Tuesday, November 18, 2014

The Hall Of Fame Of Arizona's Recent Republican Governors

Since some out of state folks, and we'll probably never learn who, thought it was worthwhile to buy the governorship of Arizona for the Republican candidate, as a public service let me refresh your memory about the last few Republican governors of Arizona:

Ev Mecham, the man who tried to re-popularize the word pickaninny. Ol Ev was, naturally, a successful businessman--well, he sold Pontiacs back when people still bought Pontiacs, I guess that counts--and he was so successful as Arizona's governor that he was called "an ethical pygmy" and then impeached by a legislature controlled by his own party! But not before he rescinded the MLK Jr. holiday and cost the state its first shot at hosting a Super Bowl. Go Ev!

J. Fife Symington. J. Fife was, you guessed it, a successful businessman, many of whose projects somehow went bankrupt, and who, through no fault of his own, of course, was convicted of fraud! A popular bumpersticker of the time read "Honk if Fife owes you money!" Fife's defense boiled down to "they should have known I was lying" (on his financial statements). If not for a Presidential pardon, Fife would have spent some quality time in prison.

Jane D. Hull. You can list Jane D's lifetime achievements on one side of a very small post-it and still have room for a fairly detailed grocery list. But she wasn't impeached or indicted, and in this field that makes her our champion!

Jan Brewer. Not terribly bright is perhaps the kindest description of Jan Brewer. Famous for wagging a boney finger in the face of President Obama, championing SB1070, and having the verbal dexterity of a brain damaged non-English speaker trying to improvise Shakespearean dialogue, Jan was, of course, beloved by all not terribly bright Arizonans, which fortunately for her was and is a majority!

Which brings us to the newly elected Doug "Cup or Waffle Cone?" Ducey, who is, wonder of wonders, a successful Republican businessman!

What could possibly go wrong?

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