My Religion

Since we're apparently headed into the "my religion says I don't have to obey your laws" era of American History 101, I might as well lay out what my religion says:

My religion says your religion is based on an invisible, unprovable, sky God who is deaf and blind. When you pray to Him you are essentially just talking to yourself, for all the good it will do you.

My religion says His son is a mostly fictional amalgam of whatever the earliest "christians" thought they needed to convince the ignorant masses to enlist in their cause.

My religion says any religion should be a deeply personal matter, and it is oafish to force your religious beliefs on others.

My religion says you shouldn't meddle in the personal lives--with particular emphasis on reproductive issues--of other people, especially women.

My religion says that people who, prima facie, hate other people because of the color of their skin or their sexual preferences have voided their membership in humanity and should be ignored until they see the error of their ways.

My religion says politicians who start unnecessary wars should be hung from trees in public display until their rotting carcasses are picked clean by birds. Ditto for the pundits, intellectuals, clergy, radio/tv hosts, etc. who act as cheerleaders for said wars. Obviously we're going to need to plant more trees.

My religion says corporations are not people, money is not speech, and hatred is not a family value.

My religion says that organizations that don't pay taxes get to have no say in public policy.

My religion says if you elect idiots to govern you, you will be governed by idiots.

My religion says everyone is entitled to their own beliefs--however loopy--but not their own facts. This is 2014, not 1014. We should not have to go through the Dark Ages and Enlightenment more than once in an eternity.

My religion says cookies good, Nazis bad.

So it is written, so it shall be. Amen.