Some Questions For The Remaining Trump Supporters

Hey, whatever happened to "lock her up"?

Your boy had both houses of Congress for 2 years and the Justice Department for 4 and yet...crooked Hillary Clinton walks the earth a free woman. What's the deal? You all worked yourselves up into a frothy mouthed frenzy--repeatedly--and...NOTHING happened. All those crimes you were so sure she committed, what about them? Where are the indictments? Where is the perp walk you were all praying for? Last time I checked, Obama was still a free man, as well. Looks like he's having a good time, too. Wrote a book. FYI a book is a bunch of pieces of paper filled with words.

Speaking of things that never happened, when will Mexico start paying for The Wall? Goddamn it, Trump promised they would. The check is probably in the mail, right? And you know how slow the mail is.

What about all of these Chinese hoaxes? What about them? Boy, those Chinese sure are good at hoaxes. They convinced 350,000 (and counting) Americans to give up their lives. All for a hoax. And, apparently, they can control the weather. Hurricanes, fires, floods, blizzards. All for a hoax. Wow! And after Trumpie gave their guy that slice of super duper chocolate cake, too. Ingrates.

And all of that money TrumpCo has uh, raised (grifted), from you to challenge the obviously rigged election. Where did that money go again? Could it be into his and his family's pockets? That would probably be a good place to look.

Do you know that accepting a pardon is an admission of guilt? No, of course you don't. But it is. Which means all of those people that the Trumpmeister pardons are GUILTY. All of his little buddies have committed crimes. Crimes against America. The country you all profess to love. Funny, huh?

Finally, what flavor is the Kool Aid? Must be really tasty.

It's The Voter Suppression, Stupid

As the various postmortems of the 2017 election continue to dribble in, there seems to be a somewhat consistent theme in many of them:

Hillary Clinton ran a terribly flawed campaign. She didn't do enough of this or she did too much of that or....Therefore it's her fault she lost.

Let's set aside the fact that she got almost 3 million more votes than our so-called President. (We all know that the only "real" Americans live in the heartland. Big city votes just don't count as much because those aren't real Americans.)

Though there were some faults with the Clinton campaign, the major problems she faced were as follows:

1) It is hard to run against a pathological liar, especially when the media seems to think his pathology is "amusing" and good for ratings.

2) This same media is devoted to the "both sides do it" meme, which allows any minor Democratic misstep to outweigh 1000 Republican lies.

3) James Comey's unprecedented behavior in the last days of the campaign.

4) President Obama's reluctance to loudly and repeatedly announce the Russians' ongoing interference.

5) The above mentioned Russian interference, the size of which we're still trying to figure out.

All of these things might have been surmounted, by the way.

But then there was one other thing, something completely un-American, that couldn't:

6) Voter suppression.

The one thing Republicans are really good at, perhaps the only thing* they're good at besides fund raising and scaring simpletons, is voter suppression. Every state controlled by Republicans has systematically made it harder for voters who lean Democratic to vote.

EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

They can't govern worth a damn, but boy can they stop minorities from voting!

*I forgot LYING. That's really what Republicans are best at.

LYING.

What Kathy Griffin Should Say:

So I did something that I thought was funny, and it turns out that to many people it wasn't. Welcome to my entire career.

So it offended a lot of you. Oops. That happens in comedy sometimes. Get over it.

To put this all into perspective, Google all the things Donald Trump's asshole buddy (and White House guest) Ted Nugent said about President Obama and Hillary Clinton.

I may be a c-list comedian, struggling to be a mini-Joan Rivers, (who, by the way, said some truly awful things about Michelle Obama), but at least I never committed treason.

And as far as damaging little Barron Trump, wait until he's old enough to realize who his father is, all the awful things his father has said and done, just exactly what family he's a member of, and what the Trump name means to a majority of Americans and people around the world, and then talk to me about "damaging" poor little Barron with a distasteful sight gag.

The First 100 Days...An Appreciation

Credit where credit is due, Donald J. Trump, R-Russian Mafia, has, and I can say this without fear of contradiction, in a mere 100 days, put together the most corrupt administration in the history of this great land of ours.

Warren Harding can finally rest in peace. That's quite an achievement.

Well done, you Flaming Orange Anus!

Every single breath the man takes is a conflict of interest. He's peopled his White House with the scum of the earth, starting with Steve "Uh, I'll Get The Next Round" Bannon, and featuring in starring roles a couple of the little Trumps. All looking for an easy way to make a fast buck. Including the horde of Goldman Sachs scum scuttling from darkened corner to darkened corner. Look up the classic dirty joke "The Aristocrats" to get some idea of the quality of these "people".

Trump has also given us the worst cabinet ever. EVER.

Including the homunculus bigot Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, our first openly racist Attorney General in quite some time. From Alabama, y'all! Roll Tide! Now, let's bust some colored heads!

And let's not forget an EPA chief who doesn't believe in air or water quality regulations or Global Warming; a Secretary of Education who doesn't believe in public education;  a Secretary of State who only cares about oil and how to acquire it; Rick Perry, who needs no introduction; and Dr. Ben Carson, whose achievements as a brain surgeon are even more impressive considering that he obviously doesn't have a functioning brain of his own. Well done, DonDon!

What, no place for Sarah Palin?! Try harder. Surely there must be something for a person of her, uh, let's call them qualifications.

On the plus side, Der Trump has done wonders for the career of Alec Baldwin, and Saturday Night Live is now, occasionally, amusing.

And our Numbnuts In Chief has also lit a fire under some of our beloved late night comedians. Stephen Colbert, Seth Myers, Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Kimmel have never been funnier.

Jimmy Fallon remains, well, Jimmy Fallon.

They told me if I voted for Hillary Clinton the White House would be crawling with Wall Street assholes and we'd be in another war in the Middle East.

Turns out they were right.

Another Page From The Diary of V. Putin

What have I gotten myself into here?

Sure, it sounded like, how you say, good deal.

Win or lose, this Trump helps undermine that Clinton woman. So we support this Trump even though no one can conceive of circus clown actually winning. That doesn't matter, though.

Because he will weaken Clinton woman, and make her Presidency less successful.

What happens next is still stunning to me.

Circus Clown wins!

Which is....I don't know....I still don't know.

But always have fall back position. I learned this at KGB school. And fall back position is that "Hey Trump, we helped elect you as Americanski President and now you do our bidding. Or else."

Why 'or else'? Because we know everything about him. Everything. Every little thing. Ha! And this is key, he owes us money. Much money. Much more money than he can ever repay. Simple, da?

No wars. No shootings. No breaking treasury with arms race.

Nyet. Just one day Americanski wake up from opioid induced stupor and Russian stooge is in White House.

Surprise!

Good joke, no?

But as old Russian saying tells us: be careful what you wish for.

Let me tell you something, dear diary: I read all the "fake news" I can get. Pravda. You know, "truth"? And I cannot believe what it is that I am reading. No sane man acts this way.

If I wasn't at heart godless communist I would say "Jesus Christ! What is this idiot doing?"

This is not the kind of instability I was hoping for.

So, we will, we must, find solution...

They Still Don't Care

It should be apparent to all but the dullest amongst us that Donald J. Trump is a foolish buffoon.

A stunted, spoiled, manchild oaf, he governs by tantrum and whim. And lie upon lie.

But the people who voted for him still don't care.

The pivot back to sane, responsible, intelligent, adult behavior that was supposed to happen, never happened. It never will happen. Simply because it can't happen. He is not capable of sane, responsible, intelligent, adult, behavior.

But the people who voted for him still don't care.

He worries about the plight of working class people about as much as a pig worries about particle physics.

He has larded his White House with Goldman Sachs lackeys--just as he warned us Mrs. Clinton would. But it's OK because he's a "successful" white male. Not a woman. Not black. So, it's all good.
Except that it isn't. What it is, is rampant kleptocracy and a systematic dismantling of 100 plus years of progress.

But the people who voted for him still don't care.

He surrounds himself with white nationalists, nut job generals, serial liars, and billionaire grifters. Literally the scum of the earth.

He is quite probably a traitor to everything but money and his own deluded ego. A stooge, in hock to Putin and God knows who else.

But the people who voted for him still don't care.

And so, all those Trump banner waving simpletons who roared as he promised to Make America Great Again, who frothed at the mouth as they chanted "lock her up", those pea brains who were dead certain that they were being fucked over by "the liberals" and that black man, blinded by racism and stupidity, are about to be really fucked over by the Clown in Chief.

 But the people who voted for him still don't care.

Coup d'Etat

If, in some unnamed foreign country, they had an election wherein the secret police meddled in favor of one side, and another country meddled in favor of one side, and local legislatures passed laws that favored one side, and the voting machines could be hacked and left no paper trail, favoring, you guessed it, one side, you might call it a coup d'etat...

Here, in the best country there ever was or will be, the shining light, the last best hope of mankind, we just call it a Presidential election.

Nothing to see here...move along.

The Real Confederacy Of Dunces

Ya gotta love those "low information" voters.

I knew there were many millions of idiots in this great country of ours. Look at 2004, for instance.

Obviously, I underestimated.

The phrase "cut off your nose to spite your face" comes to mind.

I guarantee you that the vast majority of those angry white Trumpistas rely on the Federal government for many things.

And should the markets crash, as they very well might, they will need the government even more.

And they have elected a Congress with a majority that believes that government shouldn't do very much for people. The bare minimum in fact.

And a President who doesn't know anything about governing. And has no interest in learning. An egotistical, know nothing with the impulse control of a spoiled child, the ethics of a sewer rat, and the moral compass of syphilitic libertine.

Oh, and by the way, he's a stooge for Putin.

It's true. Sometimes you really have to hit rock bottom.

And we have.

So now we have to rely on a handful of "moderate" Republicans to put their country before their party. And what are the odds of that?

Forget the better angels of our nature. It's every man for himself, and the Devil take the hindmost.

Buckle your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy, long, dark, ride.

Election Day Advice

Hey!

Miracles do happen!

The Cubs win a World Series!

And election day is finally here!

If you're voting for Hillary Clinton, I hope you have a pleasant, uneventful day. No long lines at the polling places. No armed fuckhead Trump supporters to hassle you as you cast your vote.

And if you're voting for Trump, just stay home. At this point, it is literally the most patriotic thing you could do.

But, if you insist on voting, please ask yourself one question: do you know any really intelligent people who are voting for Trump?

Me neither.

Hillary Clinton Will Win Easily...Unless

Here's the deal:

Republicans have elevated stealing elections to an art form.

They gerrymander every conceivable district to either dilute or concentrate Democratic voters.

The result is that more people vote for Democrats and yet more Republicans are elected. This gerrymandering may not matter as much in the vote for President, but it sure helps keep the Congress full of mouth breathing simpletons.

And it means Republicans control many state legislatures, where...

They remove people, usually Democratic voters, from the voting rolls, at whim.

They stop early voting and curtail the voter registration period.

They under staff polling places in minority areas.

They send armed white thugs to "enforce the sanctity of the vote."

Also, in addition to their Russian hacker buddies, the GOP apparently has a whole cadre of Trump lovin' FBI agents doing every thing they can to tilt the election towards their boy.

Last, but not least, there are all those paperless voting machines that can be hacked and that leave no paper trail. Ask John Kerry about Ohio in 2004.

Republicans love democracy...but only on their terms.

How They're Preparing For The Debates

Hillary Clinton begins her days going over briefing papers covering the economy, terrorism, foreign policy, and a whole range of domestic issues.

After a short break for lunch, it's off to the nearest psych ward to practice chatting with a babbling psychotic.

Then it's time for a wide ranging policy discussion with a bevy of experts.

And finally, Clinton spends an hour each day at the zoo's monkey cage, dodging their flung feces. You know, just in case.

Meanwhile, in between daydreaming about schtupping Ivanka, and stuffing himself with fast food, Trump reads Mein Kampf for inspiration before he and his key adviser Roger "Come To Daddy" Ailes discuss their favorite insults about women, blacks, Mexicans, Muslims, Jews, and poor people in general.

Should be an interesting night.

Note To Republicans: Your Presidential Candidate Is A Dangerous Idiot

Not that it matters to you.

No, you're all in for Der Trump!

He's your boy!

A narcissistic, sociopathic, fool.

But at least he ain't black! Am I right? Not like that weak Kenyan Muslim socialist in the White House.

Or a female, either!

Not like that "crooked" Hillary.

After all, she pals around with mobsters, cheats employees, idolizes tyrants, lies constantly about her achievements, changes her positions constantly, insults women and minorities day and night, and honestly doesn't know a single damn thing about government!

Oh, wait, that's Trump.

Uhhhhhh...

Doesn't matter. You're still going to vote for him, aren't you?

Of course you are. So he can make America Great Again.

And besides, it'll be nice to have a President who isn't smarter than you again. It's been a long 8 years, hasn't it?

This Will Be Fun...Of A Sort

Fairly soon, we will find out if there are enough truly crazy people in this country to elect Donald J. Trump president.

And since there is never a shortage of truly crazy people in our lovely country, there's no way of knowing until the night of the election.

Of course, the Republicans are expert at stealing elections, but do they really want Trump?

Hmmm.

Until then, we will be entertained by more bat shit crazy pronouncements from the P.T. Barnum of American politics.

Of course, none of his bat shit blurting will bother the Aggrieved Faithful. If they haven't been turned off by now...

I mean, this is a guy whose businesses have gone bankrupt multiple times, who has outsourced to China, who has used foreign laborers, who has done deals with the Mob. And whose tax returns are so, oh let's call them "interesting", that he's afraid to let them see the light of day.

He denigrates women, Muslims, blacks, Latinos, the handicapped....the list is endless.

He's had multiple wives, countless affairs, and he apparently practices a rather unique form of piecemeal Christianity, that would normally be repellant to the family values crowd.

But he's white...and he's gonna come down hard on the black and brown skin people who leech off the rest of us. And he's gonna scare the rest of the world into...something...

And, most importantly, He's Going To Make America Great Again!!!

He promised!

Inside The Heads Of The Republican Base

Well, first there's this whistling sound, like wind through a hollow space. Then you hear what could be a broken screen door, slapping against its frame...

And then the jumbled grumbling begins:

"Kenyan Muslim Socialist...anti-American...secret jihadist...Whitewater...liars...rapist...Vince Foster...Antonin Scalia...anti-white...liars...murderers...liars...murderers...liars...murderers!"

This repeats itself over and over and over, as if it were on a loop programmed by Fox News.

Let us pause for a second and ask a few simple and indeed logical questions.

If the Clintons had the power to kill Vince Foster with impunity, don't you think that they would have killed Kenneth Starr, too? How about Linda Tripp? Richard Scaife? Monica Lewinsky? Indeed, anyone who got in their way. You know, like MacBeth.

And if President Obama had Scalia murdered, why did he wait so long? Shouldn't he have had that at the top of his hit list? Like item 1 day 1? What about Clarence Thomas? Couldn't it have been a  package deal? A twofer, if you will. That's how I would have done it. Boom boom.

And yet these logical things did not happen.

So...

I don't see how you can have it both ways. Either they are evil incarnate, unconscionable, amoral murderers who will stop at nothing to achieve their ends.

Or they aren't.

In which case, the people who believe these things are full of shit.

But, of course, we are speaking of facts and logic and some folks are simply immune to logic and facts.

The moral of the story is that we should never, ever, ever underestimate the number of truly stupid people in this great land of ours.

And that's why the idea of President Trump isn't as ridiculously far-fetched as it should be...

Why Anyone Cares About Iowa Is Beyond Me

Regarding where America is headed, I'm sure there must be less representative states than Iowa...

I just can't think of any at the moment--certainly none that have so much importance placed on their Presidential caucuses/primaries.

And yet, entire political careers have been and will be wrecked* because of a poor showing with the mostly white, mostly rural, mostly Christian, mostly conservative voters of this mostly inconsequential state.

I know we are essentially creatures of habit...but come on!

The Latino vote won't mean anything in Iowa. The black vote won't mean anything in Iowa. The youth vote won't mean anything in Iowa. The gay vote won't mean anything in Iowa.

And the women vote won't mean much.

Other than that, Iowa is completely representative of the American populace in 2016.

Uh huh.

*For the sake of this argument the fact that most of those wrecked careers deserved to be wrecked should be set aside.

Still Ain't No Cure For Crazy

When they write the history of the last few years, one thing will be paramount: the very idea that there's a black guy smarter than them drove all the Republican peckerwoods plumb crazy!

So they say the most ridiculous things, unbelievable crap that only the most delusional of their base could possibly believe--because their base suffers from the same derangement.

And the President's generally centrist positions are treated as if they came straight from Trotsky's lips.

Take for instance the hysterical panic that greeted the Affordable Care Act, which is essentially a slightly modified version of a Republican health care plan.

This would all be amusing except for the fact that in their free fall into madness they decided to fuck up the country--just to show "him" who's still the boss man.

So, I guess the question is, how do you think these "gentlemen" will react to a female president?

With measured equanimity? With rational debate? With a passionate determination to fix what's wrong with our nation?

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Et Tu Leon?

Another day, another "insider" memoir questioning President Obama's handling of the Bush-Cheney Middle East Morass.

This time it's from Leon Panetta, former CIA chief, former Secretary of Defense, ongoing Clinton family apologist.

Panetta's main criticisms of Obama are these:

A) He didn't argue hard enough for US troops to remain in Iraq. You remember Iraq, don't you? That war that Bush-Cheney lied us into? That multi-trillion dollar dark hole that Hillary Clinton voted for? Yeah, that Iraq. First of all, Bush negotiated the SOFA troop withdrawal--not Obama. Secondly, the government of Iraq didn't want us to leave troops there. Thirdly, the American people were and are sick and tired of that pointless (unless you're Halliburton or Blackwater or a card carrying member of the Military-Industrial Complex) war.

B) He did not arm the Syrian rebels fast enough. Hillary and Leon urged that we arm them in 2012. Of course, even at this late date, no one is really sure which--if any--of the Syrian rebel factions we can trust. For instance, the Syrian rebels included ISIS/ISIL. If we had guessed wrong 2 years ago, and a guess was all it would have been, they'd have even more American weapons than they have now. This would be very good for American arms manufacturers, but perhaps not so good for the security of the region.

C) He should have worked harder to reach compromises with the Congress. (At this point, feel free to give out a long, disgusted sigh).

Apparently Panetta is from the delusional Beltway school that believes that if only Obama had been nicer to the Republicans things would have been different. Played more golf with them, shared a bottle with Boehner now and then, taken Gohmert to the circus. You know, Beltway stuff. If only he had tried a little harder--like Clinton would.

And if only the Jews had been nicer to Hitler things would have been different. You know, invited him to sit Seder or sent him some rugelach for his birthday.

Let's set aside that the entire project of the Republican Party--since before Obama's first inauguration--has been to thwart whatever he proposed. Even those things that were initially Republican proposals. The Republican idea of compromise during the Obama years has always been "do exactly what we want--or we will shut down the government."

Despite what you might hear on Fox News, Iraq is a dangerous bloody mess because Bush-Cheney and their merry band of neo-cons, of which Hillary Clinton is an honorary member, wanted to a) show Poppy Bush how it should've been done; b) get their hands on all that oil; c) help "protect" Israel; d) all of the above. As far as I'm concerned, all the shit since then is on them.

At this point, Leon Panetta is just another Clinton family shill. His every utterance from here on out will be in service of getting Hillary elected and polishing Bill's legacy.

Benghazi, Ergo Benghazi

So we had a focus group come in and tell us how to get more hits on the old blog. Because frankly, just between you and me, it's been a bit stagnant.

There were snacks, and charts and graphs, and a heartfelt Q&A.

And what we decided was that we had to start focusing on things that really matter to people.

Now personally, I couldn't care less about this whole Benghazi "thing." I mean, sure, it was very sad. Dead people are sad.

And dead Americans are the saddest of all dead people. In fact, 1 dead American is sadder than a million dead anything else. Am I right?

But somehow these 4 dead Americans in Benghazi are even sadder still. Much sadder than the 3000 plus who died on 9-11.

And the 4000 plus who have died in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Because these 4 died while Obama was president!

And it was his fault. It must have been his fault. Oh, yeah, his and Hillary's. Can't forget her! Why else would the great minds of the GOP be rolling around in it like pigs in shit, if it wasn't their fault?

Couldn't be because Darrell Issa's IRS "scandal" isn't working out for them. Couldn't be because the more people learn about Obamacare, the happier they are with it. Couldn't be because the Republicans don't have any ideas about making the country a better, more just, safer, and healthier place. No, all of their ideas produce exactly the opposite effect.

And it certainly couldn't be because all of the Republican 2016 presidential candidates are laughably flawed in ways that should be obvious to all but the most obtuse "undecided" voters.

Still...we have to be realistic about these things.

Bottom line is: We need more hits.

So...BENGHAZI!

(To be honest, regarding Benghazi, I am kind of interested in that CIA station just down the road from the consulate...but that's not what they're going to be focusing on, is it? Didn't think so.)

Hey, Whatever Happened To...

Hey, whatever happened to Benghazi?

This was going to be the scandal that brought down the Obama administration. Or prevented the Hillary Clinton administration. Or both!

Darrell Issa, super patriot, self-made multimillionaire, blah blah blah, was going to get to the bottom of "the cover-up". Remember? It was worse than Watergate! The worse scandal ever, etc etc. The Republicans were licking their collective chops, with both John "Maverick Is My Name" McCain, and his BFF, Lindsey "Belle of the South" Graham howling from the rooftops.

Then it turned out that the Republicans had gutted the State Department budget--including security--and maybe, just maybe, Benghazi was a CIA outpost. And you know how them foreigners love the CIA. Hmmm.

Hey, whatever happened to the IRS scandal?

This was going to be the scandal that brought down the Obama administration.  Worse than Watergate, etc etc.

Darrell Issa was going to blow the roof of it, expose the seamy inner workings of a corrupt President and his corrupt minions. Corruption!

Turns out the IRS is underfunded, understaffed, and swamped with requests for 501 c4 status from both left and right leaning groups. So the Tea Party wasn't being singled out for persecution after all. Hmmm.

It also turns out that Darrell Issa is kinda like one of his car alarms. Loud, repetitive, and ultimately an empty annoyance.

OK, but what about the NSA scandal! Surely this will bring down Obama...won't it?

But wasn't the Patriot Act pushed through by the Bush administration and a panicky Congress in the aftermath of 9-11? And, with all apologies to Edward Snowden, haven't people (at least those paying attention) known for years that the NSA--and our other intelligence agencies--gather massive amounts of information. On everyone, everywhere. Hmmm.

Now, we can and should have an open and informed discussion about whether this is the sort of thing that an allegedly "free" society should engage in. And how to best protect our right to privacy while still protecting the nation's security. But to pretend that this behavior is somehow unique to the Obama Administration is the sort of half-baked palaver that, well, people like Darrell Issa indulge in.

No, when the history of the Obama years is written, the biggest scandal will be how the Republican Party was held hostage by reactionary extremists, funded by a handful of greedy billionaires, and in return, how they held a country's future hostage because of their intense hatred of one man.

Now that's scandalous.