Religion Is Where The Money Is

How can you make a lot of money?

This is an important question, because as we all know, being poor is the worst crime you can commit in America.

So pay attention, ok?

You could invent something wonderful. You could fill a tangible need, either real or imagined. You could produce something indispensable. 

Of course, all of these require inventing or building or supplying something real. 

And there is always the chance that no one will want what you're selling. For every John D. Rockefeller, Bill Gates, or Jeff Bezos, there are millions of unknown failures, with garages or warehouses full of things that nobody wants.

Religion, on the other hand, doesn't require that you produce anything real.

No expensive inventory. No years of R&D. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

Just that most ephemeral of things, "FAITH".

And from some people's simple faith, you can acquire private jets, mansions, improbable haircuts, enormous bank accounts--all sorts of real things. Maybe even a pool boy to boff the wife while you watch. 

Did I mention that you can do all of this tax free?

And even though you're not supposed to mix your religion with politics, well, that's never stopped anyone from doing it. Ya know?

Of course, there is the danger that you will get soooo big that people will begin to notice your, uh, let's call them moral failings, because sins is such a weighted word. Either, of course, can be forgiven--if the money is right.

For instance, no entity on earth has a better real estate portfolio than the Catholic Church. And let's not forget the art collection and all of that gold, too. $$$$$$$$. But after 1700 years of relative impunity for its "idiosyncrasies", the one true church has come under close scrutiny for too many of its shepherds molesting their flocks. And hush money payments and legal fees do take a toll on the bottom line.

But setting that aside, there's still a lot of money to be made. Big money! Big money! Big money!

All it takes is a vague knowledge of The Bible, making sure to skip over the more problematic parts. You know, the parts where old Jesus asks you to help the poor and the lame and treat great wealth as morally suspect. I mean, where's the fun in that? Jesus had never seen a Gulfstream jet, after all. One look and he would have changed his mind about wealth.

So, put that "socialist" stuff aside, embrace a muscular, Capitalist Christ, and start gathering your own flock.

Because, as we all know, there's a sucker born every minute. And apparently a lot of them will give their last dollar to anyone with a slick spiel about salvation.