Tuesday, July 9, 2013

"Never Give A Sucker An Even Break...

...Never smarten up a chump."

These very wise words were attributed to the great WC Fields, and through the years they have come in handy in many situations.

Today they are especially applicable to the entertaining saga of the Phoenix Coyotes vs the City of Glendale.

Apparently, there is still enough money floating around Glendale that the city can guarantee the hockey team millions each year.

Hooray, I say. Hooray! Besides, it's only money.

One of the ways the City of Glendale is exploring to cover up the growing gap in its finances that was caused almost entirely by the grand sports' schemes of the former Mayor Elaine Scruggs and her team of enabling halfwits--sorry, her friends on the city council is what I meant to say--is to sell some government buildings and then lease them back.

You might think this is a very stupid idea. But that just shows how little you understand about how government in Arizona works.

You might also think that, in regards to the city's involvement with the Coyotes, they should walk away from a bad deal, and not throw good money after bad. Oh, silly you!

Finally, you might wonder how a business that only guarantees an event on 11% of the available nights in a given year could be so important to the success of anything.

Asking questions like these just shows that you are simply not qualified to represent the good folks of Glendale, Arizona.

You see, out here in the untamed West, we believe that a city should be judged by its professional sports teams, and not, say,  by the quality of its schools, or public services, or arts, or the way it takes care of the least of its citizens, or even whether it actually owns its own Townhall.

No, the best way to measure cities is by how much money they can piss away on a mediocre hockey team before they've had enough.

And obviously, Glendale hasn't reached that breaking point yet...

The decision to throw even more money at the Coyotes was met with applause by the many fans who attended the city council vote. These happy hockey lovers then got in their cars and drove back to Mesa, or Gilbert, or Tempe, or Chandler, or Scottsdale, or Phoenix. Somewhere--anywhere--far, far away from the smoldering wreckage that is Glendale.

WC Fields was a very talented man. But I'm sure he never thought of himself as a visionary political theorist.

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