Sunday, May 10, 2015

A Brief Message From God

Hi, Almighty here.

Had a couple of shots of Irish so forgive any punctuation, spelling or syntax errors.

Hey, wait a minute! I sort of invented all that shit, so I guess I can change it any time I want. Cool.

It's really fun being omniscient and omnipotent, and, uh, you know, that other stuff.

But even with all that, I still had the Spurs in six.

I mean, Jesus H. make your free throws!

Now, where was I? Oh yeah. There are a lot of folks claiming that I spoke to them and told them to run for president. Some clowns named Huckabee and Santorum and, oh hell I can't remember all the rest of their names, because frankly, it's a big universe, and I really don't have any reason to.

There are much more interesting things going on elsewhere. You should see some of the shit that I see! For example, on the far edges of the galaxy, the Kardashians would qualify as a model of well adjusted family life.

Anyhoo, even though I'm 100% certain that these folks are hearing voices, I'm also 100% certain that they aren't hearing mine.

As a general rule, when someone says "God told them" to do something, they crazy. Keep an eye on them. And whatever you do, don't let them be in charge of anything. Anything.

I don't talk to people, OK? Never have, never will. Not my style. I set things up so that sane people could make sane choices. Not would. Could. The fact that some of you choose to go in exactly the opposite direction is not my problemo.

Oh, and just between you and Me, when you pray, you're pretty much talking to yourself. It all goes into a file that I'll probably never get around to reading. Sort of like the NSA.

Also, I don't care who wins any football game or boxing match. Or any sporting event, really.

But I will say this: the Patriots would've beaten the Colts if they played with bowling balls.

One last thing. OBAMA 2016: Just To Piss You Off.

God out.

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