Monday, April 8, 2013

The Gun-damentalists

In the beginning was the Gun. 

And they saw that it was good.

They tell me that the Chinese invented gunpowder. But the stupid bastards only used it for fireworks!

Now, I like fireworks as much as the next guy. Hell, everybody likes fireworks--they're fun!

But not nearly as much fun as shooting someone.

And that just proves the superiority of the European mind. 'Cause once they got gunpowder from the Chinese, fireworks were the last thing on their minds.

No, the goal was to kill stuff. Primarily other Europeans. At least at first.

But then quickly followed by Africans, and Indians--both feather and dot, and Arabs, and Persians, and Polynesians, and Aborigines, and Asians, including a few Chinese. Ironic, ain't it?

That's what we call progress: Getting more efficient at killing each other.

Sometimes this leads to a little thing called genocide, but hey, like the man said "stuff happens."

Now here in the good ole U.S. of A, we got us some folks who believe that the Constitution consists entirely of the Second Amendment. And not even all of the Second Amendment. No, just the part that says, "the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed." The part that comes before that, the part that says "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State" might as well have never been written.

Because "well regulated" obviously means laws, and laws about guns are anti-American. Also, in this context, "militia" means what today we call the National Guard.

Fortunately, Wayne "A Gun Is A Tool, And So Am I" LaPierre and the NRA are here to defend our right "to bear arms."

So it doesn't matter how many schools, or shopping malls, or movie theatres get shot up. Doesn't matter what a bullet fired from 30 shot clip in a high velocity rifle does to a 6 year old's body. Or anybody's body. Doesn't matter if the majority of the American people have had enough of the slaughter.

'Cause Wayne and his gun manufacturing buddies have bought off enough Congressmen to stop all this gun control nonsense.

What about the "will of the people"?  Don't be naive.

No, Goddammit, we don't want no gubmint regulatin' us.  We will regulate ourselves, thank you very much! And if we want our own assault rifles and unlimited ammunition, then Goddammit we will have them!

And if you're worried about your safety, then Goddammit, buy your own assault rifle!


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