Signor Baseball's This Is Getting Ridiculous, The Season Is More Than Half Over 2025 MLB Predictions

Signor Baseball has been dealing with a series of annoying health issues that are not your concern.

But boy do they concern him.

Anyway...

AL East

Once again, the Yankees' pitching is a mess. Their ace is out for the whole year. The closer they brought in has been hit and miss so far, as has the rest of their bullpen. Max Fried has been their only consistent starter. The rest alternate good games with bad games. Oh, and Giancarlo Stanton started the season hurt. Again. Still, Cody Bellinger has started to give them a solid left handed bat in addition to Aaron Judge and a rejuvenated Paul Goldschmidt, and their offense is pretty impressive. They can, for the most part, score more than they give up. So, first place in the division. Who knows, if the pitching ever comes around, another trip to the Series. And if the pitching never comes around, they'll be scrambling for a Wild Card. Second will come down to Boston, Toronto, and maybe Tampa Bay. The Red Sox added three very good pieces in Garrett Crochet, Walker Buehler and Alex Bregman and should have a slight edge over the Blue Jays who have a Murderer's Row in the middle of their lineup and a somewhat lesser pitching staff. Whichever team's pitching holds up best will have a shot at a Wild Card or two, or the division if the Yankees flounder. In the "not a good sign" category, Baltimore has already fired their manager. Who lost his best starter and top power hitter to free agency. So, after looking really good for a couple of years, but getting absolutely nowhere in the playoffs, the Orioles are at a crossroads. And as Yogi once said, "when you come to a fork in the road, take it." Finally, Tampa Bay is playing their home games this season--and possibly next--in the Yankees' minor league park. Which sounds about right.                 

AL Central

This looked like a very interesting division. When the season started, Cleveland, Kansas City, Detroit and Minnesota all seemed to have  a legitimate shot at winning it. Then Detroit somehow morphed into a powerhouse overnight, and the rest of them are eating the Tiger's dust. Detroit has some good young bats and the best pitching, and if they can all stay healthy the Tigers will win the Central fairly easily, and could have a good shot at the AL pennant. As far as a Wild card team from this division, I don't think so. The Royals, Twins, and Guardians all seem to be 80-85 win teams tops. And that's probably not going to be enough. And in sweet home Chicago, all true White Sox fans are pulling for the Rockies to break the record for futility that the Sox set just last year. We all need goals in life. By the way, I don't consider Chicago style pizza to be real pizza. It's more like a casserole.

AL West

The big surprise here is that the West Sacramento A's aren't the worst team in the AL. Oh sure, they have one of the worst owners--but a lot of teams can say that. A's players look sad about their home surroundings. Better get used to it, because it will take years to build a ballpark in Vegas--if that ever happens. Elsewhere, Houston has reloaded after losing some good players through free agency, and look like the pick of the division. Seattle has a good shot at a Wild Card. And barring that, it will be fun to see if Cal Raleigh, who I must admit I had never heard of before this season, can stay ahead of Aaron Judge for the home run title. Texas is a long shot for a Wild Card, but its a long, long season and stranger things have happened. And out in Anaheim the Angels will essentially waste another year of Mike Trout. Well, at least he got paid. And Disneyland is close by, so...fun for the whole family?

NL East

The Braves dug themselves a deep hole early. So, even though they've played better recently, I don't see them catching up with the Mets or Phillies. A couple of years ago New York spent a fortune and got absolutely nothing in return. This past off season they spent less, but more wisely. So I guess this is a cautionary tale. Philadelphia is just solid. Power throughout the lineup, decent fielding, pretty good starters, above average bullpen. Miami is perpetually stuck in the middle of the pack. The Marlins are sometimes a little better, sometimes a little worse, but almost always mediocre. What good young players they develop seem to leave just as soon as they can. Washington is just bad. Not historically bad. But bad. The Nationals won a pennant not that long ago, too. So I guess this is another cautionary tale. If you're going to blow up a good team, for whatever reason, you better have a plan and some talent in the pipeline 

NL Central

The Cubs? Really? OK. Did not see that coming. At least the Second City has one good team. Should Chicago falter, and teams you did not expect to be good often falter as the season drags on, Milwaukee  will be right there. Depending on what happens in the West, might score one Wild Card here. In old St. Loo, the Cardinals are struggling to keep up. With Sonny Gray (!) as their ace, the struggle may be too much. Cincinnati is a year or two away from being a serious contender, but at least they're trending in the right direction. Whereas in Pittsburgh, just getting close to .500 would be a massive accomplishment.  Paul Skenes is the Steve Carlton of his generation. Carlton somehow won 20+ games in a similar situation 50 years ago in Philadelphia. Skenes is not so lucky.  Great pitcher on a crap team that either can't get him a lead or can't hold onto a lead after he's pulled. Once he reaches free agency, every contender in both leagues will open up the old checkbook for him. This happens to the Pirates on a regular basis because of their owner. Too bad. Beautiful ballpark, great fans. Crap owner.

NL West 

Having spent a billion dollars on pitching, the Dodgers looked like the surest lock in all of baseball. Then a whole bunch of guys started to have arm "issues". So, even when you have seemingly ALL of the pitching, you never have enough pitching. Despite a score of injuries, L.A. is still the bet in the West. San Diego or San Francisco will have a shot at a Wild Card. Both are pretty good--just not good enough. Arizona should petition to swap divisions. I don't think they'll ever be able to consistently compete with the Cali teams. Oh well, at least they managed to extort a minimum of $600 million from our brain dead state legislature for stadium maintenance/improvements. Could start by making their ballpark look less like an abandoned Costco. And, in Colorado, they wait patiently for the football, basketball, and hockey seasons to start. The Rockies are playing a little better than they were, which is, well, somethin'. So that "worst record in baseball history" quest may not happen. They're still awful--but perhaps not the most awful ever. We shall see.

Who's In Charge Of Changing The President's Diaper?

This is a very important question, and one that, to my knowledge, hasn't been asked. 

It is, indeed, a question of national security. 

You can't just let anyone change Trumpie's diaper. 

And it has to be changed regularly. Otherwise he just sits in it, with a contented smile on his face. Like a big orange baby. 

Now, we know it's not Melania. She certainly didn't sign up for that kind of, well, shit.

Ivanka? Princess Sparkle Pony is very busy helping her hubby get all the blood off his hands so they can get back to planning for Trump World Gaza. Just a couple more million people to, uh, "relocate" and they can start building!

Junior and Eric? Diapers are way too complicated for them to master. Eric would probably end up with it on his head, while his big brother just gives up and calls his coke dealer.

JD Vance? I'm afraid the smell would make his eyeliner run, and we can't have that. It might detract from his masculinity.

Pam Bondi? Maybe. But she is very busy trying to figure out which laws to break next and which laws to simply ignore. You know, legal stuff.

Kash Patel?  It would explain that crazy bug eyed look he sometimes has. Like he's staring into the face of great evil. Of course, that happens every time he looks in a mirror.

Steve Bannon? Good possibility. Someone that full of shit definitely wouldn't be bothered by the smell. 

But my money is on Stephen Miller. I bet he keeps them in a special room, and when he has a big sad, like if his wife left him, he goes into the room and just stares at them until he feels better. I'm sure he has his favorites. Like Proust with his madelines, each breath brings back a fond memory. "Ah! Burnt steak slathered in ketchup! Big Mac and a diet coke! Gosh, I don't know what that is, but I like it!" His eyes fill with tears of joy, and he has the strength to go back to lying about, well, everything.

Yep, must be Stephen Miller. 

Where We Are Now

Picture a large control room. Like the NASA ones we used to see back in the day, before we outsourced our space program to the Ketamine Kid. Or maybe the one at Chernobyl. 

Lots of levers. Lots of flashing lights. Lots of screens. Tons of complicated electronic stuff that you have to have years of training to be qualified to operate.

Now, picture a monkey. Not a higher primate. Not an ape.

A monkey. One of those antic ones, seemingly crazy, that hop around incessantly screeching. Pausing occasionally to throw its shit everywhere. 

That kind of monkey.

Hey, I know! Let's put that crazy monkey in the control room!

Watch him shriek and hop from chair to chair, turning knobs, going from screen to screen, climbing up the walls. Tossing shit all the time.

No idea how anything works. Couldn't care less how anything works. Brain the size of a walnut. Not a clue in his simple monkey head. 

But he's having one hell of a time breaking things. It's fun!

This is where we are now.

 

The Long Goodbye

Some things to remember as the United States slowly fades to black:

Billionaires don't need any of the things the Ketamine Kid and his DOGE twerps are happily destroying.

Social Security? Nope.

Medicaid/Medicare? Nope

National Parks? Please.

Food stamps? Come on.

Public education? Get serious.

Affordable health care? Uh, billionaires can afford anything, so...

A vital IRS, determined to look for tax cheats? Leona Helmsley, one of Trumpie the KKKlown's formative role models, said "only the little people pay taxes", and the Big Boy took that to heart.  I mean, really, why should billionaires have to pay any taxes?  They contribute so much to our country. Anyway, taxes are like stealing, aren't they?

The key thing to remember in all this is simple: the Billionaires couldn't care less whether you live or die. Whether you have a house, and food, and health care, a good education for your kids, and a secure retirement, doesn't matter to them at all. If taking things away from you will make them even richer, well, they won't give a second thought about taking them. You are nothing to them.

One last thought: Perhaps it was a mistake putting the world's largest economy in the hands of a blithering idiot who's gone bankrupt multiple times. 

Perhaps.

 

A Miscalculation

There are more guns in the U.S. than there are people.

Not all of them are in the hands of MAGAts.

President South African Marshmallow Boy, and his First Lady, Trumpie the KKKlown, as they gleefully take away more and more from the American people, and make more and more people desperate and angry, may want to consider that. 

Sure, they're in a bubble where all they hear is that they are beloved by one and all, and what a great job they're doing.

Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette were in a bubble, too. 

So were all of the Romanovs and Saddam Hussein.

But, like the man said, "Shit happens".

Welcome To The Land Of Make Believe

So now we must pretend that Donald J. Trump is somehow qualified to be President.

That he isn't a traitor.

That he isn't a rapist.

That he isn't a tax cheat.

That he isn't a total fraud.

That he isn't a lifetime grifter, who would steal the pennies off a dead man's eyes. 

That he doesn't really admire Hitler.

That the incoherent garbage that come out of his mouth is somehow wise state craft.

That he doesn't lie about EVERYTHING.

That he isn't just a collection of ugly, insatiable, appetites, with the intellectual capabilities of a very dull child.

That he isn't in Putin's pocket.

That Melania isn't a mid level underwear model from Eastern Europe. That she really deserved her "Einstein" visa. That she will somehow restore "class" to the White House. That she isn't just another grifter like everyone else in Trump's orbit.

That the media isn't ignoring Trump's slide into dementia.

That the Trump administration won't be full of criminals, fools, crooks, amoral billionaires, Putin stooges, and assorted sycophants.

That they won't hurt the majority of Americans. 

That they won't care that they're hurting the majority of Americans.

That Elon Musk is a genius, and not a drug addled freak, with a deep fondness for Nazis.

That the Republicans in the House and Senate aren't happily shitting on the Constitution 24/7/365.

That the majority of the Supreme Court isn't comfortably in the bag for our descent into Christo-fascism.

That the media hasn't been complicit, (for the sake of ratings, for fuck's sake), in this entire sordid charade.

That this is all perfectly normal. 

Gore Vidal called our country The United States of Amnesia. He was right.

Santayana said "those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." He was right, too.

Welcome to the Land of Make Believe.

Some Simple Truths

To do an authentic "Trump Dance" you must always soil yourself at the end. And then blame an immigrant for the smell.

 

Billionaires do not care about you. They only care about accumulating more and more money and power. And perhaps a few--but not all--of their immediate family.

The idea that they would willingly allow anything to "trickle down" is laughable. But then the entire concept of trickle down has been laughable from the very beginning. One of the only honest things that George H.W. Bush ever did was to call it "voodoo economics". Of course he quickly changed his mind when the prospect of being Reagan's VP was presented to him. That action alone marks him as a perfect Republican: Always ditch the truth when it interferes with your job prospects.

The idea that Barron Trump is some kind of political savant is almost as laughable as the idea that his daddy is a great businessman. Almost.

 

Speaking of that, if I were Canadian, I wouldn't be too concerned about the U.S. gobbling up my country. Based on Trump's past performance as a "great businessman", what is much more likely to happen is that he will bankrupt our country, and Canada will then acquire us, for pennies on the dollar.

Joe Rogan is funnier than Rush Limbaugh in the same way that syphilis is funnier than cancer. It just is.

Trumpie the Clown embracing crypto makes perfect sense. As a life long conman, he recognizes a con better than most people. Certainly much better than his followers do.

The latest thing on X,  seems to be proclaiming that Melania is in fact a Romanoff. Ponder on that one for awhile.

The first Trump administration was bad enough. But the second one will be the most corrupt administration in the history of this country, hands down. The lawlessness will be breathtaking. 

Buckle up everyone.