Greetings!
First of all, we love this country. Which means we love you. Well...most of you.
Those of you who are willing to work hard, for whatever we want to pay you, for as long as we ask, with whatever benefits we're willing to offer. Or no benefits at all. Those of you who don't want government meddling to impede the natural progress that a truly free market brings. Those of you who don't worry about global warming or clean air and water or safe working conditions. In short, rugged American Americans, the kind who made this country that we love so great. You know who you are.
Some of you, though, constantly whine about the unequal distribution of wealth and continually beg for handouts. Like health care you can afford. And a living wage. And free public education. And government oversight of corporations. And the right to vote. Parasites. We don't love you. You are what's wrong with our beloved country.
Wise up. Life will be so much easier once you surrender your pathetic, little dreams and acknowledge that rich people are simply better. Honestly, would God, in His infinite wisdom, have made us rich if we weren't superior? No, He would not.
So, relax. Rich people know what's best. We will look after you. We will provide. Trust us.
Never forget, government is your enemy. We are your friends.
Remember, a rising tide lifts all boats. Yachts and dinghys, both. Even cardboard rafts, strapped together with vines and taking water at an alarming rate.
God Bless this great land of ours. God Bless us all!
Your friends,
Dave and Charlie
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