So, a true statement would be "You can't run an effective, fair, honest, government like a Trump/Kushner business."

Glad we got that cleared up.

Now, about all of those vacant, pasty white faces, beaming their approval of whatever shite comes squirting out of Der Trump's anus/mouth as they stand behind him in the warmth of his toxic orange glow at his rallies....

All I can say about them is that there is no cure but death for such Deep, Deep Stupid.

The Trump Lexicon Decoded

Though on the surface it may seem like an impenetrable word salad offered up by someone with a catastrophic brain injury, it's really not that hard to decipher Fearless Leader's every word.

The truth is essentially the exact opposite of whatever he says.

For instance, "Crooked Hillary" decodes to "I am a career criminal. My Dad was a crook. I am a crook. And I've raised my children to be crooks, too. Ivanka (God I want to fuck her!) even married a crook, probably just to please me."

"There was no collusion" really means "Vlad! Vlad! What do I do now? Please help me. I'll do whatever you tell me to do--that was our deal, right? Just please help me!"

"Little Adam Schiff" deciphered is "I'm a sad, empty man. I'm a failure at literally everything I touch. Look at all those bankruptcies! I fucked up a casino, for Christ's sake! I screw working class people every chance I get. What kind of idiots would vote for someone like me?"

"I'm not a feminist" correctly interpreted is "What I am is a serial adulterer, with a taste for porn stars who remind me of Ivanka (God I want to fuck her!)"

"I only use the best people" said with a straight face decodes as "Look at these putzes. You'd find better qualified people in the line outside a methadone clinic. The truth is 'the best people' avoid me like the plague."

 "The Democrats are treasonous" simply means "I'm a traitor. The people who support me are traitors. In a just world, I'd end up like Mussolini, my rotting corpse hanging from a lamppost in downtown D.C. as a warning to all."

Religious Notes From All Over

Here it is once again, that sacred season wherein billions of dollars are spent celebrating a fairy tale.
You know, the babe in the manger, the virgin birth, the wise men, all that bullshit. I mean, you're free to believe whatever you want, but I guess faith must mean you turn off the rational part of your brain, huh?

Then again, maybe your brain doesn't have a rational part...in that case, never mind!

But whatever the state of your brain, at least we're all "free" to say "Merry Christmas" again. Finally. The stress was killing me...And a White House and Congress full of traitors, criminals, rapists, grifters, imbeciles, racists, white supremacists, and congenital liars, all conspiring to tear apart a once great country, is a very small price to pay for that privilege. So, Happy Holidays to all!

Down in that Alabama, which they tell me is still part of the Union, believe it or not, that good Christian Roy "Sugar, Come Sit On Uncle Roy's Lap" Moore wears a pin that is some sort of combination of a cross and an American flag. That in itself is a travesty, but the truly surprising thing is that it doesn't burst into flames every time Roy The Pedophile puts it on. But I guess things are different down there. And the one thing that fundamentalists of all religions are is fundamentally insane. So let's all "pray" that the "rapture" takes these assholes elsewhere, and soon.

Now let's turn to our Jewish friends. Any idiot who believes that recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel is a good idea, and that it will in any way help the peace process, should immediately move there. I'll help you pack, Jared. Better hurry, though, because I hear that you are one small step ahead of the law.

Honestly, and this goes for all of you, if you love Israel sooooo much, move to fucking Israel. It's just that simple.

And speaking of Jewish Americans who love Israel more than the United States, Shelly Adelson, please shave your head. You look like somebody's addled Bubbe with a tragic dye job, and you're making us all sick.

Thanksgiving With The Trumps

"Should we say a prayer?"

"Do you think it'll help?"

"At this point it couldn't hurt."

"OK. Jesus Christ, why me Lord, why me?!"

"That'll probably do."

"Remember, if Mueller calls, I'm not here."

"Pass the mashed potatoes."

"Fuck you."

"Manners, manners, manners. After all, we're the First Family, and we should set an example."

"Please pass the mashed potatoes."

"Why don't you take those potatoes and shove them up your ass?"

"Where's Tiffany?"

"Who?"

"Remember, if Putin calls, I'm not here."

"Do any of us even like turkey?"

"Have you seen Melania?"

"She grabbed a bottle of slivovitz and went to her room."

"A full bottle?"

"Yeah."

"Did she say anything?"

"Yes. She said 'fuck you, fuck all of you.'"

"Remember, if LaVar Ball calls, I'm not here."

"Is there any more slivovitz?"

The Checklist

Uh, let's see...

Racist swine running the Department of Justice?

Check!

Russian stooge oilman in charge of the State Department?

Check!

Climate change denier seeing how quickly he can destroy the EPA?

Check!

Moron fronting the Department of Energy?

Check!

Unqualified fool running HUD?

Check!

Supreme Court appointee turning out to be just exactly the kind of reactionary piece of shit we thought he would be?

Check!

Clueless piece of billionaire scum dismantling the Department of Education?

Check!

Influence peddling slumlord son-in-law "solving" the Israeli-Palestinian issue and "fixing" government?

Check!

Beloved (in a creepy, backwoods' way, of course) daughter cashing in at every opportunity?

Check!

Republican controlled Congress set to dismantle over 100 years of progressive legislation?

Check!

Nazi sympathizers, Russian agents, white supremacists etc, scuttling around the White House?

Check!

So called "President" using the office to pocket any pennies he can get his tiny hands on, from whatever source?

Check!