Wednesday, January 21, 2015

A Civics Test

I never would have guessed that the most pressing issue facing the great state of Arizona was insuring that our high school seniors couldn't graduate unless they passed a civics test.

But it must have been, because that's the first thing that ol Governor Doug "Cup or Waffle Cone?" Ducey and the big brains down at the state legislature did.

Now, to guarantee that this isn't just another of those Red State Bullshit Approach To Education* things, like, say, teaching that "creationism" is as valid as evolution, or that slavery wasn't such a bad thing after all, and that it won't make the great state of Arizona a national laughing stock--yet again--we should insist that the following passage be included in all instruction materials provided to Civics teachers statewide:

How A Bill Becomes A Law: first, the lobbyists representing some rich guy are informed by the rich guy's lawyers that a new way to fuck over people and loot the public treasury has been discovered! Then, after the lawyers and lobbyists have carefully crafted a bill that will allow the rich guy to fuck over people and loot the public treasury in this new way, this bill is presented to one of our trustworthy lawmakers, who has been carefully selected for his ability to say insanely absurd things with a straight face. The legislator then happily presents it to the legislature, while pretending to be its author. Then the rich guy's lobbyists wine and dine, et cetera,  and so on**, enough other legislators to pass the bill. Finally, the Governor, who has been anxiously waiting, carefully tucked in the rich guy's pocket with pen in hand, happily signs the bill into law!

*Red State Bullshit Approach To Education is a registered trademark of the Republican Party. Any unlawful use will be punished to the full extent of all applicable laws

**"Et cetera, and so on" are understood to include tickets to the Big Game or the Big Show, vacations, the ever popular "large donation to your next election campaign", and in some special cases, simple brown paper bags full of small bills with non-sequential serial numbers.

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