I mean if it's absolutely, positively, unavoidable, like if you're related to them or something, ask them the following questions:
What would Lincoln think about voter suppression? Or political campaigns based entirely on hatred and fear?
What would Teddy Roosevelt think about "corporate personhood" and "corporate religious beliefs"? Or "too big to fail"?
What would Eisenhower think about starting a war based on lies? And then cutting taxes in war time?
What would Nixon think about getting rid of the EPA? Or basing your economic policies on the writings of a quack philosopher/novelist?
What would any of them think about putting the Second Amendment above and before all the others?
Ask them these questions and then brace yourself for an avalanche of dissembling bullshit...
Showing posts with label Abraham Lincoln. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Abraham Lincoln. Show all posts
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Sunday, July 1, 2012
John Roberts....A Fantasy
INTERIOR: the chambers of the Chief Justice of the United States' Supreme Court--day
[John Roberts, an insignificant man in a black robe, stands before a full length mirror]
Roberts: Well, today's the big day! Yep, the big day. Obamacare, heh heh heh. Frankly, I don't see what the big deal is. I think liberals just like to complain about things. I'm very happy with my health insurance, and so is everyone I know. Scalia, and Alito, and Thomas. And sometimes Kennedy. You never can tell with him. It's something, though, to hold the fate of millions of people in your hands. Makes me kind of giddy.
[A 3 headed devil, bearing a remarkable resemblance to Rush Limbaugh and the Koch brothers, appears on his right shoulder]
Devil: You know what you have to do, don't you?
Roberts: Yes, Master. I do.
Devil: Just like Citizens United.
Roberts: Yes, Master.
Devil: This will finally be the end of our first--and last--black President.
Roberts: Yes, Master.
[An angel, who is the spitting image of Abe Lincoln, appears on his left shoulder]
Angel: Now John, you don't really want to do that, do you?
Roberts: Who are you?
Angel: I'm the better angel of your nature.
Devil: Shut up!!
Roberts: I didn't know I had one.
Angel: Oh John, we all do. It's just hidden in some people.
Devil: Shut the fuck up!!
Angel: John, don't pay any attention to them. They're living in the past and we're talking about the future. The future. Listen, do you really want to be remembered as the biggest asshole in the history of the Supreme Court?
Roberts: I thought that was Scalia.
Angel: Besides him I mean.
Roberts: No! No, I don't!
Angel: Good, there's hope for you yet.
Devil: God damn it!
[The 3 headed devil disappears in a puff of smoke. The angel chuckles and then he, too, disappears]
Roberts: The better angel of my nature. Wow!
[Roberts brushes the dandruff off his shoulders, and exits]
Fade to black
[John Roberts, an insignificant man in a black robe, stands before a full length mirror]
Roberts: Well, today's the big day! Yep, the big day. Obamacare, heh heh heh. Frankly, I don't see what the big deal is. I think liberals just like to complain about things. I'm very happy with my health insurance, and so is everyone I know. Scalia, and Alito, and Thomas. And sometimes Kennedy. You never can tell with him. It's something, though, to hold the fate of millions of people in your hands. Makes me kind of giddy.
[A 3 headed devil, bearing a remarkable resemblance to Rush Limbaugh and the Koch brothers, appears on his right shoulder]
Devil: You know what you have to do, don't you?
Roberts: Yes, Master. I do.
Devil: Just like Citizens United.
Roberts: Yes, Master.
Devil: This will finally be the end of our first--and last--black President.
Roberts: Yes, Master.
[An angel, who is the spitting image of Abe Lincoln, appears on his left shoulder]
Angel: Now John, you don't really want to do that, do you?
Roberts: Who are you?
Angel: I'm the better angel of your nature.
Devil: Shut up!!
Roberts: I didn't know I had one.
Angel: Oh John, we all do. It's just hidden in some people.
Devil: Shut the fuck up!!
Angel: John, don't pay any attention to them. They're living in the past and we're talking about the future. The future. Listen, do you really want to be remembered as the biggest asshole in the history of the Supreme Court?
Roberts: I thought that was Scalia.
Angel: Besides him I mean.
Roberts: No! No, I don't!
Angel: Good, there's hope for you yet.
Devil: God damn it!
[The 3 headed devil disappears in a puff of smoke. The angel chuckles and then he, too, disappears]
Roberts: The better angel of my nature. Wow!
[Roberts brushes the dandruff off his shoulders, and exits]
Fade to black
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Burn After Reading
CONFIDENTIAL
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
Strategy for all 2012 Republican candidates.
Greetings!
Congratulations on choosing the only party that truly loves America!
Since you have made the commitment to help save our beloved country from that arrogant Kenyan socialist, Barack Hussein Obama, you are entitled to know the innermost secrets and, more importantly, the proven election winning tactics of the GOP:
It's really very simple:
LIE all you want. FOX News will cover for you. Whatever outrageous nonsense you can come up with is fine with us. Tip: the crazier the better. Stuff that is so obviously wrong that a sane person wouldn't even consider saying it is incredibly effective with the typical American voter. It may sound counter productive--but trust us, it works!
An important reminder: when you're caught in a lie--do not apologize. Apologies are a sign of weakness. No, the trick is to just lie some more! Give our friends at FOX and our Lord and Master Rush Limbaugh a little time to defend you and miracles can happen!! Our plan to destroy the (socialist) public education system has paid off big time! People really are that stupid! So have some fun with it...
Even with such an effective propaganda machine there are a few things we never admit: Teddy Roosevelt was a Trust Buster not a Corporate Enabler. Prescott Bush did business with the Nazis. He also tried to start a coup d'etat against FDR. Without unions there would be no Middle Class. Richard Nixon started the EPA. Both Nixon and Ronald Reagan were party to treasonous acts that helped them get elected. Reagan raised taxes many times. Iran-Contra was an impeachable offense. Al Gore won the popular vote in 2000. George W. Bush was appointed President by the Supreme Court. Bush was in charge of national security on September 11th, 2001. Iraq had no WMDs and absolutely nothing to do with 9-11. Cutting taxes on millionaires and billionaires has never created jobs. Unregulated financial institutions and laissez faire economics led to the crashes of both 1929 and 2008. The individual mandate was a Republican idea.
If any of these are ever mentioned, immediately change the subject! Then attack the questioner's patriotism.
Remember, we are the Party of Lincoln! And of the "Southern Strategy". Crazy, isn't it? But when you can reconcile those two facts you are truly a Republican.
That's it. That's all you need to know!
Good luck and God Bless Amercia!
BURN AFTER READING
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
Strategy for all 2012 Republican candidates.
Greetings!
Congratulations on choosing the only party that truly loves America!
Since you have made the commitment to help save our beloved country from that arrogant Kenyan socialist, Barack Hussein Obama, you are entitled to know the innermost secrets and, more importantly, the proven election winning tactics of the GOP:
It's really very simple:
LIE all you want. FOX News will cover for you. Whatever outrageous nonsense you can come up with is fine with us. Tip: the crazier the better. Stuff that is so obviously wrong that a sane person wouldn't even consider saying it is incredibly effective with the typical American voter. It may sound counter productive--but trust us, it works!
An important reminder: when you're caught in a lie--do not apologize. Apologies are a sign of weakness. No, the trick is to just lie some more! Give our friends at FOX and our Lord and Master Rush Limbaugh a little time to defend you and miracles can happen!! Our plan to destroy the (socialist) public education system has paid off big time! People really are that stupid! So have some fun with it...
Even with such an effective propaganda machine there are a few things we never admit: Teddy Roosevelt was a Trust Buster not a Corporate Enabler. Prescott Bush did business with the Nazis. He also tried to start a coup d'etat against FDR. Without unions there would be no Middle Class. Richard Nixon started the EPA. Both Nixon and Ronald Reagan were party to treasonous acts that helped them get elected. Reagan raised taxes many times. Iran-Contra was an impeachable offense. Al Gore won the popular vote in 2000. George W. Bush was appointed President by the Supreme Court. Bush was in charge of national security on September 11th, 2001. Iraq had no WMDs and absolutely nothing to do with 9-11. Cutting taxes on millionaires and billionaires has never created jobs. Unregulated financial institutions and laissez faire economics led to the crashes of both 1929 and 2008. The individual mandate was a Republican idea.
If any of these are ever mentioned, immediately change the subject! Then attack the questioner's patriotism.
Remember, we are the Party of Lincoln! And of the "Southern Strategy". Crazy, isn't it? But when you can reconcile those two facts you are truly a Republican.
That's it. That's all you need to know!
Good luck and God Bless Amercia!
BURN AFTER READING
Monday, January 9, 2012
Poor Little Newt Man
Poor Newt Gingrich. He's been a low life piece of scum for his entire political life--but somehow people just didn't notice.
And so, since no one pointed out how truly awful he was, Newt came to believe that he was a super Patriot, and a towering intellectual, indeed the only worthy heir to Jefferson, Madison, Lincoln, Churchill, Napoleon, Casanova--hell, let's throw in Heraclitus and Edward Gibbon, too, just for good measure.
And a fellow possessing qualities like that has to run for President. Settling for anything less would be tantamount to treason. Depriving America of that sort of leader would be criminal.
So, Newt runs for President, and he finds out really quick just how the American People feel about him.
And not just the hateful Democrats, and the wicked Liberal Media, but also his fellow Republicans, the party to whom he has given his life's blood, viciously attack him. Oh, the ugly, ugly stories they tell about Newt!
The worst part is that the stories are all true. All the bullshit he's been shoveling for the past 20 years has hit the fan at the same time. And Newt suddenly finds himself covered with it, from head to toe.
Turns out the American people may indeed hunger for a Jefferson, Madison or Lincoln. But a Newt Gingrich? Not so much.
Oh well, he'll always have Tiffany's.
And so, since no one pointed out how truly awful he was, Newt came to believe that he was a super Patriot, and a towering intellectual, indeed the only worthy heir to Jefferson, Madison, Lincoln, Churchill, Napoleon, Casanova--hell, let's throw in Heraclitus and Edward Gibbon, too, just for good measure.
And a fellow possessing qualities like that has to run for President. Settling for anything less would be tantamount to treason. Depriving America of that sort of leader would be criminal.
So, Newt runs for President, and he finds out really quick just how the American People feel about him.
And not just the hateful Democrats, and the wicked Liberal Media, but also his fellow Republicans, the party to whom he has given his life's blood, viciously attack him. Oh, the ugly, ugly stories they tell about Newt!
The worst part is that the stories are all true. All the bullshit he's been shoveling for the past 20 years has hit the fan at the same time. And Newt suddenly finds himself covered with it, from head to toe.
Turns out the American people may indeed hunger for a Jefferson, Madison or Lincoln. But a Newt Gingrich? Not so much.
Oh well, he'll always have Tiffany's.
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