Chances Are You're Not Going To Die From Ebola

Unless you're unfortunate enough to be stuck somewhere in West Africa, chances are you're not going to die from Ebola.

No, more likely you'll get shot by some Second Amendment nut who feels "threatened" by you.

Or you'll die from all the pollutants those free market, Ur-capitalists the Koch brothers and their ilk continue to spew into our air and water.

Or you'll get t-boned by some teenager driving and texting.

Or you'll eat too much fast food and fall over from a stroke or a heart attack.

Or, if you're a black male between the ages of, say, 6 and 86, maybe the cops will gun you down--just because they can.

Hey, you could always OD from prescription drugs! That's increasingly popular.

And, if you're female, I hear back alley abortions are making a big comeback in certain Red States. I guess that is the understandable Republican free market response to Obamacare.

Of course, there's always the "I didn't know it was loaded" and therefore it was a "tragic accident" that Bobby shot Billy, or Suzy, or Uncle Jeff, or Grandpa, or you, or, what the hell, himself.

Finally, if you're silly enough to listen to Fox News, your head just might explode from all the bullshit they pump out 24-7.

Hey, this is America, God Dammit! We've got plenty of ways to die before your time...

But chances are you're not going to die from Ebola.