As you read these, keep telling yourself "He only knows the best people. He only knows the best people. He only knows the best people." And, before you start, pour yourself a very stiff drink.
Attorney General: The first proposed candidate was Matt Gaetz, who is allegedly a sexual predator. Which he shares with Trumpie--except in Trumpie's case you can drop the "allegedly" part. He also appears to be suffering from either a very bad chem peel, or a complete failure of a face lift. But, not to worry--he's out. His replacement is Pam Bondi, whose one qualification is she knows how to take a bribe and keep her mouth shut. This is a very important trait in Trump World.
Secretary of State: Lil Marco Rubio, who apparently put his dignity, common sense, and manhood in a blind trust to please Trumpie, is perhaps the "most" qualified of Trumpie's picks so far. And he isn't qualified at all--except as a world class lickspittle. Another important trait in Trump World.
Secretary of Defense: Pete Hegseth's chief qualification to be in charge of the world's most powerful military is that he was a talking head on Fox News. Oh, he was in the Minnesota National Guard and he was posted to Iraq and Afghanistan, but his main claim to military fame is he convinced Trumpie to pardon three soldiers convicted or accused of war crimes during those conflicts. So, you know his moral sense is in just the right place for this Administration. He's also been accused of sexual assault. Petey is on wife number 3. Just like Trumpie. Apparently he cheated on the first two. Now, if he can just cheat on number three, he'll be tied with Trumpie in that category. At one point, his mother criticized him for his treatment of women, using words like "abuser" "lies, cheats, sleeps around" etc. But, wonder of wonders, he found religion and Mommie now says he's A-OK. A mother's love is a beautiful thing.
Whatever the fuck Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is supposed to be: the salient fact about RFK Jr. is that he is disgrace to his father's memory. Beyond that, he knows literally nothing about science, medicine, vaccines, and whatever else he is supposed to "fix". And the few things he does know are mostly wrong. His core "beliefs" are indistinguishable from medieval superstitions. Get ready for the triumphant return of assorted infectious disease that you thought were long gone. Enjoy your raw milk.
Ambassador to France: Jared Kushner's daddy, Charles, is a criminal. Trumpie, of course, pardoned him on his way out the door the first time. Odds are he will have to pardon him again on his way out the door this time, because once you start "crimin' it's hard to stop. A pile of moldy brie would make a better ambassador to France.
The DOGE kids: Elon Musk has become the World's Richest Man by buying up other people's ideas, pretending he invented them, and then getting HUGE government loans to "grow" his businesses. He and Vivek Whateverswamy are so "smart", so very "smart" that they are going to gut the Federal government. And though this will cause untold suffering to everyone who needs government assistance (and that's most everyone who isn't a multi-millionaire or billionaire) they're sure that this will make everything much better...eventually. And if it doesn't, well, they'll still both be rich beyond most people's imagining, so it's all good. Besides, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few million eggs.
